Whispered Lullaby: Chapter 7

[hydraheiress]

i. story by: hydraheiress
ii. pairing: yunjae, yoosumin (kind of)
iii. genre: romance, drama, fluff, humor, highschool, fantasy
iv. length: 7/18
v. rating: nc-17
vi: warnings: hinted incest, mention of drug overdose, character death, sexual content
vii. summary: To Jaejoong, Appa Yunho was his everything. But what if circumstances one day will force his father to leave his side?
viii. chapters: [1] | [2] | [3] | [4] | [5] | [6]



chapter seven

Jaejoong always thought that since he was a sick bastard that had romantic feelings for his father, maybe he deserved to be punished. It was an awareness that constantly plagued his thoughts and so for years, he convinced himself that he was normal.

The day he reached fourteen, Jaejoong began drifting from one girlfriend to another like he was changing clothes. Because of his bad boy reputation, girls were naturally attracted to him and he used it to his advantage. But it was a futile attempt and so he stopped dating altogether. No matter how much he tried to forget, he couldn't. The more he fought his feelings, the stronger they became.

When his mother told him it was alright to visit his father in prison, Jaejoong couldn't bring it in himself to go. Ara wanted nothing to do with his father anymore, though several times she encouraged him to visit at least once. But he was scared, terrified that his appa would see through his perversion and disown him for being a freak. The yearning to see him was strong, but he never had the courage.

To be subjected to his accusing, disgusted eyes, he feared it more than anything else in the world. And now because of his cowardice, he would never be able to see him again. Jaejoong failed to consider that human beings don't live forever, that life could be taken at the drop of a hat.

When he received the news of his death, self-hatred mostly took center stage in his heart, followed by regret, anger and the deep-seated pain of his loss. But eventually he came to acknowledge, though what little part of him did that his father was never coming back.

After a colossal amount of tears were shed, Jaejoong felt somewhat resigned. He would never be able to feel his touch, to hear his voice or to see his smile, let alone love him in the only way that would make him feel complete. Last night, as he drank his sorrows away, Jaejoong vowed that though his stubborn heart refused to listen to logic, he had to move on.

People say that there were five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. He was already well on his way for the last stage. His wounds might still be fresh and getting over his father's death wasn't gonna happen anytime soon, yet he dared to hope that maybe, just maybe the healing process would finally begin. He was just so tired and too emotionally exhausted.

He longed to feel even a small sense of relief.

But then morning came and he found himself once again trapped in a whirl of tumultuous emotions, anger and pain standing out the most, choking him in it's unforgiving clutches.

**

After he had gone through the process of bathing and changing into his school uniform that he found folded on the foot of the bed like he was some kind of Thriller video reject, Jaejoong picked up his phone that was lying on the study table. Text messages and several missed calls from his mother assaulted his red-rimmed eyes. In a millisecond, it started flashing.

"Yoboseyo?" Jaejoong weakly answered, falling heavily onto the soft mattress, legs too weak to support his entire weight. Crying and cursing every higher power known to mankind for provoking him with a living reminder of his father under the shower spray had ripped a great chunk of his energy.

The call didn't last long, just his mother expressing how worried she had been and that he better come home soon. She sounded gentle despite her obvious distress, apologizing for hurting him with her words the previous day. Jaejoong still felt grateful that she didn't went into a litany of lectures and said that she understood why he apparently had the need to be by himself all throughout the night.

The conversation ended and Jaejoong walked out of the room. Arriving down on the last flight of stairs, voices wafted around the corner from which he guessed was the direction of the dining area.

"Seriously, what is wrong with you? Stop it."

"Oh but, Yunho..." the deeper voice of the two laughed out loud. "You should've seen the look on your face. It was very amusing."

"Knock it off. You're gonna give him the wrong idea."

Clutching a hand to his chest, Jaejoong willed the stinging in his eyes and the oppressive tightening in his heart to go away. Eyes slipping shut, he took a deep breath. It didn't matter if there was a teenager that looked so much like his father. A lot of people looked alike in the world and even though he resembled him in many ways, it wouldn't change the fact that Jung Yunho was gone.

He shouldn't confuse the two and he didn't have the right to be angry at the guy. He had been nothing short of a saint for looking after him in his pathetic state.

But he guessed, it was only natural to want to avoid him as much as he could. Because right that very moment, just hearing his voice was already filling him with so much longing, his heartache upstarting all over again. He didn't think he could deal with that on a regular basis.

His heart argued with him however. Even though he might deny it, his very existence had already captured his attention. The kindness he had seen coming from the man had further reminded him of his father's own. A part of him, though no matter how insane it sounded, wanted to always be on the receiving end of those warm eyes.

For the umpteenth time, Jaejoong inwardly cursed as he simply reverted back to his initial mindset. He already told himself that he would never confuse the two and yet there he goes, comparing them again. Shaking his head, Jaejoong forced himself to focus instead surviving the morning in the man's presence. Hopefully, today would be the last he'd cross paths with his father's teenage replica.

**

Max rolled his eyes and sighed, annoyed. Yunho had stressed over his humor or lack thereof enough. "He's not gonna get the wrong idea. It was a funny situation, at least to me. Get over it, kid."

Yunho's eyes narrowed, the biting retort at the tip of his tongue. Just because he was currently in his eighteen year old body, didn't mean the angel could treat him like one. But before he could speak, Max swiftly pointed out a pair of intimidating chopsticks at his face. "Stop. I get it it. It won't happen again." His eyes shifted behind Yunho, a quickly spreading smile stretching his face. "Good morning."

Turning his neck, Yunho saw his son approaching already in his uniform. The teen stood next to him and bowed briefly. Max gestured him to sit beside Yunho. "Please, do join us for breakfast."

"N-ne." With a stiff nod, Jaejoong did as he was told.

It was glaringly obvious how his son couldn't even spare him a glance. Yunho resolutely squashed the ache he felt at being ignored. "Jaejoong-sshi," he began, lightly pushing the glass of water towards the raven along with two tablets of ibuprofen. "Drink this. It should help ease down your hangover."

Jaejong finally met his gaze and the myriads of emotions whirling in those puffy dark pools made his heart clench. There was definitely sadness and anger in Jaejoong's eyes and something else that Yunho couldn't quite place. After what seemed to be an internal battle, Jaejoong took the offered medicine, thanking him. When their fingers brushed, Yunho fought tooth and nail to not let his emotions show of how much that simple touch affected him.

Max cleared his throat and Yunho abruptly craned his attention back to him. "Jaejoong ah." the angel said, gaze flickering between the two young men dressed in the same school uniform.

"Y-yes, sir?" Jaejoong stammered, probably startled at being so casually addressed. He looked up at the older man, his eyes showing his apprehension.

Max smiled. "My name is Park Yoochun." He then gestured at the brunette sitting beside Jaejoong. "And the handsome young man you see before you is my son, Yunho."

"Seriously~" Yunho gritted out, groaning. Max was really intent of degrading his maturity level. "Quit it."

Max merely laughed and averted his focus back on Jaejoong. "He just came back from America and he's also not a very social person. I'm just worried he might turn into a loner during his stay here."

Yunho knew where the conversation was heading and he could tell that Jaejoong did too and didn't seem to like it. "I would greatly appreciate it if you could be friends with my son and show him around town. I'm gonna be quite busy with work and won't have the time."

Jaejoong didn't respond immediately. Yunho watched him chew his bottom lip, appearing to be on a dilemma. It hurt that Jaejoong was hesitant in being with him, but Yunho also understood that with his death, it was undoubtedly uncomfortable for his son to see his face.

"You don't have to do anything that you don't want to." Yunho told him, a small, assuring smile painting his lips. Jaejoong looked at him before his gaze shifted down almost instantly and he nodded. Sighing, Yunho turned to address Max. "I can make friends on my own. There's no need to pimp me out."

With a shrug, Max focused his attention on the food in front of him and continued to eat in silence. Looking back at his son, Yunho urged him to sample the dishes. When Jaejoong didn't move, Yunho took it upon himself to prepare his plate for him, unconsciously picking out his favorites.

It dawned on him too late that he shouldn't have done what he did.

When his eyes locked with his son, the surprise was written all over his face. Awkward silence stretched between them even when Jaejoong started eating. Yunho mentally kicked himself noticing how his boy lowered his head and his fingers trembled.

"I was pretty sure that you were passed out last night Jaejoong ah. But I remember seeing you wearing Yunho's pajamas in the bathroom." Max pondered, directing them with a scrutinizing gaze.

Jaejoong and Yunho looked up at him with both startled expressions.

"Hmmm~" Eventually, a mischievous glint flashed in the angel's eyes. "I see. So, that could only mean Yunho-yah undressed you personally." he smugly chirped before digging into his food once more.

Yunho's eyes widened at the underlying meaning the angel was trying to convey with his sentence as Jaejoong choked on his chapjae.

"Omo, Jaejoong ah, are you alright?" Max feigned worry as Yunho targeted him with a baleful glare. He quickly poured his son a glass of water and egged him to drink slowly. After Jaejoong was no longer hacking coughs, he shied away from Yunho's touch. Yunho had no choice but to withdraw his hand that was rubbing soothingly across Jaejoong's back as if burned.

Suspicious eyes bore into him. Yunho gulped uneasily. "It's not what you think. I- I didn't see anything. I swear." He lamely tried. Jaejoong's brows furrowed dubiously and oh cripes did that make him feel like a perverted old geezer. "I closed my eyes." He helplessly stressed, needing for the ground to open up and swallow him whole from the embarrassment he was currently sporting the size of Han River.

Max broke into giggles and Yunho, utterly scandalized at the turn of the conversation, threw a napkin at his face for finding the situation humorous. "You suck!"

**

"Where have you been? I was so scared for my life last night that I couldn't even tell your mom you went missing, not to mention you were pissed drunk when it happened." Seunghyun complained the moment he stepped through the classroom door.

Jaejoong pushed Seunghyun aside and continued to walk heavily towards his desk. Plopping down, he buried his head on his folded arms and proceeded to ignore every last human being on the planet.

"Anyway, I brought your bag home with me. Here it is." Jaejoong didn't bother looking up. Seunghyun shook him lightly, worried voice reaching his ears. "Jae ah, what's wrong?"

"Leave me alone." was the raven's muffled response. Undeterred by the cold shoulder, Seunghyun tried again. This time, Jaejoong shot upright and snapped at him angrily. "I said leave me alone!"

Seunghyun gulped and effectively placed a good distance between them after seeing his murderous eyes. Jaejoong seemed moodier and angrier than usual, a dark, intimidating aura seeping through his very pores. Even Daesung, Taeyang and Seungri weren't brave enough to address him.

“What's gotten into you?” Seunghyun asked, tone considerably softer.

Jaejoong's forehead connected with his desk again. He knew he was misplacing his anger and unfortunately Seunghyun was getting the brunt of his heartache. He really should learn to not let his emotions get the best of him. But then again, it was just so hard to pretend everything that took place that morning didn't actually happen. Yunho- Jaejoong chuckled bitterly, wondering when will he ever get used to that name addressing not his father but a replica of him.

Yunho had offered to take him home. The logical thing to do was accept it since he felt faint from the storm of emotions warring in his chest, but he insisted that he could take care of himself. After thanking Yunho and Yoochun-sshi for their kindness, Jaejoong left their home.

Feeling absolutely fucked up, Jaejoong began to repeatedly hit his forehead against the desk. As if Yunho picking out his favorite dishes by sheer coincidence wasn't already overwhelming as it was, he had to find out that the man had even changed his clothes the previous night. He should have realized it sooner, but in the midst of the shock of meeting him, everything else just seemed insignificant.

It shouldn't have been a big deal. He couldn't care less if that guy saw his body along with it's bruises and cuts. But the fact that he had been with him that night, had undressed him and was most probably in bed with him, it filled him with growing apprehension and fear.

What if in his drunken state, he had spouted crazy things? What if he called out his father's name and did something that he shouldn't have? Initially, he was certain it was just a dream, but the more he thought about it, he could've sworn he remembered something about professing his undying love to a much younger version of his father and kissing him senseless. What if that really did happen and the guy realized that he was a sick fuck that sexually wanted his appa?

Park Yunho resembled Jung Yunho too much and his greatest fear of being looked at with disgust straight from his father's eyes was making him irrational. It poured thoughts into his head that if teenage Yunho would direct him with judging and disgust-filled eyes, it would be as if his father himself was looking at him in such a way. And he didn't want that from ever happening, not if he could help it.

Before leaving, he had asked Yunho if he'd done anything stupid the previous night. There was a considerable amount of silence that followed his query before the man smiled and assured him that nothing happened. But Jaejoong couldn't bring it in himself to believe him. He groaned frustratingly, wishing all his might to never see that Park Yunho again.

But just like how it always had been, since when did anything went according to what he wanted?

**

It easily spread throughout campus that a transfer student from America was now attending their school and a lot of them wanted to try their hand at befriending Park Yunho. It also didn't hurt that he was gorgeous and looked like a prince straight out of a romance manhwa. Guys in his year and section envied him while girls dreamily sighed whenever he smiled or talked or simply breathed.

But to their dismay, Park Yunho wouldn't even give them a second glance. Ever since he introduced himself, students had noticed how his eyes would always linger on their school's very own troublemaker.

"Jaejoong-sshi! Wait up." Amidst the sound of students chattering, he heard his name.

Jaejoong cursed as he walked faster. The second the school bell rang indicating lunch period had just started and he saw Yunho stand up from his newly assigned seat and walked over to him, the raven quickly ran out of the classroom door, ignoring his calls. Jaejoong couldn't believe his fucking luck. Not only were they schoolmates, they ended up being classmates as well.

A firm hand caught his wrist. Jaejoong whirled around and twisted his arm off the other's hold. "Let go." he hissed, gaze fixed on something behind Yunho's head. He couldn't even look at him in the eye.

"Did I do something wrong?" Yunho asked, worriedly. Jaejoong bit his lip as the surrounding students began whispering at the scene they made. "If this is about what happened last night between us, I'm-"

Panicked at how wrong that sentence sounded, Jaejoong quickly clamped a hand against Yunho's mouth. "Broadcast it to the whole school why don't you?" He griped testily. He looked about him, hearing shocked gasps and speculations over what Yunho's words meant. "Shit."

"Jae-"

"Just stay where you are!" Jaejoong ordered as he took backward steps before pivoting around and sprinting across the hallway, leaving Yunho looking perpetually worried and confused.

**

For the second time that day, Jaejoong clumsily choked on his food.

"Easy, easy." Yunho gently coaxed as he reached over and patted him on the back. "Eish. You should chew your food carefully before you swallow." Jaejoong was sitting in the cafeteria eating his lunch in peace when Yunho suddenly plopped down next to him. Excuse him if he got startled by the intrusion.

"What are you doing here?" were the first words out of the raven's mouth the second he could breathe properly again. Yunho smiled and fuck dammit, now that he had no choice but to look at his father's replica in the eye, Jaejoong felt himself getting lost in the warmth they emitted.

The part of him that yearned for those auburn pools sighed in absolute bliss.

"Having lunch with you. You looked so lonely eating all alone in the corner, I couldn't stop myself from coming over." Pursing his lips, Yunho asked. "I thought you had friends. Where are they?"

Jaejoong shook his head, fist lightly connecting with his forehead repeatedly as he tried to gather his thoughts. He made a move to pick up his tray but the other teen's hand landed on his wrist again.

"Please." Yunho pleaded, sincere, imploring eyes boring into his own and Jaejoong felt his heart constrict at the very sight of him. "Stay, Jaejoongie."

The nickname coupled with the familiarity of his father's face and his voice caused for Jaejoong to slump weakly onto his seat. Crippling depression and sadness resurfaced in his heart. He didn't let anyone call him by that name, even his mother. But hearing such an endearment coming from Yunho-

"Stop it." Jaejoong brokenly murmured, hand covering his mouth as he sobbed, tears welling up in his eyes. "Please, stop following me. Stop reminding me." With those words, Jaejoong tore himself away and ran out of the cafeteria doors.

In the corner, the students watched Yunho's fist connect with the table before burying his face beneath his arms. Until lunch period was over, he didn't move from his spot.

**

"They're going to make you clean the gymnasium? All by yourself?"

Jaejoong nodded despondently, gaze flickering towards Yunho's seat. Ever since his outburst from that noon, Yunho never once looked or tried to get his attention. He had asked for this. Being near him or talking to him was painful, so why was his heart hurting still now that he was being ignored?

"Well, I guess that's better than getting suspended." Seunghyun shrugged and began stacking his notes. Classes were finally over. "It sucks that you're gonna have detention until the end of the year though. That blows. That means we can't hang out anymore after school."

"Hyung, I don't really think he's listening." Daesung whispered as the other two playfully nudged each other and pointed where Jaejoong's gaze was fixed at. "Yah, do you think they're dating?"

"What?" Seunghyun asked, bewildered. "What gave you that idea?"

"Well, you guys saw it earlier too right?" Taeyang interjected. Because they had been all scared of Jaejoong's bad mood, they didn't dare sit with him during lunch, but they did see the exchange at a close range. "They looked like they were having a lover's spat at the cafeteria."

"Yeah, I also heard some of our classmates say something about Park-sshi telling Jaejoong ah about 'what happened last night'." Seungri stroked an imaginary mustache as they all shared a suspicious glance. "Something is definitely going on with those two."

"Annyeong Yunho-oppa." The chirpy titters of a few of their female classmates resounded in the nearly empty classroom. Yunho stood up and waved at the girls, an obviously forced smile plastered on his face. The quartet held their breath as they waited for the transfer student to look their leader's way. But Yunho simply went out of the classroom door without a glance.

Eyes on their leader, they watched him mechanically fix his bag before hoisting it across his back. "I'm going." Jaejoong uttered morosely as he too exited the room.

**

After detention, Jaejoong went on his way. He had already informed his mother that he was gonna be home later than usual. Frankly, he was tired both physically and emotionally and the very thought of cleaning the gymnasium made him want to crawl into a hole and die.

Opening the double doors, a frown creased his forehead upon seeing that a portion of the gymnasium's lights were open. He was told that the janitor wasn't gonna be reporting tonight because of an injury from a car accident. As a part of his punishment for wrecking the Vice Principal's car, he was going to be filling him in.

Walking towards the court where the lights were turned on, Jaejoong looked about him, confused. There were cleaning equipments lying around and the floor looked positively shiny. It seemed like someone already cleaned that part of the gym.

"Hello? Anyone here?" Jaejoong called out, head craning from side to side, trying to see if anyone was around. He didn't receive a reply, but as he looked up into the bleachers, the figure of someone lying down caught his eye. He marched up the steps to where the person was and the moment he had taken a good look at the man's face, Jaejoong felt his breath catch.

Yunho, Park Yunho was sleeping. His white polo uniform was undone, exposing his chest and his firm stomach. He was sweaty, hair damp and there were patches of wetness on different parts of his pants, no doubt results of perspiration as well. Jaejoong looked down at the already cleaned floor then at the sleeping man, tears prickling his eyes.

"Pabo." Jaejoong choked out as he suppressed a sob. "You didn't have to do this for me."

Why was he so fucking nice? Why was he so intent of torturing him with doing things that made his heart ache? Was it so hard for Yunho to completely leave him alone? It hurt that afternoon when he got ignored. But right now, as he watched him with his eyes closed, all Jaejoong saw was his father all over again.

Jaejoong was certain that if he was alive he wouldn't let him do menial work. His father had always been caring and protective of him and the memory filled him with immeasurable yearning. Jaejoong's tears fell without his notice.

Park Yunho had to stop. His face, his voice, his name, his kindness, even his scent, everything he did, everything he was, was a constant reminder of what he lost and Jaejoong was just fed up with it all!

Yunho stirred as Jaejoong's bottom lip trembled from the force of his heartache. Opening drowsy almond orbs, Yunho slowly sat upright and smiled sheepishly at the raven. "Jaejoong-sshi... hi."

Jaejoong couldn't take it anymore. "Why are you doing this?" he snapped, his explosive emotions taking full control. "I didn't tell you to do anything for me, Park. I didn't ask you to! So why? Why do you continue to torture me?"

"Jaejoong, let me explain." Yunho tried, but Jaejoong just didn't care about his explanation or what his reason was. With all intents and purposes, Yunho shouldn't be doing him any favors or even be remotely nice to him. They weren't close and they sure as hell weren't friends.

Overpowered by his anger, Jaejoong punched him square in the face. "I hate you!" he thundered as he finally broke down into choked sobs, descending the steps in a rush. Yunho ran after him and his voice was calling out his name but Jaejoong refused to acknowledge any of it. He didn't want to see, hear or even remember anymore. He just wanted everything to stop.

Dashing out the school's gate and into the highway, Jaejoong crossed the street, his eyes too blurry with tears, legs slowing down into a stop at the center of the road. The approaching sound of a car's incessant beeping reached his ears and not an ounce of fear at the thought of dying entered his mind.

I just wanna die. Please, I can't take this anymore.

Blinding, bright light invaded his sight. Jaejoong's watery gaze fluttered close. He needed an end to his pain and he was finally going to get it. He smiled despite the impending collision, welcoming the danger that would provide him freedom from his wretched life.

A solid weight barreled against his body and Jaejoong's eyes suddenly snapped wide open, a startled grunt escaping him. He felt his back connect with the asphalt ground of the sidewalk.

Glancing up, the raven's mouth parted, words dying in his lips. Yunho hovered above him, eyes burning with turbulent emotions. Jaejoong had never seen Yunho look so fierce and dangerous as he was at that moment. He didn't ever have any memory seeing such intense expressions in his father's face.

"Yun..." Jaejoong mumbled but was silenced by the teen's angry and tearful eyes. The raven was so shocked by the harsh slap that it took him a while before noticing the throbbing pain on his cheek.

"Jung Jaejoong, what the hell were you thinking?!"

Suddenly, he was pulled into a strong embrace with Yunho shaking and crying against his frame. Jaejoong didn't understand, but hearing Yunho sound so miserable, he absolutely hated himself for being the cause of it. Fresh tears cascaded down his cheeks, not even realizing that he had wrapped his arms tightly around the other teen and was practically clinging to him.

"You're grounded!" Yunho yelled, voice filled with anger yet with relief, his choice of words baffling Jaejoong's already tormented heart and mind. "You're grounded until you're ninety, you hear me?!"

Jaejoong nodded, not really knowing why he was even doing it. But right at that instant, it almost felt like- "Appa." he whimpered between his sobs. "Mianhe, Appa."

A couple of teenagers hugging and crying their eyes out in the sidewalk in the lateness of the night. Jaejoong didn't care about what people might think nor did he fully comprehend what the other's outburst meant. But for now, he let himself pretend that he was in his father's arms.

TBC

--

A/N: Oh, hi! XD Comments anyone? T_T It's so sad to receive such little amount of love. *bricked* I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter and the progress of the story so far! ^___^ Show me some love people! LOL. Ahhh, I miss the days when I had lots of comments with each chapter @___@ *lures silent readers with yunjae plushies*