et si tu veux de moi [taohun]
title: et si tu veux de moi
rating: r
length: 2.4k words
summary: oh sehun is both lovestruck and confused, because all of a sudden, he has a desperate urge to fuck his best friend (and maybe, maybe also kind of wants to hold his hand). (and hooray for canon fics!!)
et si tu veux de moi
Fuck this shit, Sehun thinks, trying to keep his eyes off Tao's ass in those ridiculously tight pants. The pictures will come out awful later - he can't keep the scowl off his face today. Well, not that he's all that much more successful every other day, but now he's not just being a brat. He has a reason. He's going nuts, he swears. The only person who wouldn't make fun of him for this, would be Joonmyun, but he's probably just pat his back and tell him that he'd gone loco in the noco, too, or something, even lamer like "I suppose you're one prawn short of a sea food salad, maknae" or attempt to sound witty by saying something like "nutty as a fruitcake, maknae." No doubt, he'd add The Chuckle. (But he'd probably buy Sehun bubble tea, too, so maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Besides, Sehun agrees. Bubble Tea is always the answer. Feeling mopey and sad? Bubble Tea. Sudden, odd, most likely repressed sexual urges? Bubble Tea. Craving Bubble Tea? Bubble Tea.).
It's not that it's the weirdest thing that has happened in their group, like Baekhyun and Chanyeol's relationship that no one even wants to understand, or Yifan's vast collection of plushies. It's just that... well. This just takes the fucking cake.
It all started a couple of weeks ago. Sehun recalls that moment with absolute clarity (and an intense feeling of horror). They were sharing a bowl of ice cream, watching some dumb Chinese cartoon Sehun didn't like at all, however, he greatly enjoyed poking and prodding at Tao to tell him what was going on until Tao finally snapped and they'd either a) start wrestling playfully, which was always great fun because Tao would get all flustered and his hair would get messed up and he'd whine about it for ages, or b) start flinging ice cream at each other.
That particular night, though, Tao's patience seemed to be endless. Each time Sehun would make an attempt to phase him, he'd just roll his eyes and scoff. Mid-cartoon, Sehun had sent a bored glance at Tao, and that's when it happened. Tao's tongue had simply swept over his bottom lip, leaving it slightly shiny and drawing just the slightest bit of attention to it. And that was it.
That was it.
Now he's going nuts because this is Tao, the weird ass fucking Chinese kid with the funny accent who Sehun used to be so fucking terrified of before he realized that Huang Zitao cries over ghosts and never fails in screaming like a girl every time there are any sort of bugs in a 10 foot radius of him. Really, that's all he's been able to think of lately - Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao. He wants to scream his name, or sigh it, or something. Something insane or simply insanely lame, like, the thread his white, bony fingers together with Tao's earthy, tanned ones, to tug him closer, for example. Like, where the fuck did that come from?
And now he kind of just wants to fuck him, dammit. Or maybe be fucked by him, or, something. Do the jiggity. Whatever. Things like these are new to Sehun; he'd never really been all that interested in any guys before, or girls, for that matter. But as much as he'd claim to know the other, he has no idea how to capture his heart. Or, hold the fuck up, Sehun thinks. Ew, he didn't want Tao's heart, didn't he? Ew, ew, ew. Or? Sehun frowns, thinking of how he's sighed inwardly the other day at how the sunlight caught in Tao's hair, and how there's this weird fluttering sensation in his stomach every time he thinks of Tao's dumb fucking smile, or his stupid girly laugh -
Oh. Oh.
Fuck this.
*
"Has Tao's ass always looked this good," Sehun mutters to himself on his way to the fridge. They've just gotten back from filming Showtime, and they'd had chicken, but he'd only been able to force down a few pieces for the camera. When Sehun's stressed, he can't eat, but right now his stomach feels like it's going to start eating itself soon if he doesn't feed it. He gets himself a bowl of cereal; his Super Secret Lucky Charms, the ones he and Jongin have hidden from all of the other members in the far back of the cupboard (though Tao also loves Lucky Charms, and Sehun just can't help indulging him).
"What are you looking at," he barks as he catches Chanyeol and Baekhyun staring at him. Chanyeol lets out a small, sickeningly childish whine at Sehun's rough tone, and Baekhyun wraps his arms around him protectivively and sends Sehun a highly offended look. "There, there, baby," he coos, stuffing another chicken piece inside of Chanyeol's mouth. Chanyeol chews happily, put at ease once again). Sehun returns to his room feeling somehow even less fulfilled.
*
They're walking along the streets, their breaths coming out as white swirls of smoke. A camera crew walks alongside them as they chatter about this and that, and then Yixing says something that has them all doubled over laughing. Tao laughs, too, though a bit quieter than the rest. Without thinking, he reaches out to grab Sehun's hand, and Sehun pulls away automatically. Sehun literally sees Tao's previously content facial expression fall, the corners of his mouth turning downwards, and his eyes suddenly stop doing that crinkling thing Sehun really loves. He looks like someone just murdered his cat or, something. And fuck - is his bottom lip actually quivering? It's only for the shortest of moments, though, before he hides his face in his thick scarf. Out of the corner of his eye, Sehun notices how Yixing glances at him, then tiptoes to murmur something in Chinese to Tao.
In the van on their way back, Sehun's got his earbuds in, but his volume is on mute, since he's frantically trying to decipher or at least guess at the meaning of Tao and Yixing's hushed whispers.
*
Early morning dance practice is therapeutic, in a way, for Sehun. Most days, he's just like the rest of them, stretching out stiff limbs and yawning whenever their choreographer isn't looking. But today is one of those days, where everything somehow runs smoothly. He silently thanks whatever Gods may exist, that at least something is working out in his life, since, y'know, nothing else is, really.
He's able to shake off everything and just focus completely on the way his body is moving, on isolating and turning, on attacks and ripples. He can't help noticing how Tao gets scolded by their choreographer, telling him to get his shit together, because he keeps messing up and missing his placement. In the back of Sehun's mind, he thinks that maybe he's the cause of Tao's distraction, but then he pushes the thought away. It's not like Sehun's rejection would mean anything in particular to Tao, right? He laughs an internal maniacal laugh. No, of course not. Nothing out of the ordinary when your best friend suddenly starts avoiding you like the plague. Nope.
Only three of them are left - Yixing, Tao and him. Sehun's grumpier than ever and the tension could be cut with a knife. He eyes Tao murderously as the other stretches this and that, breathing heavily with his eyes closed, his mouth parted slightly open. There's a light sheen of sweat on his face and Sehun kind of just wants to fling himself off a cliff.
"I'm gonna... uh..." Yixing mumbles after a while, clearing his throat awkwardly. He gives them a half-hearted wave and marches out of the room, slinging his bag over his shoulder on the way out. With Yixing gone, the first thing Tao does is turn to him. Sehun swallows. Dammit. They'd probably planned this, those fuckers.
"Tell me what's wrong."
"Make me," Sehun snaps, before the innuendo catches up with him and a blush starts creeping up his neck. For a moment, Tao looks contemplating. Then, before Sehun has the time to duck away, he pins the younger to the floor.
"Fine. What is it?" Sehun can't breathe. Tao's breath is on his face and it's actually kind of gross because they're both sweaty from practice, but still, Sehun feels tiny sparks everywhere Tao is touching him - and oh god, they're touching in a lot of places. For one thing, Tao's got his tanned, strong hands around Sehun's pale and slim forearms, and Sehun feels the weight of his hot, muscular thighs on top of his. Actually, not only his thighs, but their fucking crotches are pressing together and oh god, he's getting hard, fuck, fuck fuck my actual fucking life. Tao licks his lips - his damn, fucking irresistible lips - and looks confused for a moment before his mouth falls slightly agape.
"What..." he says, before he shifts slightly and fuck, Sehun can't help the moan that escapes his mouth as their cocks rub together through the fabric of their sweatpants. His breath hitches as he realizes that he's not the only one who's hard. Somehow they start grinding together in an uneven rhythm, both seeing friction. At one point, Tao's eyes close and he bites his lip, and he looks so imperfectly perfect. After hitting release, they stay in the same position for a bit, both panting, flushed messes.
Once the initial pleasure wears off, though, Sehun realizes how fast his heart is beating. Tao seems to return to himself after a while, too. Sehun's heart drops to his stomach as he sees the look of utter horror on the other's face. Tao stumbles off him. He keeps glancing from the floor to Sehun and shaking his head as he steps into his shoes and throws his coat over himself, mumbling things like, "I can't do this, I'm sorry," but Sehun doesn't want to hear it, because right now he just feels gross and hurt and a bit like a cup of fine china that's just been dropped to the floor and split into a million tiny pieces, so he closes his eyes and tries to think of happy things, Joonmyun's ugly sweaters, Bubble Tea, but somehow, it doesn't work this time. The look on Tao's face when he stumbled away, the way he avoided meeting Sehun's gaze, the stutter of his voice, it all keeps playing on repeat in his head. Shut up. Rejection in itself wouldn't bother Sehun, and Tao's an ass anyway, but fuck, his heart is doing that most awful aching thing, and the images won't stop churning in his head, the "I can't do this.". Shut up, shut up, shut up.
He doesn't know how much time has passed before his obnoxious Secret Garden ringtone starts blasting out of the tinny speakers of his phone. It's Joonmyun telling him gently, "I told Seunghwan to send a van, Sehun, I hope you're okay. I really, really do."
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
*
When Sehun gets back to the dorm, the first thing he does is peel off his clothing and head straight for the shower. Under the hot spray of water, he jerks off, thinking of how Tao's hands that pinned him down would feel wrapped around his dick.
He dries himself methodically and puts on his most childish pajamas, the embarrassing reindeer ones he got when he was 15 for Christmas from a distant aunt. Then he curls up under the covers and cries.
Like, literally cries. Red eyes, snot and all. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he vaguely remembers that Real Men don't cry, but then he promptly tells that voice to shut the fuck up.
Joonmyun, for once, has the sense to not try to talk to him as he hides under the covers for the rest of the night.
*
Sometime along his sobbing session, he must have fallen asleep. His eyes feels sore, and he just knows that he looks all bloated and dotted with red but, ha, ha, whatever, it's not like it matters now, right? It's not like he's got anyone he wants to impress anymore.
He shuffles into the kitchen because his throat feels all dry and weird and he needs water. Actually, he needs a bottle of vodka, but sadly, there's an alcohol ban on their dorm.
When he sees Tao walk quietly towards him, somehow, he's not even surprised. He looks as bad as Sehun feels, and that seems to comfort him in a strange way. His hair is all messed up, sticking up in weird places, though Sehun thinks he wins the puffy face game, probably because even when Tao's sad, he still takes care of his skin.
Tao heads for the sink as well, filling up a glass of water. And he doesn't say fucking anything.
"What's up?" Sehun asks. His voice sounds too loud.
"Is it like a sex thing?" Tao says suddenly. "Because I don't think we'd make very good fuck buddies."
"No. No, it's not just that. But don't worry, I'll stay away from you if you're grossed out by it, or whatever," Sehun says, shrugging even though his chest feels so constricted that he can barely breathe. Tao frowns at him. "We'd make a shit couple anyway, right? Get on each others nerves all the time, and, you know. Stuff." Sehun clears his throat, because the words would have sounded perfectly normal, say, a few weeks ago but now they sound sort of dead, automatic.
"Not just that?" Tao repeats Sehun's words from earlier. "Like you want - less, or..." Tao trails off, and he's doing that thing again, the avoiding eye contact-thing. A wild thought strikes Sehun. Maybe, maybe, it could be that Tao liked him too?
"I want more." It comes out as a whisper. A small, shy whisper, and Sehun's voice cracks at the last word. Tao laughs, even though his heart is breaking, it's like music to Sehun's ears. But then Tao hooks his fingers through the belt hoops of Sehun's stupid ass reindeer pajamas and tugs him closer. He hesitates ever so slightly before he claims Sehun's lips.
"Fuck, I've been wanting to do this for so long." Sehun gasps against Tao's mouth.
"Really?" Sehun whispers. Tao smiles against his mouth.
"Really."
*
a/n: i sort of just had taohun feelings and i sort of vomited a bunch of words and it turned into this T_T thank you for reading!!!! :DDD
rating: r
length: 2.4k words
summary: oh sehun is both lovestruck and confused, because all of a sudden, he has a desperate urge to fuck his best friend (and maybe, maybe also kind of wants to hold his hand). (and hooray for canon fics!!)
et si tu veux de moi
Fuck this shit, Sehun thinks, trying to keep his eyes off Tao's ass in those ridiculously tight pants. The pictures will come out awful later - he can't keep the scowl off his face today. Well, not that he's all that much more successful every other day, but now he's not just being a brat. He has a reason. He's going nuts, he swears. The only person who wouldn't make fun of him for this, would be Joonmyun, but he's probably just pat his back and tell him that he'd gone loco in the noco, too, or something, even lamer like "I suppose you're one prawn short of a sea food salad, maknae" or attempt to sound witty by saying something like "nutty as a fruitcake, maknae." No doubt, he'd add The Chuckle. (But he'd probably buy Sehun bubble tea, too, so maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Besides, Sehun agrees. Bubble Tea is always the answer. Feeling mopey and sad? Bubble Tea. Sudden, odd, most likely repressed sexual urges? Bubble Tea. Craving Bubble Tea? Bubble Tea.).
It's not that it's the weirdest thing that has happened in their group, like Baekhyun and Chanyeol's relationship that no one even wants to understand, or Yifan's vast collection of plushies. It's just that... well. This just takes the fucking cake.
It all started a couple of weeks ago. Sehun recalls that moment with absolute clarity (and an intense feeling of horror). They were sharing a bowl of ice cream, watching some dumb Chinese cartoon Sehun didn't like at all, however, he greatly enjoyed poking and prodding at Tao to tell him what was going on until Tao finally snapped and they'd either a) start wrestling playfully, which was always great fun because Tao would get all flustered and his hair would get messed up and he'd whine about it for ages, or b) start flinging ice cream at each other.
That particular night, though, Tao's patience seemed to be endless. Each time Sehun would make an attempt to phase him, he'd just roll his eyes and scoff. Mid-cartoon, Sehun had sent a bored glance at Tao, and that's when it happened. Tao's tongue had simply swept over his bottom lip, leaving it slightly shiny and drawing just the slightest bit of attention to it. And that was it.
That was it.
Now he's going nuts because this is Tao, the weird ass fucking Chinese kid with the funny accent who Sehun used to be so fucking terrified of before he realized that Huang Zitao cries over ghosts and never fails in screaming like a girl every time there are any sort of bugs in a 10 foot radius of him. Really, that's all he's been able to think of lately - Tao, Tao, Tao, Tao. He wants to scream his name, or sigh it, or something. Something insane or simply insanely lame, like, the thread his white, bony fingers together with Tao's earthy, tanned ones, to tug him closer, for example. Like, where the fuck did that come from?
And now he kind of just wants to fuck him, dammit. Or maybe be fucked by him, or, something. Do the jiggity. Whatever. Things like these are new to Sehun; he'd never really been all that interested in any guys before, or girls, for that matter. But as much as he'd claim to know the other, he has no idea how to capture his heart. Or, hold the fuck up, Sehun thinks. Ew, he didn't want Tao's heart, didn't he? Ew, ew, ew. Or? Sehun frowns, thinking of how he's sighed inwardly the other day at how the sunlight caught in Tao's hair, and how there's this weird fluttering sensation in his stomach every time he thinks of Tao's dumb fucking smile, or his stupid girly laugh -
Oh. Oh.
Fuck this.
*
"Has Tao's ass always looked this good," Sehun mutters to himself on his way to the fridge. They've just gotten back from filming Showtime, and they'd had chicken, but he'd only been able to force down a few pieces for the camera. When Sehun's stressed, he can't eat, but right now his stomach feels like it's going to start eating itself soon if he doesn't feed it. He gets himself a bowl of cereal; his Super Secret Lucky Charms, the ones he and Jongin have hidden from all of the other members in the far back of the cupboard (though Tao also loves Lucky Charms, and Sehun just can't help indulging him).
"What are you looking at," he barks as he catches Chanyeol and Baekhyun staring at him. Chanyeol lets out a small, sickeningly childish whine at Sehun's rough tone, and Baekhyun wraps his arms around him protectivively and sends Sehun a highly offended look. "There, there, baby," he coos, stuffing another chicken piece inside of Chanyeol's mouth. Chanyeol chews happily, put at ease once again). Sehun returns to his room feeling somehow even less fulfilled.
*
They're walking along the streets, their breaths coming out as white swirls of smoke. A camera crew walks alongside them as they chatter about this and that, and then Yixing says something that has them all doubled over laughing. Tao laughs, too, though a bit quieter than the rest. Without thinking, he reaches out to grab Sehun's hand, and Sehun pulls away automatically. Sehun literally sees Tao's previously content facial expression fall, the corners of his mouth turning downwards, and his eyes suddenly stop doing that crinkling thing Sehun really loves. He looks like someone just murdered his cat or, something. And fuck - is his bottom lip actually quivering? It's only for the shortest of moments, though, before he hides his face in his thick scarf. Out of the corner of his eye, Sehun notices how Yixing glances at him, then tiptoes to murmur something in Chinese to Tao.
In the van on their way back, Sehun's got his earbuds in, but his volume is on mute, since he's frantically trying to decipher or at least guess at the meaning of Tao and Yixing's hushed whispers.
*
Early morning dance practice is therapeutic, in a way, for Sehun. Most days, he's just like the rest of them, stretching out stiff limbs and yawning whenever their choreographer isn't looking. But today is one of those days, where everything somehow runs smoothly. He silently thanks whatever Gods may exist, that at least something is working out in his life, since, y'know, nothing else is, really.
He's able to shake off everything and just focus completely on the way his body is moving, on isolating and turning, on attacks and ripples. He can't help noticing how Tao gets scolded by their choreographer, telling him to get his shit together, because he keeps messing up and missing his placement. In the back of Sehun's mind, he thinks that maybe he's the cause of Tao's distraction, but then he pushes the thought away. It's not like Sehun's rejection would mean anything in particular to Tao, right? He laughs an internal maniacal laugh. No, of course not. Nothing out of the ordinary when your best friend suddenly starts avoiding you like the plague. Nope.
Only three of them are left - Yixing, Tao and him. Sehun's grumpier than ever and the tension could be cut with a knife. He eyes Tao murderously as the other stretches this and that, breathing heavily with his eyes closed, his mouth parted slightly open. There's a light sheen of sweat on his face and Sehun kind of just wants to fling himself off a cliff.
"I'm gonna... uh..." Yixing mumbles after a while, clearing his throat awkwardly. He gives them a half-hearted wave and marches out of the room, slinging his bag over his shoulder on the way out. With Yixing gone, the first thing Tao does is turn to him. Sehun swallows. Dammit. They'd probably planned this, those fuckers.
"Tell me what's wrong."
"Make me," Sehun snaps, before the innuendo catches up with him and a blush starts creeping up his neck. For a moment, Tao looks contemplating. Then, before Sehun has the time to duck away, he pins the younger to the floor.
"Fine. What is it?" Sehun can't breathe. Tao's breath is on his face and it's actually kind of gross because they're both sweaty from practice, but still, Sehun feels tiny sparks everywhere Tao is touching him - and oh god, they're touching in a lot of places. For one thing, Tao's got his tanned, strong hands around Sehun's pale and slim forearms, and Sehun feels the weight of his hot, muscular thighs on top of his. Actually, not only his thighs, but their fucking crotches are pressing together and oh god, he's getting hard, fuck, fuck fuck my actual fucking life. Tao licks his lips - his damn, fucking irresistible lips - and looks confused for a moment before his mouth falls slightly agape.
"What..." he says, before he shifts slightly and fuck, Sehun can't help the moan that escapes his mouth as their cocks rub together through the fabric of their sweatpants. His breath hitches as he realizes that he's not the only one who's hard. Somehow they start grinding together in an uneven rhythm, both seeing friction. At one point, Tao's eyes close and he bites his lip, and he looks so imperfectly perfect. After hitting release, they stay in the same position for a bit, both panting, flushed messes.
Once the initial pleasure wears off, though, Sehun realizes how fast his heart is beating. Tao seems to return to himself after a while, too. Sehun's heart drops to his stomach as he sees the look of utter horror on the other's face. Tao stumbles off him. He keeps glancing from the floor to Sehun and shaking his head as he steps into his shoes and throws his coat over himself, mumbling things like, "I can't do this, I'm sorry," but Sehun doesn't want to hear it, because right now he just feels gross and hurt and a bit like a cup of fine china that's just been dropped to the floor and split into a million tiny pieces, so he closes his eyes and tries to think of happy things, Joonmyun's ugly sweaters, Bubble Tea, but somehow, it doesn't work this time. The look on Tao's face when he stumbled away, the way he avoided meeting Sehun's gaze, the stutter of his voice, it all keeps playing on repeat in his head. Shut up. Rejection in itself wouldn't bother Sehun, and Tao's an ass anyway, but fuck, his heart is doing that most awful aching thing, and the images won't stop churning in his head, the "I can't do this.". Shut up, shut up, shut up.
He doesn't know how much time has passed before his obnoxious Secret Garden ringtone starts blasting out of the tinny speakers of his phone. It's Joonmyun telling him gently, "I told Seunghwan to send a van, Sehun, I hope you're okay. I really, really do."
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
*
When Sehun gets back to the dorm, the first thing he does is peel off his clothing and head straight for the shower. Under the hot spray of water, he jerks off, thinking of how Tao's hands that pinned him down would feel wrapped around his dick.
He dries himself methodically and puts on his most childish pajamas, the embarrassing reindeer ones he got when he was 15 for Christmas from a distant aunt. Then he curls up under the covers and cries.
Like, literally cries. Red eyes, snot and all. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he vaguely remembers that Real Men don't cry, but then he promptly tells that voice to shut the fuck up.
Joonmyun, for once, has the sense to not try to talk to him as he hides under the covers for the rest of the night.
*
Sometime along his sobbing session, he must have fallen asleep. His eyes feels sore, and he just knows that he looks all bloated and dotted with red but, ha, ha, whatever, it's not like it matters now, right? It's not like he's got anyone he wants to impress anymore.
He shuffles into the kitchen because his throat feels all dry and weird and he needs water. Actually, he needs a bottle of vodka, but sadly, there's an alcohol ban on their dorm.
When he sees Tao walk quietly towards him, somehow, he's not even surprised. He looks as bad as Sehun feels, and that seems to comfort him in a strange way. His hair is all messed up, sticking up in weird places, though Sehun thinks he wins the puffy face game, probably because even when Tao's sad, he still takes care of his skin.
Tao heads for the sink as well, filling up a glass of water. And he doesn't say fucking anything.
"What's up?" Sehun asks. His voice sounds too loud.
"Is it like a sex thing?" Tao says suddenly. "Because I don't think we'd make very good fuck buddies."
"No. No, it's not just that. But don't worry, I'll stay away from you if you're grossed out by it, or whatever," Sehun says, shrugging even though his chest feels so constricted that he can barely breathe. Tao frowns at him. "We'd make a shit couple anyway, right? Get on each others nerves all the time, and, you know. Stuff." Sehun clears his throat, because the words would have sounded perfectly normal, say, a few weeks ago but now they sound sort of dead, automatic.
"Not just that?" Tao repeats Sehun's words from earlier. "Like you want - less, or..." Tao trails off, and he's doing that thing again, the avoiding eye contact-thing. A wild thought strikes Sehun. Maybe, maybe, it could be that Tao liked him too?
"I want more." It comes out as a whisper. A small, shy whisper, and Sehun's voice cracks at the last word. Tao laughs, even though his heart is breaking, it's like music to Sehun's ears. But then Tao hooks his fingers through the belt hoops of Sehun's stupid ass reindeer pajamas and tugs him closer. He hesitates ever so slightly before he claims Sehun's lips.
"Fuck, I've been wanting to do this for so long." Sehun gasps against Tao's mouth.
"Really?" Sehun whispers. Tao smiles against his mouth.
"Really."
*
a/n: i sort of just had taohun feelings and i sort of vomited a bunch of words and it turned into this T_T thank you for reading!!!! :DDD