foolish people 3 [2/3]
foolish people 3
Dec 2010
They are in the middle of SS3, located in Guangzhou for their last performance of 2010, when they hear the news. They are rearranging the members of Super Junior-M, and the new members are Sungmin and Hyukjae.
The silence in the room is palpable. Gazes are exchanged, profanities are muttered, and in the middle of this, Sungmin feels as though he can’t breathe. Super Junior-M is to have a comeback with a song about ethereal beauty and a divine love, and the song is titled Perfection.
Sungmin tries to meet Hyukjae’s eyes in his desperation to grasp the news, but Hyukjae seems to be too preoccupied with trying to understand what’s going on himself. The two of them are joining Super Junior-M. They will have a comeback with a song called Perfection. Sungmin snorts, then lets his eyes wander off toward Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun is glaring at nothing, his hands clenched into fists. Sungmin feels his stomach drop, the news finally sinking in. The fact that he’s now a part of Super Junior-M means that he will have to spend a lot of time with Kyuhyun. The past few months have been alienating, as the man has blatantly ignored him at every occasion where they have been in the same room. Oftentimes he has not been let into his own bedroom because Kyuhyun hasn’t felt like having him there. And now they are going to promote a new song together. Whatever excitement of a new project is suffocated as soon as it has been fed, and Sungmin doesn’t know if he wants to laugh or cry at the news and its horrible timing.
His eyes then snap over at Donghae, who is already scowling at him. Sungmin flushes, realizing that he’s also in Super Junior-M. It can’t be. Both Kyuhyun and Donghae. He almost wants to laugh out loud by how ridiculous the entire scene is.
When the managers have finished explaining the details of the comeback, the members are left to themselves, and Sungmin seeks out Hyukjae to mull over the news of their addition to the sub-group. However, amidst the roaring discussions that arises as soon as the managers head out, he can’t help but notice Kyuhyun, who leaves the room without a word. His eyes follow the man as he sneaks out and shuts the door behind him, and he wonders where he’s going.
Then he has to remind himself that he doesn’t care.
∞
Kyuhyun enters his room without turning the lights on and darts for the bed, burying himself beneath heavy blankets. His body is shuddering to the point he’s starting to hurt, and a wave of sickness churns within.
Oh god, he moans under his breath, squeezing his eyes shut to calm the dizziness. It can’t possibly get any worse than this. It just can’t. Super Junior-M’s comeback could have been the perfect escape. It could have been his time to heal, but instead he’s forced to pry open his wounds.
Fingers digging into his skin, he holds in a pained cry. The four months of touring was bad enough: the empty smiles, the gut-wrenching laughs, the almost to good to be true acting of everything being okay… Displays of affection that he knows was just as sickening for Sungmin as it was for him. And now they are forced to go through all of that all over again.
Kyuhyun feels another wave of sickness churn, and this time he barely holds it down. Why him? And why have the comeback now? Kyuhyun tries not to cry, because he has done enough of that the last year. The timing is just too horrible for it to be fair.
The sickness within swirls and he sobs, burying his face in the blankets. He is haunted by memories of late nights and cries of his name, clawing at his skin, and disgusting heat. He thinks about all the things he has said the past months: all the odious rejections, all the serpentine lies. And he can’t stand it anymore.
Ignorance, he figures, has the capacity to be the cruelest thing in the world.
∞
Something is going to go terribly wrong. There’s no doubt in Hyukjae’s mind as soon as the news finally dawn upon him. Something is going to go terribly wrong, but Hyukjae doesn’t know what, and that scares him. If someone had asked him one year ago, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?”, he would probably have said, “That they kill each other.” However, Hyukjae feels as though they already have.
Hyukjae knocks on Donghae’s door, anxious about the news and how Donghae is handling them. It only takes a second before the door is ajar and Donghae’s dark figure peeks through the crack. His eyes are swollen, but Hyukjae decides not to point it out.
Can I come in?
Donghae doesn’t say anything. He merely turns away from the door, eyes on the floor, and heads back inside leaving the door open for Hyukjae to enter. Hyukjae closes the door silently after him, and watches as Donghae seats himself on the edge of the bed, eyes trained on his lap.
What do you want? Donghae asks, fumbling with his fingers. His voice is groggy, and Hyukjae’s eyes fall upon the sleeves of his sweater, stained with tears that haven’t even had the chance to dry. Heart sinking in his chest, Hyukjae sits down next to him.
I wanted to talk to you about Sungmin and me being added to M. I mean, I didn’t expect that, and I can only imagine what you’re thinking. Having the past year in mind and all.
Donghae snorts. Well, it certainly was a surprise.
Given the situation between the three of you, Hyukjae says, I think that this is kind of… what, the worst that could happen right now?
With a shake of his head, Donghae chuckles, expression turning solemn. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t have anything in particular against you. It’s just… Both Sungmin and Kyuhyun in M? Seriously? I-
His voice cracks up and Hyukjae frowns.
What about Kyuhyun?
Donghae turns quiet for a long time, avoiding the scrutinizing stare of Hyukjae. Suddenly realizing the implications of his silence, Hyukjae curses, running a hand through his hair.
What the hell have you done now?
Me? Donghae cries, staring wide-eyed at Hyukjae. Me? What have I done?
Hyukjae shakes his head, wiping his face. You three really are unbelievable. Unbelievable. Why can’t you just stop? Damn it!
Why don’t you ask Kyuhyun? Ask him what the hell his problem is, and maybe things wouldn’t have been so bad! I mean, if only he would let me talk-
Donghae’s voice cracks up yet again, and tears pour out, soaking his face. Why can’t he just let me talk to him?
Hyukjae stills, wide-eyed as Donghae succumbs to his tears. His stomach flips as Donghae bawls his eyes out, and he resists the urge to storm up to Kyuhyun’s room, yank him out of his self-pity, and beat it out of him. He knows it won’t solve anything.
Donghae, he says softly, and puts his hand on his back. Try to understand. I know you’re angry with Sungmin, but I think he has a hard time as well. Can’t you at least be civil with each other?
Donghae stops the crying almost immediately, scowling at Hyukjae. Oh, I should’ve known, he spits, his words as venomous as his glare. It’s Sungmin’s advocate I’m speaking to. What the hell was I thinking? No! No, I can’t. Not after what he did. Never.
Why not…?
He took him away from me, Donghae says in a sigh, his voice strained as he speaks. Kyuhyun is rejecting me because he still loves that son of a bitch. Don’t you know that?
∞
When January comes, the preparations are finally getting to its final stages. They have spent hours upon hours practicing choreography, Chinese pronunciation, singing, and how to fool everyone into thinking that everything is perfectly okay. Sungmin feels that he’s starting to master the latter very well. He smiles all day, because that’s all he can do. Despite being thrown between Kyuhyun and Donghae, he grits his teeth into a blinding grin, and it’s almost as if he’s starting to believe his own bad acting.
Sungmin does his best. Even though the Chinese proves to be harder than he initially thought, he does his best. There’s nothing else he can do. He ignores Kyuhyun, ignores Donghae, and focuses on the tasks at hand. He can’t let himself succumb into that dark, foolish game any longer. However, he can’t help but notice that things aren’t going well for Kyuhyun and Donghae. Kyuhyun seems to be ignoring Donghae, rejecting all attempts at engaging him in any sort of activities, and Sungmin is curious. He pretends to flip through the lyrics of their new songs, and tries to listen in on their short exchanges of words. However, he doesn’t hear anything he hasn’t heard before himself. Things like “fuck off”, “go away” and “leave me alone” are more or less the only things he hears from Kyuhyun, whereas “please” is what seems to be the only thing Donghae knows how to say.
Putting his curiosity aside, Sungmin again reminds himself that he’s over that now. He doesn’t have anything to do with them anymore. He’s over it. He won’t seek them out. He doesn’t need any answers anymore. It’s better that way. Nonetheless, old habits are hard to break, and his curiosity is like a shore to a wave, drawing him in even though he wants out to the sea. And so he keeps on listening in on them.
∞
Despite hating every moment he’s in the same room as Sungmin and Donghae, Kyuhyun does as best as he can. Since they are preparing a comeback together, they naturally have to spend a lot of time together. There’s no running away from it, and it sickens him. But he does his best. He tries not to say anything in their presence in the fear of exploding at them, and instead keeps it in. He finds it better that way. His therapist doesn’t like it, but Kyuhyun doesn’t care. He has to in order to keep sane.
He’s preparing the studio for song practice, and enjoys the quiet and privacy it brings. It’s the few times during the day when he knows the rest of the members are busy, and the few times he knows that he can have some time to himself to think. However, it doesn’t take long until the members start streaming in to the studio. Kyuhyun sits down and waits, bracing himself.
Zhou Mi and Henry sit down next to Kyuhyun, as they have grown closer during the preparations. They have helped him extensively with his Chinese, and as a result, helped him with ignoring Donghae and Sungmin. Being with them is like taking a break from everything that has happened the past year, and Kyuhyun can sincerely say that he needs it. He runs a hand through his hair and tries to talk to them in Chinese, practicing the language just to keep his mind busy.
That’s when Sungmin enters the room. He’s mid-sentence when his eyes land upon him, and he freezes. Sungmin is standing beside Siwon, smiling-even laughing-about something Kyuhyun can’t even guess. Kyuhyun feels his heart hammer with anger, and he has to really focus on calming his fury. Zhou Mi, who was speaking to him at this point, waves his hand in front of his face, asking if he’s okay.
You just suddenly spaced out… Are you all right?
Kyuhyun waves his hand dismissively, taking a deep breath. Yeah, sure, don’t mind me. I just… Nevermind.
His eyes stay on the floor. Zhou Mi, probably sensing that something in fact is wrong, puts a hand on Kyuhyun’s shoulder and squeezes. Kyuhyun wants to cry. He doesn’t even know why, but it seems that he can’t be in the same room as any of them without experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions. How can Sungmin smile when things are like this? Is this all a game to him? Does he enjoy seeing Kyuhyun suffer? These thoughts surface his mind, and he’s starting to feel dizzy. Is this really just a-
-Kyuhyun? Hello? Earth is calling! The song instructor is here.
Zhou Mi is snapping his fingers in front of Kyuhyun’s eyes and Kyuhyun shakes his head.
I’m so sorry. I’m okay. I just have a lot on my mind, he blurts out, and Zhou Mi hums, crossing his arms across his chest.
Really now? Anyway, we’re starting practice now, and since you have the first lines, we kind of need you to start.
Oh. Yes. Yes, of course, Kyuhyun mumbles, then clears his throat and picks up the sheet including the lyrics and melody. He peeks over at Sungmin and Siwon and swallows, nibbling his lip while waiting at the song instructor’s cue.
They go through the song as a whole first before they start nitpicking at the individual parts. Kyuhyun has practiced a lot with Zhou Mi and Henry, so his lines are more or less ready for recording already. He sings his lines sincerely nonetheless, wanting to get the song practice over with, and wanting to impress the newcomers. He wants to show them what they are being compared to, what they are expected to accomplish. With a gleeful smirk, he tries not to watch the awestruck expressions of the two of them as he pronounces the lyrics perfectly.
Eventually the turn switches to the others, and when it’s finally Sungmin’s turn, Kyuhyun sits quietly, anticipating Sungmin’s lines. He’s curious of what Sungmin might have learned during self-practice, given the fact that this is the first proper song practice where everyone is gathered. A part of him hopes that Sungmin, with his mere two lines, will pull it off perfectly so they can move on without a fuss. Another part of him can’t wait to see Sungmin fail.
When Sungmin eventually sings, the lines come out clumsily, and the pronunciation is way off. He’s the worst of all the members, as even Hyukjae’s English rap sounded better than the lines Sungmin produced. Kyuhyun’s jaw drops. He can’t believe what he’s hearing.
What the hell is this? Kyuhyun cries out. Did you not receive the lyrics before now, or what?
Sungmin looks down to the side, cheeks red. Kyuhyun stands up.
You had two lines, and you can’t do that? Even I know your lines, and I won’t ever sing them! Listen at this, Kyuhyun roars and sings Sungmin’s lines furiously, pronunciation spot on. Doesn’t that sound okay to you? And I spent yesterday practicing my lines!
Kyuhyun-! Zhou Mi cries, mortified by Kyuhyun’s outburst, but Kyuhyun ignores all the protests from the other members.
I mean, you can’t have looked at the lyrics if what you just sung is the best you can do. I mean, despite everything I had at least some faith in you. Who the hell are you?
Sungmin’s flush deepens, and he stutters, squirming in his seat.
Answer me! Kyuhyun shouts, and this is when the song instructor grabs him by the shoulder, asking him to calm down.
As much as I can agree that his lines is not the best I’ve heard, you are crossing a line, Kyuhyun. Please see me for a moment, the song instructor commands, but Kyuhyun shrugs the instructor’s hand off his shoulder. The disrespectful gesture elicits gasps from the other members.
Two goddamn lines, Kyuhyun says in a scoff, scowling at Sungmin. And to think they added you to this group. When I first heard your name called, I asked ‘why’ because I didn’t want you here. But now I really want to know why, because I really don’t understand their decision. I think that they would’ve added someone with at least some talent!
At this, Hyukjae stands up, yelling, That’s enough! You have no right to say that! Who the hell do you think you are?
His last words are broken by a furious sob, and he glares at Kyuhyun through tear-stained eyes.
I might not be the best myself, but at least I can acknowledge that Sungmin is trying! What the hell do you know about effort, Kyuhyun?
The instructor finally breaks between the quarreling men, putting the song practice on halt and telling them to take the rest of the day off to “clear things up”. Meanwhile, Sungmin is staring at the floor, muttering something incomprehensible before storming out of the room. Everyone stares mortified at Kyuhyun, as if they can’t believe what they just heard.
That was unnecessary. He just learned Chinese and you know that, Zhou Mi scolds, his expression filled with disappointment. What’s the matter with you today?
Kyuhyun scoffs, eyes at the door, clearly dismissing Zhou Mi and the rest of the members.
Come on, let’s go, Siwon says, who had been sitting next to Sungmin, and takes Hyukjae, who is succumbed into tears with him. The rest of the members follow suit, even Donghae, and Kyuhyun is left to himself in the studio, where he breaks down as soon as everyone has left.
What the hell do you know about effort, Kyuhyun?
∞
Sungmin draws his knees tightly to his chest, resting his forehead on his knees. Humiliated by the public abuse from Kyuhyun, Sungmin feels like dying.
I mean, despite everything I had at least some faith in you. Who the hell are you?
He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know anymore, and he feels like he’s right back where he started, desperately wanting Kyuhyun’s approval. He had faith in him. Kyuhyun had faith in him to do well, and he let him down. Sungmin groans, furiously wiping away the stubborn tears that emerge from his eyes. It shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter, and yet it does.
Angry with himself, Sungmin stands up from the floor and looks for his jacket. He needs air.
∞
Hyukjae runs into Sungmin on his way in to the hotel, having searched for him everywhere the past hour. As his eyes land upon Sungmin, he storms after him and grabs him by the shoulder, instinctively checking if there are any new scars on his body.
Sungmin! Where the hell have you been? Are you okay? Hyukjae demands, face contorting into a concerned frown. Sungmin shrugs off Hyukjae’s hand dismissively, and mumbles something Hyukjae can't hear before turning away from him. Hyukjae is relentless, and grabs him by his wrist as he’s about to leave.
Let go of me! Sungmin yells, gaining the attention of the guards standing by the entrance door of the hotel they are staying at. Hyukjae, scared of gaining unwanted attention, releases Sungmin’s wrist.
Where are you going? Hyukjae asks, just as Sungmin turns to leave again. Can’t you at least tell me where you’re going?
Sungmin stops a few steps ahead and turns, the smile on his face unsettling. If you could go anywhere you wanted, for as long as you wanted… Would you?
Hyukjae freezes, eyes widening. What did you-?
Sungmin chuckles and says, I remember that walk, before the Bonamana promotions. I think about it all the time.
Hyukjae’s shoulders drop, and he walks over to Sungmin’s side quietly, finding it hard to keep his tears at bay. His worry that Sungmin might have hurt himself after what happened in the studio diminishes, and instead he feels as tough Sungmin is in a place Hyukjae can’t even fathom. Hyukjae feels helpless when looking into Sungmin’s eyes. It’s like a deep pit of darkness, barren of life, only filled with the ashes of suffocated flames. Just darkness. Just sadness. But strangely, content.
Oh, Sungmin, he says, inhaling shakily. Sungmin, what should we do? What can we do?
And while Hyukjae feels like collapsing, Sungmin is the one who keeps him up on his feet this time, the grip he has on Hyukjae's shoulder strong.
There’s nothing we can do, Hyukjae. Nothing. I’m so, so sorry.
∞
The curses seem endless as he clutches the toilet bowl for what seems to be the millionth time the past year. The entire bathroom is a mess. All his belongings lay strewn across the floor, and there is a puddle of bile in the middle of the floor from when he didn’t reach the toilet in time. His sweaty clothes are thrown on top of the counter, the shower and the floor.
Kyuhyun heaves for air, and pulls of his boxers and throws it across the room, shivering by the cold. Goosebumps perks up on his skin, and he retches, nothing ejecting but blood from the soreness of his throat. He’s drained. Heaving for air once again, he rests his head on top of the toilet seat.
I’m losing my mind, Kyuhyun thinks to himself, groaning as the usual migraine that follows after the vomiting. I’ve lost my mind.
∞
The atmosphere is tense during dance practice the next day, and Kyuhyun and Sungmin spend most of it exchanging glares. Talking to them proves meaningless, as none of them can seem to pry their eyes off the other, and eventually even the dance instructor has had enough. After a heavy round of scolding, he leaves the room, but it doesn’t seem to affect Kyuhyun, whose glare seems to only grow darker. Sungmin, on the other hand, stops the glaring and starts feeling victimized.
Dance practice abruptly finishing, they all sit down on the floor, uncertain of what to do. However, Kyuhyun’s glaring seems to be never-ending, and eventually Ryeowook has had enough. He throws his water bottle down at the floor, successfully gaining everyone’s attention.
Okay, this is getting ridiculous. If there’s anything you disagree about, why don’t you just get it out right now or let it be? Fight it out if that’s what it takes, but your childish games are starting to affect us as well and I’ll have none of that. I mean, even our dance instructor walked out on us! What’s the matter with you?
Ryeowook places his hands on his hips and scowls at the both of them. Behind him, some of the other members murmur in agreement.
Well? he presses, and Kyuhyun and Sungmin meet eyes. With a scoff Sungmin rises to his feet and steps up toward Ryeowook.
Fine, Sungmin agrees, eyes still trained at Kyuhyun. I’ll fight it out. If that’s what you want. I’m sick of this, too.
Kyuhyun frowns at this, not liking the direction the situation is heading. His eyes flicker between the members and eventually rest on Sungmin, who is scowling at him with matching intensity. With a shake of his head, he stands up in front of Sungmin, inhaling deeply. The rest of the members fan out into a half-circle around the pair, uneasiness noticeable. Kyuhyun is starting to feel apprehensive, really not liking the direction the situation is heading. They can’t be serious about them actually fighting it out, can they…? Everyone knows Sungmin is advantageous in this situation, despite the difference in size.
Yes? Can you please tell me what the hell I’ve done to you? You look at me like I’m some goddamn vermin, and I haven’t even spoken to you lately. What have I done to deserve this now, huh? Tell me!
Kyuhyun rolls his eyes, wondering if Sungmin really can be that stupid.
What you’ve done to me? What haven’t you done?
Sungmin’s voice is quiet. Could this possibly be because of what happened eight months ago, or is it something new this time?
The room falls silent like a blanket just dropped over it, and everyone stands frozen, the shock in their faces difficult to hide. Kyuhyun is at a loss of words as well, and he shakes his head as if he can’t believe Sungmin’s bluntness. Running a hand through his hair, he takes two steps toward Sungmin, trying to hide his uneasiness. He raises his chin, looking down at the other condescendingly.
You know what? I’m sick of this. I’m sick of seeing you pitying yourself. It makes me sick to even think about how pitiful you are, smiling despite feeling sorry for yourself. And how could you be so selfish to even think about killing yourself because of me? What do you think that does to me? Do I really deserve that? I get that you were hurt because we broke up, but that’s too much. How can you be that selfish?
Kyuhyun’s expression darkens.
I never asked you to do what you did, and all this pain that’s going on is all your fault. You trying to kill yourself were all your fault. Blaming me is unfair, because I didn’t ask you to kill yourself because of me. Why couldn’t you just let go and-
The blow throws Kyuhyun off balance. He stumbles backwards into the mirror, blood gathering inside his mouth, and it takes a long time for him to understand what just happened. In front of him stands Sungmin, fist still clenched, heaving for air.
You idiot, Sungmin growls, eyes ablaze. Have you lost your mind? How can you come to me and tell me this is all my fault?
Kyuhyun dries the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand and gathers himself. Around them, the rest of the members are dead silent, unmoving. Donghae is especially quiet, and doesn’t even look at them.
I-
No, Kyuhyun. Listen. Listen to me! How can you even think I did it because of you? And then come here guilt-ridden and say I shouldn’t have done it because it’s unfair toward you? Are you insane?
Kyuhyun starts and pushes away from the mirror, striding toward Sungmin. However, Sungmin is more collected than he is, and before Kyuhyun can even make contact, Sungmin jerks his knee into his stomach and throws him to the side. Kyuhyun falls toward the ground with a cry, and drops to the floor with a thud.
You’re unbelievable, Sungmin says and scoffs, running a hand through his hair. You really don’t understand anything. How can you actually come here and say that? What’s the matter with you? This conversation is over. I have nothing else to say.
With a grimace he storms toward the door but halts midway, turning his head to the side.
And for the record, I don’t pity myself anymore. I pity you.
He then turns on his heels and storms out of the studio, slamming the door behind him.
Kyuhyun looks after him as he leaves, gathering himself up on the floor. His mouth hangs open, at a loss of what to say, and doesn’t even dare to look toward the other members. He feels so embarrassed, so ashamed, of what he just said, and he can’t bear to stay in the room for one more second.
He has to get away.
*
p.s. it took me five rewrites to get this done so i'm sorry this is erhm late
p.s.s. there will be another part, for those who didn't notice the change from 1/2 to 1/3
p.s.s.s. i swear that will be the last part i swear
p.s.s.s.s. on another note, i loved the scene where sungmin hit kyuhyun :-)))))
see you in part 3! ♡♡
