Mommy Humor
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
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Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time,
breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
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The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and
fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard
only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
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Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick
up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your
firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical
swing.
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Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you
can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with
some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
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Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need
it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to
complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
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Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby
Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
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Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she
sees blood.
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At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older
child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
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Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the
hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for
the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his
allowance!
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