So this is it.
This will be my last post for a while. I don't know how long.
Rachel and I are getting a divorce.
We decided that we're better friends than lovers. If we tried to hold it together any longer than we have, it'd just get worse as time went on. Not only would that make us unhappy as a couple, but it would also severely impact Cheyenne, which neither of us want beyond our own happiness.
So there's some things we don't like about each other. But, we care about each other and love each other enough to want to hang on to what's good about our relationship, partly for our own sakes so we can be more than just "civil" toward each other, largely for Cheyenne's sake so she doesn't see us fighting over anything. We've never fought in front of her...hell, we've hardly ever fought in the popular terms...we've argued, we've given each other silent treatment, we've pissed each other off many, many times. But up until recently, we were otherwise a pretty well-natured couple who got along.
I'm about to take another huge step forward in my life, by taking this long-haul driving job. My first leap into the world of adulthood when I joined the Army. While I was in, the next big step was losing my virginity (to the absolutely wrong woman). Afterward, I met Rachel...so came the next two big steps, a child and marriage. Now, I'm going out alone again, just like I did when I joined the Army...except this time, I'm leaving something behind. I do have something to lose. I have everything to lose, with Cheyenne and Rachel. But it's for the best...I can make the most of my life with the kind of income this will generate. In a couple of years (or sooner), I can pay off some of my old, school-related debts and get back into what I love, technology. Or even better--if I save up enough over time, I might just be able to get a small house for myself (or, if it so happens, the next Mrs. Howell) and my daughter, and build that recording studio I've been dreaming of.
In the meantime, Rachel's going through a major change herself. With all due respect, she's finally "growing up." She's learning things about herself that she never knew were part of her, facing fears that she didn't know existed for the first time in her life, and about to take another major plunge of her own (besides the divorce) and go back to school. Not technical training or vocational/trade school, but college. She's going to try at her degree again, this time with nothing to distract her; she'll be living with her mom for a while, so she'll have help taking care of Cheyenne when I'm not around. That way she can hold a part-time job and be able to go to school without wearing herself out being a single mom. She's lucky to have that kind of support...few single moms do, regardless of age.
The divorce is going to happen once my training is over and we get some (if not all) of our joint debts paid--old utility bills, phone bills, cable, rent, etc. We're going to settle everything out-of-court, and Rachel will have full custody of Cheyenne while I get unrestricted visitation. I won't be home more than a few days a month, so joint custody just wouldn't work. Instead of state-regulated child support, I'll look into what the income percentage of child support for the state of Michigan is and pay that plus a little extra under-the-table.
So here's to the next few weeks in Indianapolis. The time apart will do us both good.
Rachel, if I don't get to say goodbye, I love you, and I'll call as soon as I'm checked into my apartment. Give Cheyenne a hug and a kiss for me.
Rachel and I are getting a divorce.
We decided that we're better friends than lovers. If we tried to hold it together any longer than we have, it'd just get worse as time went on. Not only would that make us unhappy as a couple, but it would also severely impact Cheyenne, which neither of us want beyond our own happiness.
So there's some things we don't like about each other. But, we care about each other and love each other enough to want to hang on to what's good about our relationship, partly for our own sakes so we can be more than just "civil" toward each other, largely for Cheyenne's sake so she doesn't see us fighting over anything. We've never fought in front of her...hell, we've hardly ever fought in the popular terms...we've argued, we've given each other silent treatment, we've pissed each other off many, many times. But up until recently, we were otherwise a pretty well-natured couple who got along.
I'm about to take another huge step forward in my life, by taking this long-haul driving job. My first leap into the world of adulthood when I joined the Army. While I was in, the next big step was losing my virginity (to the absolutely wrong woman). Afterward, I met Rachel...so came the next two big steps, a child and marriage. Now, I'm going out alone again, just like I did when I joined the Army...except this time, I'm leaving something behind. I do have something to lose. I have everything to lose, with Cheyenne and Rachel. But it's for the best...I can make the most of my life with the kind of income this will generate. In a couple of years (or sooner), I can pay off some of my old, school-related debts and get back into what I love, technology. Or even better--if I save up enough over time, I might just be able to get a small house for myself (or, if it so happens, the next Mrs. Howell) and my daughter, and build that recording studio I've been dreaming of.
In the meantime, Rachel's going through a major change herself. With all due respect, she's finally "growing up." She's learning things about herself that she never knew were part of her, facing fears that she didn't know existed for the first time in her life, and about to take another major plunge of her own (besides the divorce) and go back to school. Not technical training or vocational/trade school, but college. She's going to try at her degree again, this time with nothing to distract her; she'll be living with her mom for a while, so she'll have help taking care of Cheyenne when I'm not around. That way she can hold a part-time job and be able to go to school without wearing herself out being a single mom. She's lucky to have that kind of support...few single moms do, regardless of age.
The divorce is going to happen once my training is over and we get some (if not all) of our joint debts paid--old utility bills, phone bills, cable, rent, etc. We're going to settle everything out-of-court, and Rachel will have full custody of Cheyenne while I get unrestricted visitation. I won't be home more than a few days a month, so joint custody just wouldn't work. Instead of state-regulated child support, I'll look into what the income percentage of child support for the state of Michigan is and pay that plus a little extra under-the-table.
So here's to the next few weeks in Indianapolis. The time apart will do us both good.
Rachel, if I don't get to say goodbye, I love you, and I'll call as soon as I'm checked into my apartment. Give Cheyenne a hug and a kiss for me.