tvxq: nietzsche is dead
nietzsche is dead
yunho/jaejoong, band. 1,476w.
for ephe.
1. "Are you flying?" says Jaejoong.
Yunho looks down at the floor, half a meter below where his feet are. "I think so."
Jaejoong says, "Oh," and adds after a pause: "Don't hit the ceiling."
Yunho hits the ceiling.
For a week, that's where it ends. But then Junsu finds out and wants rides, and Yoochun starts calling him Clark Kent, and they have a new collectively-never-talking-about-this-again incident when everyone learns Changmin can now set things on fire. Apocalypse, Yunho thinks, and goes to bed.
2. The problem with Changmin being able to set things on fire--other than how it's Changmin being able to set things on fire--is how he doesn't really know how to control it. They get exactly five minutes to harass him about it before he says, "You're right, I might end up burning all of Yoochun's cigarettes on repeated accident."
Yoochun looks like a kicked puppy. Junsu falls off the couch.
"To be honest," Changmin continues, "I don't think anything's safe. What if Jaejoong's hair gets caught in the next crossfire? Junsu's autographed soccer ball?"
"Try using your powers for good," Yunho says, before Changmin can get to him. Junsu's stopped laughing. Jaejoong's adopted the beanie lying on the coffee table. It'll never see its real owner again.
"I'm trying really hard," Changmin answers.
Changmin can't lie, but he can set things on fire, so everything else rides the backseat in importance.
3. Yoochun wakes up ten minutes late, comes into the kitchen half-alive, needing coffee, and looking like he's just walked out of a natural disaster, and the first thing anyone says to him is, "I really want to have sex with you."
Yoochun yawns. "Thanks, Jaejoong."
Jaejoong looks confused, but that doesn't stop him from opening his mouth again. "I'm serious. Can we have sex?"
Yoochun is approximately five seconds from falling asleep on the kitchen counter. "Sure, Jaejoong."
Yunho says, "Jaejoong, stop, Yoochun can barely pass for human right now, what's going on?" except it comes out sounding more like, "Jaejoong, stop, Yoochun's having sex with me first."
Changmin gathers his breakfast and motions at the opposite end of the apartment and says, "I'm going to go over there now."
Junsu is trying to suck face with a one-third conscious Yoochun in the middle of the kitchen.
4. Yunho and Jaejoong are hiding in the bathroom.
"I don't actually want to have sex with Yoochun," Jaejoong says--has said, twelve times. He's in the empty bathtub, stacking bars of soap.
"Yoochun's not really on my to-do list either," Yunho says, as Jaejoong laughs into his fist. "What's the soap for?"
"I want Junsu to have as many options as possible when he rushes in here to wash his mouth clean," Jaejoong says generously.
"Nothing for Yoochun?"
"Yoochun can go swallow a tub of rubbing alcohol," Jaejoong says. "It's his own fault for pulling this human aphrodisiac superpower shit."
Yunho laughs. "How dare he."
When Changmin drops by ten minutes later, he throws an apple at them both. The one Jaejoong gets is a little scorched. "It's a temporary preventative," he informs them. "An apple a day keeps the delusions away."
"The fruit of knowledge," Jaejoong says wisely around a mouthful, standing up in the tub. "Yoochun is not for having sex with."
"So have you two cooled down?" Changmin asks.
Yunho says, "Just in case," and turns the shower knob. Jaejoong makes a sound like a drowning cat and almost slips onto his ass when he pulls Yunho in under the spray of water with him.
5. Yunho isn't sure how he feels about this flying thing. It's not his kind of superpower--it's for Jaejoong, or Yoochun. It's romantic and bohemian and escapist. Yunho doesn't know what to do with it.
"At least you don't have wings to drag around," Jaejoong says. "Mushrooms."
Yunho passes the bowl of washed mushrooms and says, "Yeah, at least."
"And you're not hurting anyone physically or spiritually or financially," Jaejoong continues. "Carrot strips."
Yunho adds the carrots. "Did you turn into an optimist without telling me?"
"I was drunk, it just happened," Jaejoong says. "Sesame oil."
Jaejoong only allows help in the kitchen when he doesn't feel like being alone. He's an open book when you have the right decoder. He frowns at their japchae-in-the-making and says, "I want a superpower."
Yunho reaches for the drained noodles. "The best's always saved for last."
Jaejoong looks over at him for a second. Then he smiles this crinkle-eyed, mouth-with-wings smile and says, "Meat gets added before noodles. Keep up, Jung."
6. Junsu's takes a while longer to catch on to.
"Where's my hoodie?" Jaejoong asks in the morning, running half-dressed through the living room. "The black one with the words and the thing?"
"What thing?" Yoochun asks.
Jaejoong makes complicated hand signals. "The thing next to that other thing."
Junsu's on the living room couch, eating an apple and browsing through a magazine. "You left it in the van last week," he answers without looking up.
Soon Junsu can recite everyone's schedule for the rest of the week after the spreadsheets are lost in another pyrokinesis accident, and locate Yunho's eternally misplaced keys. Changmin starts doing some research.
"Omniscience," he says thirty minutes later. "The capacity to know everything that can be known."
There is a really, really long pause. Yunho looks at the contents of Junsu's water bottle.
"And the ability to turn water into wine," he adds.
Jaejoong, who is still superpower-less, says, "This is a fucking joke."
"It pays off to be Christian," Junsu says sweetly.
7. Despite everything, Jaejoong and Junsu are actually getting along. This is because Junsu is like the latest technology for insta-alcohol, and Jaejoong is willing to ignore how this latest technology never does chores or pays back borrowed cash.
But nothing can really change how Junsu being omniscient is kind of (ironic, says Changmin) (was he fucking Gandhi in his past life? says Yoochun) (there is no god or justice in this world, says Jaejoong) annoying. Like right now, as he gives Yunho that tiny shit-eating grin from across the kitchen counter and says, "I know."
"I know you know," Yunho answers.
"I know you know I know," Junsu says easily.
Yunho looks over at the living room, where Jaejoong and Yoochun are designing superhero costumes. Their medium of choice is Crayola on napkins. "Do you know if he knows?" Yunho asks after a while. This is the most cryptic conversation he's ever had. The fact that he's having it with Junsu kind of makes it worse.
Junsu shrugs. "I know."
This sucks like a prostitute. "Can I know?"
In the living room, the costume-designing session has degenerated into an argument of the merits of Tickle Me Pink versus Wild Watermelon Awesome. Junsu watches idly. "You know I know better than to let you know what I know about whether or not he knows."
This sucks like ten prostitutes. "What?" Yunho asks.
"I'm not telling," Junsu translates, appropriately apologetic.
There are not enough prostitutes in the entirety of Nevada for how much this sucks.
8. Jaejoong's in one of his moods, bullshitting through dance practice and redefining restless. Somewhere between the car garage and the apartment door, Yunho gives in and tells Jaejoong, "I'll take you flying." It's the second stupidest thing he could have said.
Flying's a Jaejoong-ish superpower, so flying with Jaejoong feels like snow on New Year's, or nailing a piece of choreography--something really right. Even if Jaejoong likes to bully the birds and test how close Yunho can come to crashing into every other skyscraper.
They end up on the roof of an anonymous apartment building, a few stories under 1 a.m. smoggy sky. Jaejoong's sitting on the rail, swinging his feet and talking about bad karma, not feeling special, did I do something to get kicked off the deserving-of-a-badass-superpower list? Yunho's practicing again: listen, Jaejoong, don't freak out, but I've had this huge crush on you since, roughly, a long time ago, the Big Bang, forever. Listen, Jaejoong, this is the mother of all the stupidest things I could be saying.
Jaejoong's saying, "Fuck this."
"Fuck what?" Yunho says.
"This," Jaejoong says, and jumps off the rail, back onto the roof. "You know what my superpower is?"
Yunho feels like that lost kid at the mall. "Jaejoong?" he says.
"My superpower," Jaejoong says, and pulls Yunho forward by the shirt, "is being a really, really good kisser."
9. Jaejoong is a really, really good kisser.
It's something like flying.
10. Jaejoong comes to breakfast, cheerful. "Good morning," he says. "I can move things with my brain."
He shows off this ability by trying to float his food across the countertop. Yoochun gets beaned with an apple. The Cheerios are set on fire.
Yunho goes back to bed.
yunho/jaejoong, band. 1,476w.
for ephe.
1. "Are you flying?" says Jaejoong.
Yunho looks down at the floor, half a meter below where his feet are. "I think so."
Jaejoong says, "Oh," and adds after a pause: "Don't hit the ceiling."
Yunho hits the ceiling.
For a week, that's where it ends. But then Junsu finds out and wants rides, and Yoochun starts calling him Clark Kent, and they have a new collectively-never-talking-about-this-again incident when everyone learns Changmin can now set things on fire. Apocalypse, Yunho thinks, and goes to bed.
2. The problem with Changmin being able to set things on fire--other than how it's Changmin being able to set things on fire--is how he doesn't really know how to control it. They get exactly five minutes to harass him about it before he says, "You're right, I might end up burning all of Yoochun's cigarettes on repeated accident."
Yoochun looks like a kicked puppy. Junsu falls off the couch.
"To be honest," Changmin continues, "I don't think anything's safe. What if Jaejoong's hair gets caught in the next crossfire? Junsu's autographed soccer ball?"
"Try using your powers for good," Yunho says, before Changmin can get to him. Junsu's stopped laughing. Jaejoong's adopted the beanie lying on the coffee table. It'll never see its real owner again.
"I'm trying really hard," Changmin answers.
Changmin can't lie, but he can set things on fire, so everything else rides the backseat in importance.
3. Yoochun wakes up ten minutes late, comes into the kitchen half-alive, needing coffee, and looking like he's just walked out of a natural disaster, and the first thing anyone says to him is, "I really want to have sex with you."
Yoochun yawns. "Thanks, Jaejoong."
Jaejoong looks confused, but that doesn't stop him from opening his mouth again. "I'm serious. Can we have sex?"
Yoochun is approximately five seconds from falling asleep on the kitchen counter. "Sure, Jaejoong."
Yunho says, "Jaejoong, stop, Yoochun can barely pass for human right now, what's going on?" except it comes out sounding more like, "Jaejoong, stop, Yoochun's having sex with me first."
Changmin gathers his breakfast and motions at the opposite end of the apartment and says, "I'm going to go over there now."
Junsu is trying to suck face with a one-third conscious Yoochun in the middle of the kitchen.
4. Yunho and Jaejoong are hiding in the bathroom.
"I don't actually want to have sex with Yoochun," Jaejoong says--has said, twelve times. He's in the empty bathtub, stacking bars of soap.
"Yoochun's not really on my to-do list either," Yunho says, as Jaejoong laughs into his fist. "What's the soap for?"
"I want Junsu to have as many options as possible when he rushes in here to wash his mouth clean," Jaejoong says generously.
"Nothing for Yoochun?"
"Yoochun can go swallow a tub of rubbing alcohol," Jaejoong says. "It's his own fault for pulling this human aphrodisiac superpower shit."
Yunho laughs. "How dare he."
When Changmin drops by ten minutes later, he throws an apple at them both. The one Jaejoong gets is a little scorched. "It's a temporary preventative," he informs them. "An apple a day keeps the delusions away."
"The fruit of knowledge," Jaejoong says wisely around a mouthful, standing up in the tub. "Yoochun is not for having sex with."
"So have you two cooled down?" Changmin asks.
Yunho says, "Just in case," and turns the shower knob. Jaejoong makes a sound like a drowning cat and almost slips onto his ass when he pulls Yunho in under the spray of water with him.
5. Yunho isn't sure how he feels about this flying thing. It's not his kind of superpower--it's for Jaejoong, or Yoochun. It's romantic and bohemian and escapist. Yunho doesn't know what to do with it.
"At least you don't have wings to drag around," Jaejoong says. "Mushrooms."
Yunho passes the bowl of washed mushrooms and says, "Yeah, at least."
"And you're not hurting anyone physically or spiritually or financially," Jaejoong continues. "Carrot strips."
Yunho adds the carrots. "Did you turn into an optimist without telling me?"
"I was drunk, it just happened," Jaejoong says. "Sesame oil."
Jaejoong only allows help in the kitchen when he doesn't feel like being alone. He's an open book when you have the right decoder. He frowns at their japchae-in-the-making and says, "I want a superpower."
Yunho reaches for the drained noodles. "The best's always saved for last."
Jaejoong looks over at him for a second. Then he smiles this crinkle-eyed, mouth-with-wings smile and says, "Meat gets added before noodles. Keep up, Jung."
6. Junsu's takes a while longer to catch on to.
"Where's my hoodie?" Jaejoong asks in the morning, running half-dressed through the living room. "The black one with the words and the thing?"
"What thing?" Yoochun asks.
Jaejoong makes complicated hand signals. "The thing next to that other thing."
Junsu's on the living room couch, eating an apple and browsing through a magazine. "You left it in the van last week," he answers without looking up.
Soon Junsu can recite everyone's schedule for the rest of the week after the spreadsheets are lost in another pyrokinesis accident, and locate Yunho's eternally misplaced keys. Changmin starts doing some research.
"Omniscience," he says thirty minutes later. "The capacity to know everything that can be known."
There is a really, really long pause. Yunho looks at the contents of Junsu's water bottle.
"And the ability to turn water into wine," he adds.
Jaejoong, who is still superpower-less, says, "This is a fucking joke."
"It pays off to be Christian," Junsu says sweetly.
7. Despite everything, Jaejoong and Junsu are actually getting along. This is because Junsu is like the latest technology for insta-alcohol, and Jaejoong is willing to ignore how this latest technology never does chores or pays back borrowed cash.
But nothing can really change how Junsu being omniscient is kind of (ironic, says Changmin) (was he fucking Gandhi in his past life? says Yoochun) (there is no god or justice in this world, says Jaejoong) annoying. Like right now, as he gives Yunho that tiny shit-eating grin from across the kitchen counter and says, "I know."
"I know you know," Yunho answers.
"I know you know I know," Junsu says easily.
Yunho looks over at the living room, where Jaejoong and Yoochun are designing superhero costumes. Their medium of choice is Crayola on napkins. "Do you know if he knows?" Yunho asks after a while. This is the most cryptic conversation he's ever had. The fact that he's having it with Junsu kind of makes it worse.
Junsu shrugs. "I know."
This sucks like a prostitute. "Can I know?"
In the living room, the costume-designing session has degenerated into an argument of the merits of Tickle Me Pink versus Wild Watermelon Awesome. Junsu watches idly. "You know I know better than to let you know what I know about whether or not he knows."
This sucks like ten prostitutes. "What?" Yunho asks.
"I'm not telling," Junsu translates, appropriately apologetic.
There are not enough prostitutes in the entirety of Nevada for how much this sucks.
8. Jaejoong's in one of his moods, bullshitting through dance practice and redefining restless. Somewhere between the car garage and the apartment door, Yunho gives in and tells Jaejoong, "I'll take you flying." It's the second stupidest thing he could have said.
Flying's a Jaejoong-ish superpower, so flying with Jaejoong feels like snow on New Year's, or nailing a piece of choreography--something really right. Even if Jaejoong likes to bully the birds and test how close Yunho can come to crashing into every other skyscraper.
They end up on the roof of an anonymous apartment building, a few stories under 1 a.m. smoggy sky. Jaejoong's sitting on the rail, swinging his feet and talking about bad karma, not feeling special, did I do something to get kicked off the deserving-of-a-badass-superpower list? Yunho's practicing again: listen, Jaejoong, don't freak out, but I've had this huge crush on you since, roughly, a long time ago, the Big Bang, forever. Listen, Jaejoong, this is the mother of all the stupidest things I could be saying.
Jaejoong's saying, "Fuck this."
"Fuck what?" Yunho says.
"This," Jaejoong says, and jumps off the rail, back onto the roof. "You know what my superpower is?"
Yunho feels like that lost kid at the mall. "Jaejoong?" he says.
"My superpower," Jaejoong says, and pulls Yunho forward by the shirt, "is being a really, really good kisser."
9. Jaejoong is a really, really good kisser.
It's something like flying.
10. Jaejoong comes to breakfast, cheerful. "Good morning," he says. "I can move things with my brain."
He shows off this ability by trying to float his food across the countertop. Yoochun gets beaned with an apple. The Cheerios are set on fire.
Yunho goes back to bed.