Old stuff ..
I feel like putting in here some of my really old stuff. Things that I've written, mostly. They describe a lot of things that have happened.. feel free to read them if you want- comment on them- tell me if they're good or if they suck. Haha.
Hey hun, I have nothing better to do so I'm writing you this note. If you don't want to take the time to read it that's fine because it's kind of long. But I'm taking the time to write it because I have no other way to get my feelings out. You read the things that I write about you in my journal, even though they aren't directed in your name. And the last thing I want to hear you say, is that you think I don't love you. Because we tell eachother we love eachother everyday. Sometimes I wish I could have you all to myself even though we aren't "together". But I know that I can't have that because the honest truth is, we're only teenagers. This is a time in our lives when we're supposed to have freedom, and I feel like I'm trapping you sometimes. Into something you don't want. And I know that I'll probably never be able to love someone the same way I love you now. This is the reason I tell you all these things when other guys try to touch me, because if it's not you, it's not the same. I never regret any time I spend with you, or anything I do with you. Because I know it's right. I never listen to anyone when they say that you aren't good for me because I know you're the best thing for me. Every night before I go to bed, I think about everything I could possibly say or do to make you, and everyone else understand how much I love you and need you. I'm not trying to get all sappy on you or anything but when you tell me that you love me, I believe it. And I never want it to be a lie. There is no other way to tell you that I love you, besides diong what I've been doing lately. Treaing you the best I can, and doing everything in my power to make you want me more than anything. Because every time I thought I loved someone, turns out they didn't really want me for me. And you've seemed to except me for me, and I'm glad you have. Because that's one of the things I love about you. I don't have to be someone else when I'm with you. I can be the total goofball that I am and you don't care. But sometimes it just seems like when we say "I love you" ..it means in more of a friendly way. Not that I would mind it being either way, but when I say it.. I mean it like love. Another thing you'd probably like to know (even though you probably know already) is that when I tell people they can like you, or do stuff with you, it's a lie. Because losing you to someone else is the worst thought ever on my mind. The fact that I actually have the guts to tell people that is amazing. It's like ripping my heart out. Which is why I'm really glad that I didn't see you kiss Britney that night. But, then again. It's my fault. Maybe you wouldn't have kissed her if I ran too? I'm not sure. And when you told me online that you kissed her, I stopped breathing for a second. Because after all this time, to think of you kissing someone else kills me. That's pretty much all I can say just as long as you know that I love you. And I always will. And I care about you. I don't know how much this note will change the way you feel, but at least I got my feelings out. Even though you've probably heard that I feel like this in a lot of different ways, a lot of different times. But the bottom line is, I want it to be me. Even if the "I love you's .." mean nothing more but best friends.