[FIC] - Falling - Aki/Kenzo - PG-13 - Sidestory
Title: Falling
Author: unna_rainchaser
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Pairings: Aki/Kenzo
Disclaimer: Not mine, no harm intended.
Comments: Aki is a weird muse.
Rainchaser's Archive
______________________________
You could regard this as a side story/flashback/yaddayadda to my jrock children series.
______________________________
Kenzo stirred in his sleep. Something had ripped him out of his slumber, but what?
The doorbell rang and he had the feeling it wasn't for the first time. Rubbing one hand over his forehead he turned around to take a look at the clock.
Three AM? Who the hell! He switched his night stand lamp on and got up, stumbling towards the front door of his apartment. He checked that his boxers weren't hung too low on his hips before he opened the door just a creek.
"Aki?" He threw the door open, staring at the unusual sight of his best friend.
He was standing there, his head hung, shoulders hunched, hands balled into fists. Kenzo could swear he was shaking.
"Aki?" He tried again, but still there was no response from the blond. He reached out, touching his arm, feeling the tremble that took hold of the bassist's body. "Did something happen?"
The blond shook his head in an odd movement, hinting a nod, the strands falling over his collar curled.
Kenzo leaned down a little to take a look at his friend's face, but Aki only turned away.
"Can I come in?" He asked in a wheezy voice, clenching Kenzo's heart.
"Of course!" He stepped backwards into his apartment, letting the bassist enter and close the door.
Aki simply slipped off his sandals and headed straight for the bedroom, dropping his black jeans jacket onto the floor on his way. This wasn't like him, not at all. He was supposed to grin and hug Kenzo, asking for a beer, hogging his couch, plundering his fridge. He'd smile and chat up and laugh and start a game of Tekken or pick a random anime to watch. He'd snatch cigarettes from Kenzo's pack. He would, at some point, drape himself over the drummer, debauching him.
He'd love every second of it.
He wasn't supposed to be surrounded by an aura of misery. He followed the bassist and found him curled up on his bed, hiding his face behind his hands.
"Aki, what's wrong?" He sat down on the bed, folding his legs.
The blond only jerked into a smaller position, wincing, clawing his fingers into his scalp.
"They got engaged tonight." He mumbled.
Kenzo's brows furrowed. "Who got engaged?" His hand hovered above Aki's, he didn't dare to touch, afraid how he'd react.
"Yumehito and Sakito." He was pulling at his hair. "Hitsugi told me tonight; he had been with them yesterday," His figure seemed to curl up even more. "he had been with them as Yumehito proposed."
He lowered his hands onto the bassist's, trying to sooth the tense digits so he would loosen his tight grip on the blond mess. "Then why so upset? I'd be happy for them."
Wrong.
What he had said seemed to be so wrong and hit a nerve or ten. As soon as the words left his mouth Aki started wincing and shook like a leaf, his whole body tensing up as tears welled from his eyes. Kenzo felt panic rise in his belly and kicked himself mentally. He pried Aki's hands out of his hair just to have them clawing at his wrists with bruising force.
"I don't want this anymore." He pressed between ragged sobs, holding onto Kenzo.
Seeing him like this broke his heart. "What do you mean?"
"I feel so alone, I am alone." he rubbed his face against a pillow, wiping his tears.
"No, you're not, you-"
"Don't give me that shit." Aki barked, pulling himself up against Kenzo, pressing his head against the drummer's chest, his hands letting go of the wrists to grab painfully hard on shoulders. "They all get married. I don't. I don't."
Instinctively Kenzo wrapped his arms around the quivering man hanging off his body, holding him firmly.
"Everyone is starting a family. And I don't. I just don't."
"But you have Suzume." Kenzo tried to keep his voice calm and sooth.
"Do you know where she is now?" Aki kept shaking his head. "She's with Hiroto and his family, sharing a room with her baby half brother, getting pampered by Uruha. She had dinner at a table with a real family, not just me." His nails were already digging into Kenzo's skin.
"She's happy just with you, Aki, she's perfectly fine with you as her mother." He pulled him closer against his chest, holding onto his waist, offering proximity and comfort.
"No she's not!" A hard, sharp cry escaped Aki's throat as he pulled his legs up, curling up against Kenzo. "She keeps asking me who she is supposed to call daddy." He pressed his forehead against the drummer's sternum. His head was still shaking, saying no to everything and nothing.
Kenzo starting stroking the weeping bassist's back. "I told you she could call me-"
"NO! No no no no!" He pushed against the other man, forcing him down onto the bed, pinning him by his shoulders. "No!" He shouted, a tear dropping onto Kenzo's face. "She can't! You're not her father! She can't! She can't!"
"Then tell her Hiroto is her dad!"
"He is Masayuki's father, but not hers! Don't you understand?" Tears, tears kept falling down onto bare skin, scorching it.
"I thought-"
"Yes, biologically he is. But he isn't with me." Aki was gritting his teeth. "He married Uruha. They have Masayuki. Suzume is calling him uncle and I'm not going to change that. I can't. He's not her father. He doesn't belong to us. He doesn't."
Kenzo stared up at his friend. "Do you have feelings for him?"
"No, of course not. He's a friend. One of those I have sex with, but nothing more than that." He started trembling again, his arms gave in and he dropped onto the drummer. "All my friends are getting married. I can't. I just can't. I'm alone."
"You could marry me, if you want to." He embraced him, one hand petting Aki's head.
"Don't be stupid." He sniffed, slowly coming down from his outburst.
"She could call me daddy, then." He said, biting his tongue for forming those words.
"Stop it." He kept rubbing his eyes.
"You know I love you." And I have the feeling it's not even one-sided.
"I said stop it." I love you, too.
- - -
As Kenzo woke up at noon, his bed was empty and cold. He frowned and rushed out of the sheets, worried Aki might have left.
His apartment was dead silent. No shower, no television, no rattling in the kitchen.
There was no jacket on the floor, no sandals by the entrance.
"You idiot." He banged a fist into the wall. "You fucking idiot!"
Why couldn't he just stay? Kenzo would do everything for him. They could be a family.
Neither of them ever spoke about what happened that night.
It hurt.
_________________________________________
Sorry.
Betaed by lhunuial. She's awesome for sticking up with my stuff.
Author: unna_rainchaser
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Pairings: Aki/Kenzo
Disclaimer: Not mine, no harm intended.
Comments: Aki is a weird muse.
Rainchaser's Archive
______________________________
You could regard this as a side story/flashback/yaddayadda to my jrock children series.
______________________________
Kenzo stirred in his sleep. Something had ripped him out of his slumber, but what?
The doorbell rang and he had the feeling it wasn't for the first time. Rubbing one hand over his forehead he turned around to take a look at the clock.
Three AM? Who the hell! He switched his night stand lamp on and got up, stumbling towards the front door of his apartment. He checked that his boxers weren't hung too low on his hips before he opened the door just a creek.
"Aki?" He threw the door open, staring at the unusual sight of his best friend.
He was standing there, his head hung, shoulders hunched, hands balled into fists. Kenzo could swear he was shaking.
"Aki?" He tried again, but still there was no response from the blond. He reached out, touching his arm, feeling the tremble that took hold of the bassist's body. "Did something happen?"
The blond shook his head in an odd movement, hinting a nod, the strands falling over his collar curled.
Kenzo leaned down a little to take a look at his friend's face, but Aki only turned away.
"Can I come in?" He asked in a wheezy voice, clenching Kenzo's heart.
"Of course!" He stepped backwards into his apartment, letting the bassist enter and close the door.
Aki simply slipped off his sandals and headed straight for the bedroom, dropping his black jeans jacket onto the floor on his way. This wasn't like him, not at all. He was supposed to grin and hug Kenzo, asking for a beer, hogging his couch, plundering his fridge. He'd smile and chat up and laugh and start a game of Tekken or pick a random anime to watch. He'd snatch cigarettes from Kenzo's pack. He would, at some point, drape himself over the drummer, debauching him.
He'd love every second of it.
He wasn't supposed to be surrounded by an aura of misery. He followed the bassist and found him curled up on his bed, hiding his face behind his hands.
"Aki, what's wrong?" He sat down on the bed, folding his legs.
The blond only jerked into a smaller position, wincing, clawing his fingers into his scalp.
"They got engaged tonight." He mumbled.
Kenzo's brows furrowed. "Who got engaged?" His hand hovered above Aki's, he didn't dare to touch, afraid how he'd react.
"Yumehito and Sakito." He was pulling at his hair. "Hitsugi told me tonight; he had been with them yesterday," His figure seemed to curl up even more. "he had been with them as Yumehito proposed."
He lowered his hands onto the bassist's, trying to sooth the tense digits so he would loosen his tight grip on the blond mess. "Then why so upset? I'd be happy for them."
Wrong.
What he had said seemed to be so wrong and hit a nerve or ten. As soon as the words left his mouth Aki started wincing and shook like a leaf, his whole body tensing up as tears welled from his eyes. Kenzo felt panic rise in his belly and kicked himself mentally. He pried Aki's hands out of his hair just to have them clawing at his wrists with bruising force.
"I don't want this anymore." He pressed between ragged sobs, holding onto Kenzo.
Seeing him like this broke his heart. "What do you mean?"
"I feel so alone, I am alone." he rubbed his face against a pillow, wiping his tears.
"No, you're not, you-"
"Don't give me that shit." Aki barked, pulling himself up against Kenzo, pressing his head against the drummer's chest, his hands letting go of the wrists to grab painfully hard on shoulders. "They all get married. I don't. I don't."
Instinctively Kenzo wrapped his arms around the quivering man hanging off his body, holding him firmly.
"Everyone is starting a family. And I don't. I just don't."
"But you have Suzume." Kenzo tried to keep his voice calm and sooth.
"Do you know where she is now?" Aki kept shaking his head. "She's with Hiroto and his family, sharing a room with her baby half brother, getting pampered by Uruha. She had dinner at a table with a real family, not just me." His nails were already digging into Kenzo's skin.
"She's happy just with you, Aki, she's perfectly fine with you as her mother." He pulled him closer against his chest, holding onto his waist, offering proximity and comfort.
"No she's not!" A hard, sharp cry escaped Aki's throat as he pulled his legs up, curling up against Kenzo. "She keeps asking me who she is supposed to call daddy." He pressed his forehead against the drummer's sternum. His head was still shaking, saying no to everything and nothing.
Kenzo starting stroking the weeping bassist's back. "I told you she could call me-"
"NO! No no no no!" He pushed against the other man, forcing him down onto the bed, pinning him by his shoulders. "No!" He shouted, a tear dropping onto Kenzo's face. "She can't! You're not her father! She can't! She can't!"
"Then tell her Hiroto is her dad!"
"He is Masayuki's father, but not hers! Don't you understand?" Tears, tears kept falling down onto bare skin, scorching it.
"I thought-"
"Yes, biologically he is. But he isn't with me." Aki was gritting his teeth. "He married Uruha. They have Masayuki. Suzume is calling him uncle and I'm not going to change that. I can't. He's not her father. He doesn't belong to us. He doesn't."
Kenzo stared up at his friend. "Do you have feelings for him?"
"No, of course not. He's a friend. One of those I have sex with, but nothing more than that." He started trembling again, his arms gave in and he dropped onto the drummer. "All my friends are getting married. I can't. I just can't. I'm alone."
"You could marry me, if you want to." He embraced him, one hand petting Aki's head.
"Don't be stupid." He sniffed, slowly coming down from his outburst.
"She could call me daddy, then." He said, biting his tongue for forming those words.
"Stop it." He kept rubbing his eyes.
"You know I love you." And I have the feeling it's not even one-sided.
"I said stop it." I love you, too.
- - -
As Kenzo woke up at noon, his bed was empty and cold. He frowned and rushed out of the sheets, worried Aki might have left.
His apartment was dead silent. No shower, no television, no rattling in the kitchen.
There was no jacket on the floor, no sandals by the entrance.
"You idiot." He banged a fist into the wall. "You fucking idiot!"
Why couldn't he just stay? Kenzo would do everything for him. They could be a family.
Neither of them ever spoke about what happened that night.
It hurt.
_________________________________________
Sorry.
Betaed by lhunuial. She's awesome for sticking up with my stuff.