day seven: "everlasting warmth" for chanyeolanda

[unnimod]

Title: Everlasting Warmth
Recipient: chanyeolanda
Fandom/Pairing: Nine Muses/Kyungri-Hyemi
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Self-harm (past event), medical condition.
Summary: To her, Hyemi was like Kryptonite to Superman. Except, Hyemi didn't weaken her, she overwhelmed her with an inescapable warmth.
Author's Note: 11k fic wasn't my intention ;) I hope you won't feel bored half-way through, (and that it has what you wanted, Recipient.)
Thank you to my friend M for beta-reading. (Any remaining mistakes are mine.)


When Kyungri arrived at the bar, she was about an hour late for her shift, but it didn't matter, she owns the bar. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary happening in the bar, Kyungri could tell from the lyrics shouting and unending laughter. Just another karaoke night; just another night with the same clinking of glasses, and the same voices. The people might be different, but their voices were exactly the same as last night's people, and the night before.

She didn't take her time to see who was singing and how many were drunk already, she simply smiled to whomever her eyes met. A forced smile that didn't, and won't motivate anyone to have an interest in making a move. She rushed to the back room when she noticed Mella looking at her, clearly angry.

She was about an hour late on one of the busiest nights of the week, and it seems it does matter.

,

There were less people than usual, but Kyungri kept focusing on her job nevertheless. She focused on the drinks and how she pours them. She listened to the people talking to her, despite the fact that she didn't necessarily want to listen, noticing the tiniest change of their tone and how their gazes shift. Twenty-seven years old Kyungri always shows her attention to the people sitting at the bar. She realized long ago that it was what makes people come back again and again.

That and her, one of their regulars had told her while staring at her as if he was enchanted. He was drunk.

She is always focused, and busy, serving this one and that one from behind the bar that she seldom pays attention to the people sitting at tables, or the ones singing in nights like these. She smiles, and laughs heartily sometimes. A reply always in her mind to keep the conversations with strangers going. That's all she can do.

,

It became noisy, too noisy that the faintest feeling she had about not hating this place quickly ran away when a young woman made a cracked high note. Kyungri might have kept frowning if that woman didn't laugh it off right away, holding the mic with both of her hands, almost covering her face. She must have felt embarrassed since there was quite a number of people watching her, Kyungri was staring. The woman laughed again when another woman with short hair neared her, holding her phone up to film her.

That laugh, being audible thanks to the mic, the sound of the woman's laugh was exactly how it should be, Kyungri didn't realize that she stopped wiping the glass in her hand, cute. That laugh was nice on the ears just like the woman's appearance was nice to the eyes.

The slightly ruffled hair, and the way she pouted at the phone, Kyungri didn't notice the man, who just sat at the bar, waiting for her to give his order. She was looking at the woman with long hair and a beautiful smile, none of the people sitting or walking by were distracting enough. It was an enticing view; a nice moment to witness, a nice moment with an attractive aspect to it. She seemed happy, both women seemed happy, and that made Kyungri smile.

Kyungri doesn't stop smiling when she looks away, she still doesn't notice the man waiting as well. Those nice moments were what helped her endure working, and living in a place filled with sad memories.

,

Two hours after midnight passed before the bar fell under a calmness that rhymed the words inside Kyungri's mind. Words being repeated by the voice constantly reminding her that she wants to leave this place. Her own voice; her own mind showing her how sad she was here. The voice was too loud now, with no people around to silence it.

Every night at this hour, doing the same chore of cleaning and arranging tables, Kyungri would do her best to not give in to the feelings of not belonging. Feelings that were suffocating, feelings that took advantage of the too calm moment. She was wiping the table in focused circles, it has been exactly three years since her father passed away, and that stirred not only sad memories, but happy ones as well. This place was her father's.

It was his getaway from everything, even from her. They hadn't been talking with each other when he passed away, and that wasn't what saddened her tonight. She pushed him away from her life since long before that, and that also didn't sadden her the most.

"..ngri!"

Kyungri flinched, realizing she was being called, "What?"

Mella, the manager, was wearing her jacket, getting ready to leave, "I'm going home, do you need anything?"

"No. Thanks."

What saddened Kyungri tonight was that she misses her father. They had only each other in this life, and yet they couldn't turn to each other even when they wanted to. They had only each other, and now she has no one. And now, she doesn't want to yell at her father to fix what's wrong, or ignore his worries, she only wants to see his tender smile again.

"Are you okay?"

It didn't take Kyungri more than a second to realize that she messed up tonight. She was late, she was distracted, "Yeah, yeah, just a litte tired." She turned to Mella, "Hey, I'm sorry for being late," and smiled, "won't happen again."

Mella nodded, wearing her knit cap, "It turned out to be a slow night after all, so I can't really complain." She was walking towards the door, "Goodnight, Kyungri."

Kyungri kept smiling, hearing the sweet tone as she said that. "Night." Mella might be a pain in the ass when angry, but the total opposite when she's pleased with their work.

She continued to the next table, hoping she would have a good night. Hoping the past and its memories won't be apparent under her eyes tomorrow.

,

She wasn't too focused on the wiping when the door was opened again a few minutes later. She was supposed to lock the door behind Mella, Kyungri frowned for forgetting that and was about to say we're closed when she realized who the person coming in, and looking right and left before noticing her.

"Excuse me, aa... hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but I lost my work card." Kyungri was listening, and already knowing what the woman, who made a cracked high note earlier, was going to ask, but hearing her voice so clearly; seeing her this close, it wasn't something that Kyungri was expecting. It was a surprise, and surprises don't normally stop at one.

"Could you please check if I dropped it here?" The stranger standing at the door was smiling, her cheeks and nose were red, probably from the snowy weather, and somehow she seemed taller.

Her light brown hair was a bit messy that it seemed suiting her more than ruining her looks. She was wearing her red, plaid shirt when earlier it was placed on the chair, Kyungri was still staring, surprised. Her thoughts drifting from the woman's beauty to counting how many buttons of the slightly oversized shirt were buttoned up. None.

kyungri felt embarrassed when the woman fidgeted under her stare, "Sure, I'll see the lost and found box." She smiled, and moved her hair behind her ear.

"I'm really sorry to bother you, I didn't realize I lost it." The woman spoke again, her smile practically making its way to be Kyungri's favorite thing in life. If Kyungri would let it... after she stops cursing herself for giving such a silly reaction.

Kyungri assured her it was completely fine before continuing her way to the side of the bar. The woman's words seemed only polite rather than anything else, and that didn't surprise the black haired bartender. Kyungri had watched her for like... what, an hour or two? And she didn't get the impression that the woman was the regretful type.

"Thank you."

Kyungri was still cursing herself for being silly, and tried forcing her heart to slow down, if that was possible. She was also trying hard to not focus on the way that thank you had been said, wanting to ignore the honeyed tone that wouldn't have, and couldn't have gone unnoticed as she took out the small box from the shelf under the bar. She didn't have to look for anything, the unique card of the Eastern-Side mall with a name written on it was there. It was the only card in the box, lying there on top of everything else that had been forgotten or lost. The card had a store's name on it as well.

Kyungri took it out, looking at the name Hyemi. "This one?" She showed it to her.

The woman's big smile was already an enough answer. "Yes!" She said, walking towards Kyungri, "Ugh, I thought I lost it for good."

Kyungri felt glad, restraining her smile, she felt the childish happiness of being the hero.

"Thank you so much."

"You're welcome."

The sparkling eyes of Hyemi as she looked at the card then at her were enough to make her keep smiling, were. Kyungri stopped smiling, unwillingly. Something was off; something in the air around her felt different. She tried to smile again, brushing off the growing feeling of heaviness heading towards her, but her smile came out nervous.

"I.. should probably go now," Hyemi said after a moment. "Thank you again."

What are you doing? What are you doing?! "I'm Kyungri... by the way." It sounded rushed, but Kyungri ignored that, along with the ticklish feeling her bangs were casuing. What she couldn't ignore, however, was that evident heaviness, the waves of wa-- With a small laugh, Hyemi also introduced herself, "I'm Hyemi."

But Kyungri couldn't focus on what's happening, she is still looking at Hyemi's eyes, her head started to feel heavy. She felt an unseen pressure engulfing her, she noticed Hyemi's hand that was extended to shake her own just in time, and she quickly reached for it. Smiling apologetically because she was sure she didn't look great. "Nice to meet you." Kyungri said heartily.

Warmth, the word appeared in her mind as if it was a late echo. A forgotten memory that somehow she recognized its details right away. It was real, Kyungri didn't let go of Hyemi's hand, and was unable to comprehend Hyemi's reply. It was real, the warmth, it was there, escaping through the skin of Hyemi's hand, and reaching her. Touching her nerves, awakening them.

The warmth was there, radiating naturally from Hyemi, crossing the small space between them hurriedly as if it was accomplishing a mission. Or so Kyungri felt, it was attacking. Kyungri was sure it wasn't her mind playing tricks, the warmth was real and so was the cold of winter around her. Kyungri isn't supposed to be able to feel them, something was wrong, or right, finally right.

Hyemi's attempt in pulling her hand was what got Kyungri out from her thoughts, and sensations. She let go, realizing her brows were furrowed, "Um, sorry. Ca... can I get you anything?" An invisible print of heat still on her palm, causing her hand to shake. Or was it the fear? Kyungri walked behind the bar, hoping she succeeded in pushing the awkwardness away.

"Are you alright?" Hyemi had a small smile on her lips that soon was gone, a confused look in her eyes that made Kyungri too embarrassed to keep looking at her.

The cold was still there, the warmth as well. "Yeah, yeah, I'm just..." Her own warmth, bursting from within her. She could feel it surrounding her chest; her stomach, and reaching every inch of her inside. "I just a have a bad headache." Kyungri avoided Hyemi's eyes. The contrast between her own heat and the cold weather, that touched every spot of her exposed skin gave her goosebumps. Her heartbeats were unsteady, and that scared her more.

Hyemi pursed her lips seeming like she was evaluating the situation, then smiled. "I should leave." It was a smile that hurt Kyungri, more or less hurt her pride as well.

"Hmm," She nodded, trying to smile but Hyemi had already turned.

She messed up, Kyungri knew that as she watched Hyemi leave. Both the heat inside her body and the cold around intensifying.

Two decades, almost two decades of waiting for normality. And when it finally embraced her, she ruined it. When it finally happened, it scared her. Kyungri leaned on the bar, tears swelling up in her eyes. This is not how she imagined it happening, not even close.

,

The human body is and will always be marvellous. Its wonders are countless, and we humans realize that. We appreciate it and we love it. What we don't love, however, is being slightly different. Whether from the inside or outside, and Kyungri used to hate what differentiated her from her peers.

She used to hate herself; harm herself because of that. But it was a long time ago, and grown-up Kyungri promised herself she won't ever let that weak state consume her again. A sweet, tender promise that she made sure to keep. Kyungri hugged herself, feeling that same weakness. She was shivering as she sat there on the bar's cold floor, afraid. The same fear that controlled her teenage years.

Kyungri was sobbing, she didn't want to, but she was.

She wanted to be normal again, didn't she? She wanted to feel temperature again, then why wasn't she crying with joy instead of fear and sadness?

Kyungri didn't realize it yet, but she was crying the happiness she ignored, and her family. She was crying her years of waiting for something that was... overwhelming. Her warm tears were the only thing patting her back in the coldness.

,

Morning's light was nearly filling the small apartment, Kyungri hasn't slept, and she was still shivering despite the blankets she was covering herself with. It surprised her, and kind of made her cry again when she realized how freezing her apartment was. How the wooden floor felt through her socks, and how the metal handles and the surface of the table were biting at her fingers' tips.

Kyungri felt thirsty, but she was also sore from the constant shaking caused by the cold, which was something that her body hasn't done in seventeen years. Her stomach grumbled faintly, and her tears no longer streamed down her cheeks without permission. The bed felt safe, the warmth that was getting stronger as time went by felt safe. It was numbing.

,

When Kyungri woke up that afternoon, she was less scared, still confused, and above all, she was surprised that she recognized which one was the warmth, and which one was the cold.

Why did it happen now? How did it happen? How was she able to feel temperature again? All were questions blasting in her head as if her own voice wanted to nag her. Kyungri didn't care about the time, or what she should do exactly. She was just... lying there, not staring at anything specific. Somehow the faint noise coming from outside was comforting; it was ordinary. Her father's image crossed her mind, only the happy moments were standing in line to be remembered. She wondered what his reaction would have been.

,

While Kyungri knew she has to take a shower sooner or later, she kept staring at the water's handles of the sink for a couple of minutes. Getting one small part of her body under the water first seemed like a much better idea than excitedly jumping into the shower. Kyungri turned both the handles like she normally does, with the hot water's handle being turned a little slower.

Yesterday, and the days before, Kyungri would have reached out her hands without hesitation, but she also wouldn't have known how to describe cold... or heat. After a moment of staring at the water falling down the sink, she reached her hand under it, cold... She kept her hand there, letting the water touch every part of it; every knuckle. So cold! she pulled her hand quickly after she felt pain. Kyungri gasped, it was so cold, the water was so fucking cold, not adjusted to normal temperature! Her heart was racing, she felt the pulsing in her hand I was showering with cold water all this time?!

"Damn it." Kyungri held her hand with the other one, the pulsing pain of cold was still there, throbbing as if it wanted to come out through her skin.

,

After more than two hours, shower was a success. Kyungri didn't end up burning herself by mistake, and it might have taken her quite a long moment to gather her courage and step into the shower, but she did eventually. She did and neither the past nor the present were evident enough to disturb her. She was relaxed under the warm water, her muscles relaxed like they never did before. It felt, to her as she stood there, naked and willingly crying, it felt like her body was aching all this time and only now the ache was fading away. Every single part of her body felt like it was being healed, especially her heart. Especially her broken heart.

,

Kyungri took the rest of the week off. It won't be a lie, nor an exaggeration to say that sitting in front of the heater all day long wasn't tempting with only hunger and call of nature as motives to get up and do something, anything. Only a day had passed, but she already felt more... whole, in the embrace of warmth, the touch of cold was welcomed regardless, Kyungri felt more aware of how the things surrounding her were. She thought about herself, her teen self and the things she went through, about seeing her doctor, and about Hyemi. Kyungri had already decided she would see her again, if she managed to get over her embarrassment of nearly freaking out in front of her.

,

Kyungri stared at the bottle of milk and her favorite cereal, feeling uneasy. A bowl and a spoon in front of her on the table, she was patient; she was taking her time. She had tried drinking cold soda after much avoiding, and it simply felt awesome. It felt strange, how the cold liquid went down her throat, cooling her from the inside. Kyungri often wondered what was there beyond the taste of those drinks that can be enjoyed only if they are hot, or cold, and now she knew. Now she knew she was having only the half of everything.

Kyungri grabbed the cereal box, she could mourn about that fact later.

,

Two days later and cooking something for herself was out of the question. Actually, using the stove at all seemed like a bad idea. A mockery from life as Kyungri described to herself, a mockery towards her newfound fear of getting a burn. Kyungri clasped her bra, walking towards the dresser. Deliberately, she didn't take a quick look, or a focused one at her exposed abdomen and arms. The scars caused by burns were still there, they haven't changed their place nor disappeared. As small as they were, on her chest and around her breasts, on her tummy, and waist, a few along each arm. They were still there, and she didn't need to acknowledge them today.

Kyungri hurried to wear her clothes. She had yet to get used to the cold, or the warmth that the weather made it hard to achieve.

,

A couple of T-shirts, one thick sweater and her warmest jacket, if Kyungri could wear more without looking puffed she would have. Five days passed since that night, and maybe... just maybe going to see Hyemi this soon wasn't the best choice to make. Her senses were still alert to the minimum change in temperature that Kyungri was sure standing within three feet from someone was enough to feel like she was hugging a heater. But she was there, she was standing in front of the store where Hyemi works. There was no going back.

It occurred to her that she doesn't really know if she should do this. Kyungri had decided that it didn't matter, she wanted to apologize and only that, she wanted to just see her as well, but Kyungri denied that thought for no reason whatsoever, not try to see if meeting Hyemi meant losing the ability to feel temperature again like her doctor jokingly suggested. Kyungri frowned, she still can't believe her doctor asked if Hyemi would agree to do some tests.

Kyungri entered the store, feeling hesitant. She moved her bangs away, realizing that her hand was shaky. No, no, she doesn't want to be nervous. Kyungri forced herself to calm down, it didn't work.. again. She could identify the workers from their uniforms, and that was enough to make her clench her hands. She walked around the big store, doing her best at appearing calm. Kyungri pretended to be checking the clothes to avoid looking odd, wrinkles showed on her forehead once she noticed the price of a pretty top.

"Can I help you?"

Kyungri was startled, "Um, yeah," she started off, "I'm looking for Hyemi." No! No! Why did you ask?! She ignored her thoughts and added It's urgent, with a smile when the worker seemed unsure, looking at her from head to toe.

The worker didn't seem like she wanted to ask more, she pointed somewhere and left.

Kyungri thanked her despite the latter already walking away. She turned to the pointed direction, having doubts about herself, Maybe Hyemi told them about what happened. That thought only brought another and another till Kyungri realized where she was heading and the thoughts suddenly stopped storming.

She didn't get absurdly nervous, but it did feel like the mannequins wearing the trendy lingerie were staring right back at her.

If Kyungri was to analyze what happened at the bar that night, which she did, several times, there was no need to come all the way here and apologize to a stranger whom the chance of seeing again was kind of... non existent. A stranger, who might be the one who changed her life, or was there at the moment when her life somehow changed, neither Kyungri or her doctor decided which theory was more believable yet.

Kyungri pulled her jacket's sleeves past her hands, she was tired of overthinking. She looked at the clothes as she passed by them for diversion, she was tired from the lack of sleep as well, the cold too, the cold wasn't helping. There were a few people at the lingerie's section, but not Hyemi.

The beauty of the elegant undergarments was instantly noticed, Kyungri focused on the garments, they were simply appealing. An orchid colored, mesh bustier caught her attention, its revealing quality was... quite interesting. She was about to reach out her hand, wanting to touch the fabric when a familiar voice made her turn.

"Hello, can I help y-- ou?"

The shock on Hyemi's face was vague, making Kyungri put more efforts in silencing her doubts. She smiled, "Hi." A shy smile that wasn't returned.

There was silence, there was a stare that could last long and there was Kyungri still doing the same failed try in controlling her heartbeats.

Hyemi's Hi came a bit late, and soft. Kyungri kept her smile, "Do you have a minute? To talk?" Although Kyungri put in mind all possible answers she might get, Hyemi looking offended still made her feel on edge.

"What do you wanna talk about?"

The fact that Hyemi wasn't standing close to her only increased her curiosity about her warmth. The thought of it sent a faint shiver through her spine. She kept their gaze till Hyemi turned to adjust the small clothes on shelves. Kyungri took the chance to let out a muted sigh. "I... I wanted to apologize about that night," she said, freely observing Hyemi's details. The way she arranged her hair, straight with its ends slightly curled up. It gave her a much calmer aura. "It wasn't how I wanted our meeting to end." Kyungri felt the whole atmosphere around them getting calmer when Hyemi looked at her, "I mean, I didn't want to make you upset."

That's not what you planned to say! Kyungri smiled, hoping it'll hide her nervousness, "I'm sorry. It was rude of me to act the way I did." She finished, either she could ruin this more, or ruin her confident image more.

Hyemi turned to her again, a hand on her waist, "What made you act like that?"

Kyungri gazed at her eyes, almost taking her time to admire them; admire Hyemi. She felt that Hyemi's gaze held her at her place, it wasn't a bad thing. "It's complicated." It is.

Hyemi kept looking at her, her expression sending a message and Kyungri got it. That is not enough.

"Well, you said you're sorry. I have to get back to work now." Hyemi walked past her, brushing her arm, giving Kyungri a bit of her warmth, "and I wasn't upset, by the way." Her heels' click-clack paining Kyungri to a certain extent.

,

Kyungri entered her apartment, shoulders sagged and a bag of fast food, that she wasn't enthusiastic to eat, in her hand. The noise coming from the bar downstairs was audible, but that didn't bother her. It never did. She put the keys and the food on the kitchen's table, but kept her jacket on as she went to lie on the couch, to half-lie on the couch.

Her thoughts refusing to let her rest. You never told anyone, her own voice told her, you never tried to know what they think. Kyungri kicked her boots off and lay properly. A smile managed to brighten up her face. Closing her eyes, she thought about how Hyemi seemed unexpectedly and gently.. strong. In a way that suited her; in a way that made Kyungri more interested despite the embarrassment and how things didn't go as she thought they would.

,

Hyemi doesn't control the weather, not Kyungri's weather at least. One theory had been proven to be false and that lifted up Kyungri's spirits. The unmoved Hyemi's image in her head might have a hand in that too. Kyungri got better at enduring the cold, her shivers didn't last for minutes non stop, nor did they leave body sore. She called her doctor, telling her the happy news of her mysterious condition remaining a mystery. A couple of days passed since she last saw Hyemi and everything was going fine.

She wanted to see Hyemi again, Kyungri didn't exactly say that out loud. She just let the thought smoothly cross her mind, and linger comfortably. For someone whose life just changed completely, Kyungri was starting to feel concerned about approaching Hyemi more than this change being temporary.

,

Kyungri didn't head to the lingerie section right away when she entered the store, her visit might or might not end up being awkward, but she didn't need to make it awkward right away.

The lingerie section was empty, or so it seemed from afar. She walked along the aisles till she spotted the back of someone kneeling at one corner, her arms stretched under a shelf.

Kyungri smiled, recognizing Hyemi from her small waist, and hair of course. She walked towards her, ignoring her hesitation. Hyemi was trying to pull something out. Soft, throaty groans were audible in the silence of the store thanks to the lack of customers.

"Do you need help with that?" Kyungri kept a reasonable distance between them, her stomach fluttering.

Hyemi flinched, the same shock from last time appeared on her face when she saw Kyungri. That shock made the black haired girl somewhat... excited.

"What are you doing here?"

"Shopping." She answered, her attention drifting to the sensual garments till an evident calmness made her look at Hyemi again, the latter was looking back at her, clearly not believing her. "I am!" Kyungri smiled.

Hyemi focused on the task in her hands again, "Boyshorts are that way."

The teasing behind Hyemi's words surprised her more than the assumption, Kyungri chuckled, "Wow, how did you know?!"

Their eyes lingered on each other when Hyemi turned to her. Giving a questioning look that made Kyungri keep smiling. A smile not showing her teeth, yet showing twinkles in her eyes. "I couldn't find them." She said calmly, with an unintended innocence. She had actually wanted to buy a couple of bras, but anything to break the ice.

Hyemi didn't break their gaze as she stood. "Follow me please." Her tone too serious, and her smile forcibly professional.

Kyungri stared at her walking ahead before following her. She seemed still not upset, Kyungri realized, her smile remaining.

,

With every warm bite Kyungri takes, and every refreshing sip, her fear of losing this shape of normality again was decreased. Every thought of Hyemi was helping as well. A few days passed before Kyungri decided to visit the store again, she hadn't ignored the other meaning of Hyemi's attitude. She doesn't want to see you, it says, stop coming to the store, it says. Kyungri thought about it over and over again, she tried at least. Her thoughts would somehow turn around and suddenly she would be thinking about what's Hyemi like when she wakes up? Is she a morning person? Her thoughts would go on and on till she would wonder about what's Hyemi's favorite song, and does she prefer tea or coffee?

Kyungri held the shopping bags with her left hand as she examined a pair of jeans with her right, she actually shopped before coming to the store. She asked one of the workers to bring her a pair of her size, and headed to the fitting rooms to try it out.

It was pretty logical, coming back again, Kyungri tried to simplify it to herself once, Hyemi was attractive, and you're attracted to her. Kyungri had ignored the part where her condition complicated things a little bit.

The fitting rooms were at one side of the store, all occupied at that moment and a line of three women waiting ahead of her. Kyungri waited as well, making the effort to not look at the lingerie section, which was close to the fitting rooms. It was a small effort, Kyungri turned, and noticed, after a second or two, Hyemi. She was talking with a customer, pointing at a garment while keeping her eyes on the woman.

She seemed confident, Kyungri looked elsewhere quickly, of course she looks confident, she's selling something, she's supposed to look sure about it! Kyungri frowned, the burst of warmth inside of her making her uncomfortable as the line moved.

She could be direct, and tell Hyemi what happened. Kyungri thought about that, but... being direct meant telling Hyemi what took her precious years of her life to cope with, and that, she wasn't ready for just yet.

When there was just one customer standing ahead of her, Kyungri's attempts at looking at anywhere but the lingerie section were pointless as Hyemi walked her customer to the fitting rooms. Kyungri's shock may have been more obvious than Hyemi's. She felt heat in her cheeks, a strange sensation that Kyungri never felt before. She smiled at Hyemi, whose brows were furrowed, and looked ahead.

No, she didn't see this coming, and no, her heart didn't calm down even after Hyemi left. There goes her plan of buying bras.

,

Kyungri had started to think that being ready or not was irrelevant. Hyemi was the present now, she told herself, and you want that pres-- Huh, what? Wait, no! Kyungri cursed loudly, feeling frustrated. She was holding a lighter, standing in front of the stove. It has been almost two weeks, and as expected; as she herself expected, Hyemi was still on her mind; Hyemi was still making her sleepless.

"Note to self: Life used to be better without heat," Kyungri was angry, "or cold... especially cold." She had been standing at her place for a while now, wanting to make ginger tea. Her period cramps were taking the best of her. She still hadn't gotten the courage to light the fire. Kyungri kept encouraging herself, mentally, you can't possibly burn yourself, just light it like you used to do! She reached her hands, believing in herself.

,

Kyungri did burn herself with the kettle, twice, and she won't ever tell this to anyone, but she cried for quite a few minutes due to the unfamiliar, momentary pain. She cried, feeling more... much more alive, and better. Better than before.

Kyungri ran out of anger to be angry, and her sadness regarding what used to be and how it was now was nowhere to be felt. Kyungri was alright now.

,

Hyemi always knew that Minha was rarely reasonable, but to suggest that she should go and talk with Kyungri only proved that she and reason never knew each other. It frustrated her a lot, what her friend said, but it had yet to reach Kyungri's accomplishment in that matter. Hyemi smiled to the customer nearing her section. Her shift has just started and she still couldn't avoid looking at the entrance every few minutes. Will Kyungri come today as well?

You made the first step already, why not get past this bump you two end up at and continue from there? Minha told her last night, while eating her third sandwich. It took Hyemi all of her willpower to not snap at her. She still replied, stressing her words, You didn't see how she was that night. After shaking my hand, ugh it was too awkward. Hyemi helped the customer with patience and a welcoming smile. It was so awful actually, not just awkward, but God forbid Hyemi mention that word in front of Minha. But she said sorry, didn't she?! and she came back again. Twice! Minha might have sounded more convincing if her mouth wasn't full, that only means she's still interested, Minha continued.

I'm not even sure she was in the first place, Hyemi didn't say that out loud, but that was a thought that made her regret following Minha's plan even more. Although Kyungri's visits to the store did confuse her, and maybe, a tiny maybe to be exact, made her reconsider her wish of never wanting to see her again. The regret of purposely dropping her card that night still didn't budge an inch. She shouldn't have followed Minha's plan, and most importantly, she shouldn't have believed in Minha's words when she told her that Kyungri had her eyes on her that night.

Actually, Hyemi should stop thinking about Minha, and focus on what the customer had asked her just now. "Oh, no, discounts are only for Bikinis, Corsets and Teddies." She answered, guiding the woman to the fitting rooms. Hell might freeze, roses might turn blue, but she would in no way make a move before Kyungri stop being a creep and explain herself. You're actually still interested in her as well, Minha had said lastly, while adjusting the sandwich to take a bite. Hyemi just kept staring at her, seeing no point in arguing facts.

,

She started adjusting what the customers checked or misplaced, still wanting the thoughts of Kyungri to stop flowing when she's at work. But neither those thoughts stopped, nor did Kyungri herself. Hyemi resisted her annoyance when she saw Kyungri at her section. She pursed her lips, appearing normal, and walked towards her. The black haired girl smiled to a worker, who was offering her help. A sweet smile that no one can deny its beauty.

Just before she reached them, Kyungri noticed her, that sweet smile becoming bigger. Hyemi heard her thank Jin, her colleague, before the latter smiled to Kyungri, and whispered a wow to Hyemi. Was she asking for me again? Hyemi wondered, then quickly decided, right at that moment, that whatever Kyungri was doing should sto-- Is she blushing?!

"Hi."

Hyemi's steadiness didn't get shaken by her anger, nor by the tickling in her stomach. "Shopping again?" Hyemi folded her arms. It was a growing feeling, the tickling, it was sweet and it was irritating.

Kyungri actually laughed, softly. "Yes." Even her tone was soft, "but also to see you. I think we should talk."

Hyemi heard her right, and no, she didn't like what she heard. "We should?" Her eyebrow arched. She didn't like that Kyungri said that. Hyemi wanted to reply angrily, if only her anger was that strong. If only Kyungri didn't seem so different.

"I... want to talk to you, if you would give me the chance."

Something indeed was different, Hyemi couldn't miss the look in Kyungri's eyes. "I already did in case you forgot." She turned away, suddenly there were plenty of garments that needed to be adjusted. The conflicted feelings she had about Kyungri weren't helping her look annoyed, or stay that much annoyed. Kyungri's sparkling eyes didn't help either.

"Then give me a second one," Kyungri was behind her, "please. I won't take much of your time."

Hyemi didn't look at her, she just focused on maintaining her calmness. "I'm busy right now."

"I'll wait... um, till you finish work."

Hyemi was sure she just misplaced that panty instead of adjusting it. The way Kyungri sounded was unmistakably wanting. Not desperate, no, just... "Hyemi." Just... faintly wanting.

Minha's image appeared in her mind, Hyemi swore she would never listen to her again. She turned to Kyungri, "My shift just started." It has been over an hour since it started, "It's two hour shift."

"I'll wait!" Kyungri seemed sure with that fast reply.

That was the difference, yes, she looked... determined. "That coffee shop," she continued, "the one with a green leaf on its board, I'll wait for you... there." Her smile still as bright, her cheeks becoming red again.

Hyemi still wanted to say no, she really did, but she didn't.

,

Sleepiness wasn't that strong after the second cup of Latte, its warmth was enough to make Kyungri less bothered when twenty minutes passed since Hyemi's shift had ended. People came and went, but she stayed, and waited. Kyungri held the paper cup between her hands, it was half filled, still warm. The voices of the people around her made it easier to stop her mind from scaring her with thoughts of Hyemi not coming. She focused on the people, on their faces and clothes; on the way they moved their hands while talking, and what food they ordered.

"It's a diamond, not a leaf."

Hyemi's voice took her attention, she looked up, standing while Hyemi stared at her. She was wearing casual clothes and not her uniform.

"It is. I realized it just now." Kyungri smiled, gesturing for Hyemi to sit. "A while ago, actually." She sat, Hyemi's calm voice lingering in her mind; Hyemi's flowery perfume engulfing her with warmth that quickly faded away. She kept her smile even though Hyemi didn't seem like she was about to give one. "Would you like to order something?" Kyungri failed to hide her nervousness with her rushed question, "Or, um.. they have nice cupcakes as well."

"I'm good. Thanks."

Kyungri nodded, looking at her own hands. The paper cup's fading warmth was helping her keep her confidence when Hyemi seemed bothered.

"So how are you?" She looked at Hyemi, who raised her eyebrow.

"What did you want to talk about?" Her seriousness that was evident through her tired eyes and the way she sat, back straight, leaning on her left elbow that was on the table, made Kyungri tense.

"Right." Kyungri tried her best to not show her nervousness. "I... I've had a condition since a young age." Her hands becoming sweaty, she tried to keep looking at Hyemi, wanting to observe every look the latter will show. "IT, my doctor called it. Insensitivity to Temperature. Have you ever heard of it?!"

With the confusion showing on her face, Hyemi answered. "Yes, I think so."

"It is a rare condition that is usually... um, mostly, inborn." Kyungri continued, her younger-self's fears crawling back from within. "I had it since I was ten years old." She looked away.

But when she focused on Hyemi again. The latter's subtle shock made her rush to finish talking.

"My doctor said I'm the first who had it years after birth, with no obvious cause to it."

Hyemi kept her gaze fixed, her eyebrows furrowed. And while Kyungri knew those old fears of being pitied, or worse, were pointless now, they still shook her confidence. "I used to not feel heat or cold, or pain caused by them," she clenched her hands, "till I met you that night... at the bar when you came looking for your work card. When... when you were standing next to me."

The shock that appeared on Hyemi's face made Kyungri swallow, her heartbeats unsteady.

"You're serious..."

Kyungri smiled, "Why wouldn't I be serious?"

,

"I'm sorry. Of course you are serious." Of course she was, Hyemi leaned back on her chair, looking away. She didn't know how to react to such news. "I'm just... shocked." Shocked by the part regarding her rather than the whole matter.

"Now you understand why I reacted that way." Hyemi noticed the gentlness in Kyungr's smile as she was looking at her. Hint of sadness in her eyes. "It was sca--" Her eyes quivered. She looked away, finishing, "It was unexpected."

Hyemi appreciated the noise of the mall, it was enough to make things less awkward; less calm. Kyungri's hesitation throughout the whole conversation didn't prepare her for the look she had in her eyes just now. It made Hyemi uneasy, she didn't know what to say. She always knew what to say.

"Why me?" She tried to sound normal, not wanting to seem repulsed. Her eyes focusing on Kyungri's worried ones again. "I.. I mean, did I do something? Or... or I just happen to be there?"

"I don't know," she chuckled. Her tone this whole time conveying a lot more than what had been said.

Kyungri spoke again, staring at her hands, "I went to see my doctor and did some tests. The results came out the same as before, there was nothing wrong, or strange."

It interested her, the condition that Kyungri had, but she felt that she couldn't ask about it. She smiled when Kyungri looked at her again, "It must have been a lot to deal with." And for the first time, she felt hesitant, even a little guilty for treating Kyungri the way she did.

Kyungri nodded, "It is over now I guess. I hope, I mean." Her smile turning to a calm giggle.

Hyemi smiled softly, looking down. She knew there was nothing to say that won't make her look like she was feeling sorry for her, she just made sure to remember Kyungri's smile.

"Anyway, um," Kyungri said after a moment, "I'm sorry again for making you feel uncomfortable that night."

With hoping the mood could become bright, Hyemi teased her, "Just that night?"

Thankfully it worked as confusion showed on Kyungri's face for mere seconds before laughing while covering her mouth with her fist, her cheeks turning red. It was a lovely scene to Hyemi, who smiled in amusement.

"Yeah, about... my visits to the store," Kyungri kept smiling, "I honestly wanted to shop. I needed new bras."

A moment passed before she realized what Kyungri said, "You didn't even buy one!" She laughed heartily when Kyungri's face turned completely red, laughing as well. All conflicted feelings disappearing, leaving the essential of them all, Liking.

,

Kyungri didn't dare to hope for such a moment, tears tickled her eyes due to the laughing, but it was Hyemi's sweet laugh that made her rejoice. She was thankful for this moment.

"I'm planning to buy some, I mean." She said when their laughter trailed off.

"Hmm, I think I can help with that."

Hyemi's gaze, Hyemi's soft smile made a warm sensation rush inside of her. From her stomach to her limbs, through her veins and nerves till it ended at her heart. It was a rush that bloomed many beautiful flowers within her soul, flowers she never knew still existed.

"I would love that." Kyungri said, loving the way Hyemi looked at her. It was a look that she saw only once, only that night they first met.

Hyemi's smile was still as beautiful when she looked away, looking at the people around them. Kyungri also focused elsewhere, not wanting to stare at Hyemi, or get caught staring. It was clear, the change in Hyemi's mood, from bothered to relaxed.

,

"I should go now. It is getting late." Hyemi didn't seem hurried as she got up, "I'll see you."

When? How? Kyungri's hesitation to ask was pointless. "Thursday night?" She got up, her heart pounding when Hyemi looked at her. "Would you want to see me... Thursday night?"

Kyungri didn't know she could be this sure about someone or something, but she was sure about what Hyemi's smile meant.

,

Kyungri didn't wear layers of clothes anymore, she got used to the cold weather; she loved it. She got used to the heat of her body and how it changes. She loved hot showers, and being tucked under warm blankets, which made her feel like she was winning against the freezing cold. Happy Kyungri, who finally left all of the past behind her, loved feeling the faintly cold snow on her face, and the increasing coziness inside of her when she thinks about Hyemi.

,

It has been a while since Kyungri went out on a date, that was a fact, but was it that long that she completely had no idea about what she should do? Or say in that particular moment? No, she was just nervous and didn't want to ruin it. She peeked at Hyemi, who was focused on reading the menu, she feared Hyemi will notice her, but that thought didn't have an effect comparing with the other one saying: Hyemi was exactly how she looks, and more than how she looks.

Hyemi looked at her all of a sudden, making her faintly flinch. She smiled, a big smile, returning her focus to the opened menu in her hands, people's chatters around them, and the clatter becoming obvious to her again. Kyungri's smile lingered, all the heat that she was feeling becoming centered in her cheeks.

,

"The bar is yours?! Wow, that must be a lot to take care of." Hyemi said after wiping her mouth, eyes still a bit wide.

"It was... at first, but now with Mella's help, it got a lot better." She paused, thinking about her father. He was just a memory now, not a sad one. "It was my father's, he left it for me... before passing away." Finishing that with a smile that she didn't want to seem sad.

"Oh.." Hyemi straightened her back, "I'm sorry to hear that."

Kyungri thanked her with a low voice, and a smile. Her thoughts drifting away to those happy times she spent with him. She looked at Hyemi again, whose beautiful smile reappeared. "So, enough about me," she started with a giggle, not wanting things to become dramatic, "how long have you been working at the store?!"

Hyemi's smile turned to a soft laugh. "We just started talking about you."

Kyungri laughed as well, "Yeah, um, let's take turns. Now is your turn, let's talk about you." Kyungri leaned forward a bit, gazing at her.

"What do you want to know?" Hyemi asked, cutely.

Everything, Kyungri wanted to say. If not to know Hyemi more, then just to hear her voice.

,

It was nice, being with Hyemi like that, talking and laughing with each other so normally. Hyemi picked the dessert for them, wanting to guess Kyungri's favorite one.

They left the restaurant, and decided to walk a little.

"I'm glad you chose this restaurant, the food was nice." Kyungri said after a moment of silence.

"Even the dessert?"

"Maybe not the dessert."

The way their laughter blended together as people passed by them, some walking in a hurry while others walking with no purpose but the walking itself, helped Kyungri to ignore the chilly weather. Hyemi had unknowingly picked the least favorite cake for Kyungri, which the latter still ate all of it.

"It wasn't that bad actually."

Hyemi turned to her, laughing, "Wasn't that bad? You looked like you were struggling with the cake!"

"Did I?" Kyungri was looking at her, "I thought I did well hiding it." Least favorite might have been an understatement, Kyungri hates cheesecakes, but... Hyemi was still laughing now, genuinely, while covering her mouth, the calm winds moving her hair a bit, which completely made eating that cake worth it.

When Hyemi's laugh trailed off, a moment passed before she spoke again, "I'll get it right next time." Her eyes meeting Kyungri's with a meaning in them. It made Kyungri a little overwhelmed. Just a little.

"Please do." Kyungri said, feeling happy to see Hyemi's beautiful eyes this close. She felt happy to know that Hyemi wanted to meet her again.

,

The hints of Kyungri's shyness were sweetly surprising, Hyemi noticed them; loved them. Kyungri's twinkling eyes were beautiful, Hyemi wanted to keep looking at them; she wanted to be looked at by them, and enjoy the growing affection towards their owner. Hyemi thought about them a lot, she thought about Kyungri a lot, and often found herself staring at nowhere specific with a smile brightening her face, a few minutes had passed.

,

Over three weeks passed, with four other dates with Kyungri, before Hyemi realized that there were feelings come into existence strongly.

Hyemi observed those feelings within her, they were affecting her heartbeats and making her slightly shudder whenever she let them engulf her. Those feelings were getting stronger; Hyemi let them become stronger. Right from the time Kyungri apologized, she let them live.

,

Their fifth date was unplanned, not by Hyemi at least. Hyemi's smile quivered for a bit as she carefully watched Kyungri take a small bite from the cake. There it is again, Hyemi thought, the wrinkles on Kyungri's forehead.

She let out a breath. "Do you even like desserts?" Her shoulder sagged.

Kyungri chuckled, covering her mouth. "I do, I swear."

"Then how come none of these are your favorite?"

"These two I never tried before. And this one... was too bitter." She was still smiling, her cheeks a bit red, which amused Hyemi a lot despite her annoyance. She folded her arms, leaning back.

There it is again, Hyemi was caught into Kyungri's intended gaze when their eyes met, the heaviness that Hyemi would feel inside of her whenever Kyungri looked at her like that. In her heart; in her stomach, moving through each and every nerve as if it was electricity that needed to be discharged.

"I'm not playing this game anymore." Hyemi said, normally.

"Aw, don't be upset. You'll get it right, like I got yours right, from the first time."

That heaviness was gone as a certain amount of pride boiled inside of her.

,

The ride home was nice, Hyemi tried to get hints out of Kyungri about her favorite dessert but the latter wasn't oblivious. They reached Hyemi's place first. It was the first time they shared a cab, and sitting side by side in the backseat with an ocean-wide space between them was enough for Hyemi to realize that Kyungri's relationship with heat was more complicated than what the black haired girl had told her.

I am getting used to it, not as fast as I want to, but... Kyungri started off the other day, a bright look on her face. They were having their second date at a traditional restaurant, and waiting for the food to cool down. Kyungri was at least, Hyemi joined in when things became obvious. I do eat warm... food, it is just not this warm with steam still coming out of it, she giggled, looking down at the small pot of stew.

Kyungri didn't sound sad as she spoke, yet Hyemi realized there was more than what the older girl showed.

,

And although what Kyungri said on their third date was what explained more bits of the matter.

If you had asked me before, what was it like to not feel someone's warmth or their cold skin, I wouldn't have known how to answer. Kyungri smiled, But now I know that before, everything was... empty, while now... she was gazing at her, everything feels so alive and... and radiating. She seemed so happy; relaxed.

It was also Kyungri's obvious hesitation when she held her hand on their fourth date, and how shaky she looked for a second as their fingers entwined. And it was that shy kiss that Kyungri placed on her right cheek at the end of that night. It was a sweet kiss that concluded it all.

Kyungri was trying, Hyemi could tell, she was trying to make them... work.

,

Hyemi smiled when they stopped at her apartment's door, facing Kyungri.

Kyungri's nose was still red from the windy weather, drops of rain on her shoulders. "Winter festival is opening next Monday. Maybe we could check it after your shift ends... you know, if you want." Her happy smile mirroring Hyemi's.

Hyemi, who didn't want Kyungri to keep asking if she wants. Of course she wanted to be with her.

"I know! That's why we're closing early next week, we can catch the opening." No, her tone wasn't overly excited.

"Even better!" Kyungri laughed calmly, her tone wasn't that much of a difference from hers. "I'll come by and we can walk there. Since it's close." She finished.

"Sounds great."

The feeling of not knowing what to say attacked Hyemi again, her smile turning to become a nervous one as the flowing of their excitement started to fade away. Their gaze lasting as Hyemi's heart was doing that sweet, bodily-trembling thing again.

"So, I'll see you." Kyungri said, redness appearing in her cheeks. The soft smile she had on her face as she neared her with no signs of hesitation, and the noticeable perfume were all as important as the fluttering Hyemi felt in her stomach. Hyemi turned her head towards Kyungri just in time, just before the latter could kiss her right cheek again.

Their eyes on each other's, the calmness of the building became too calm, Kyungri faintly showing confusion as she straightened her back, and probably a bit of fear. While Hyemi... Hyemi let whatever little steadiness left in her help her close the small distance between them. She wanted them to work as well, she wanted to share her feelings with Kyungri.

Kyungri didn't back away, her eyes were shaky as if she was searching for an explanation in Hyemi's eyes, the latter held two of Kyungri's left hand's fingers. Hyemi gave her one, she neared her face, looking at her parted lips before gazing at her eyes. She could feel how tensed Kyungri was, her own nervousness testing her as Kyungri's warm, short breaths became obvious, hitting her jaw and lips. Her heart pounded, her knees trembled when they touched Kyungri's.

Hyemi closed her eyes, letting her lips hesitantly take Kyungri's lower one between them.

,

Kyungri had her self-consciousness to steady her in such an unexpected moment. Her left hand becoming a fist around the hand tenderly holding two of her fingers, her lips moving to match the warm lips kissing her, although a heartbeat late.

No words like Magical were screaming in her mind to describe the feeling she felt. It was overwhelming, feeling the increasing warmth of Hyemi's skin; the softness of her lips. She didn't know if her senses were numbed, or extremely alert that she managed to focus on how close, finally close, their bodies were.

She had kissed before, but those kisses never made warm clouds form inside her tummy.

Kyungri didn't let go of Hyemi's hand when the latter backed away a bit. She kept her eyes closed, unconsciously leaning forward till their foreheads touched. Her smile tickled her mouth when Hyemi let out a soft giggle, her warm scent surrounding Kyungri.

It was magical, it was everything her high school friends said it'll be like.

,

If Hyemi had foreseen her future, this exact moment, long time ago, she wouldn't have believed it, her friends wouldn't have believed it either.

Hyemi leaned on her right fist on the coffee table, staring at Kyungri, who was sitting next to her, leaning back on the foot of the couch, and talking about that one time she ran away from home.

She seemed tiny in that white, thin sweater, with yellow straps on its hems. An exaggeration that Hyemi didn't realize. The soothing sound of the pouring rain as it hit the metallic fire escape and windows was an unneeded completeness to the moment. Hyemi was so relaxed, the rain might have a part in that, but the biggest part was Kyungri. Her voice, and small gestures, the way she looked at her and casually touched her.

"I didn't even know where I would go, not even when I reached the bus station." Kyungri said with a laugh, "It was probably the stupidest thing I have done."

"No, that prank you did to the headmaster in high school was stupider."

"I... shouldn't have told you that story. And I didn't know she was the headmaster."

"I'm glad you told me that story, now I know how wild you were."

Hyemi backed away, as if there was enough space to do so, bursting in laughter when the older girl tried to grab her. And she was still laughing when Kyungri managed to hold her.

Her senses told her how close they were when Kyungri pulled her to her chest, her mind pointed out how soft Kyungri's shoulders were when her hands were pressed against them.

"I'm not telling you any more stories till you tell me an embarrassing one about you."

"I have a feeling that you will." Hyemi teased, letting out a bit loud laugh when Kyungri tried to tickle her from the waist. She wriggled, the fuzzy feeling consuming her was only the happiness that Kyungri created. She was pushing Kyungri from her shoulders till a wrong move caused her to fall back, her hand clenching on the woolen sweater.

The sweater tearing up was unexpected, the clear marks on Kyungri's skin were as well, while what was uncontrollable was her gasp. Her eyes fixed on the exposed skin.

Kyungri quickly looked down at her own body, letting go of Hyemi. The shock appearing on her face as she tried to adjust the sweater was instantly noticed.

"Oh my god, Kyungri, what happened?!"

She reached her hand to touch the stretched skin, but Kyungri was standing already. Keeping the ripped part of the sweater in its place. She seemed... scared. Hyemi couldn't define the look on Kyungri's face as anything else.

She stood as well, "I'm sorry, I..."

,

Having a debate about whether the flashbacks of those nights that Kyungri spent awake, a lighter in her hand, were worse than Hyemi seeing what she had done to herself was pointless. Both were making her heart race, and gathering tears in her eyes.

"I sh-- I should go home. It's late." She fought her tears, and tried to walk past Hyemi, she could feel the shakiness trying to take over her as the seconds went by, but Hyemi quickly held her, two firm grips on her waist, keeping her right where she was standing.

"Don't leave."

Her heart was paining her with its rapid beats, but she wasn't angry. The fears were whispering in her head, but she wasn't weak. She wanted to run away; she didn't want to run away.

Hyemi's voice was as firm as her grips, but perhaps that wasn't entirely a good thing. It showed Kyungri how much exhausted she was at the same time as it highlighted the worry, and nothing but worry in Hyemi's eyes.

"I don't want you to leave." Hyemi's grips relaxed, then tightened again. She was concerned. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, I won't ask. Just don't leave." It was so obvious that Kyungri felt small for reacting to the inevitable like that. "It is late, and raining."

Kyungri didn't realize how hard she was holding her sweater from revealing her body till she loosened her hold a bit.

Hyemi seeing her naked body was one possible ending to this relationship, which Kyungri thought about a lot, and prepared what she would say when the time comes.

The time has come, and Kyungri was a grown-up to realize she shouldn't fight its current.

She looked down, "I'm sorry." It slipped her mouth, realizing that freaking out wasn't an option, and that Hyemi was probably afraid too. She heard her own voice when she gazed at Hyemi again, the voice that told her this could work... if only she gave it the chance its deserve, the chance she wants to give. The chance she never gave her past relationships nor close friends.

"I'm sorry." She repeated. "This... this isn't how I wanted to tell you." She let out a calm laugh, her voice becoming a shaky whisper as she continued. "Not like this at all."

Hyemi's gentleness as she embraced her was enough to bring the tears she fought back.

"Who did this to you?!"

Hyemi's worried whisper was enough to make one or two fall.

"I did."

,

The rain wasn't falling as hard, Kyungri just noticed. They were lying under the blankets on Hyemi's bed, her eyes had adjusted to the darkness. She was wearing Hyemi's t-shirt instead of her ripped sweater and although she could ignore the t-shirt part, she couldn't possibly ignore the fact that this was Hyemi's bedroom, and this was Hyemi's bed.

Hyemi hadn't ask her anything, and she could feel that both of them weren't sleepy just yet.

"Did I scare you?" She turned fully on her right side.

Hyemi didn't open her eyes, but she might have smiled. The small space between them made Kyungri less nervous.

"Why would you scare me?"

"I kind of freaked out... again."

"Kyungri, The only time you almost scared me was that time you came to the store and bought Boyshorts." Her smile was wide, showing her teeth.

That memory brought a smile to her face, and erased a heaviness that Kyungri didn't realize was still there. "Hyemi," she waited till she opened her eyes. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not freaking out."

"Why would I freak out?"

Kyungri kept her smile, "Umm, there is the hideous scars part, and there is the I did it to myself part."

"They aren't hideous, Kyungri, an--"

"You haven't seen the rest."

"And," Hyemi stressed, "we all hurt ourselves one way or another."

"I know." Kyungri closed her eyes, she really knew.

It was too comforting, lying there next to Hyemi, and talking about something that she thought won't be easy to talk about.

"Why did you do it?" Hyemi asked after a moment.

Kyungri had the answers that she never knew how to say, she knew her reasons very well. "I was angry." She reached her hand to hold Hyemi's right one that was resting near the pillow. "I was trying to see if it came back. I wanted it to come back." She paused, making sure she was telling the story and not venting. "Nothing felt like they said it will. I really wanted it to come back."

She was holding Hyemi's pinky finger, just playing with it as if to push the seriousness away.

"They didn't hurt at all, though." Kyungri continued, laughing quitely. "A paper cut, and even period cramps hurt like hell, but burns were just like... being uncomfortable. It was the best and worst part."

There was a sudden calmness that made her focus on Hyemi's eyes, the latter was just staring at her. It made her say the first thing that came to her mind. "Now did I scare you?"

Hyemi let out a breath, it was a laugh. "Kyungri, I don't think you can scare me at all." She turned on her other side, taking Kyungri's hand with her.

Without hesitation, Kyungri let herself near her till the small space between them was no longer there.

"Well, I don't think you will ever know my favorite cake." She tried. Her face was too close to Hyemi, and she loved that, Hyemi's warmth was too strong to not surrender to.

Hyemi laughed, "I already know, Orange-vanilla cake lover."

The surprise was gone in a matter of two seconds when Kyungri remembered the story she told earlier. The story where she ran away from home, and ate the best Orange-vanilla cake at the bus station.