Heaven and Hell
I've been debating how much to tell about this weekend. I can't decide if some of the stuff is relevant or appropriate for an audience or if I should leave some things out... so I'm just going to start rambling, and see where it goes.
I went home Thursday instead of Friday. I turned in my French homework early... I just had to get out of here. I couldn't handle it. I was incredibly depressed... I guess because my dad's birthday was Friday and today is the day that Wudi's superior guy that he's supposed to go to Iraq with gets cleared and just stress in general. So I left... I tried to set it up to have Wudi come to Brian's not knowing I was there and surprise him, but that didn't really work out as planned. It didn't matter, as long as I see him I don't really care how it happens. Brian had to close, so Wudi and I just hung out and watched and movie and stuff and we were asleep before Brian got home. Friday we all had tons to do but not much of it ended up getting done... Brian and I started the process by going to the laundry mat, but then this huge storm came in and the weather channel was going on about rotations and tornadoes, so we vetoed the rest of it. Friday night Wudi, Brian, Jade, Tabby, Stacy and I hung out, and besides a situation with Brian's mom and grandma having to come over in the middle of the night for a minute, it was fine. And on Friday, Wudi finally gave me the thing he's been making for me for awhile, and it's the most awesome thing EVER. EVER. Most people won't understand this, but if you've read the Sandman you will. In the Sandman comics, there is a key that is the key to the realm of the Dreaming, basically. Well he took a picture of that key and traced it onto wood and bought a carving kit and carved and stained it, and then he bought a red rose and a metallic red vase and put it all together. It's gorgeous. It's absolutely perfectly amazing. Seriously. I know I probably sound insane, but trust me, it's the best thing since before sliced bread... since the wheel.
Saturday, though... Saturday didn't go well. At all. My mom and I went and bought a white rose and took it to my dad's grave and to dinner... that was fine, good actually, but when I left I was upset and strung out... I guess about my dad. I got back to Brian's and I just felt really out of control and freaked out and upset and by the time Brian got home from work just a little after I got there I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off and within a few minutes I was crying on his shoulders for no good reason. Wudi and his brother showed up a little bit after that, and it seemed just like all of us were in snappy, bitchy moods. We had to go to Michael's, and we didn't really feel like it, and ended up not staying there long at all because, well, we just weren't feeling it. When we got back everything went fine for awhile... it was me, Wudi, Brian, Wudi's friend Christy, and Chelsea and Kyle who'd just got out of Chelsea's prom. We got fucked up and everything was fine for awhile... this is the part I don't know if I should tell, and since I'm still not sure, I think I will tell it, but without too much detail. Basically, Wudi kinda freaked and took off without telling anyone, I got pissed about that because I was worried, and when he finally called he left me a voicemail in essence breaking up with me. I FREAKED. Absolutely freaked. I went into actual literal shock, which has only happened once before- the night we found my dad. I could not understand it at all, there seemed to be no reason why. And really, apparently, there wasn't, and eventually when I talked to him he was said he made a mistake and he's just really scared... well. So. It worked out in the end, to which I can only say thank god. I can't even describe how painful that was... I had no idea why. There was no fight. Nothing. I thought it'd be better, really, if I'd walked in on him with another girl, or if we'd had a huge fight, because then at least I'd have a reason, something to focus my emotions on- hating that girl, hating him for doing it, hating myself if I were a bitch in a fight, something, anything at all. Basically the whole thing just reaffirmed to me that I cannot handle that. I do not want to ever, ever go through that. And Wudi says I'll never have to, so... it's good.
Sunday was okay. Studied, hung out with Wudi and eventually Brian and Tabby and Jade. Got to sleep around 4am, woke up at 7am and drove the two and a half hours back to Athens and was in class from 10-1, went to the language lab til 1:30, ate and now I'm heading BACK to class from 3-5. Fun. Yeah. Three hours of sleep. Ugh. And I gotta read a Shakespeare play this evening. Ugh.
I went home Thursday instead of Friday. I turned in my French homework early... I just had to get out of here. I couldn't handle it. I was incredibly depressed... I guess because my dad's birthday was Friday and today is the day that Wudi's superior guy that he's supposed to go to Iraq with gets cleared and just stress in general. So I left... I tried to set it up to have Wudi come to Brian's not knowing I was there and surprise him, but that didn't really work out as planned. It didn't matter, as long as I see him I don't really care how it happens. Brian had to close, so Wudi and I just hung out and watched and movie and stuff and we were asleep before Brian got home. Friday we all had tons to do but not much of it ended up getting done... Brian and I started the process by going to the laundry mat, but then this huge storm came in and the weather channel was going on about rotations and tornadoes, so we vetoed the rest of it. Friday night Wudi, Brian, Jade, Tabby, Stacy and I hung out, and besides a situation with Brian's mom and grandma having to come over in the middle of the night for a minute, it was fine. And on Friday, Wudi finally gave me the thing he's been making for me for awhile, and it's the most awesome thing EVER. EVER. Most people won't understand this, but if you've read the Sandman you will. In the Sandman comics, there is a key that is the key to the realm of the Dreaming, basically. Well he took a picture of that key and traced it onto wood and bought a carving kit and carved and stained it, and then he bought a red rose and a metallic red vase and put it all together. It's gorgeous. It's absolutely perfectly amazing. Seriously. I know I probably sound insane, but trust me, it's the best thing since before sliced bread... since the wheel.
Saturday, though... Saturday didn't go well. At all. My mom and I went and bought a white rose and took it to my dad's grave and to dinner... that was fine, good actually, but when I left I was upset and strung out... I guess about my dad. I got back to Brian's and I just felt really out of control and freaked out and upset and by the time Brian got home from work just a little after I got there I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off and within a few minutes I was crying on his shoulders for no good reason. Wudi and his brother showed up a little bit after that, and it seemed just like all of us were in snappy, bitchy moods. We had to go to Michael's, and we didn't really feel like it, and ended up not staying there long at all because, well, we just weren't feeling it. When we got back everything went fine for awhile... it was me, Wudi, Brian, Wudi's friend Christy, and Chelsea and Kyle who'd just got out of Chelsea's prom. We got fucked up and everything was fine for awhile... this is the part I don't know if I should tell, and since I'm still not sure, I think I will tell it, but without too much detail. Basically, Wudi kinda freaked and took off without telling anyone, I got pissed about that because I was worried, and when he finally called he left me a voicemail in essence breaking up with me. I FREAKED. Absolutely freaked. I went into actual literal shock, which has only happened once before- the night we found my dad. I could not understand it at all, there seemed to be no reason why. And really, apparently, there wasn't, and eventually when I talked to him he was said he made a mistake and he's just really scared... well. So. It worked out in the end, to which I can only say thank god. I can't even describe how painful that was... I had no idea why. There was no fight. Nothing. I thought it'd be better, really, if I'd walked in on him with another girl, or if we'd had a huge fight, because then at least I'd have a reason, something to focus my emotions on- hating that girl, hating him for doing it, hating myself if I were a bitch in a fight, something, anything at all. Basically the whole thing just reaffirmed to me that I cannot handle that. I do not want to ever, ever go through that. And Wudi says I'll never have to, so... it's good.
Sunday was okay. Studied, hung out with Wudi and eventually Brian and Tabby and Jade. Got to sleep around 4am, woke up at 7am and drove the two and a half hours back to Athens and was in class from 10-1, went to the language lab til 1:30, ate and now I'm heading BACK to class from 3-5. Fun. Yeah. Three hours of sleep. Ugh. And I gotta read a Shakespeare play this evening. Ugh.