Your entry made me cry. I feel the same way about my brother. It was strange-- the first couple anniversaries didn't phase me as much as the fourth and fifth years. The five year mark has been by far the hardest for me. I always take the day off and do something nice for myself. Last year, I told everybody that Tippy's anniversary would be the one day out of the year that I could be sad and grieve and nobody was allowed to question or criticize my reasoning.
I think what made it hard for me was the idea that I had finally adjusted to the reality of the situation. I can speak about him without crying. If anyone asks me about my siblings, I just tell them I have two sisters. No brothers. I've realized that it's not necessary to bring him up at every possible time. Sometimes I feel like I'm forgetting him. I can hardly remember the sound of his voice anymore-- and that terrifies me.
I can relate to how you're feeling right now and I really feel for you. I'll be thinking about you this month. Stay strong.
Thank you. I feel for you... tragedies like this are never supposed to happen to us, but they do anyway, and I guess the real key is to live through it.
And I'll live through this. I have for this long. I just need to find a balance between suppression and nervous breakdown, but much of my strength lies in removing myself from the situation-- I'm there, but I don't feel it.
So when I do feel it, it's shocking. But I'll make it. My mom and I are going to go to his grave and to dinner on the day, and I always like to be able to spend time with my mom; I never get to enough.
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I think what made it hard for me was the idea that I had finally adjusted to the reality of the situation. I can speak about him without crying. If anyone asks me about my siblings, I just tell them I have two sisters. No brothers. I've realized that it's not necessary to bring him up at every possible time. Sometimes I feel like I'm forgetting him. I can hardly remember the sound of his voice anymore-- and that terrifies me.
I can relate to how you're feeling right now and I really feel for you. I'll be thinking about you this month. Stay strong.
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And I'll live through this. I have for this long. I just need to find a balance between suppression and nervous breakdown, but much of my strength lies in removing myself from the situation-- I'm there, but I don't feel it.
So when I do feel it, it's shocking. But I'll make it. My mom and I are going to go to his grave and to dinner on the day, and I always like to be able to spend time with my mom; I never get to enough.
Thank you again.
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