[11] I See Fire (Part 3/3)

[unreal_2pm_mod]

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*

“Hyung...? It’s me, Chansung. Where are you, hyung? We’re all really worried for you. I’m really worried. You’ve been gone for a day... The police want to know why you’ve been gone so long, and they’re not finding this to be a good thing, hyung. Please come back home soon. I... I don’t want to be like the others, and assume that you’ve done something... not good for you to have disappeared for so long. Taec hyung... I’m afraid. I’m so afraid for you. And if this hasn’t been said by the others, I miss him, too. I really miss Jaebeom hyung. And... if there was anything that’d be right for him, it’s you coming back. Unless-- there’s nothing to hide right? I wish you’d come back soon. I truly believe that... whatever has happened, you are innocent. I know it’s not always rational to rely on instinct but I feel like you’re running away because you’ve done nothing wrong. They, the rest of the world, won’t understand. It’s not that you need to prove anything to them, but I-- we-- want you to be safe, hyung. We barely managed when Jaebeom left, we had to grow up without him, and now... he’s not here anymore, but he’s here in our hearts, right, hyung? And... and I’m sure Jaebeom hyung would want us to be together at a time like this. Not apart, not hiding, or running away. Hyung...? Come back, if you could. If not for me or for 2PM, then for Jaebeom hyung. He’d count on you for doing the right thing. Or-- or at least call me back? Call anyone of us back? We’re really worried and we just want you to be okay. I’ve-- manager hyung is calling me. I’m... going to wait for your call. Bye, hyung.”

*

I was hurtling through layers and layers of the atmosphere, maybe close to speed of light because my skin was peeling off, my limbs felt like they were slowly being ripped apart, and my joints were aching severely. I was heading for the one and only place I called home. Earth.

And also, maybe Crush was someone I considered home, but that was beside the point.

*

“Taec... hyung. It’s Junho. Whatever the hell you think you’re doing, is probably the worst idea you’ve ever come up with. Sorry. I don’t mean to be a prick but the police are putting dog leashes around our necks like we’re part of whatever scheme you’ve been involved in-- if you really are involved-- and I’d like to think that the regular human being who is innocent would walk into the police station right now and try to let them know that, ‘hey, guess what guys, I, Ok Taecyeon, am innocent and so are my friends here, who are also very, very innocent.’ That would do some good if you did that, like, right now. Or like, call one of us, preferably manager hyung so those dog leashes don’t turn into nooses any time soon-- which I’d like to remind you, is right around the corner, if, like, you don’t come back right now. Chansung’s glaring at me. I should be nicer to you, and I would be, if you weren’t screwing us over. If it makes you happy, Chansung’s lost a lot of weight and he’s looking to lose more if you don’t come back soon. Wooyoung’s a ghost and has been looking like one since he told manager hyung and police that you were the last one to see Jaebeom... hyung alive, so now he thinks he’s at fault for starting this whole goose chase where the police lock us up and deprive us of water just so they think they can catch you. It’s almost not working. Minjun’s gone completely whack and who knows where the hell Khun is, why don’t the police look for him? Seriously-- Oh? Oh, Khun’s in the bathroom. But, seriously, Taec, we’re pissed and confused and none of us wanted this to happen. To put it out there, I’m... at a loss. So are you. So, let’s get through this together and give our leader the respect he deserves... If, Jaebeom meant anything to you... I... I just think that we shouldn’t have to do this alone. You know. Chansung keeps telling me that Jaebeom will always be with us, but about you? Where the hell are you? You’re certainly not here, and it’s almost as if you’ve left us in the dust because you know or did something that’s gonna hold you accountable for whatever happened to Jaebeom hyung. For now, the public thinks it’s suicide. I don’t know what to believe because the police think it’s more than that. What’s it really, Taec? I’m tired of waiting for answers and I’m scared that if I search real hard, I won’t like what I’m going to find. But it’s up to you. I... hope you know what you’re doing. Chansung is forcing me to tell you that I want you to come back. Oh, nicely. I have to do it nicely. Just... call manager hyung, alright? Be safe.”

*

I faded in and out several times, drowsily thinking that the descent down to earth was taking way too long at such a high speed. At times, I was convinced I was still in the dream world, maybe I was, but with everything rushing up against me-- the air, the light, the dust-- I knew I was flying downwards somewhere and it was fast. Normally, I’d probably get a kick out of this but I felt so dizzy and out of it and yes, for the first time, so damn hot, I just couldn’t function properly to even get off on the thrill of whooshing past clouds at the speed of light. (Newton, Einstein, whatever that scientific genius name was, please don’t hit me.) Also, let me back up. Now that I thought about it, there was no way I could still be in the dream world if I distinctly remembered rushing out of Tiffany’s dream with the determination of finding Crush or someone who could give me a hand in my hopeless pursuit for my murderer and-- oh yeah, I did specifically beat up some security dude guarding the gates to earth and since I had to manhandle my way out the gate, I was stuck in this endless descent (though I probably could have gotten to earth with an easier way if I just asked nicely, oops) so now I was plowing through clouds but I was too hot to even feel the cloud vapor give me a thorough shower. (I wasn’t kidding-- those clouds were wet. Let me tell you that one time I was looking for homeboy and I flew straight through a storm cloud and I came out sopping wet on the other side. I mean, how come no one ever told me those clouds were like a walk through a literal swimming pool, although, just, more, puffy and wispy like cottoncandy. And no one ever mentioned it was sort of electrifying and no, I wasn’t just so suddenly eloquent but just remembering that I was wet and freaking shaking because I had been mildly electrocuted. Yeah. Not fun. But mildly hella cool.)

Wait, clouds? Clouds?

There were two types of clouds. The ones where Crush and I walked on way up there; or was it down below because it was the underworld? Well, no, that wouldn't make sense if the clouds we walked on overlooked the earth in the lesser dark parts but, still, was called underworld. The fuck? That really didn’t make any-- Oh, but I digressed. The important clouds in question were those that veiled the sky of the earth and the ones that I was plummeting through right now? These had to be the ones closest to earth. But maybe I shouldn’t be picking up more pace here. Maybe I should slow down. Shit. I started flailing my limbs and screaming my throat out because this wasn’t going the way I planned, but when did my plans ever go the right way? And though I was dead, I was still very much afraid of feeling the pain at impact.

Everything surrounding me, like a bubble, started to glow bright and that was when it registered in my brain that I still had vision-- now that didn’t make sense either-- unless of course I was literally turning into a ball of fire as the pace picked up while heading straight to the mother planet. I had to squint to see where I was going to land, and when I got closer, I had this horrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. At first the sight of my mentor somewhat relieved me, his back turned, with a hand out holding onto a file; but then Crush had someone else in his arms, making out, and their bodies were practically glued together and I was no longer screaming out of pure fear but out of pure anger.

Is that the guy Crush sold himself to? Aw, hell no. Aw, hell to the fucking no.

In that split second, I gathered a full scope of everything else: they were standing (fucking making out, fuck’em) at the side of the road next to a fallen streetlight, and trust me, streetlights don’t fall down like a crumpled toothpick unless it was hit by a car-- or in this particular case, a black van. There were several police cars surrounding that totaled van, some officers and paramedics running around with stricken expressions on their faces. There were even a couple emergency respondents carrying a stretcher towards the destroyed van, but hell did I even care. Some fucker was attacking Crush right now, and he was submitting himself to it.

So I flew. I flew damn straight into that son of a bitch. “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!” I bellowed angrily like it was my war cry. And if I had to fucking justify my moves, I had to save the damsel in distress, alright? But I didn’t have to justify anything. I was always right.

Of course there was that off-chance that I might have hit Crush instead but it didn’t matter, I had the bastard in my hands, choking the fucking hell out of him, while my momentum drove the both of us skidding into the road for a good mile or so. For the slightest moment, the thought flickered in my mind that while I had the bastard pinned into the tar of the street, I wondered if this disturbance would be noticed by the living people around the site but we were so far out now, or I was so far gone and all I cared about was the belligerent fire I had inside of me (and ironically all over me) taking control as I brutally kneed the guy in the gut and he screamed pitifully, like a kicked puppy. For someone who was hitching the ride on Crush’s ass all night, he seemed too frail, so frail and weak I could fucking break every single twig bone he had in that soon-to-be-marred body-- but first, let me mutilate the fuck out of him. Deface him. Rip him up, one string of flesh at a time and then happily drown in his pathetic screams like they were glorious golden music that I’d been waiting to hear since the day I met the fallen angel with the bleeding lips and the lullaby for his lisp. Speak of the angel, I heard a distant shout from behind me, yelling at me to stop. Stop? Hell, that was the last thing on my mind as I tightened my grip around his neck, choking the living daylights out of him. He wheezed and coughed with the whole red face act and flying spittle and his whole frame convulsed under me, but, hah, if he ever thought that was enough, he’d have to wait until I got what I fucking wanted. I wanted my burning scarlet imprints on his neck, I wanted to scar bruised oceans on his skin so everyone could see it and think: what a crippled piece of shit-- but most of all, I wanted to snap his neck quick for a loud wheezing screech but the slow torture was better for me to vent, better for me to draw out the pleasure so he could rethink whatever pleasure he thought he had while pounding my mentor like a wrecked puppet doll. His hands clawed at my wrists weakly, begging for air, for mercy. Oh, so close. My favorite part was when I let him think that I was about to stop and just when he thought it was all over to sigh a breath of relief, I’d start it all over again. Incite a fuck ton of pain, but not enough to knock the lights out of him, you know? I choked him, brought his neck off the ground for a second, then slammed his skull to the ground real hard. He screamed, I think, but too bad his voice was gone. Less music for me to enjoy, I guess. Oh, but another scream joined the orchestra moments later and I was suddenly dragged off of the body. I shouted hysterically-- fuck you, piss off, get away, I’m not done, I’m not fucking done yet!-- because I hadn’t even gotten close to killing him, my vengeance running thick, the air around me suffocating the way I should have suffocated that piece of shit and before I could do damage to the angel who pulled me back, I was thrown to the ground like I was the wrecked puppet doll. To my horror, it was Crush who had done it, and-- and-- instead of thanking me, he ran for the guy I had strangled, kneeled down, and cradled the bastard in his arms. Suddenly I was staring at a procession where all my efforts slipped off a cliff like a landslide in absolute vain and Crush was tracing the bastard’s bloody features with a finger that used to hook my elbow during those quiet midnights, maneuvering through the maze hallways and Crush had lips all over him, kissing the blood away in butterfly amounts, the very lips that were supposed to bleed for me when I slammed down the tabletop demanding answers. Oh, fuck. They had fucking whispered and Crush fucking kissed him on the forehead before the fucking guy fucking vanished into fucking thin air. Fucking fuckity fuck’s fuck.

The aftershock finally hit me like a tsunami blow to my whole body and despite the protest my bones gave when I forced my joints to get a move on, I slowly got up. “WHAT THE HELL?!” I screamed. I wasn’t done yet. My mentor flinched as much as the rest of my body did but I found myself grabbing him by the shoulders like a plaything, even lifting him off the ground and I shook him senseless. “What-- the-- fuck-- is-- going-- on?!” I hollered in his face.

But his eyes were so wide, so sad, so shiny in the sunlight, his gaze was going to break me before I broke him (again). “Jaebeom, you’re-- you’re on fire,” he whispered in fear. I could see myself in flames in his watery eyes. He was scared. So fucking scared. He was scared of me.

“So what?” I shouted. “You tell me what the fuck is going on. Is that the douchebag that’s hurting you? Is that him? Is he the one fucking you raw? Making you his boy toy?” Crush bit his lip, shook his head slowly with tears dripping down his face. “Don’t you fucking cry on me, right now, Crush. Don’t you fucking mess this up. I’m trying to fix your dumb mess and you’re just gonna cry?” He didn’t say a thing. I shook him hard. “ANSWER ME!”

He let out a sob. “No--”

“THEN WHO?”

“It’th-- not him--”

“DON’T LIE TO ME!”

Crush shook his head again. “It’th not him, I thwear.”

“WHO THE FUCK--”

“HADETH!” he screamed, throwing the file that he had in his hands at me. “IT’TH HADETH!!” He pushed me away with such a force that sent me stumbling backwards and hitting the ground. I just stared at him in shock. What, I mouthed. What the fuck? He heaved short angry breaths and clutched his head. He threw off his cap and stomped on it and let out another sob.

“What-- how--” I sputtered. I couldn’t even comprehend what the heck he meant by that.

Crush sucked in a long breath of air, tilting his head back to laugh derisively. I wondered if he had lost it. Just completely lost it. “I caught him off guard one day. With one lame bluff. He couldn’t believe I made out his thecret,” Crush sighed and the sun caught his red glazed eyes. “God, what an idiot. He’th more of an idiot than you are, Jaebeom.” I didn’t know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. “And he flipped. He thaid he’d hurt you and I didn’t believe him. That’th why he took you out of the thky that one time. And he played you. He didn’t even know if you really had a murderer until you were obthethed about it. But that thecret-- he made me keep it. He told me he’d hurt you if I didn’t, and that I had to have thexth with him. I agreed to it.”

I swallowed slowly. “You... You didn’t have to...”

He nodded, his lower jaw jutting out as he chewed the inside of his cheek. “Sure. But I couldn’t let him hurt you. And I agreed to it becauthe I wanted to get more information out of him. He finally did give thomething helpful.”

“So you lied to me. You said you met him on earth,” I said, realizing I was oddly calm.

“I did,” Crush sniffled, “I made him come out of hith lair and vithit the themetary.”

“And that guy that I... choked?”

His eyes suddenly flashed with anger. “Apologithe.”

“What--”

“Apologithe right now.”

“I thought you were in danger!” I exclaimed. “I wanted to keep you safe--”

“He wath my boyfriend!” Crush screamed.

“And I thought you were getting hurt-- Whah, huh?” I yelled incredulously. My cheeks burned. “You... have a boyfriend?”

“I do!” Crush yelled back, as if he was offended to know that I thought he wasn't in a relationship. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up so hard my arm was nearly ripped out from the socket. I howled but he kept pulling me, dragging me up the road. He bent down once to pick up his file, and then hurried forward without stopping.

“Crush-- I’m sorry--” He tugged on me really hard. “I’m sorry, okay!” I shouted. “I didn’t know he was your boyfriend, I didn’t even know you were in a relationship all this time, I thought you were--” in love with me. I stopped myself, I let my sentence hang unfinished in the air. Wow. I really had everything wrong.

We neared the crash site, but I was still trying to apologize. He let go for one second, rushed over to one of the ambulance trucks, walking straight through people like he was a ghost, and he grabbed a fire extinguisher and marched right back to me. “Crush, listen, I’m really sorry. I--” He fired the extinguisher straight into my face. He stopped for a second. “Okay, I’m--” He fired it again. “Damn it--” He fired it once again, so hard that the jacket nearly flew right off and my hair stuck up. “Crush--” He kept it on me for several minutes, letting the fire on my clothes die down. Then I had enough of if, took the extinguisher and chucked it to the ground. “Listen to me! I didn’t mean to hurt the guy, alright? I just... really thought you were in danger. I let my fear get the best of me. And--”

Crush pressed a finger to my lips. “Thave it, Jaebeom.” He looked like he was just so done, so tired, and so exhausted of my shitastic antics, I didn’t think he could really stay angry at me for that long anymore.

I lifted his finger away and sighed. “Alright, fine. But I’ve got a question.”

His shoulders slumped in resignation. “What ith it?”

“What was the bluff?” He stared at me for a long time, as if pondering the idea of either telling me or leaving me in the dark. Then, his pretty lips broke into a grin, one that made my chest swell up with a warmth that somehow made it difficult for me to breathe. He makes you breathless, idiot, some internal voice from my head clarified for me, not that I needed the clarification anyway, you piece of shit, Jay. “What? What was it?” I asked. I wanted to know what it was he was smiling about, I mean, it must've been pretty legit.

He shrugged casually. “I thaid, you’re not even who you claim to be.”

“HAH!” I shouted and let myself succumb to laughter. “Seriously?!”

His face turned smug. “Yeah. And he freaked.”

“So what is he?”

“Juth’ a regular angel.”

“A regular plain old angel?”

“Yup.”

“Wow. To think that he’s got the whole underworld scared to death at the sound of his name and he just happens to be the most normal thing ever?”

Crush smiled lopsidedly. I wanted so badly to lick his dimples. What-- no-- brain, stop. But then his face turned serious and he drew himself close. “Don’t you dare tell a thingle thoul, Jaebeom.”

“Huh?” I raised a brow, innocently, but he glared at me. “Okay, fine,” I nodded, glancing at his parted lips, but then realized if I stared too long, he'd notice that I was staring. My eyes flickered to the ground to escape the heat of the moment, where I saw the tips of his shoes were touching mine.

He seemed to be content with that answer and was about to turn, probably to go back to his work but I held onto his arm. “What?” he asked. His doe eyes went up at me, peering through his eyelashes. Shit. I felt like glitter and sparkles.

“You’re so cool, Crush,” I whispered.

He smirked. “I know.” Then he turned, and flipped open his file.

“But,” I said, grabbing his elbow and making him face me again, “you’re also one big-time idiot.”

He could have ended my trigger with the regular loving shut up that he usually reserved for me, but instead, he looked at me, his lips twitching and so pink in the sunlight, I had to shiver. Were we going to argue again? Was I going to let my big mouth drop wide open and let forth some rant about how much I hated that he was doing it all for me? Was I going to-- hey, wait a minute. No. No, I must have been imagining it. I glanced at the papers Crush had in his hands and the black print caught my attention. Holy fucking spastic shit.

“Crush!” I yelled. I pulled the papers out of his hands and Crush was completely startled out of whatever trance he was in while staring at my face.

“Wh-What?” he sputtered.

“Crush, did this happen just now?” I pointed anxiously at the papers. His eyes glanced at where my fingers were tracing the lines of the paper, and he breathed shortly like-- he was disappointed but saw the urgent look I had on my face as I tapped the paper impatiently.

“Yeah, I need to collect his thoul and--”

“But I know this kid!” I shrieked. Crush’s eyes widened. His face seemed to tell me that there could have been a lot of other kids with the same name, but no. No. No. Not everyone had that same exact birthdate and was born in that particular town to those specific parents. “This-- this is Jang Wooyoung!” I was sure the blood drained out of my face because I was feeling incredibly dizzy at the sight of his name in my mentor’s files. Jang Wooyoung. “Vehicle accident,” I read aloud slowly. It was like a nightmare had slowly sunk in. I reread that sentence again. “Vehicle accident?” Crush took the papers out of my shaky, clammy hands.

“Appearth to be vehicle acthident,” Crush corrected me. So, it wasn’t an accident and that file didn’t lie.

“He’s in the driver’s seat?” I pointed behind me. Crush nodded to confirm. We both scrambled over to the black van. The black company van. This wasn’t a coincidence. I shuddered. Oh, fuck.

It was him. It was Jang Wooyoung. The airbags must have activated too late. He died at impact when he hit the streetlight. I saw his pale body slumped over a half inflated airbag. Glass shards strewn everywhere. And so much blood.

I felt something hot run down my face, so I touched it and realized they were my own tears. “Aw, man, Wooyoung, the hell did you do...” I whimpered. I slowly reached to touch him but Crush held my wrist to stop me.

Crush squeezed my shoulder. “I’m thorry, Jaebeom,” he whispered.

I gulped slowly. “Who else was in the van? Are they okay?”

My mentor raised his folder. “I only have one file.”

“So he’s the only one who’s-- dead?” I couldn't help the way I winced when I said but Crush nodded solemnly. “But were there others?” We went around the back of the van and to the other side, where Crush pointed it out.

“I think there wath one behind the pathenger theat.”

“Who?” I asked.

Crush’s face crumpled up. “I don’t know.”

I wasn’t going to blame Crush. His only job was to collect souls. “Can-- Can I talk to Wooyoung?”

My mentor frowned. “I doubt it, hyung, but let me get hith thoul.”

We circled around the back of the van to the front, where Crush gently moved Wooyoung’s body back to the seat. His head lolled and slumped to the side. I nearly puked. Crush pressed his palm against Wooyoung’s chest and everything grew bright, like this blinding light flooded my eyesight and my hands instinctively reached up for cover.

Moments later, the light faded away and I removed my hands and I saw a ghostly looking Wooyoung gently smiling at Crush. It was so surreal. I glanced at Wooyoung’s lifeless body in that van and the floating Wooyoung next to Crush and I swore my brain went haywire. Two Wooyoungs. I had a headache. Fuck.

“Wooyoung!” I called out. “Wooyoung, it’s me!”

Crush turned and looked at me, shaking his head. “He can’t hear you, Jaebeom.”

“Wooyoung-ah!” I screamed. I reached out and surprisingly, I caught hold of Wooyoung. Even my mentor seemed surprised. “Wooyoung, can you hear me?”

Wooyoung looked completely clueless, but shocked to see me. He touched my shoulder, as if wanting to know if I was real. “Wooyoung, please tell me you can hear me. Please, tell me who was in that--”

He turned and gave Crush this weird look, and I forgot that it was his face just before he was about to cry-- I hadn’t seen him in so long and yet, the first time I see him in so many years was when he was dead. I couldn’t stop crying.

“Wooyoung! Wooyoung-ah, can’t you--” Wooyoung seemed to be floating away from my grasp. “Crush!” I yelled desperately. “Do something! Stop him! I need to talk to him!”

“I can’t, Jaebeom,” Crush murmured regretfully.

“Yah, yah, yah, Wooyoung! Wooyoung, come back!” I frantically shook Crush. “Get Wooyoung to come back! Please! This can’t be happening! I just need to know who was in that van with him! Isn’t there a way I could, like, talk to him? Doesn’t he go to the same place as you and I did?”

My mentor bit his lip. “He doethn’t, Jaebeom. He goeth elthewhere...”

“Heaven? Is it heaven? Then, tell me how to get there.”

Crush laughed at me and all I could feel was pain. “Crush, please,” I begged in despair. “Please, you gotta do this for me.” I was even willing to go down on my knees for this, Jang Wooyoung the innocent kid did not fucking deserve this.

“I don’t know where he’th going but it’th not the thame plathe we went. But he should be taking a train, that’th all I know. Catch him before he boardth the train and maybe he’ll talk--”

I kissed him. At impulse it was a fantastic idea but when I did have his lips in my mouth, I realized it was a horrific idea because I stunned him and he was taken and I had no idea why I kissed him if I didn’t love him and he didn’t love me. I backed away. “Thanks,” I breathed weakly and gave him an embarrassed grin. And Crush, why, he just looked so kissable, I leaned in and kissed him again. He kissed me back. Fuck. I pulled away before I got carried away, smiled so fleetingly it was gone the moment I hurried past him but I couldn’t leave so suddenly like that, thinking it was so badass-- I stepped back and hugged him so tight I made sure I could see his face when I did, our noses touching, and I promised him I’d come back to him with Hades’ head. I didn’t care if he still had a boyfriend then, I’d still come back and earn a well-deserved make-out session and then have my position be promoted to the lackey at least (but I’d be aiming prince because I was fucking royal.) Crush smiled in spite of himself and wished me luck and it was so fucking hard not to kiss him again so I reached for the lighter from his back pocket and lit myself up. I staggered backwards, trying not to scream but this fire hurt so much and Crush’s horrified face was something I didn’t want to see and I tried to think of a way to soothe his nerves but I was never like him. Before I could think about even saying The Three Words, my vision blacked out and I let myself succumb to the pain like slipping through boiling quicksand.

The last thing I saw was Crush’s heartbroken smile.

*

It felt like hours.

The longest hours of my life, crashing into the maze walls. I ignored the pulsating pain all throughout my body because it was just so agonizing. Moved a centimeter and the burnt skin tore and blood oozed out.

“Someone get me to the train!” I shouted. I kept shouting that for hours, hoping I'd get the help I needed. Some of the angels pointed towards the general direction I should be heading, others disregarded me.

What if I missed Wooyoung and he got onto the train before I caught up with him? I began to panic so I started to run, but when I did, I crashed into another angel. “Sorry!” I yelled, trying to sound remorseful, but all I could think about was Wooyoung and how I needed to get to him before that train left. The angel that I ran into seemed insulted at first but then saw my face and he went expressionless.

“Hey, you’re Park Jaebeom, aren’t you?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “Could you get me to the train?”

He said, “Sure thing, an apprentice of my boyfriend is an apprentice of mine, too.”

I froze. Shit. I didn’t say anything but the guy was quick, he led me through the halls really fast like we were on a sprint, just like Crush used to. If I really paid close attention, I’d notice that he had certain particularities that were similar to Crush-- like his smooth gait or the way his elbows moved and-- yeah, I hated when I noticed details like that. They seemed like the perfect fit.

After a long while, he finally stopped in front of a staircase. “Stairs lead you down to the station,” he informed me.

“End of the road?” I asked nonchalantly.

“Yeah.”

“Thanks,” I said, offering to shake hands with him.

He laughed dryly. “Nah, man, keep your hands to yourself.” He bumped past me as he made his way out but I grabbed his shoulder.

“Hey,” I said. “Sorry I, uh, strangled you.” My eyes went to his neck for a second, but I couldn’t see the damage I had done and the guy just blinked. “Crush... has always been real good to me. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to him, you know?” Now the guy raised his brow. “Not that I’m saying you’re bad for him!” I added quickly. “Just... take care of him. And I think we got off to a bad start... So if you wanna start over, the name is Park Jaebeom, even if you already know it,” I said, awkwardly waving at him since he didn’t want to shake my hand.

The guy grabbed my hand and shook it. “I’m Gaeko, nice to meet you, man.” At that I almost blurted, I kissed your boyfriend if you don’t mind, but I held it in and just smiled (or tried to, without my face muscles twitching from the searing pain). “Hey, uh, the train doesn’t wait forever, Jaebeom,” he reminded me.

“Right. Thanks,” I said, nodding. Just smile and wave, Jay, just smile and wave.

*

Oh, thank the lord, he was the first person I saw when I reached to the bottom of the staircase.

“Wooyoung!” I called out. He was sitting on a bench, his head leaning back against the wall, as if he was in a light sleep. “Wooyoung, wake up,” I tapped his shoulder gently. It reminded me of those days back when we shared the dorm together and I had to wake the boys up. Of course, my homeboy was the hardest so I didn’t even try. But Wooyoung was an angel when it came to waking him up in the morning-- mostly because he’d be in the dance room before I even woke up. If he was tired, he’d curl up next to Chansung and if I woke up Chansung, then he’d wake Wooyoung--

“Hyung!” Wooyoung exclaimed, with a cheery smile on his face. He immediately hugged me without asking, I mean even Crush had that asking look before he hugged me. “So you are real. I thought you weren’t...”

I scrunched my brows together. “What’s that, Young-ah? I don’t get what you mean.”

“I mean, when I was leaving my body, I saw you. But I didn’t think it was real. I didn’t think you were real, man.”

I grinned. “I’m just too good to be true, huh?”

Wooyoung grinned. But then after looking at my face, his complexion seemed to soften. “What happened to you, hyung?”

I looked down at myself. “Oh, the burnt... uh yeah. I lit myself on fire.”

Wooyoung gaped. “What? Why?”

I cleared my throat. “Never mind that, Wooyoung.” But his face still had concern all over it, and I just sighed. “Seriously. I didn’t get burnt like toast on the day that I died, okay, I burned myself because I needed to get here fast.” Wooyoung didn’t get what I was saying, not that I expected him to. “But that’s not the main point. I need to know who was in that black company van with you.”

I heard the train approaching on the tracks, and several hundred people were beginning to line up. I stared at Wooyoung, but he seemed more fascinated with his shoes. He stood up.

“Wooyoung?” I nudged him. “Who was in that van?”

He looked so troubled, and he sighed a rattled breath, and tugged on a stray strand from his sweatshirt. He looked so much older after ten years since I was outed from 2PM, but still so young. Too young to have died.

“That morning... just didn’t feel right. From the moment I woke up, to the moment I got the text on my phone...” Wooyoung began, his mind obviously quite distant. “He said he had a surprise for me, but he wanted me to drive the black company van, for some reason. So while waiting for him in the parking lot, I saw manager hyung enter the vicinity. He saw me and got in the passenger seat and asked me where I was going. I told him I didn’t know, since it was supposedly a surprise. Then, he finally came out, but the look on his face when he saw manager hyung-- something didn’t seem right. He got in the seat behind managerhyung and asked him why he was in the van. Manager hyung said if we were going somewhere, he needed to be with us. But he just... seemed so pissed. I mean, not that you could really tell, but I’ve been with him for so long, it was obvious that he was pissed. Manager hyung noticed it too, and gave up. Manager hyung said, alright, drop me off at a coffee shop or something. So I did. After that, he gave me directions, turn left, turn right, turn left. I started to get dizzy and hot. I was seeing doubles of everything. It was getting so hot, really hard to hear or concentrate on what he was telling me to do and then just... bang. I was gone.”

By then, we had reached to the tracks where everyone else was. “Wooyoung, you still haven’t told me who--”

He spun around, and clearly, he had been crying this whole time. He grabbed my shoulders and cried, “Hyung. You tell me if this is so wrong. What is so bad about me being in love with my own murderer?”

*

“Taec. It’s me, Minjun. I overheard them. They’ve got a warrant to raid your home. If you’re there right now, get out and run. I know it’s probably illegal to be helping a suspect but I figured you were hiding for a good reason... right? If manager hyung knew I was doing this, he’d kill me, man. But, uh, I hope you’re doing alright. We all miss Jaebeom hyung. It’s not easy, but life never is. But I can tell you it’d be easier if you tried to explain what’s going on, because the police are hella convinced you did something. Tell me it’s not true. I’d really believe you. Just want you to be alright, Taec. Just want this shit to be blown over. Call me, or someone back. Alright?”

*

I gasped. “Ev-- Everything?” I stuttered. No way.

“Exactly!” he shouted. “I must be insane, right? To think that I had a chance with him even though...” Wooyoung shook his head, scoffing at himself.

“You... were in love with him?” I asked slowly. No fucking way.

“Yes, and I was so stupid! It wasn’t good for us, it wasn’t good for 2PM. You even warned me. Hell, for so long, I thought you hated me. And then you wrote that thing on the internet about us...”

“But that’s because I had evidence, the memory card...”

Wooyoung stared at me in shock. “You... kept the memory card? You told me you’d throw it out! You told me you wouldn’t tell anyone about us but then you gave it away online--”

“I only said Korea was gay not you and him were gay!” I yelled.

“But that’s what you meant anyway! And then you would have uploaded all those photos if only--”

“If only he didn’t throw me under the bus and told JYP to kick me out!” I shouted.

Wooyoung seemed utterly stunned. “What...?” he whispered hoarsely.

“I did care, Wooyoung. I just wanted to scare him because I knew he was using you. But I didn’t think he’d stoop so low to force me out of the group. And you didn’t know that, did you? I didn’t leave on my own accord, if that’s what the lying bastard told you.”

“So that’s why you kept the memory card," Wooyoung said, nodding in realization.

“Yeah, so I could actually blackmail him this time. And then, a couple years after I was kicked out, of course he had his whole DUI scandal and I thought, oh, so I don’t need to shame him in public anymore but he fucking got away with it too--”

“You were pissed. He thought he could try to make it up to you at that restaurant?”

“Yeah, that asshole tried to be all nice and friendly after all that fucked up shit. Who the hell did he think he was? Then, he fucking beat me up and I did nothing to defend myself.”

“So Taec hyung could see that you weren’t the problem-- he was.”

“Yes!” I exclaimed, excited that Wooyoung was getting me. “But Taec, he didn’t want to believe me. So that night at the bridge, I gave him the memory card. I told him to look at it and see why I was acting like a douche after all this time. Taec gave me his jacket because it started to rain, he left the bridge and I was about to leave but--”

Wooyoung’s eyes widened. “He killed you.”

“Yes, he did. Shoved me off the bridge, he did. And Taec took the blame for it.”

“But why...” Wooyoung questioned, so confused and bewildered, he wanted to understand.

“Him? He did it because he needed me out of the picture as long as I still had that damn memory card. And Taecyeon? I've no fucking idea, Wooyoung-ah. I’m still trying to understand that part.”

*

In the comforting dark, I crept through the hallway. There was no source of light except the moonlight that seeped through a couple of windows and shone across the floor and furniture. I went past the bathroom and the closet before reaching the bedroom. For once, I was so glad about the pyschotic idea, which made me stop for amoment and wonder if I was into a psycho. I shrugged. It was a good thing murderers never killed just once. I owed it to Wooyoung to get the justice he and my homeboy,Taecyeon, deserved. So now, I wasn’t doing it just for myself. I was doing it for Crush, too, having watched him sacrifice so much to help me find what I wanted. And now, it was fucking go time.

Hello, motherfucker, I greeted silently with a sneer, leaning against the doorframe, and crossing my arms. I’d like to show you hell.

*