Honesty.
Okay, so Big Bang was a fiasco this year.
I concede.
I'm very sorry that I have let everyone down, starting with the mods and any readers who friended me in anticipation, and in particular my artist, who produced some absolutely gorgeous, wonderful, spectacular art that obviously took her longer to create than I spent writing this fic.
Go look at her art again, I command you.
I never should have signed up. I knew that going in. I knew that at draft deadline. It's a fact. I had no business participating, and the fact is, my selfishness kept PM from choosing a summary and an author who wasn't going to let her down. That's on me. I suck. Please, add that to your LJ notes about me if it's not already there in all caps with a note about how I'm an entitled bitch who complained to bauble about how reverse_bang claims were run. Remember, I got an awesome artist for that, too, and failed at that as well!
Part of my problem was that I asked for a posting date in late July or August and assumed that would be enough. I didn't check the original schedule (bad me) and when PM mentioned we had until August, I sort of took a mental vacation from the story. It was only after a miscommunication between the two of us that required Wendy's intervention that I looked at the schedule and realized my collossal fuckup. Believe me, I am fully aware that I should have looked sooner. I should have been gagging to know my posting date, ready to click on the entry the second it was posted. But I wasn't and I didn't and I'm incredibly sorry.
At another point, I fucked up big time and accidentally deleted almost 8000 words and lost them forever because I saved and closed the document before I noticed. That killed my spirit to keep editing and fleshing the story out. It took weeks to work up the desire to rewrite those scenes, and some of them I didn't bother trying to recreate.
In the end, what I have is 25,000 words of a 98% complete story which I do not feel is good enough to share. I've missed my posting date by almost five hours now. Okay, that's not entirely true. I have most of it posted to likeanything already under private filter. I'm never satisfied with anything I write, and perhaps I've gotten it into my head that this story has to be perfect since the art is so beautiful. That art deserves a better story than I've written, that's for sure, so I guess the art will have to stand on its own. That's probably for the best.
(Seriously. Go look at it again.)
Trust me, I won't be making the mistake of signing up for a fic challenge any time soon. Maybe ever. I'll be 23 in two weeks. I'm probably too old for this. I have bigger problems than fanfiction.
I'm not going to delete my journal or "take my toys and go home." That would be unconscionably rude of me. I will, however, make myself scarce. I feel like I've let too many people down with this to feel welcome participating in fandom any longer.
I concede.
I'm very sorry that I have let everyone down, starting with the mods and any readers who friended me in anticipation, and in particular my artist, who produced some absolutely gorgeous, wonderful, spectacular art that obviously took her longer to create than I spent writing this fic.
Go look at her art again, I command you.
I never should have signed up. I knew that going in. I knew that at draft deadline. It's a fact. I had no business participating, and the fact is, my selfishness kept PM from choosing a summary and an author who wasn't going to let her down. That's on me. I suck. Please, add that to your LJ notes about me if it's not already there in all caps with a note about how I'm an entitled bitch who complained to bauble about how reverse_bang claims were run. Remember, I got an awesome artist for that, too, and failed at that as well!
Part of my problem was that I asked for a posting date in late July or August and assumed that would be enough. I didn't check the original schedule (bad me) and when PM mentioned we had until August, I sort of took a mental vacation from the story. It was only after a miscommunication between the two of us that required Wendy's intervention that I looked at the schedule and realized my collossal fuckup. Believe me, I am fully aware that I should have looked sooner. I should have been gagging to know my posting date, ready to click on the entry the second it was posted. But I wasn't and I didn't and I'm incredibly sorry.
At another point, I fucked up big time and accidentally deleted almost 8000 words and lost them forever because I saved and closed the document before I noticed. That killed my spirit to keep editing and fleshing the story out. It took weeks to work up the desire to rewrite those scenes, and some of them I didn't bother trying to recreate.
In the end, what I have is 25,000 words of a 98% complete story which I do not feel is good enough to share. I've missed my posting date by almost five hours now. Okay, that's not entirely true. I have most of it posted to likeanything already under private filter. I'm never satisfied with anything I write, and perhaps I've gotten it into my head that this story has to be perfect since the art is so beautiful. That art deserves a better story than I've written, that's for sure, so I guess the art will have to stand on its own. That's probably for the best.
(Seriously. Go look at it again.)
Trust me, I won't be making the mistake of signing up for a fic challenge any time soon. Maybe ever. I'll be 23 in two weeks. I'm probably too old for this. I have bigger problems than fanfiction.
I'm not going to delete my journal or "take my toys and go home." That would be unconscionably rude of me. I will, however, make myself scarce. I feel like I've let too many people down with this to feel welcome participating in fandom any longer.