Things I thought I'd never share....
So tonight was definetly my point in realizing I just cant do this anymore...
Other than work my life seems meaningless in a sense. Perhaps pathetic is a better way of putting it. A talk with an 'online friend' seeing as thats all I really have anymore..cause i really dont consider the people i work with friends. I've realized my life is nothing but work and school one i finally get back to going this fall. I work and then thats that...other than that I'll hang out with the car club on occassion, havent really lately but some of those people arent the greatest anyway. But a whole lot of my time is spent here in this house doing nothing but talking online to people from out of city/state or listening to music or watching tv/movies.
My birthday kinda was a reality check as to how pathetic my life has gotten. Very few people called and only one person even bothered to stop by or even offer to do anythign with me...and that was my ex best friend's ex g/f. But then i thought bout this...how can people stop by or do things with me if I barely even know anyone around town anymore. Hell all the people I was close with have all moved away or progressed with their lives else where. The tight circle I had and enjoyed so much was shattered sumer after graduation from HS and then slowly kept falling apart. But i blame myself for not bothering to make new friends i guess even though I've worked on it somewhat but gave up after i ended last semester.
But ever since my birthday i've just piled this up more and more by sitting around and feeling miserable for myself and dwelling on it all. I mean yeah there was valentine's day with someone whom i care about but I dont even know what the standing is with that cause well i just dont know, it's akward i guess in a sense. Mainly everyone's busy and tied up with their lives these days and everything is hectic so it's hard to find time but then again maybe it just seems that way cause I have too much time. who knows..
All i know is that tonight I'm breaking down over this and I think it's time i stop sitting around and feeling pathetic and dwelling on shit. I think I need to quit pushing myself on others and just meet people and start making new friends again. But alas ending this on that somewhat optimistic look i'm just going to stop and goto bed before i throw myself into a downfall of negativity again.
sorry this is so long.. I just had to get this off my chest