056. Filth
I hate you. I never want to see your face again.
Those were his last words to me before he waltzed out of the door and out of my crumbling life. He felt me cold and alone, vulnerable and weak, and he definitely made me feel like someone tore out my beating heart and stomped on it repeatedly. The nights alone are unbearable sometimes; it seems like my mind - and my heart for that matter - won't accept the fact that he won't come back. Thoughts and memories still haunt me as I lay in bed, looking out into the night through the window. They won't leave me alone, despite the fact that I keep shooing them away and beg them to leave me alone. I hate this feeling so much, god damn it.
The fact that I had no one to lean on left me empty. He was the rock I held onto whenever I was desperate for comfort. He knew what were my weaknesses, what could make me snap like a twig, everything of the sort. I told him everything because I firmly believed that he wouldn't ever leave, he would stay with me forever. But he didn't stay, he left me whenever I needed him the most. I was wrong when I thought he wouldn't leave. Dead wrong, to be exact.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
It's been three months since he left and said those words that stung and hurt me in every way possible. The truth is, my heart isn't mended, the wounds are still fresh, and I'm still at square one. That last scene before we went our separate ways still replays in my head, making me cringe every time I think about it. Funny how I only reminisce how he left, not the memories that we had together. I can't let it go, even if I tried.
I can see the concern, worry, and hatred in everyone's eyes as they look at me; they worry for my well-being, and they hate him for reducing me to this pathetic state. They tell me to get a grip, move on from that bastard. I give them the same response every time: "Okay, hyung. I'll be fine, just give me time. I promise!"
It's been three months. I don't think I'm keeping that promise.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
Hope your heart is relieved after leaving me.
Just forget me and live on,
Those tears will all dry up.
As day by day passes.
Sometimes I lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling and wonder what I did for this to happen. Was I a bad person? Was I not good enough for him? Or was I just a toy to occupy his time and whenever he was bored with me, he would just throw me away? In the end, I always thought I was just a toy.
As much pain and hurt he caused me, I can't let him go. I can't stop loving me; he's on my mind all day, everyday, even when I try my hardest not to think of him. He was like a drug, and I was addicted.
It's been five months. I made a resolution. No more self-inflicting pain. I mean it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
I hate you.
I hate how you can just walk up and make me crumble.
I hate how you act.
I have how you broke me like a toy you didn't want anymore.
You broke my heart into a million pieces and didn't even care to pick them up.
I never want to talk to you again or see you again.
Don't bother writing back, because I won't read it.
I hope my words hurt you as much as you hurt me.
I hate you and I regret everything that we had.
I wrote a letter to him. I didn't send it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
If we never met each other then it would have hurt less,
The promise of us staying together is now a memory baby.
Six months passed and thoughts of him have finally taken shelter somewhere else. I can finally sleep at night without nightmares or me waking up at four in the morning, soaked in sweat with tears running down my face. My heart doesn't ache anymore, it thumps steadily and surely everyday. I'm perfectly content with life right now and I don't bother thinking about what we had six months ago. My routine is the same as before, no more distractions or panic attacks.
I have finally gotten back to normal. Sure, it took six months but I'm back. Now the feeling of loneliness is replaced with another feeling : hatred. It's not as mild that I want to kill him, but it's enough for me to declare to the world and myself my feelings.
Kim Ryeowook, you left me broken - figuratively and sometimes literally. But now, I've come to realise that you were a speck of dirt in my life and I'm cleaning it away. The feelings before us are mutual, you piece of filth.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
A/N. Yum, Donghae angst. <3 YEAH, I MADE WOOKIE THE BAD GUY. ;_________; I thought I would change it up a little. JFSLAFJEWALFJ. /keyboard smash.
{ Italicized lines are lyrics from Big Bang's Haru Haru<3 }
I actually finished this. O: And I'm not sure how I feel about this. |:<
COMMENTS = LOVE. and donghae needs some lovin' right now. (;
Those were his last words to me before he waltzed out of the door and out of my crumbling life. He felt me cold and alone, vulnerable and weak, and he definitely made me feel like someone tore out my beating heart and stomped on it repeatedly. The nights alone are unbearable sometimes; it seems like my mind - and my heart for that matter - won't accept the fact that he won't come back. Thoughts and memories still haunt me as I lay in bed, looking out into the night through the window. They won't leave me alone, despite the fact that I keep shooing them away and beg them to leave me alone. I hate this feeling so much, god damn it.
The fact that I had no one to lean on left me empty. He was the rock I held onto whenever I was desperate for comfort. He knew what were my weaknesses, what could make me snap like a twig, everything of the sort. I told him everything because I firmly believed that he wouldn't ever leave, he would stay with me forever. But he didn't stay, he left me whenever I needed him the most. I was wrong when I thought he wouldn't leave. Dead wrong, to be exact.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
It's been three months since he left and said those words that stung and hurt me in every way possible. The truth is, my heart isn't mended, the wounds are still fresh, and I'm still at square one. That last scene before we went our separate ways still replays in my head, making me cringe every time I think about it. Funny how I only reminisce how he left, not the memories that we had together. I can't let it go, even if I tried.
I can see the concern, worry, and hatred in everyone's eyes as they look at me; they worry for my well-being, and they hate him for reducing me to this pathetic state. They tell me to get a grip, move on from that bastard. I give them the same response every time: "Okay, hyung. I'll be fine, just give me time. I promise!"
It's been three months. I don't think I'm keeping that promise.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
Hope your heart is relieved after leaving me.
Just forget me and live on,
Those tears will all dry up.
As day by day passes.
Sometimes I lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling and wonder what I did for this to happen. Was I a bad person? Was I not good enough for him? Or was I just a toy to occupy his time and whenever he was bored with me, he would just throw me away? In the end, I always thought I was just a toy.
As much pain and hurt he caused me, I can't let him go. I can't stop loving me; he's on my mind all day, everyday, even when I try my hardest not to think of him. He was like a drug, and I was addicted.
It's been five months. I made a resolution. No more self-inflicting pain. I mean it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
I hate you.
I hate how you can just walk up and make me crumble.
I hate how you act.
I have how you broke me like a toy you didn't want anymore.
You broke my heart into a million pieces and didn't even care to pick them up.
I never want to talk to you again or see you again.
Don't bother writing back, because I won't read it.
I hope my words hurt you as much as you hurt me.
I hate you and I regret everything that we had.
I wrote a letter to him. I didn't send it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
If we never met each other then it would have hurt less,
The promise of us staying together is now a memory baby.
Six months passed and thoughts of him have finally taken shelter somewhere else. I can finally sleep at night without nightmares or me waking up at four in the morning, soaked in sweat with tears running down my face. My heart doesn't ache anymore, it thumps steadily and surely everyday. I'm perfectly content with life right now and I don't bother thinking about what we had six months ago. My routine is the same as before, no more distractions or panic attacks.
I have finally gotten back to normal. Sure, it took six months but I'm back. Now the feeling of loneliness is replaced with another feeling : hatred. It's not as mild that I want to kill him, but it's enough for me to declare to the world and myself my feelings.
Kim Ryeowook, you left me broken - figuratively and sometimes literally. But now, I've come to realise that you were a speck of dirt in my life and I'm cleaning it away. The feelings before us are mutual, you piece of filth.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
A/N. Yum, Donghae angst. <3 YEAH, I MADE WOOKIE THE BAD GUY. ;_________; I thought I would change it up a little. JFSLAFJEWALFJ. /keyboard smash.
{ Italicized lines are lyrics from Big Bang's Haru Haru<3 }
I actually finished this. O: And I'm not sure how I feel about this. |:<
COMMENTS = LOVE. and donghae needs some lovin' right now. (;