Knight / 031. Midnight Walks
Beep, beep, beep.
The alarm shows it's one in the morning, its buzzer beeping three times for every new hour. It's past midnight and you still can't sleep. Your thoughts keep you up at night, poking you, eating you, not ever leaving you for a single moment. The sleepless nights are the worse, when you're all alone with nothing but your haunting thoughts. When you lay in your bed, drowsiness wants to take over, but your mind refuses to surrender. You curse as you spend another night without sleep, staring at the ceiling until you can't feel anything anymore.
When the numbness gets too bad, you take a light walk to the park alone. The streets were empty, but the city was still very awake. Sometimes, you would spend a short half an hour on the swings, flying high just to try to escape from those hurt emotions. Maybe when all you could do is sit and cry, your stay at the park would last until the sun woke up the sky from it's slumber.
You liked being alone with no one to bother you, but at the same time you absolutely hated it. Being alone only meant one thing to you.
Not one person could save you from drowning.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
Rewind two months back, the beginning of your insomnia case. Two months ago, you were deeply in love, you strolled around without a care in the world, and more importantly, you felt like nothing could go wrong. A perfect life. Then, everything begins to crash, crumble, and fall to the ground. And there was nothing you could do about it. All you could do was stand there at the sidelines as your entire world started to break down.
He was cheating on you.
It wasn't just a random person he picked off the street. No, it was far from that; he was cheating on you with your own best friend. Betrayal. Disgust. Hatred. A wave of emotions overcame everything else as you walked into the room to discover two men standing, lips locked.
A look of surprise. Stuttering. "Ryeowook, his isn't what it looks like," a voice says softly, the guilt just dripping off his tongue. More stuttering. Feet shuffling. Tears forming. Then silence. Not another word was said. The only sound that was made was the door slamming as you ran out of the house, a loud sob threatening to escape from your throat.
Ten steps later, you finally release the waterworks, the sobs, and the trembling. You felt numb, like every feeling was drained out from your body. You were broken, torn to pieces to be more specific. Rain started to fall as you stood in front of the park, tears still dripping down your face. For some reason, you weren't exactly sure if any more tears were falling; the raindrops seemed to mesh in and disguise themselves on your red cheeks.
You wanted to scream, to let out all the anger that was bottled up inside. A wave of frustration was dying to escape, but when you opened your mouth to do so..nothing.
Silence once again. No words were heard. Not even a squeak could come out of your mouth. The tears had stopped flowing, your pulse was going back to normal, but the rain still kept falling. It was a moment when you didn't know what to do. So, you stood there, motionless, as the rain fell and people passed to seek shelter.
Evening came and you were alone at home with one of your playlists blasting from the kitchen music player. You tried to keep yourself busy and do anything that would distract you from today's scandal. For a few hours, it worked. You were satisfied.
That is, until the moon was at its peak and sleep was welcoming you as you climbed into your cold bed.
Sleep wasn't an option anymore. For the past two months, sleep was never, not once, an option. It seemed crazy at first, how a person like you could lose sleep and energy over two pathetic people. You tried your hardest to get rid of those pesky thoughts, but every time they disappeared, another memory would rise and replace it. By the end of the night, everyone would be back and start another chaotic party in your head. After two weeks of failed attempts, giving up seemed to be the only answer.
For an entire month, you stayed at home, curled up into a tight ball on your bed. Tears would fall involuntarily onto your blue pillowcase as you clutched onto your stuffed panda for comfort. Soft music would be playing from your iPod, an attempt to help ease the pain and maybe stop the tears for the night. When none of your efforts helped, a different plan was put into action.
This is when you couldn't bear to look at your room anymore. The colors depressed you, making you feel worse than you already did. Throwing on a sweatshirt and jeans, you left your phone and the memories behind in the trapped room to go outside and take breather at your favorite place in the city.
The park.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
At one in the morning, the air is crisp and sharp, the kind of air you need when you're suffering from insomnia. Maybe it was the fear of facing the nightmares when you somehow managed to get a decent amount of sleep that made you act this way. Your eyes became distant and with each day they lost their once bright glow. Dark bags began forming under your eyes, a very unfortunate result of your problem. You hated looking in the mirror, your reflection reminded you of who you had been and the things you had - and lost.
But when you're at the park, there are no mirrors. No sunken feeling. Just numbness. Out here, the stars were the only ones that kept you company. They didn't judge you, nor did they pretend to be sympathetic. They just stood in the sky and did what they did best : twinkle.
Your visits to the park became a daily thing, when crying your heart out was out of the question. Everyday you sat on the swings, not exactly thinking about anything at all. Not a soul was in sight whenever you made your late night appearance.
Obviously, you were stunned when you saw another slumped figure on the playground. Standing on the edge, you watched him silently, pondering whether or not you should just go back home. But your feet were soon dragging your body further in, not letting you have the chance to run away. The body came more into view, making you gasp. You knew this person. Very well.
Choi Siwon.
What in the world was he doing here? He never ventured out of his house after ten o' clock, claiming that there were creepers out in the city. This wasn't exactly true, the actual creepers were on the other side of the city. But there he was, sitting all alone on the park bench that overlooked part of the city. His eyes seemed to be looking at something else, something that was in his memories.
You were standing in front of him now. He looked up unexpectedly at you and began to speak in a voice that was barely audible.
"Ryeowook," his husky voice managed to say. He gave a weak smile and gestured you to sit down next to him. You were sitting next to him now, silence filling the air. He didn't say anything else; Siwon continued to stare out into space, his think eyebrows furrowed in great concentration.
"Siwon-hyun," you say softly. "Are you alright?" He didn't answer for a moment. You stole a glance at his face and saw the forehead wrinkles that appeared whenever he raised those eyebrows of his. Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to ask him that question.
"Wookie," he finally exhales. Siwon looks at you with tired eyes. "Have you ever been in love? And when I say that, I mean love as in "I-can't-get-you-out-of-my-mind-and-it's-driving-me-crazy-but-in-a-good-way" love." He gives you a look before turning around to his normal position.
Kyuhyun. He drifts back into your brain and the tears start to well up in your eyes again. You thought you loved Kyuhyun. But was it really what you thought?
"Hyung," you whisper quietly. "I thought I was in love. Kyuhyun made me feel safe, he made me feel needed, he made me feel like I was important. He made me smile, even on days when I felt like shit. And you know, he made me believe that he actually loved me. But really, I still don't know what love is. And I don't think I'll ever know."
Siwon blinks. The clock in the center of the city rings to tell the worlds it's now two in the morning. It's been an hour since your departure, but the emotions still cling to your clothes whenever you recall the stories. The tears are starting to take position, to be ready to fall from your distant eyes and onto the ground.
He stands up carefully, slowly, and stretches his arms. His back cracks and a sigh is heard. A pair of eyes meet yours until a voice suggest you two take a walk around the city. A few moments later, two bodies are walking side by side down the street as the city around them falls asleep.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
It's three in the morning when the both of you reach downtown. On the walk, secrets were spilled, stories were retold, memories were reawakened. Tears were shed, hearts were pierced again, eyes were blurry. On that walk, it was just a roller coaster ride of emotions.
"Love is blind, Wookie," Siwon muttered after the two of you left the park. "You don't exactly know what you're looking at. But somehow, it just feels right. But..at one point, the spark goes away like a fire. It makes you feel warm while it's burning, but it's going to die and leave you cold when it goes away. We all know that.
Love was crazy. Illogical. Insane. Addictive. Wonderful. It was everything in the world. It was something you could care less about. Love was something that took years to find. It was like a star, you won't ever touch it if you never reach for it.
"Hyung, what exactly happened to you?" you ask, stuffing your hands in your pockets. It was three-thirty, your journey around the city with Siwon was almost over; you strongly disliked the idea of being alone again. A puff of air appeared before your eyes when you took a breath, reminding you of your games of being a dinosaur when you were a little kid.
Like always, a moment of silence passed. You noticed that Siwon was practically the definition of a person that "thought before they spoke." The older man always furrowed his eyebrows as if he were frustrated or deep in concentration. He would lightly bite his lip and take a breath before answering anything.
"Wookie, I was in love too. I was careless and free and everything like that. But like I said, a fire eventually burns out," he sighed, taking a step forward and looking back at you with sad eyes. "But..my heart still aches. The feelings that I have, it feels like I'm drowning. And it gets so bad to the point where I cry myself to sleep, Ryeowook. Has that happened to you?"
You nod hesitantly, looking at the older man with sympathetic eyes. Taking a step forward, you softly nudge Siwon's arm. It was almost four in the morning, you could see your bed welcoming you from the cold. Siwon looked back at you and began walking again, back to park, back to the place where your journeys in the night began.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
As you landed back onto your bed, the sudden coolness of your sheets enveloped your body as your tried to push away the thoughts back again. The sun was peeking behind the hills, choosing the right time to wake up the sky. Stars were slowing losing their shine, but it was alright. They would be back later, to brighten up the night with their lights. The moon would come again to accompany another endless night fighting the sinking feeling in your stomach.
The next night, another trip to the park would come onto your post-midnight agenda. Siwon would already be there, in the same position that you found him in the previous night. Sad smiles would be exchanged and more talks would be shared.
Maybe it was the presence of someone accompanying you on your journey that made you feel safer than you ever felt in a long time. Or maybe it was because Siwon actually listened to your heart-breaking stories that made that sinking feeling disappear a little each day. Either way, with every night spent with Siwon, the feelings didn't feel so heavy on your shoulders. Every night, you were a step closer to finding home again.
Over time, a sense of friendship appeared. It made its appearance between the encounters of odd dreams and broken promises from others. A knight had shown up at your doorstep to save you, even if it was in a way that was unexpected.
Midnight walks. Broken hearts. Falling tears. Reassuring hugs. Sad smiles. The end result to all of this : a knight.
Choi Siwon was your savior, even if he didn't know it. He was one to share thoughts with, one to talk with freely, one to not ever leave you.
It was like waking up from a beautiful nightmare.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
A/N: I haven't posted an entry in a long time, ;______; At least, it feels like a long time to me. And what do I post up!? I post up this piece of confusing, discombobulated crappp. P: Which means, I don't like this. One bit. ):
broken!kyuwook breaks my heart.
The alarm shows it's one in the morning, its buzzer beeping three times for every new hour. It's past midnight and you still can't sleep. Your thoughts keep you up at night, poking you, eating you, not ever leaving you for a single moment. The sleepless nights are the worse, when you're all alone with nothing but your haunting thoughts. When you lay in your bed, drowsiness wants to take over, but your mind refuses to surrender. You curse as you spend another night without sleep, staring at the ceiling until you can't feel anything anymore.
When the numbness gets too bad, you take a light walk to the park alone. The streets were empty, but the city was still very awake. Sometimes, you would spend a short half an hour on the swings, flying high just to try to escape from those hurt emotions. Maybe when all you could do is sit and cry, your stay at the park would last until the sun woke up the sky from it's slumber.
You liked being alone with no one to bother you, but at the same time you absolutely hated it. Being alone only meant one thing to you.
Not one person could save you from drowning.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
Rewind two months back, the beginning of your insomnia case. Two months ago, you were deeply in love, you strolled around without a care in the world, and more importantly, you felt like nothing could go wrong. A perfect life. Then, everything begins to crash, crumble, and fall to the ground. And there was nothing you could do about it. All you could do was stand there at the sidelines as your entire world started to break down.
He was cheating on you.
It wasn't just a random person he picked off the street. No, it was far from that; he was cheating on you with your own best friend. Betrayal. Disgust. Hatred. A wave of emotions overcame everything else as you walked into the room to discover two men standing, lips locked.
A look of surprise. Stuttering. "Ryeowook, his isn't what it looks like," a voice says softly, the guilt just dripping off his tongue. More stuttering. Feet shuffling. Tears forming. Then silence. Not another word was said. The only sound that was made was the door slamming as you ran out of the house, a loud sob threatening to escape from your throat.
Ten steps later, you finally release the waterworks, the sobs, and the trembling. You felt numb, like every feeling was drained out from your body. You were broken, torn to pieces to be more specific. Rain started to fall as you stood in front of the park, tears still dripping down your face. For some reason, you weren't exactly sure if any more tears were falling; the raindrops seemed to mesh in and disguise themselves on your red cheeks.
You wanted to scream, to let out all the anger that was bottled up inside. A wave of frustration was dying to escape, but when you opened your mouth to do so..nothing.
Silence once again. No words were heard. Not even a squeak could come out of your mouth. The tears had stopped flowing, your pulse was going back to normal, but the rain still kept falling. It was a moment when you didn't know what to do. So, you stood there, motionless, as the rain fell and people passed to seek shelter.
Evening came and you were alone at home with one of your playlists blasting from the kitchen music player. You tried to keep yourself busy and do anything that would distract you from today's scandal. For a few hours, it worked. You were satisfied.
That is, until the moon was at its peak and sleep was welcoming you as you climbed into your cold bed.
Sleep wasn't an option anymore. For the past two months, sleep was never, not once, an option. It seemed crazy at first, how a person like you could lose sleep and energy over two pathetic people. You tried your hardest to get rid of those pesky thoughts, but every time they disappeared, another memory would rise and replace it. By the end of the night, everyone would be back and start another chaotic party in your head. After two weeks of failed attempts, giving up seemed to be the only answer.
For an entire month, you stayed at home, curled up into a tight ball on your bed. Tears would fall involuntarily onto your blue pillowcase as you clutched onto your stuffed panda for comfort. Soft music would be playing from your iPod, an attempt to help ease the pain and maybe stop the tears for the night. When none of your efforts helped, a different plan was put into action.
This is when you couldn't bear to look at your room anymore. The colors depressed you, making you feel worse than you already did. Throwing on a sweatshirt and jeans, you left your phone and the memories behind in the trapped room to go outside and take breather at your favorite place in the city.
The park.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
At one in the morning, the air is crisp and sharp, the kind of air you need when you're suffering from insomnia. Maybe it was the fear of facing the nightmares when you somehow managed to get a decent amount of sleep that made you act this way. Your eyes became distant and with each day they lost their once bright glow. Dark bags began forming under your eyes, a very unfortunate result of your problem. You hated looking in the mirror, your reflection reminded you of who you had been and the things you had - and lost.
But when you're at the park, there are no mirrors. No sunken feeling. Just numbness. Out here, the stars were the only ones that kept you company. They didn't judge you, nor did they pretend to be sympathetic. They just stood in the sky and did what they did best : twinkle.
Your visits to the park became a daily thing, when crying your heart out was out of the question. Everyday you sat on the swings, not exactly thinking about anything at all. Not a soul was in sight whenever you made your late night appearance.
Obviously, you were stunned when you saw another slumped figure on the playground. Standing on the edge, you watched him silently, pondering whether or not you should just go back home. But your feet were soon dragging your body further in, not letting you have the chance to run away. The body came more into view, making you gasp. You knew this person. Very well.
Choi Siwon.
What in the world was he doing here? He never ventured out of his house after ten o' clock, claiming that there were creepers out in the city. This wasn't exactly true, the actual creepers were on the other side of the city. But there he was, sitting all alone on the park bench that overlooked part of the city. His eyes seemed to be looking at something else, something that was in his memories.
You were standing in front of him now. He looked up unexpectedly at you and began to speak in a voice that was barely audible.
"Ryeowook," his husky voice managed to say. He gave a weak smile and gestured you to sit down next to him. You were sitting next to him now, silence filling the air. He didn't say anything else; Siwon continued to stare out into space, his think eyebrows furrowed in great concentration.
"Siwon-hyun," you say softly. "Are you alright?" He didn't answer for a moment. You stole a glance at his face and saw the forehead wrinkles that appeared whenever he raised those eyebrows of his. Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to ask him that question.
"Wookie," he finally exhales. Siwon looks at you with tired eyes. "Have you ever been in love? And when I say that, I mean love as in "I-can't-get-you-out-of-my-mind-and-it's-driving-me-crazy-but-in-a-good-way" love." He gives you a look before turning around to his normal position.
Kyuhyun. He drifts back into your brain and the tears start to well up in your eyes again. You thought you loved Kyuhyun. But was it really what you thought?
"Hyung," you whisper quietly. "I thought I was in love. Kyuhyun made me feel safe, he made me feel needed, he made me feel like I was important. He made me smile, even on days when I felt like shit. And you know, he made me believe that he actually loved me. But really, I still don't know what love is. And I don't think I'll ever know."
Siwon blinks. The clock in the center of the city rings to tell the worlds it's now two in the morning. It's been an hour since your departure, but the emotions still cling to your clothes whenever you recall the stories. The tears are starting to take position, to be ready to fall from your distant eyes and onto the ground.
He stands up carefully, slowly, and stretches his arms. His back cracks and a sigh is heard. A pair of eyes meet yours until a voice suggest you two take a walk around the city. A few moments later, two bodies are walking side by side down the street as the city around them falls asleep.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
It's three in the morning when the both of you reach downtown. On the walk, secrets were spilled, stories were retold, memories were reawakened. Tears were shed, hearts were pierced again, eyes were blurry. On that walk, it was just a roller coaster ride of emotions.
"Love is blind, Wookie," Siwon muttered after the two of you left the park. "You don't exactly know what you're looking at. But somehow, it just feels right. But..at one point, the spark goes away like a fire. It makes you feel warm while it's burning, but it's going to die and leave you cold when it goes away. We all know that.
Love was crazy. Illogical. Insane. Addictive. Wonderful. It was everything in the world. It was something you could care less about. Love was something that took years to find. It was like a star, you won't ever touch it if you never reach for it.
"Hyung, what exactly happened to you?" you ask, stuffing your hands in your pockets. It was three-thirty, your journey around the city with Siwon was almost over; you strongly disliked the idea of being alone again. A puff of air appeared before your eyes when you took a breath, reminding you of your games of being a dinosaur when you were a little kid.
Like always, a moment of silence passed. You noticed that Siwon was practically the definition of a person that "thought before they spoke." The older man always furrowed his eyebrows as if he were frustrated or deep in concentration. He would lightly bite his lip and take a breath before answering anything.
"Wookie, I was in love too. I was careless and free and everything like that. But like I said, a fire eventually burns out," he sighed, taking a step forward and looking back at you with sad eyes. "But..my heart still aches. The feelings that I have, it feels like I'm drowning. And it gets so bad to the point where I cry myself to sleep, Ryeowook. Has that happened to you?"
You nod hesitantly, looking at the older man with sympathetic eyes. Taking a step forward, you softly nudge Siwon's arm. It was almost four in the morning, you could see your bed welcoming you from the cold. Siwon looked back at you and began walking again, back to park, back to the place where your journeys in the night began.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
As you landed back onto your bed, the sudden coolness of your sheets enveloped your body as your tried to push away the thoughts back again. The sun was peeking behind the hills, choosing the right time to wake up the sky. Stars were slowing losing their shine, but it was alright. They would be back later, to brighten up the night with their lights. The moon would come again to accompany another endless night fighting the sinking feeling in your stomach.
The next night, another trip to the park would come onto your post-midnight agenda. Siwon would already be there, in the same position that you found him in the previous night. Sad smiles would be exchanged and more talks would be shared.
Maybe it was the presence of someone accompanying you on your journey that made you feel safer than you ever felt in a long time. Or maybe it was because Siwon actually listened to your heart-breaking stories that made that sinking feeling disappear a little each day. Either way, with every night spent with Siwon, the feelings didn't feel so heavy on your shoulders. Every night, you were a step closer to finding home again.
Over time, a sense of friendship appeared. It made its appearance between the encounters of odd dreams and broken promises from others. A knight had shown up at your doorstep to save you, even if it was in a way that was unexpected.
Midnight walks. Broken hearts. Falling tears. Reassuring hugs. Sad smiles. The end result to all of this : a knight.
Choi Siwon was your savior, even if he didn't know it. He was one to share thoughts with, one to talk with freely, one to not ever leave you.
It was like waking up from a beautiful nightmare.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ♥
A/N: I haven't posted an entry in a long time, ;______; At least, it feels like a long time to me. And what do I post up!? I post up this piece of confusing, discombobulated crappp. P: Which means, I don't like this. One bit. ):
broken!kyuwook breaks my heart.