Yesterday
Title - Yesterday
Author - unwritten_ideas
Beta - write_my_dreams
Rating - NC-17
Word Count - 9,423
Pairing - Gackt x You
Characters - Gackt, You
Disclaimer - don’t own squat and if I did, I’d be posting this with pictures
Summary - The night before the morning after…
Notes - there were a few requests for a sequel to my story Today. So, I wrote a prequel! You don’t have to have read Today to follow this, but I don’t recommend reading this first and Today second.
You wasn’t asleep.
He couldn’t sleep, not yet, not while he was surrounded by familiar surroundings that weren’t quite familiar enough anymore. The bed was different. Just as comfortable as the old one, but a little firmer since the room that housed it was now designated as a guest room and it hadn’t seen many guests as of late. It was a little harsh on the room, You thought, to have it now lie empty unless a guest was there when for so many years it had been occupied, lived in and owned.
You scowled at the darkness. It was far past the time for sleep if his wide awake brain was giving thoughts and feelings to a room.
It had been his room though and apart from the new bed and the absence of his belongings such as the manga that had lined the walls and the plush toys that had been scattered everywhere, it was exactly the same as it had always been. There had even been an old pair of his pyjama bottoms left in one of the drawers of the wardrobe. Gackt hadn’t repainted the walls; they had remained the same off cream colour they always had been even through the numerous redecorations and remodelling that had seen the rest of the house become virtually unrecognisable from the house it had been when You could still call it home.
You shifted slightly underneath the sheet that covered his body. The air conditioner was still chugging away in the corner and filling the room with a frosty coolness that chilled You’s bare skin. He knew that he should really switch it off as the room was cool enough by now for him to sleep comfortably, but he was too comfortable and relaxed in that brand new bed in his familiar old room to move.
His musings were interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming to a halt outside his door.
Gackt.
The door opened slightly, but only the faintest light came into the room. You was glad to see that Gackt’s border line unnatural night vision was still as good as ever. The door remained open, but Gackt made no noise and no matter how much You strained his eyes, he couldn’t see Gackt stood in the open doorway. It seemed Gackt was simply standing in the dimly lit corridor outside You’s room.
You called out to him. “I’m not asleep, Gaku.”
Even through the darkness, You could see the shadow of the figure that walked into his room. “Did I wake you?” Gackt asked softly.
“No,” You replied truthfully as he sat up, “I was awake. I was remembering those days when this room used to be mine.”
If there had been more light in the room, You would have seen Gackt smile. “I was remembering that too.”
“Is that why you’re stalking the corridors at this ungodly hour?”
Gackt took a few steps into the room. “No. My throat was dry so I went to the kitchen for a drink.” Too many hours spent in the recording studio were starting to have their effect on Gackt’s throat. “I don’t know what made me stop by your room.”
“It’s probably because you were remembering me living here,” You said. Light wasn’t needed for the smile on his face to be heard in his voice. “You always used to wake me up in the middle of the night with some new crazy plan.”
Gackt laughed. “They weren’t all crazy.”
“At 4am, everything sounds crazy.”
Gackt laughed again. “You never told me to go away though.”
“I did,” You answered with a laugh of his own, “several times. You just never listened.”
“They were important plans and needed to be heard.”
“Your plans are always important and always need to be heard.”
The sarcasm in You’s words was still wrapped in good natured humour and Gackt couldn’t help but laugh again. “And that’s why I always came to you at 4am, You-kun. You’re the only one who understands how important my every word is. Nobody else would ever listen.”
“Yeah, I can still remember that morning when Ren kicked you out of his bedroom by throwing a bottle of water at you. You looked like you’d fallen into your waterfall. I can still hear you screaming like a girl now.”
“I didn’t scream like a girl,” Gackt denied, “I just didn’t expect to have a bottle of water dumped on me. It was a surprise.”
“Sure…” You said, the disbelief evident in his voice. “There’s no need to hover in the doorway, Gaku, I don’t have any water to throw at you.”
“I wouldn’t be worried if you did,” Gackt replied as he walked into the room properly and sat down on the edge of You’s bed, “your aim is terrible.”
“I’m glad Ren’s wasn’t,” You smiled. “What about Masa? He was always eager to hear your schemes, why did you never wake him up when he lived here?”
Gackt paused for a couple of seconds. “Going into Masa’s room in the middle of the night was never a good idea.”
“Ah yes, he always was a little demon if he was woken up early.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Gackt said. “If I’d have gone into Masa’s room at 4am, he’d have seen it as an invitation.”
“Why did you never…”
“He wasn’t my type. Besides, he was too close to home,” Gackt interrupted. He knew what the rest of the question was going to be. “Never have sex with anyone you work with, it’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?” You asked.
“Because when it all goes wrong, how can you still work together?”
“Hmm,” You drew the sound out for a few seconds as he mused upon Gackt’s words. “That’s a good question. Who gave you that little pearl of wisdom? It’s really sensible advice.”
Gackt blinked. “I am capable of sensible actions occasionally you know, I don’t always have to be told how to act sensibly.”
“I know,” You agreed. “So who was it?”
Gackt sighed, but the sigh soon turned into a smile. “You don’t remember?”
You stared at him blankly for awhile in confusion, the only sound in the room coming from the still switched on air conditioning, but You’s mind finally caught up with the inference behind Gackt’s words. “It was me?”
“You really don’t remember,” Gackt grinned. “I should have insisted that I thought of it myself.”
“Wow,” You exclaimed, “I’m really clever sometimes.”
“Even a broken clock is right twice a day, You-kun. Don’t get too big headed.”
“Sssh,” You said, a slight pout crossing his lips. “Let me have my moment of glory. I don’t get many.”
Gackt shook his head in amusement, but decided to comply with You’s wish and fell silent. He’d missed this. In those years that he’d lived with You, both in this big house in Tokyo and that tiny apartment in Kyoto with the mouldy walls and ant infestation, random late night conversations had been a regular occurrence. You truly was the only person who would listen to his ideas, craziness and surreal ramblings at any time of day, but then again, Gackt had always had the impression that You had come to enjoy the sleep interrupted nights as much as he had.
How many times had they chatted until the birds began to sing and the sun rose in the sky? How many times had their tiredness finally overtaken them and they’d woken the next morning, wrapped in the same bed sheets and sharing the same pillow because Gackt had been too tired to return to his own room and You had been too tired to care about personal space? How many times had they woken up together because the stresses of the day that had passed and the day that was due to come was simply too much to bear alone?
Gackt’s life was full of precious things. His family, his fans, his career, his music, his fame and fortune… But he knew that nothing was more precious than his friendship with You.
“Okay, I’ve basked in my glory for long enough,” You said. “I wonder how many other wise and intelligent pieces of advice I’ve given you over the years that I’ve forgotten about.”
“I don’t think they should count if you can’t remember them,” Gackt replied.
You frowned as a shiver ran through his body. The air conditioning was still running, and now that he was sitting up in the bed with his bare chest no longer covered by the sheets that pooled at his waist, he could feel the chill that had descended upon the room.
You looked at Gackt. He was still sitting a couple of feet away on the edge of the bed and was wearing that same orange house robe that he had always worn. Gackt always had to have new clothes to wear and had a walk in wardrobe that was nearly as big as You’s entire apartment, yet Gackt still had these little comforts that he would never give up. That orange robe was at least six years old but Gackt still wore it with as much comfort and pride as he had on the first day he’d bought it. It was a strange contradiction.
“Are you cold?” You asked.
Now that the words had been spoken and the thought planted in his mind, Gackt realised that he was cold. Very cold. His legs, bare underneath the robe that only came down to his knees, were the coldest part of him and he could almost feel the lumps and bumps on his skin that were brought on by the cold as they continued to rise.
“I am, actually,” Gackt answered. “Shall I turn off the air conditioning?”
“Even if you do, you’re still going to be cold,” You answered. You could still remember how easily the rooms in the underground floors could hold onto both heat and cold. It was a blessing during the cold winters, but not quite as welcome during the hot summers.
“I’ll be fine,” Gackt said dismissively as he walked over to the air conditioning unit and switched it off.
When Gackt came back to the bed, it was to find You lying down again on the left hand side, and with the sheet on the right side turned down. “If you want to keep talking to me, then get in.”
Gackt paused for a second, but then smiled. With other men sharing a bed would be unthinkable, but with You, it was comforting. “Do you want me to keep talking to you? Or are you bored of my crazy plans now?”
You watched as Gackt climbed into bed and pulled the sheet up over himself. He remained quiet while Gackt shuffled around and pulled his robe straight so that it wasn’t either bunched up beneath him or wrapped too tightly around his legs. When Gackt had finally settled on his back and appeared comfortable, You spoke. “I haven’t heard any crazy plans tonight. We’ve just been talking.”
“It’s been a while since we’ve just talked though.”
You rolled onto his side to face Gackt, but could still only barely make out the features of his face. The guest room door was still open, but the hallway was bathed in only the weakest of lights and it did little to illuminate the room beyond highlighting shadows. You moved closer. “It has, Gaku. When did all of our conversations begin to revolve around work?”
Gackt closed his eyes. “About the same time that our lives began to revolve around work.”
Even in the darkness, You could see how tired Gackt looked. “”We’ll finish the recording, Gaku. It’ll be done in time and then we can relax and live a little.”
“And talk?”
“We’re talking now, aren’t we?” You paused. “I know that we’re behind schedule with the album, but we will finish it and it’ll be amazing because everything you do always is.” Behind schedule was a nice way of phrasing it. So horrendously late that the record company were threatening legal action was probably a better description, but You didn’t want to remind Gackt of that.
“Such faith,” Gackt sighed. “I don’t care if it’s amazing anymore. I just want to get out of that studio before I kill someone.”
You laughed and playfully poked Gackt in the shoulder. The singer opened his eyes and turned his body so that he faced You. “No killing people. I’m sure there’s a clause in your contract that forbids it.”
“I bet there’s a clause that forbids strangling Chacha with his guitar strings too.”
“I’m sure there is,” You answered. “You can use my guitar strings instead. I bet that’s not covered.”
Chacha was pushing them, hard, but Gackt knew that they needed that push if they were to be done in time. “Ahhh,” Gackt groaned as he rolled back onto his back and covered his face with his hands, “how did we fall so far behind?”
“We started late and then we had to cope with illness,” You answered. “It’s just bad luck.”
Gackt pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes so hard that he saw stars. “You mean we started late because I decided to film a drama, and then things were delayed further because juggling filming with recording made me ill.” You said nothing. “It’s entirely my fault and it’s only right that I’ll be the one to pay when we don’t make the deadline.”
You rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic. We’ll finish the record. We haven’t failed yet.”
“It’s the ‘yet’ part that worries me,” Gackt answered. “But, I guess you’re right. And if we do fail and the record company send their lawyers to us, then I’ll just flirt with them until they forgive me.”
You laughed loudly. “And if they don’t succumb to your many charms?”
“I’ll strangle them with Chacha’s guitar strings and lock them in my basement. I bet that’s not in their fucking contracts.”
Gackt was still lying on his back with his hands covering his face and it meant that the rich, deep laughter that was spilling from his lips was being muffled by his hands. You wanted to hear Gackt laugh as Gackt didn’t laugh nearly enough for You’s liking, so he rose to his knees, leaned over and grabbed Gackt’s wrists with his own hands before gently prising Gackt’s hands from his face.
Gackt was staring at him with big, confused eyes. “What?” Gackt asked.
“I just wanted to hear you laugh properly,” You answered. “You don’t laugh enough.”
Gackt looked up at You, his friend’s familiar face cloaked in shadows. “Probably. I guess you’ll just have to give me more reasons to laugh.”
You was still half kneeling next to Gackt with Gackt’s wrists in his hands. “I’ll happily murder some lawyers for you if that’s what’s required.”
“Ah, you know a man is a good friend when he’s willing to risk the death penalty just to make you laugh.”
“Death penalty?” You asked. “There isn’t a court in the country that would give me the death penalty. I’m sure that making you laugh is as good a defence as claiming diminished responsibility or acting in self defence is. I’d probably get a prize.”
You didn’t know what happened next. One second both he and Gackt were laughing, their combined amusement mingling together until it was impossible to tell one voice from the other and the sound seemed to fill not only that dark guest room, but also every single floor of that huge house. Even through the darkness You could see the sparkle in Gackt’s eyes and the smile on his lips.
The next second, that laughter was silenced and You was leaning down to press his lips against Gackt’s.
You didn’t know why he did it. He didn’t understand why he wanted to kiss someone, a man, that had been his best friend for the last nineteen years.
But now that he had kissed Gackt, he didn’t think it was possible for him to stop.
Gackt froze and his body stiffened, the loose laughter that had been rolling through his limbs disappearing as soon as he felt You’s lips press against him. His hands twitched and You could feel the movement of Gackt’s fingers flow through the wrists he still held in a death grip. Gackt pulled his wrists free so that he could push You away…
…but instead he grabbed You’s hands, interlocking their fingers as he began to return the kiss that You had instigated. You felt Gackt’s body relax and sink back into the bed again and You sank back with him, moving from his knees to lie half on Gackt and half on the bed as their still joined hands pressed into You’s bare chest.
Gackt’s head rose from the pillow, eager to taste more of You’s mouth as You continued to kiss him. You pressed Gackt back down into the pillows and simply kissed him deeper. There was no hint of the bottle of wine they’d shared earlier in either their actions or their mouths and You was glad of that, he still wasn’t sure what he was doing or why he was doing it, but he knew that he wanted to feel everything that Gackt was giving him and wanted to taste that sweet mouth that was dancing with his without a veil of wine obscuring the experience.
Gackt pulled a hand free from You’s grasp and grabbed a handful of the thick hair that covered the back of You’s head. His nails were bitten, damaged and blunt, but You could still feel them as they scraped the thin skin at the back of his neck. Gackt was tugging on You’s hair, trying to manoeuvre You’s head into a better angle for his controlling kisses and You was happy to follow, his spine prickling with excitement whenever Gackt’s eager actions scratched his skin.
It took You a few moments to realise that the insistent fingers becoming tangled in his hair meant that he now had a hand free himself. His own fingers found Gackt’s hair quickly enough, the newly shortened locks surprisingly soft and gentle against his digits. His hand travelled lower, mapping out the strong bones of Gackt’s left cheek, his thumb gently tracing the defined cheekbone in a soft and comforting gesture that was completely at odds with the force of the kisses they shared.
His hand moved ever lower, brushing over Gackt’s jaw line until it came to rest against his neck. This time it was the strong column of Gackt’s thick neck that You’s thumb caressed and he lingered there for a few moments, enjoying the feel of Gackt’s Adam’s apple moving underneath his touch. They weren’t kissing anymore, not properly, instead Gackt had latched onto You’s bottom lip and was alternating between tugging on it with his teeth and sucking on it. Both actions were responsible for the low growls building in the back of You’s throat.
You tore his lip away from Gackt and decided to trace the same path his thumb had just taken with his lips. He kissed Gackt’s hair, licked his cheekbone and feasted upon his neck whilst Gackt clawed at his back with his free hand, and crushed You’s fingers with the hand that was still tightly holding onto You. You didn’t care. The strength in that hand and the body beneath was an intoxicating reminder of exactly who lay beneath him. The smooth neck beneath You’s lips didn’t belong to a blushing girl who was so much weaker than him, no, it belonged to a man who was physically his equal. Probably stronger, even.
You didn’t need to hold back.
You yanked at the orange robe that still covered Gackt and managed to pull it loose enough to expose one of Gackt’s thick shoulders. He ran his fingers over the ridge of the pronounced collarbone that stretched so elegantly from the base of Gackt’s neck and danced the very tip of his fingertips across the smooth muscle that covered Gackt’s chest, his movements only stopping when his fingers found Gackt’s nipple.
Gackt’s eyes were closed, but his senses were all tuned into the hot mouth at his neck that was expertly switching between light nips of his skin and longer, more forceful sweeps of an equally hot tongue. The part of him that was fully aware and encouraging the attention being lavished on him knew that mouth belonged to You. How could he not know? The light cologne that surrounded him was unmistakably You’s, the room he lay in had once been as familiar as his own and he’d spent so much time with You over the last nineteen years that he simply had a sixth sense where the other man was concerned. Somewhere, buried beneath the sensations that mouth and those exploring fingers were provoking, Gackt knew that what was happening was a terrible idea.
He just couldn’t bring himself to care.
Gackt was disappointed when You’s fingers left his chest, but they soon reappeared at his mouth and Gackt eagerly pulled two inside. Every sweep of his tongue across You’s fingers resulted in the teasing bites at his neck becoming sharper and more stinging until Gackt feared that You would draw blood. Gackt didn’t stop though. His usual rationality and desire to remain perfect had dissolved under the assault of You’s mouth and he licked and sucked at You’s fingers until You’s bites made him growl in pleasured pain.
His mouth felt strangely empty and his lips painfully dry when You removed his fingers. They had never kissed before today, but Gackt could barely remember the time when he hadn’t known how You’s lips felt against his own. Everything felt so new yet familiar, dangerous yet safe. It had been a long time since Gackt had felt this alive.
Gackt’s disappointment at You removing his fingers and not replacing them with his mouth was soon forgotten when those two wet fingers began to trace slow circles around his exposed nipple. The chill from the air conditioner still lingered in the air and the refreshingly cold air only heightened the sensation as it attacked his wet skin. The cold air was soon replaced by hot breath as You paused his assault on Gackt’s neck in order to softly blow across the skin that his damp fingers still teased. When You lowered his head to take that always sensitive nub between his teeth before teasing it with his tongue, Gackt knew that he had no hope of silencing the deep groan that flowed from his mouth.
You didn’t want Gackt to be quiet. He wanted to hear how much pleasure he was giving Gackt because he couldn’t believe how much pleasure he was finding himself by simply exploring the other man’s body. Just the taste of Gackt’s skin was making him harder than he had been in months and Gackt was simply being so willing. Not submissive, not quite, the hand still clawing at You’s back and the other that was making his fingers numb was a stark reminder that Gackt could never be truly submissive, but he was willingly allowing You to touch and tease as he wished.
Or, at least, Gackt had been willing.
Before You could fully realise what was happening, Gackt had swiftly sat up, forcing You back into his earlier position of sitting on his knees only this time, his knees were on either side of Gackt’s thighs so that he was practically sitting on the other man’s lap. Gackt pulled the hand that still gripped You’s free and it was only then, when he didn’t have Gackt’s long, battered fingers crushing his that he realised exactly how powerful Gackt’s grip had been. You had to flex his fingers a few times in order to get the feeling back.
Both of Gackt’s hands quickly found You’s hair and he pulled You down for a kiss so forceful that it almost knocked You backwards. He managed to keep his balance by holding onto Gackt’s shoulders, one bare and one still covered by the orange towelling robe, and after steadying himself, he kissed back with just as much strength.
Gackt’s hands left his hair and roamed across his chest, Gackt’s palms flat against his skin in order to feel as he much as he could possibly could. Gackt could feel You’s heart thudding in his chest, his rapidly moving ribcage and quivering stomach and smiled into the kiss. All of those involuntary, uncontrollable responses were due to him. He had made You, his best friend, react in that way.
You’s breath hitched when Gackt’s hands paused at the waistband of his pyjama bottoms and he nearly forgot how to breathe when Gackt then deftly untied them and slipped his hands inside. Gackt’s right hand was soon on him, gently teasing his growing hardness with long and knowing strokes. Gackt’s left hand had snaked behind You, past the small of his back and down to grab You’s ass. Gackt’s hand was rougher here, pinching and squeezing You’s flesh without any thought to whether it might hurt.
You didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know whether to push back so that Gackt’s left hand would squeeze his ass harder as the pain brought an undeniable pleasure with it, or whether to push forward, into the hand was lightly coaxing his cock into full hardness and bringing nothing but pure pleasure.
In the end he settled for doing neither and remained where he was, on his knees, hovering over Gackt’s thighs as Gackt’s tongue wrestled with his and the singer’s hands teased his body into surrender. Gackt’s hands felt so hot despite the chill in the air and so strong despite the unusual beauty of the man they belonged to. But that was Gackt, You supposed. He had always been a contradiction wrapped up in a charming smile and several squirts of Platinum Egoiste and it was these contradictions that had first pulled You into Gackt’s crazy world all of those years ago. It was those contradictions that kept You by his side, and it was those contradictions, the gentle touch of Gackt’s right hand and the rough treatment from his left, that was making You grunt with every flick of Gackt’s wrists.
You pulled away from the haven of Gackt’s mouth and tried to put a little bit of space between them, but Gackt refused to let him go fully and began to tease You’s ear with his teeth. It wasn’t the distance You had wanted, but it would do for what he wanted to do next. You took hold of the belt on Gackt’s robe, the clothing still in disarray from You’s earlier eagerness, and pulled, the loose knot that held it together instantly coming undone under the force of You’s hands.
This time, when You pulled away from Gackt’s mouth, Gackt allowed him to break free. You pushed the robe away from the shoulder it still covered and Gackt removed his hands from You’s pyjama bottoms, smirking slightly at the look of disappointment that swept across You’s face. You’s disappointment was short lived, however, when he realised that Gackt had only let him go in order to shrug off the robe completely. You lifted himself slightly, and Gackt was able to pull out the robe from underneath himself and throw it to the floor like a discarded piece of paper.
The room was still dark, but enough light filtered through for You to be able to see the smooth, pale and hairless skin of the naked body beneath him. It was a woman’s skin, You thought, no man should have skin that was so silky to touch or so well cared for, but the body that lay beneath the skin was undoubtedly male. Another contradiction.
Gackt’s hands were on You’s hips, his thumbs rubbing circles across the sharp contours of You’s hip bones. It was an idle gesture, one that Gackt barely seemed aware that he was doing, but it was comforting and it was a sensation You hadn’t felt that night amidst the bruising kisses and forceful hands that had made up the night so far.
You bit down the thoughts that were threatening to push through his lust. He wanted the bruises.
Gackt wasn’t expecting You to attack his mouth with such force and it made him fall back onto the bed again, his head hitting the pillow as You lowered himself to lie between Gackt’s legs. Gackt could feel You’s hardness pressing into his own but the feeling was muffled by the thin material of the pyjama bottoms that You still wore. It wasn’t enough. Gackt grabbed the waistband of the last remaining item of clothing that stood between them and pulled them down as far as he could manage while a hot guitarist had his entire body weight on top of him.
You lifted himself from Gackt slightly, their kisses turning from long kisses that made their lungs ache through lack of air into short, sharp strikes that gave You more room and opportunity to remove his pyjamas. It took longer than he would have liked to discard them, but it was too difficult to pull himself away from Gackt for anything longer than a second. Soon, the pale blue pyjamas were lying on top of Gackt’s orange robe on the floor, the two different materials becoming lost together.
Gackt’s hands were everywhere. They teased his ass with those same bruising squeezes as before. His palms rubbed circles into You’s lower back. His blunt nails scrapped down the sides of You’s ribcage. His fingers became tangled in You’s hair and tickled the back of his neck. You was becoming lost in all of the different feelings and sensations that Gackt was showering him with and he could tell by the growls that caught in Gackt’s vocal damaged throat and the constant movement of his hips, that Gackt was becoming lost too.
But that was okay. They could become lost together.
Although, if he thought about it, You had been lost since the first moment his lips touched Gackt’s. He still didn’t know what he was doing or why he was doing it and he didn’t know what it would mean tomorrow, when the lust that coursed through his veins had burnt out and the morning’s cold light filled the floors above, but it hardly seemed important. What did tomorrow, or next week, or next year mean when now consisted of nothing but a hot body beneath him and a wicked tongue teasing his?
Gackt had his feet planted flat against the bed and was using the leverage to rock his hips into You with as much force as he could manage. Gackt’s rhythm was infectious and You moved with him, their arousals rubbing against each other with every movement. It was becoming hard to breathe as Gackt ensured that their kisses were long, hard and deep with only the briefest pause for air, but You thought that at that time, kissing Gackt was infinitely more important that breathing.
When You’s hands ran over the strong muscles of Gackt’s thighs, Gackt’s world constricted to the guest room he was in and the bed he lay upon. There were no deadlines or recording companies anymore. There were no lyrics that sounded clumsy, no guitar riffs that weren’t quite working and no harassed band members impatiently waiting for new scores to learn. Gackt couldn’t even remember the nice meal they had all shared together that night or the bottle of wine he’d split with You that had led to the guitarist being sober, but over Japan’s strict drunk driving limits to the point that You had no choice but to stay the night at Gackt’s.
No, all Gackt could think about was the fingers running along his inner thigh, creeping higher and higher until they touched the flesh of his ass. Gackt wanted this, wanted You, so much that it almost scared him. He was just glad that You seemed to want him just as much.
Gackt’s hips stopped their movement and his body tensed slightly when You’s fingertips first lightly drifted over his entrance. He didn’t stop kissing You though; he couldn’t. Those kisses were keeping him grounded, and Gackt wouldn’t have been surprised if they had replaced his body’s need for oxygen. Without them, Gackt didn’t think he could survive.
You took the continuing kisses as a positive sign, despite the stiffness in Gackt’s hips, and he touched that part of Gackt again, but with a little more pressure this time and he was relieved to feel the tension leave Gackt’s body. Gackt’s hips remained still, but that hardly mattered when instead, Gackt spread his thighs a little wider.
You didn’t know if Gackt had done this before and his own previous experiences of the act had consisted purely of adventurous fangirls, so he thought it was best to take it slow. As his finger inched inside as slowly as he could manage, Gackt’s kisses turned more urgent and violent and his hands gripped You’s shoulders tightly as Gackt tried to pull You closer. You knew that he needed to ensure Gackt was ready for him as after all, he had vowed never to hurt Gackt unnecessarily, but it was near impossible to take a slow pace when Gackt was so welcoming and every cell in You’s body was urging him to become one with his best friend.
As You’s finger seated itself fully inside him, Gackt finally broke their never ending kiss and groaned into the darkness. He had never done this before, at least from this position, and everything felt so strange but so right. It was only right that it was You; the first person to tell him he could sing, the first person to rush to his side after his divorce, the first person to congratulate him on getting the job with Malice Mizer, the first person to commiserate with him when he lost that job, the first person to truly believe his solo career could eclipse even that band’s success…
You had been first in so many things. Gackt was content to add another to the list.
Gackt’s eyes had been closed but they fluttered open when You placed a chaste kiss on the tip of his nose and then entered him with a second finger. That burned, slightly, but his body soon adjusted and he groaned again, the sound causing You to shudder slightly and push further in. You loved that sound and despite the scratchiness Gackt’s voice contained after several days of constant recording, it was still music to his ears.
You was a little confused when Gackt’s right arm disentangled itself from his shoulders and stretched out to the side. He paused the movement of his fingers, but didn’t remove them, and soon understood what Gackt was doing. Gackt was reaching for the little drawer in the bedside table, but he couldn’t quite reach it while he had a guitarist lying on top of him and pinning him down, so instead, You opened the drawer.
The grunt of disappointment from Gackt when You’s fingers did leave his body was a sound You knew he’d never forget.
Inside the drawer was a small box of condoms and he could tell by the way Gackt relaxed and pulled his outstretched arm back to stroke You’s side, that it had been the condoms Gackt was reaching for. If it had been anybody else, You would have been wondering why there were condoms in a guest room. As it was Gackt, he was just surprised it wasn’t something stranger.
Gackt snatched the box from his hands and pulled a condom out, quickly ripping the wrapper and throwing the unneeded plastic onto the bedside table. Gackt’s intentions were clear so You sat back on his knees again and strained his eyes in the dull light to try and see what Gackt was doing. He didn’t need to see though, only to feelx, as both of Gackt’s hands were soon on his cock, stroking his sensitive skin softly and with a thoroughness that again stole You’s breath.
You’s eyes closed when Gackt pulled the condom over the tip of his cock. Gackt’s long fingers ensured no air was trapped within, before they formed a tight circle and rolled the condom down You’s hardness. Those fingers moved so slowly, maddeningly slowly, that part of You wanted to bat Gackt’s hand away and do it himself. But, a larger part of him was enjoying the feel of Gackt’s hand wrapped around him and the deliberateness of the action. Gackt didn’t want to rush. Gackt wanted to feel all of You and at that moment, You knew that he couldn’t deny Gackt anything.
When Gackt was content that the condom was fitted properly, he rose to his knees and kissed You. But this time, the kiss wasn’t the same passion filled, devouring force it had been before, where mouths fought and tongues danced. This kiss was chaste, innocent even, just lips against lips as Gackt gently caressed You’s face. It was nearly You’s undoing and he was more relieved than he could ever remember being when Gackt softly kissed his forehead before lying back down on the bed.
It had been a kiss reserved only for lovers. It asked too many questions.
You settled himself back between Gackt’s legs and was happy when Gackt wrapped his arms around his back and kissed him with that same passion that had carried them through the evening so far. You could lose himself in that passion. He could use it to drive away all of the questions, to protect himself from consequences and it made everything so simple. He wanted Gackt and Gackt wanted him. That’s all he needed to think about.
When Gackt broke the kiss and released the tight hold he had on You’s back, You understood the motive behind those gestures. Gackt had relaxed his legs again, his thighs spread wide but not to a degree that would cause him any strain and he pulled You’s head down until their foreheads touched. Gackt’s eyes were wide and concentrated on him and even in the darkness, You could see the openness contained within the usually guarded brown. Gackt nodded and You didn’t need to question.
On some level, You had expected it to feel strange. He’d never had sex with a man before and had never, not even in the sugar induced madness of his dreams ever thought he’d be having sex with Gackt. But it didn’t feel strange. Not at all. As he slowly entered Gackt, his eyes trained onto Gackt’s face, straining to see any sign of discomfort through the darkness, all You could think about was how warm he felt.
Gackt was warm, both inside and out. The cold air conditioned air didn’t seem to be affecting him anymore and it made You want to get closer, to fight away the chill and embrace the heat radiating from the other man. You was sweating and he felt like he would burn from his head to his toes, but he wanted the heat. You also felt that warmth that could only come from being with someone you cared for. He often felt that when he was with Gackt, it was only natural that nineteen years of friendship would result in a friendly love between them, and now that he was this connected to Gackt, that warmth was so tangible he could almost feel it.
Once fully inside You paused for a few moments and simply looked down at Gackt. The other man had his eyes closed and his full, kiss bruised lips were open so You kissed him again, his tongue sweeping across Gackt’s lips. Gackt’s answering kisses were lazy but he kissed back all the same, his tongue searching out You’s as his arms once again wrapped around You’s shoulders.
You began to move. He’d never felt this close to Gackt or this connected to him. Nineteen years of happiness, sadness, triumphs and tears and it all paled in comparison to this. You knew that if Gackt opened his eyes and searched through the darkness for him, then Gackt would see all of him. You knew that if Gackt would open his eyes, he’d see all of Gackt.
Gackt did open his eyes. The discomfort he had felt had soon dissipated into nothing but raw pleasure and he groaned, the sound becoming stuck in his throat and escaping as only a breath of hot air. His throat hurt from all of the recording and rehearsing they’d been doing over the last few days, but the pain seemed inconsequential. What did it matter when You, his You, was moving inside him?
Gackt raised his hips slightly and he was pleased when it spurred You on to move faster. He was no weakling, he could take all of You’s strength and exceed it, and he didn’t want You to feel that he had to hold back. Gackt wanted everything that You could give him and in return, wanted to give You everything he had.
There was a hand gripping Gackt’s hip now with a force that Gackt hoped would bruise. Gackt licked You’s ear and was rewarded with a grunt and an especially enthusiastic snap of You’s hips that made Gackt gasp in pleasure. You began to kiss him, his lips floating across Gackt’s face to kiss whatever skin they could reach from Gackt’s smooth forehead to his harsh jaw line. The kisses were everywhere, and all Gackt could do was enjoy them as his hands began to roam across You’s sweat slicked back. Gackt could feel You’s muscles expand and contract as You continued to thrust inside him in an ever increasing pace.
You’s hips were becoming more erratic and jerky in their movements. Occasionally, it would make You brush against a part of Gackt that made the singer grunt and claw at You’s back and You would try to find that spot again because he loved how wild and dangerous it made Gackt’s usually controlled voice sound. He hadn’t known it was possible for Gackt to sound like that.
He never wanted to forget those sounds.
You knew he couldn’t last much longer. He was pouring all of his strength into Gackt and the other man was meeting him thrust for thrust but he’d expected nothing less. He worked a hand between their bodies and took Gackt’s arousal in hand, stroking it in time with his thrusts and revelling in the smooth hardness as it moved through his fingers. Gackt was staring at him now, searching for something in You’s eyes as his teeth bit into his bottom lip. You stared back.
They were still staring at each when You succumbed to the fire in his veins, his world exploding with a few last sharp thrusts of his hips. He collapsed onto Gackt’s rapidly rising chest and it only took a couple of long, firm strokes of his hand for Gackt to follow him, groaning into the darkness until his voice cracked and no sound remained.
They stayed like that for a few moments. You, still inside Gackt and lying on top of him while Gackt gently petted his hair and closed his eyes. Soon, the heat had burnt itself out and You could again feel the chill in the air. His body protested, but he knew it was time to move. Gackt groaned unhappily when You pulled away from him, but made no comment, not even when You broke all contact and they were no longer touching at all.
You was in the room’s en suite bathroom, discarding the condom and tidying up when he realised that neither he or Gackt had said a single word since the moment their lips first met. They hadn’t needed to. But, did they need to talk now? Would Gackt want to spend the night with him after what would happen or would he retreat back to his own bedroom and leave You alone?
Now that he had distance between himself and Gackt, all of those questions that had seemed so pointless were now of the upmost importance.
You took a deep breath, and walked back into the bedroom.
He needn’t have worried though. Gackt was curled up on his side with his back facing away from You and the centre of the bed and as You moved closer, it was plain to see that the singer had already fallen asleep. You pulled up the sheet so that it protected Gackt’s naked body from the cool air and lay beside him.
The questions could wait until the morning.
*~*~*~
You was having a lovely dream. He dreamt that hands were running across his chest and playing with his nipples. He dreamt that a hot mouth was sucking at his neck and that Gackt was laughing.
He opened his eyes.
It wasn’t a dream.
You lay on his back and Gackt lay beside him on his side, his hands roaming You’s chest as he bit and licked at You’s neck. When Gackt noticed that You was awake, he stopped the movements of his mouth and looked down at You, his eyes searching You’s face for something that You couldn’t figure out. You opened his mouth to speak, but Gackt silenced him by placing two fingers against his lips. You kissed them and Gackt smiled.
You was gently rolled onto his right side until he was halfway on his stomach and he groaned softly when Gackt began laying kisses all over his shoulder blades. He was still sleepy and pressed his face into the pillow, his eyes blinking slowly as his mind struggled to catch up with what was happening. Gackt’s hand was on his cock, stroking him softly and coaxing him into hardness and You muttered something unintelligible into the pillow as his body reacted to Gackt’s knowing hand.
The hand soon left him and his shoulders were spared those soft kisses and You found himself drifting between being awake and asleep. He was still tired and if he had been alert enough to look at the bright display of the clock only a couple of feet from his face, he’d have realised that only an hour had passed since he’d fallen asleep. Gackt had never been able to sleep undisturbed for too long. He was tired, but he was also interested in what Gackt had planned next so he forced his eyes open and patiently waited.
You heard the sound of a plastic wrapper being ripped open and then a quiet, barely audible gasp of pleasure from Gackt. He wanted to see Gackt touch himself, even if it was only to put on a condom, but it was too much of an effort to move. So, he waited.
He didn’t have to wait much longer. One of Gackt’s strong hands gripped You’s left thigh and lifted it until You’s leg was at a right angle and then gently placed the limb back on the bed. You could almost feel Gackt’s eyes wandering down his back. The kisses were soon back, spreading across his shoulders, neck and the side of his face in a random order. You never knew where Gackt would kiss next.
He was so lost in those kisses and the sleep that still clung to his mind that he almost didn’t notice the finger that slowly worked its way inside. When he did, his body tensed but Gackt reassured him with quiet noises that were not words at all, but had the same effect. You relaxed his body but gripped the sheets when a second finger joined it, not through pain, but simply due to the intensity of it all.
Gackt continued kissing You’s neck to distract him as he removed his fingers and settled behind him properly, before beginning to carefully push inside. You groaned into the pillow again, his eyes screwing shut tightly, but Gackt ensured that he was gentle and controlled. He moved slowly, his hips thrusting in an almost lazy manner and he soon felt You relax again and the tension that had been present in his face simply disappeared.
A strong arm wrapped around You’s waist and without even thinking You held onto it, his hand gripping Gackt’s forearm before sliding over the skin until it reached Gackt’s hand. You locked his fingers with Gackt’s and he could feel Gackt smile against his neck. Gackt leaned over him and kissed the side of his mouth, silently asking permission to kiss You properly. You was happy to oblige and turned his head slightly, the angle hurting his neck but that didn’t matter when Gackt’s perfect lips found his again.
The kisses were gentler than they had been earlier, almost sloppy and languid but that was better, You thought. Gackt was still moving inside him slowly and the leisurely pace of it all coupled with the lingering tiredness that You still felt was dragging You under Gackt’s spell. You knew that he would have done anything Gackt asked of him at that time and that thought frightened him until he realised that things weren’t really much different when he was fully alert. Gackt had always had that power over him; he was just glad that Gackt never abused it.
Gackt broke the kiss and settled back down, his chest pressed against You’s back as he began to nuzzle You’s hair. It was unusual for You’s hair to be longer than his but Gackt liked it, it was so silky against his face and it smelled of vanilla edged with something spicier. But, that was You, Gackt supposed. Outwardly simple and plain, but with an inextinguishable fire beneath.
You began to groan but the sounds were still muffled by the pillow. He could feel Gackt’s rapid breaths against his neck and Gackt’s arm tightened around his waist as he increased the pace of his thrusts. Gackt changed his angle slightly and You’s eyes shot open, a strangled grunt catching in his throat as Gackt hit something that made You’s legs shake. Gackt recognised You’s reaction and concentrated on striking that same spot, over and over and over again.
A few more sharp thrusts and Gackt was spent, his body shaking against You’s back as he poured all of his strength into the final movements of his hips. You met every thrust and held onto Gackt’s hand tightly as Gackt rode out the pleasure that ran through him.
When Gackt had gathered himself together, he rolled You onto his back and kissed him deeply. You was still hard and tightly wound with anticipation so he tried to press himself against Gackt, to get that body contact back that he previously enjoyed and revelled in. Feeling Gackt’s skin against his made him feel warm in a way he never had before and he needed that warmth now.
Gackt pulled away and lowered his head to You’s hard cock, licking the head just so that he could taste, before quickly taking You into his mouth. Although Gackt usually liked to tease and torment his partner, he had no intentions of doing so with You so he worked quickly, his cheeks becoming hollow with the force of his suction as his hands gently caressed You’s balls. You’s fingers barely had time to find Gackt’s short hair before his hips were rising from the bed as he released into Gackt’s mouth. Gackt swallowed it all and only released You’s cock when he was entirely sure that You had finished.
You was so dazed that it barely registered when Gackt left the room. He watched through sleepy eyes when Gackt came back a few short moments later and remained silent when Gackt climbed back in bed. Gackt looked at him carefully and Gackt’s mouth opened slightly, as if he had something he planned to say, but he thought better of it and joined You in being silent.
You was surprised but pleased when Gackt lay down beside him and lay his head upon You’s chest. You’s arms automatically came to wrap around him and he felt Gackt sigh, his warm breath tickling You’s chest as he exhaled. The last thing Gackt remembered before he fell asleep was the feel of You’s lips against the top of his head.
*~*~*~
It was morning.
Even in the basement floors of Gackt’s house where windows didn’t exist and lights were permanently switched to the lowest dim setting possible, it was easy to tell the difference between night and day. The upper floors were always full of sunlight and life during the day and the energy those brought filtered down below the ground, even if the light itself didn’t.
You opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He’d had the strangest dreams. He’d dreamt that he’d had sex with Gackt, twice, and it had all felt so real that if he hadn’t have known better, he would have thought it was real.
But it can’t have been real. You had never had sex with a man, even if the thought had crossed his mind once or twice, and he’d definitely never have sex with Gackt. Gackt had never had sex with a man either as far as he knew, although You was wise enough to acknowledge that there were lots of details of Gackt’s sex life that he didn’t know about and just as many that he didn’t want to know about. He did know, however, that Gackt would never have sex with him.
There wasn’t enough alcohol even in Gackt’s wine cellar to make that possible.
You sat up and glanced quickly at the clock. 9am…
Wait.
There were two things in front of the clock. You had recognised them for what they were immediately, but he was too scared to look again to make sure. He didn’t want to see those two condom wrappers idly lying on the wooden surface. He didn’t want to see them because they were confirmation that his vivid dream had been real.
Only a few hours earlier he had had sex with Gackt. And then, it had happened again.
And he’d enjoyed it.
There was no trace of Gackt in the room. You leaned over the edge of the bed and saw just his old pair of pyjama bottoms on the floor, the orange towelling robe having disappeared alongside his owner. You toyed with the idea of staying in that guest room all day, but he knew that eventually he’d have to face Gackt and he’d never been one to run away from a problem or a question.
You dressed in the clothes he’d worn last night, took a deep breath and left the room.
*~*~*~
He found Gackt in the kitchen, drinking one of those lurid fruit drinks that he considered breakfast. Gackt didn’t notice him immediately and it meant that You was able to observe him, to watch as Gackt swallowed down the juice and to see how tense Gackt looked.
You cleared his throat.
Gackt looked at him, his eyes widening to an impossible size and his cheeks flushing pink. He nearly dropped the glass in his hand, but quickly recovered and continued to stare at You for a few moments.
“Gackt…”
“No,” Gackt interrupted in a firm voice. “We’re not talking about this now or ever. There is nothing to talk about.”
“Gackt…”
“No, You,” Gackt interrupted again. “I’m going to the recording studio. You can make your own way there.”
And with that Gackt was gone. Three minutes later, You heard the front door slam shut.
You sank onto one of the stools that sat beside the breakfast bar and buried his head in his hands. For nineteen years he’d been best friends with Gackt. They were closer than brothers and had lived through everything together. Could all of that have been destroyed in just one night?
You needed to act. He grabbed his bag, said goodbye to the staff, slipped on his shoes and left. He had no choice. He’d have to try and confront Gackt at the recording studio. He was willing to fight to salvage their friendship and all he could do was hope that Gackt would be just as willing as he was.
~owari
Notes
1) I didn’t intend this to be so long! I was determined not to have any dialogue in the sex scenes so I thought that would make them really short due to my usual failure at writing smut, but this time I think I wrote too much… I'm sorry it's so long, but hopefully TWO sex scenes makes up for it!
2) I hope this goes someway to explain why they were so awkward with each other and why Gackt was trying so hard to avoid the subject in “Today”.
Author - unwritten_ideas
Beta - write_my_dreams
Rating - NC-17
Word Count - 9,423
Pairing - Gackt x You
Characters - Gackt, You
Disclaimer - don’t own squat and if I did, I’d be posting this with pictures
Summary - The night before the morning after…
Notes - there were a few requests for a sequel to my story Today. So, I wrote a prequel! You don’t have to have read Today to follow this, but I don’t recommend reading this first and Today second.
You wasn’t asleep.
He couldn’t sleep, not yet, not while he was surrounded by familiar surroundings that weren’t quite familiar enough anymore. The bed was different. Just as comfortable as the old one, but a little firmer since the room that housed it was now designated as a guest room and it hadn’t seen many guests as of late. It was a little harsh on the room, You thought, to have it now lie empty unless a guest was there when for so many years it had been occupied, lived in and owned.
You scowled at the darkness. It was far past the time for sleep if his wide awake brain was giving thoughts and feelings to a room.
It had been his room though and apart from the new bed and the absence of his belongings such as the manga that had lined the walls and the plush toys that had been scattered everywhere, it was exactly the same as it had always been. There had even been an old pair of his pyjama bottoms left in one of the drawers of the wardrobe. Gackt hadn’t repainted the walls; they had remained the same off cream colour they always had been even through the numerous redecorations and remodelling that had seen the rest of the house become virtually unrecognisable from the house it had been when You could still call it home.
You shifted slightly underneath the sheet that covered his body. The air conditioner was still chugging away in the corner and filling the room with a frosty coolness that chilled You’s bare skin. He knew that he should really switch it off as the room was cool enough by now for him to sleep comfortably, but he was too comfortable and relaxed in that brand new bed in his familiar old room to move.
His musings were interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming to a halt outside his door.
Gackt.
The door opened slightly, but only the faintest light came into the room. You was glad to see that Gackt’s border line unnatural night vision was still as good as ever. The door remained open, but Gackt made no noise and no matter how much You strained his eyes, he couldn’t see Gackt stood in the open doorway. It seemed Gackt was simply standing in the dimly lit corridor outside You’s room.
You called out to him. “I’m not asleep, Gaku.”
Even through the darkness, You could see the shadow of the figure that walked into his room. “Did I wake you?” Gackt asked softly.
“No,” You replied truthfully as he sat up, “I was awake. I was remembering those days when this room used to be mine.”
If there had been more light in the room, You would have seen Gackt smile. “I was remembering that too.”
“Is that why you’re stalking the corridors at this ungodly hour?”
Gackt took a few steps into the room. “No. My throat was dry so I went to the kitchen for a drink.” Too many hours spent in the recording studio were starting to have their effect on Gackt’s throat. “I don’t know what made me stop by your room.”
“It’s probably because you were remembering me living here,” You said. Light wasn’t needed for the smile on his face to be heard in his voice. “You always used to wake me up in the middle of the night with some new crazy plan.”
Gackt laughed. “They weren’t all crazy.”
“At 4am, everything sounds crazy.”
Gackt laughed again. “You never told me to go away though.”
“I did,” You answered with a laugh of his own, “several times. You just never listened.”
“They were important plans and needed to be heard.”
“Your plans are always important and always need to be heard.”
The sarcasm in You’s words was still wrapped in good natured humour and Gackt couldn’t help but laugh again. “And that’s why I always came to you at 4am, You-kun. You’re the only one who understands how important my every word is. Nobody else would ever listen.”
“Yeah, I can still remember that morning when Ren kicked you out of his bedroom by throwing a bottle of water at you. You looked like you’d fallen into your waterfall. I can still hear you screaming like a girl now.”
“I didn’t scream like a girl,” Gackt denied, “I just didn’t expect to have a bottle of water dumped on me. It was a surprise.”
“Sure…” You said, the disbelief evident in his voice. “There’s no need to hover in the doorway, Gaku, I don’t have any water to throw at you.”
“I wouldn’t be worried if you did,” Gackt replied as he walked into the room properly and sat down on the edge of You’s bed, “your aim is terrible.”
“I’m glad Ren’s wasn’t,” You smiled. “What about Masa? He was always eager to hear your schemes, why did you never wake him up when he lived here?”
Gackt paused for a couple of seconds. “Going into Masa’s room in the middle of the night was never a good idea.”
“Ah yes, he always was a little demon if he was woken up early.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Gackt said. “If I’d have gone into Masa’s room at 4am, he’d have seen it as an invitation.”
“Why did you never…”
“He wasn’t my type. Besides, he was too close to home,” Gackt interrupted. He knew what the rest of the question was going to be. “Never have sex with anyone you work with, it’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?” You asked.
“Because when it all goes wrong, how can you still work together?”
“Hmm,” You drew the sound out for a few seconds as he mused upon Gackt’s words. “That’s a good question. Who gave you that little pearl of wisdom? It’s really sensible advice.”
Gackt blinked. “I am capable of sensible actions occasionally you know, I don’t always have to be told how to act sensibly.”
“I know,” You agreed. “So who was it?”
Gackt sighed, but the sigh soon turned into a smile. “You don’t remember?”
You stared at him blankly for awhile in confusion, the only sound in the room coming from the still switched on air conditioning, but You’s mind finally caught up with the inference behind Gackt’s words. “It was me?”
“You really don’t remember,” Gackt grinned. “I should have insisted that I thought of it myself.”
“Wow,” You exclaimed, “I’m really clever sometimes.”
“Even a broken clock is right twice a day, You-kun. Don’t get too big headed.”
“Sssh,” You said, a slight pout crossing his lips. “Let me have my moment of glory. I don’t get many.”
Gackt shook his head in amusement, but decided to comply with You’s wish and fell silent. He’d missed this. In those years that he’d lived with You, both in this big house in Tokyo and that tiny apartment in Kyoto with the mouldy walls and ant infestation, random late night conversations had been a regular occurrence. You truly was the only person who would listen to his ideas, craziness and surreal ramblings at any time of day, but then again, Gackt had always had the impression that You had come to enjoy the sleep interrupted nights as much as he had.
How many times had they chatted until the birds began to sing and the sun rose in the sky? How many times had their tiredness finally overtaken them and they’d woken the next morning, wrapped in the same bed sheets and sharing the same pillow because Gackt had been too tired to return to his own room and You had been too tired to care about personal space? How many times had they woken up together because the stresses of the day that had passed and the day that was due to come was simply too much to bear alone?
Gackt’s life was full of precious things. His family, his fans, his career, his music, his fame and fortune… But he knew that nothing was more precious than his friendship with You.
“Okay, I’ve basked in my glory for long enough,” You said. “I wonder how many other wise and intelligent pieces of advice I’ve given you over the years that I’ve forgotten about.”
“I don’t think they should count if you can’t remember them,” Gackt replied.
You frowned as a shiver ran through his body. The air conditioning was still running, and now that he was sitting up in the bed with his bare chest no longer covered by the sheets that pooled at his waist, he could feel the chill that had descended upon the room.
You looked at Gackt. He was still sitting a couple of feet away on the edge of the bed and was wearing that same orange house robe that he had always worn. Gackt always had to have new clothes to wear and had a walk in wardrobe that was nearly as big as You’s entire apartment, yet Gackt still had these little comforts that he would never give up. That orange robe was at least six years old but Gackt still wore it with as much comfort and pride as he had on the first day he’d bought it. It was a strange contradiction.
“Are you cold?” You asked.
Now that the words had been spoken and the thought planted in his mind, Gackt realised that he was cold. Very cold. His legs, bare underneath the robe that only came down to his knees, were the coldest part of him and he could almost feel the lumps and bumps on his skin that were brought on by the cold as they continued to rise.
“I am, actually,” Gackt answered. “Shall I turn off the air conditioning?”
“Even if you do, you’re still going to be cold,” You answered. You could still remember how easily the rooms in the underground floors could hold onto both heat and cold. It was a blessing during the cold winters, but not quite as welcome during the hot summers.
“I’ll be fine,” Gackt said dismissively as he walked over to the air conditioning unit and switched it off.
When Gackt came back to the bed, it was to find You lying down again on the left hand side, and with the sheet on the right side turned down. “If you want to keep talking to me, then get in.”
Gackt paused for a second, but then smiled. With other men sharing a bed would be unthinkable, but with You, it was comforting. “Do you want me to keep talking to you? Or are you bored of my crazy plans now?”
You watched as Gackt climbed into bed and pulled the sheet up over himself. He remained quiet while Gackt shuffled around and pulled his robe straight so that it wasn’t either bunched up beneath him or wrapped too tightly around his legs. When Gackt had finally settled on his back and appeared comfortable, You spoke. “I haven’t heard any crazy plans tonight. We’ve just been talking.”
“It’s been a while since we’ve just talked though.”
You rolled onto his side to face Gackt, but could still only barely make out the features of his face. The guest room door was still open, but the hallway was bathed in only the weakest of lights and it did little to illuminate the room beyond highlighting shadows. You moved closer. “It has, Gaku. When did all of our conversations begin to revolve around work?”
Gackt closed his eyes. “About the same time that our lives began to revolve around work.”
Even in the darkness, You could see how tired Gackt looked. “”We’ll finish the recording, Gaku. It’ll be done in time and then we can relax and live a little.”
“And talk?”
“We’re talking now, aren’t we?” You paused. “I know that we’re behind schedule with the album, but we will finish it and it’ll be amazing because everything you do always is.” Behind schedule was a nice way of phrasing it. So horrendously late that the record company were threatening legal action was probably a better description, but You didn’t want to remind Gackt of that.
“Such faith,” Gackt sighed. “I don’t care if it’s amazing anymore. I just want to get out of that studio before I kill someone.”
You laughed and playfully poked Gackt in the shoulder. The singer opened his eyes and turned his body so that he faced You. “No killing people. I’m sure there’s a clause in your contract that forbids it.”
“I bet there’s a clause that forbids strangling Chacha with his guitar strings too.”
“I’m sure there is,” You answered. “You can use my guitar strings instead. I bet that’s not covered.”
Chacha was pushing them, hard, but Gackt knew that they needed that push if they were to be done in time. “Ahhh,” Gackt groaned as he rolled back onto his back and covered his face with his hands, “how did we fall so far behind?”
“We started late and then we had to cope with illness,” You answered. “It’s just bad luck.”
Gackt pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes so hard that he saw stars. “You mean we started late because I decided to film a drama, and then things were delayed further because juggling filming with recording made me ill.” You said nothing. “It’s entirely my fault and it’s only right that I’ll be the one to pay when we don’t make the deadline.”
You rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic. We’ll finish the record. We haven’t failed yet.”
“It’s the ‘yet’ part that worries me,” Gackt answered. “But, I guess you’re right. And if we do fail and the record company send their lawyers to us, then I’ll just flirt with them until they forgive me.”
You laughed loudly. “And if they don’t succumb to your many charms?”
“I’ll strangle them with Chacha’s guitar strings and lock them in my basement. I bet that’s not in their fucking contracts.”
Gackt was still lying on his back with his hands covering his face and it meant that the rich, deep laughter that was spilling from his lips was being muffled by his hands. You wanted to hear Gackt laugh as Gackt didn’t laugh nearly enough for You’s liking, so he rose to his knees, leaned over and grabbed Gackt’s wrists with his own hands before gently prising Gackt’s hands from his face.
Gackt was staring at him with big, confused eyes. “What?” Gackt asked.
“I just wanted to hear you laugh properly,” You answered. “You don’t laugh enough.”
Gackt looked up at You, his friend’s familiar face cloaked in shadows. “Probably. I guess you’ll just have to give me more reasons to laugh.”
You was still half kneeling next to Gackt with Gackt’s wrists in his hands. “I’ll happily murder some lawyers for you if that’s what’s required.”
“Ah, you know a man is a good friend when he’s willing to risk the death penalty just to make you laugh.”
“Death penalty?” You asked. “There isn’t a court in the country that would give me the death penalty. I’m sure that making you laugh is as good a defence as claiming diminished responsibility or acting in self defence is. I’d probably get a prize.”
You didn’t know what happened next. One second both he and Gackt were laughing, their combined amusement mingling together until it was impossible to tell one voice from the other and the sound seemed to fill not only that dark guest room, but also every single floor of that huge house. Even through the darkness You could see the sparkle in Gackt’s eyes and the smile on his lips.
The next second, that laughter was silenced and You was leaning down to press his lips against Gackt’s.
You didn’t know why he did it. He didn’t understand why he wanted to kiss someone, a man, that had been his best friend for the last nineteen years.
But now that he had kissed Gackt, he didn’t think it was possible for him to stop.
Gackt froze and his body stiffened, the loose laughter that had been rolling through his limbs disappearing as soon as he felt You’s lips press against him. His hands twitched and You could feel the movement of Gackt’s fingers flow through the wrists he still held in a death grip. Gackt pulled his wrists free so that he could push You away…
…but instead he grabbed You’s hands, interlocking their fingers as he began to return the kiss that You had instigated. You felt Gackt’s body relax and sink back into the bed again and You sank back with him, moving from his knees to lie half on Gackt and half on the bed as their still joined hands pressed into You’s bare chest.
Gackt’s head rose from the pillow, eager to taste more of You’s mouth as You continued to kiss him. You pressed Gackt back down into the pillows and simply kissed him deeper. There was no hint of the bottle of wine they’d shared earlier in either their actions or their mouths and You was glad of that, he still wasn’t sure what he was doing or why he was doing it, but he knew that he wanted to feel everything that Gackt was giving him and wanted to taste that sweet mouth that was dancing with his without a veil of wine obscuring the experience.
Gackt pulled a hand free from You’s grasp and grabbed a handful of the thick hair that covered the back of You’s head. His nails were bitten, damaged and blunt, but You could still feel them as they scraped the thin skin at the back of his neck. Gackt was tugging on You’s hair, trying to manoeuvre You’s head into a better angle for his controlling kisses and You was happy to follow, his spine prickling with excitement whenever Gackt’s eager actions scratched his skin.
It took You a few moments to realise that the insistent fingers becoming tangled in his hair meant that he now had a hand free himself. His own fingers found Gackt’s hair quickly enough, the newly shortened locks surprisingly soft and gentle against his digits. His hand travelled lower, mapping out the strong bones of Gackt’s left cheek, his thumb gently tracing the defined cheekbone in a soft and comforting gesture that was completely at odds with the force of the kisses they shared.
His hand moved ever lower, brushing over Gackt’s jaw line until it came to rest against his neck. This time it was the strong column of Gackt’s thick neck that You’s thumb caressed and he lingered there for a few moments, enjoying the feel of Gackt’s Adam’s apple moving underneath his touch. They weren’t kissing anymore, not properly, instead Gackt had latched onto You’s bottom lip and was alternating between tugging on it with his teeth and sucking on it. Both actions were responsible for the low growls building in the back of You’s throat.
You tore his lip away from Gackt and decided to trace the same path his thumb had just taken with his lips. He kissed Gackt’s hair, licked his cheekbone and feasted upon his neck whilst Gackt clawed at his back with his free hand, and crushed You’s fingers with the hand that was still tightly holding onto You. You didn’t care. The strength in that hand and the body beneath was an intoxicating reminder of exactly who lay beneath him. The smooth neck beneath You’s lips didn’t belong to a blushing girl who was so much weaker than him, no, it belonged to a man who was physically his equal. Probably stronger, even.
You didn’t need to hold back.
You yanked at the orange robe that still covered Gackt and managed to pull it loose enough to expose one of Gackt’s thick shoulders. He ran his fingers over the ridge of the pronounced collarbone that stretched so elegantly from the base of Gackt’s neck and danced the very tip of his fingertips across the smooth muscle that covered Gackt’s chest, his movements only stopping when his fingers found Gackt’s nipple.
Gackt’s eyes were closed, but his senses were all tuned into the hot mouth at his neck that was expertly switching between light nips of his skin and longer, more forceful sweeps of an equally hot tongue. The part of him that was fully aware and encouraging the attention being lavished on him knew that mouth belonged to You. How could he not know? The light cologne that surrounded him was unmistakably You’s, the room he lay in had once been as familiar as his own and he’d spent so much time with You over the last nineteen years that he simply had a sixth sense where the other man was concerned. Somewhere, buried beneath the sensations that mouth and those exploring fingers were provoking, Gackt knew that what was happening was a terrible idea.
He just couldn’t bring himself to care.
Gackt was disappointed when You’s fingers left his chest, but they soon reappeared at his mouth and Gackt eagerly pulled two inside. Every sweep of his tongue across You’s fingers resulted in the teasing bites at his neck becoming sharper and more stinging until Gackt feared that You would draw blood. Gackt didn’t stop though. His usual rationality and desire to remain perfect had dissolved under the assault of You’s mouth and he licked and sucked at You’s fingers until You’s bites made him growl in pleasured pain.
His mouth felt strangely empty and his lips painfully dry when You removed his fingers. They had never kissed before today, but Gackt could barely remember the time when he hadn’t known how You’s lips felt against his own. Everything felt so new yet familiar, dangerous yet safe. It had been a long time since Gackt had felt this alive.
Gackt’s disappointment at You removing his fingers and not replacing them with his mouth was soon forgotten when those two wet fingers began to trace slow circles around his exposed nipple. The chill from the air conditioner still lingered in the air and the refreshingly cold air only heightened the sensation as it attacked his wet skin. The cold air was soon replaced by hot breath as You paused his assault on Gackt’s neck in order to softly blow across the skin that his damp fingers still teased. When You lowered his head to take that always sensitive nub between his teeth before teasing it with his tongue, Gackt knew that he had no hope of silencing the deep groan that flowed from his mouth.
You didn’t want Gackt to be quiet. He wanted to hear how much pleasure he was giving Gackt because he couldn’t believe how much pleasure he was finding himself by simply exploring the other man’s body. Just the taste of Gackt’s skin was making him harder than he had been in months and Gackt was simply being so willing. Not submissive, not quite, the hand still clawing at You’s back and the other that was making his fingers numb was a stark reminder that Gackt could never be truly submissive, but he was willingly allowing You to touch and tease as he wished.
Or, at least, Gackt had been willing.
Before You could fully realise what was happening, Gackt had swiftly sat up, forcing You back into his earlier position of sitting on his knees only this time, his knees were on either side of Gackt’s thighs so that he was practically sitting on the other man’s lap. Gackt pulled the hand that still gripped You’s free and it was only then, when he didn’t have Gackt’s long, battered fingers crushing his that he realised exactly how powerful Gackt’s grip had been. You had to flex his fingers a few times in order to get the feeling back.
Both of Gackt’s hands quickly found You’s hair and he pulled You down for a kiss so forceful that it almost knocked You backwards. He managed to keep his balance by holding onto Gackt’s shoulders, one bare and one still covered by the orange towelling robe, and after steadying himself, he kissed back with just as much strength.
Gackt’s hands left his hair and roamed across his chest, Gackt’s palms flat against his skin in order to feel as he much as he could possibly could. Gackt could feel You’s heart thudding in his chest, his rapidly moving ribcage and quivering stomach and smiled into the kiss. All of those involuntary, uncontrollable responses were due to him. He had made You, his best friend, react in that way.
You’s breath hitched when Gackt’s hands paused at the waistband of his pyjama bottoms and he nearly forgot how to breathe when Gackt then deftly untied them and slipped his hands inside. Gackt’s right hand was soon on him, gently teasing his growing hardness with long and knowing strokes. Gackt’s left hand had snaked behind You, past the small of his back and down to grab You’s ass. Gackt’s hand was rougher here, pinching and squeezing You’s flesh without any thought to whether it might hurt.
You didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know whether to push back so that Gackt’s left hand would squeeze his ass harder as the pain brought an undeniable pleasure with it, or whether to push forward, into the hand was lightly coaxing his cock into full hardness and bringing nothing but pure pleasure.
In the end he settled for doing neither and remained where he was, on his knees, hovering over Gackt’s thighs as Gackt’s tongue wrestled with his and the singer’s hands teased his body into surrender. Gackt’s hands felt so hot despite the chill in the air and so strong despite the unusual beauty of the man they belonged to. But that was Gackt, You supposed. He had always been a contradiction wrapped up in a charming smile and several squirts of Platinum Egoiste and it was these contradictions that had first pulled You into Gackt’s crazy world all of those years ago. It was those contradictions that kept You by his side, and it was those contradictions, the gentle touch of Gackt’s right hand and the rough treatment from his left, that was making You grunt with every flick of Gackt’s wrists.
You pulled away from the haven of Gackt’s mouth and tried to put a little bit of space between them, but Gackt refused to let him go fully and began to tease You’s ear with his teeth. It wasn’t the distance You had wanted, but it would do for what he wanted to do next. You took hold of the belt on Gackt’s robe, the clothing still in disarray from You’s earlier eagerness, and pulled, the loose knot that held it together instantly coming undone under the force of You’s hands.
This time, when You pulled away from Gackt’s mouth, Gackt allowed him to break free. You pushed the robe away from the shoulder it still covered and Gackt removed his hands from You’s pyjama bottoms, smirking slightly at the look of disappointment that swept across You’s face. You’s disappointment was short lived, however, when he realised that Gackt had only let him go in order to shrug off the robe completely. You lifted himself slightly, and Gackt was able to pull out the robe from underneath himself and throw it to the floor like a discarded piece of paper.
The room was still dark, but enough light filtered through for You to be able to see the smooth, pale and hairless skin of the naked body beneath him. It was a woman’s skin, You thought, no man should have skin that was so silky to touch or so well cared for, but the body that lay beneath the skin was undoubtedly male. Another contradiction.
Gackt’s hands were on You’s hips, his thumbs rubbing circles across the sharp contours of You’s hip bones. It was an idle gesture, one that Gackt barely seemed aware that he was doing, but it was comforting and it was a sensation You hadn’t felt that night amidst the bruising kisses and forceful hands that had made up the night so far.
You bit down the thoughts that were threatening to push through his lust. He wanted the bruises.
Gackt wasn’t expecting You to attack his mouth with such force and it made him fall back onto the bed again, his head hitting the pillow as You lowered himself to lie between Gackt’s legs. Gackt could feel You’s hardness pressing into his own but the feeling was muffled by the thin material of the pyjama bottoms that You still wore. It wasn’t enough. Gackt grabbed the waistband of the last remaining item of clothing that stood between them and pulled them down as far as he could manage while a hot guitarist had his entire body weight on top of him.
You lifted himself from Gackt slightly, their kisses turning from long kisses that made their lungs ache through lack of air into short, sharp strikes that gave You more room and opportunity to remove his pyjamas. It took longer than he would have liked to discard them, but it was too difficult to pull himself away from Gackt for anything longer than a second. Soon, the pale blue pyjamas were lying on top of Gackt’s orange robe on the floor, the two different materials becoming lost together.
Gackt’s hands were everywhere. They teased his ass with those same bruising squeezes as before. His palms rubbed circles into You’s lower back. His blunt nails scrapped down the sides of You’s ribcage. His fingers became tangled in You’s hair and tickled the back of his neck. You was becoming lost in all of the different feelings and sensations that Gackt was showering him with and he could tell by the growls that caught in Gackt’s vocal damaged throat and the constant movement of his hips, that Gackt was becoming lost too.
But that was okay. They could become lost together.
Although, if he thought about it, You had been lost since the first moment his lips touched Gackt’s. He still didn’t know what he was doing or why he was doing it and he didn’t know what it would mean tomorrow, when the lust that coursed through his veins had burnt out and the morning’s cold light filled the floors above, but it hardly seemed important. What did tomorrow, or next week, or next year mean when now consisted of nothing but a hot body beneath him and a wicked tongue teasing his?
Gackt had his feet planted flat against the bed and was using the leverage to rock his hips into You with as much force as he could manage. Gackt’s rhythm was infectious and You moved with him, their arousals rubbing against each other with every movement. It was becoming hard to breathe as Gackt ensured that their kisses were long, hard and deep with only the briefest pause for air, but You thought that at that time, kissing Gackt was infinitely more important that breathing.
When You’s hands ran over the strong muscles of Gackt’s thighs, Gackt’s world constricted to the guest room he was in and the bed he lay upon. There were no deadlines or recording companies anymore. There were no lyrics that sounded clumsy, no guitar riffs that weren’t quite working and no harassed band members impatiently waiting for new scores to learn. Gackt couldn’t even remember the nice meal they had all shared together that night or the bottle of wine he’d split with You that had led to the guitarist being sober, but over Japan’s strict drunk driving limits to the point that You had no choice but to stay the night at Gackt’s.
No, all Gackt could think about was the fingers running along his inner thigh, creeping higher and higher until they touched the flesh of his ass. Gackt wanted this, wanted You, so much that it almost scared him. He was just glad that You seemed to want him just as much.
Gackt’s hips stopped their movement and his body tensed slightly when You’s fingertips first lightly drifted over his entrance. He didn’t stop kissing You though; he couldn’t. Those kisses were keeping him grounded, and Gackt wouldn’t have been surprised if they had replaced his body’s need for oxygen. Without them, Gackt didn’t think he could survive.
You took the continuing kisses as a positive sign, despite the stiffness in Gackt’s hips, and he touched that part of Gackt again, but with a little more pressure this time and he was relieved to feel the tension leave Gackt’s body. Gackt’s hips remained still, but that hardly mattered when instead, Gackt spread his thighs a little wider.
You didn’t know if Gackt had done this before and his own previous experiences of the act had consisted purely of adventurous fangirls, so he thought it was best to take it slow. As his finger inched inside as slowly as he could manage, Gackt’s kisses turned more urgent and violent and his hands gripped You’s shoulders tightly as Gackt tried to pull You closer. You knew that he needed to ensure Gackt was ready for him as after all, he had vowed never to hurt Gackt unnecessarily, but it was near impossible to take a slow pace when Gackt was so welcoming and every cell in You’s body was urging him to become one with his best friend.
As You’s finger seated itself fully inside him, Gackt finally broke their never ending kiss and groaned into the darkness. He had never done this before, at least from this position, and everything felt so strange but so right. It was only right that it was You; the first person to tell him he could sing, the first person to rush to his side after his divorce, the first person to congratulate him on getting the job with Malice Mizer, the first person to commiserate with him when he lost that job, the first person to truly believe his solo career could eclipse even that band’s success…
You had been first in so many things. Gackt was content to add another to the list.
Gackt’s eyes had been closed but they fluttered open when You placed a chaste kiss on the tip of his nose and then entered him with a second finger. That burned, slightly, but his body soon adjusted and he groaned again, the sound causing You to shudder slightly and push further in. You loved that sound and despite the scratchiness Gackt’s voice contained after several days of constant recording, it was still music to his ears.
You was a little confused when Gackt’s right arm disentangled itself from his shoulders and stretched out to the side. He paused the movement of his fingers, but didn’t remove them, and soon understood what Gackt was doing. Gackt was reaching for the little drawer in the bedside table, but he couldn’t quite reach it while he had a guitarist lying on top of him and pinning him down, so instead, You opened the drawer.
The grunt of disappointment from Gackt when You’s fingers did leave his body was a sound You knew he’d never forget.
Inside the drawer was a small box of condoms and he could tell by the way Gackt relaxed and pulled his outstretched arm back to stroke You’s side, that it had been the condoms Gackt was reaching for. If it had been anybody else, You would have been wondering why there were condoms in a guest room. As it was Gackt, he was just surprised it wasn’t something stranger.
Gackt snatched the box from his hands and pulled a condom out, quickly ripping the wrapper and throwing the unneeded plastic onto the bedside table. Gackt’s intentions were clear so You sat back on his knees again and strained his eyes in the dull light to try and see what Gackt was doing. He didn’t need to see though, only to feelx, as both of Gackt’s hands were soon on his cock, stroking his sensitive skin softly and with a thoroughness that again stole You’s breath.
You’s eyes closed when Gackt pulled the condom over the tip of his cock. Gackt’s long fingers ensured no air was trapped within, before they formed a tight circle and rolled the condom down You’s hardness. Those fingers moved so slowly, maddeningly slowly, that part of You wanted to bat Gackt’s hand away and do it himself. But, a larger part of him was enjoying the feel of Gackt’s hand wrapped around him and the deliberateness of the action. Gackt didn’t want to rush. Gackt wanted to feel all of You and at that moment, You knew that he couldn’t deny Gackt anything.
When Gackt was content that the condom was fitted properly, he rose to his knees and kissed You. But this time, the kiss wasn’t the same passion filled, devouring force it had been before, where mouths fought and tongues danced. This kiss was chaste, innocent even, just lips against lips as Gackt gently caressed You’s face. It was nearly You’s undoing and he was more relieved than he could ever remember being when Gackt softly kissed his forehead before lying back down on the bed.
It had been a kiss reserved only for lovers. It asked too many questions.
You settled himself back between Gackt’s legs and was happy when Gackt wrapped his arms around his back and kissed him with that same passion that had carried them through the evening so far. You could lose himself in that passion. He could use it to drive away all of the questions, to protect himself from consequences and it made everything so simple. He wanted Gackt and Gackt wanted him. That’s all he needed to think about.
When Gackt broke the kiss and released the tight hold he had on You’s back, You understood the motive behind those gestures. Gackt had relaxed his legs again, his thighs spread wide but not to a degree that would cause him any strain and he pulled You’s head down until their foreheads touched. Gackt’s eyes were wide and concentrated on him and even in the darkness, You could see the openness contained within the usually guarded brown. Gackt nodded and You didn’t need to question.
On some level, You had expected it to feel strange. He’d never had sex with a man before and had never, not even in the sugar induced madness of his dreams ever thought he’d be having sex with Gackt. But it didn’t feel strange. Not at all. As he slowly entered Gackt, his eyes trained onto Gackt’s face, straining to see any sign of discomfort through the darkness, all You could think about was how warm he felt.
Gackt was warm, both inside and out. The cold air conditioned air didn’t seem to be affecting him anymore and it made You want to get closer, to fight away the chill and embrace the heat radiating from the other man. You was sweating and he felt like he would burn from his head to his toes, but he wanted the heat. You also felt that warmth that could only come from being with someone you cared for. He often felt that when he was with Gackt, it was only natural that nineteen years of friendship would result in a friendly love between them, and now that he was this connected to Gackt, that warmth was so tangible he could almost feel it.
Once fully inside You paused for a few moments and simply looked down at Gackt. The other man had his eyes closed and his full, kiss bruised lips were open so You kissed him again, his tongue sweeping across Gackt’s lips. Gackt’s answering kisses were lazy but he kissed back all the same, his tongue searching out You’s as his arms once again wrapped around You’s shoulders.
You began to move. He’d never felt this close to Gackt or this connected to him. Nineteen years of happiness, sadness, triumphs and tears and it all paled in comparison to this. You knew that if Gackt opened his eyes and searched through the darkness for him, then Gackt would see all of him. You knew that if Gackt would open his eyes, he’d see all of Gackt.
Gackt did open his eyes. The discomfort he had felt had soon dissipated into nothing but raw pleasure and he groaned, the sound becoming stuck in his throat and escaping as only a breath of hot air. His throat hurt from all of the recording and rehearsing they’d been doing over the last few days, but the pain seemed inconsequential. What did it matter when You, his You, was moving inside him?
Gackt raised his hips slightly and he was pleased when it spurred You on to move faster. He was no weakling, he could take all of You’s strength and exceed it, and he didn’t want You to feel that he had to hold back. Gackt wanted everything that You could give him and in return, wanted to give You everything he had.
There was a hand gripping Gackt’s hip now with a force that Gackt hoped would bruise. Gackt licked You’s ear and was rewarded with a grunt and an especially enthusiastic snap of You’s hips that made Gackt gasp in pleasure. You began to kiss him, his lips floating across Gackt’s face to kiss whatever skin they could reach from Gackt’s smooth forehead to his harsh jaw line. The kisses were everywhere, and all Gackt could do was enjoy them as his hands began to roam across You’s sweat slicked back. Gackt could feel You’s muscles expand and contract as You continued to thrust inside him in an ever increasing pace.
You’s hips were becoming more erratic and jerky in their movements. Occasionally, it would make You brush against a part of Gackt that made the singer grunt and claw at You’s back and You would try to find that spot again because he loved how wild and dangerous it made Gackt’s usually controlled voice sound. He hadn’t known it was possible for Gackt to sound like that.
He never wanted to forget those sounds.
You knew he couldn’t last much longer. He was pouring all of his strength into Gackt and the other man was meeting him thrust for thrust but he’d expected nothing less. He worked a hand between their bodies and took Gackt’s arousal in hand, stroking it in time with his thrusts and revelling in the smooth hardness as it moved through his fingers. Gackt was staring at him now, searching for something in You’s eyes as his teeth bit into his bottom lip. You stared back.
They were still staring at each when You succumbed to the fire in his veins, his world exploding with a few last sharp thrusts of his hips. He collapsed onto Gackt’s rapidly rising chest and it only took a couple of long, firm strokes of his hand for Gackt to follow him, groaning into the darkness until his voice cracked and no sound remained.
They stayed like that for a few moments. You, still inside Gackt and lying on top of him while Gackt gently petted his hair and closed his eyes. Soon, the heat had burnt itself out and You could again feel the chill in the air. His body protested, but he knew it was time to move. Gackt groaned unhappily when You pulled away from him, but made no comment, not even when You broke all contact and they were no longer touching at all.
You was in the room’s en suite bathroom, discarding the condom and tidying up when he realised that neither he or Gackt had said a single word since the moment their lips first met. They hadn’t needed to. But, did they need to talk now? Would Gackt want to spend the night with him after what would happen or would he retreat back to his own bedroom and leave You alone?
Now that he had distance between himself and Gackt, all of those questions that had seemed so pointless were now of the upmost importance.
You took a deep breath, and walked back into the bedroom.
He needn’t have worried though. Gackt was curled up on his side with his back facing away from You and the centre of the bed and as You moved closer, it was plain to see that the singer had already fallen asleep. You pulled up the sheet so that it protected Gackt’s naked body from the cool air and lay beside him.
The questions could wait until the morning.
*~*~*~
You was having a lovely dream. He dreamt that hands were running across his chest and playing with his nipples. He dreamt that a hot mouth was sucking at his neck and that Gackt was laughing.
He opened his eyes.
It wasn’t a dream.
You lay on his back and Gackt lay beside him on his side, his hands roaming You’s chest as he bit and licked at You’s neck. When Gackt noticed that You was awake, he stopped the movements of his mouth and looked down at You, his eyes searching You’s face for something that You couldn’t figure out. You opened his mouth to speak, but Gackt silenced him by placing two fingers against his lips. You kissed them and Gackt smiled.
You was gently rolled onto his right side until he was halfway on his stomach and he groaned softly when Gackt began laying kisses all over his shoulder blades. He was still sleepy and pressed his face into the pillow, his eyes blinking slowly as his mind struggled to catch up with what was happening. Gackt’s hand was on his cock, stroking him softly and coaxing him into hardness and You muttered something unintelligible into the pillow as his body reacted to Gackt’s knowing hand.
The hand soon left him and his shoulders were spared those soft kisses and You found himself drifting between being awake and asleep. He was still tired and if he had been alert enough to look at the bright display of the clock only a couple of feet from his face, he’d have realised that only an hour had passed since he’d fallen asleep. Gackt had never been able to sleep undisturbed for too long. He was tired, but he was also interested in what Gackt had planned next so he forced his eyes open and patiently waited.
You heard the sound of a plastic wrapper being ripped open and then a quiet, barely audible gasp of pleasure from Gackt. He wanted to see Gackt touch himself, even if it was only to put on a condom, but it was too much of an effort to move. So, he waited.
He didn’t have to wait much longer. One of Gackt’s strong hands gripped You’s left thigh and lifted it until You’s leg was at a right angle and then gently placed the limb back on the bed. You could almost feel Gackt’s eyes wandering down his back. The kisses were soon back, spreading across his shoulders, neck and the side of his face in a random order. You never knew where Gackt would kiss next.
He was so lost in those kisses and the sleep that still clung to his mind that he almost didn’t notice the finger that slowly worked its way inside. When he did, his body tensed but Gackt reassured him with quiet noises that were not words at all, but had the same effect. You relaxed his body but gripped the sheets when a second finger joined it, not through pain, but simply due to the intensity of it all.
Gackt continued kissing You’s neck to distract him as he removed his fingers and settled behind him properly, before beginning to carefully push inside. You groaned into the pillow again, his eyes screwing shut tightly, but Gackt ensured that he was gentle and controlled. He moved slowly, his hips thrusting in an almost lazy manner and he soon felt You relax again and the tension that had been present in his face simply disappeared.
A strong arm wrapped around You’s waist and without even thinking You held onto it, his hand gripping Gackt’s forearm before sliding over the skin until it reached Gackt’s hand. You locked his fingers with Gackt’s and he could feel Gackt smile against his neck. Gackt leaned over him and kissed the side of his mouth, silently asking permission to kiss You properly. You was happy to oblige and turned his head slightly, the angle hurting his neck but that didn’t matter when Gackt’s perfect lips found his again.
The kisses were gentler than they had been earlier, almost sloppy and languid but that was better, You thought. Gackt was still moving inside him slowly and the leisurely pace of it all coupled with the lingering tiredness that You still felt was dragging You under Gackt’s spell. You knew that he would have done anything Gackt asked of him at that time and that thought frightened him until he realised that things weren’t really much different when he was fully alert. Gackt had always had that power over him; he was just glad that Gackt never abused it.
Gackt broke the kiss and settled back down, his chest pressed against You’s back as he began to nuzzle You’s hair. It was unusual for You’s hair to be longer than his but Gackt liked it, it was so silky against his face and it smelled of vanilla edged with something spicier. But, that was You, Gackt supposed. Outwardly simple and plain, but with an inextinguishable fire beneath.
You began to groan but the sounds were still muffled by the pillow. He could feel Gackt’s rapid breaths against his neck and Gackt’s arm tightened around his waist as he increased the pace of his thrusts. Gackt changed his angle slightly and You’s eyes shot open, a strangled grunt catching in his throat as Gackt hit something that made You’s legs shake. Gackt recognised You’s reaction and concentrated on striking that same spot, over and over and over again.
A few more sharp thrusts and Gackt was spent, his body shaking against You’s back as he poured all of his strength into the final movements of his hips. You met every thrust and held onto Gackt’s hand tightly as Gackt rode out the pleasure that ran through him.
When Gackt had gathered himself together, he rolled You onto his back and kissed him deeply. You was still hard and tightly wound with anticipation so he tried to press himself against Gackt, to get that body contact back that he previously enjoyed and revelled in. Feeling Gackt’s skin against his made him feel warm in a way he never had before and he needed that warmth now.
Gackt pulled away and lowered his head to You’s hard cock, licking the head just so that he could taste, before quickly taking You into his mouth. Although Gackt usually liked to tease and torment his partner, he had no intentions of doing so with You so he worked quickly, his cheeks becoming hollow with the force of his suction as his hands gently caressed You’s balls. You’s fingers barely had time to find Gackt’s short hair before his hips were rising from the bed as he released into Gackt’s mouth. Gackt swallowed it all and only released You’s cock when he was entirely sure that You had finished.
You was so dazed that it barely registered when Gackt left the room. He watched through sleepy eyes when Gackt came back a few short moments later and remained silent when Gackt climbed back in bed. Gackt looked at him carefully and Gackt’s mouth opened slightly, as if he had something he planned to say, but he thought better of it and joined You in being silent.
You was surprised but pleased when Gackt lay down beside him and lay his head upon You’s chest. You’s arms automatically came to wrap around him and he felt Gackt sigh, his warm breath tickling You’s chest as he exhaled. The last thing Gackt remembered before he fell asleep was the feel of You’s lips against the top of his head.
*~*~*~
It was morning.
Even in the basement floors of Gackt’s house where windows didn’t exist and lights were permanently switched to the lowest dim setting possible, it was easy to tell the difference between night and day. The upper floors were always full of sunlight and life during the day and the energy those brought filtered down below the ground, even if the light itself didn’t.
You opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He’d had the strangest dreams. He’d dreamt that he’d had sex with Gackt, twice, and it had all felt so real that if he hadn’t have known better, he would have thought it was real.
But it can’t have been real. You had never had sex with a man, even if the thought had crossed his mind once or twice, and he’d definitely never have sex with Gackt. Gackt had never had sex with a man either as far as he knew, although You was wise enough to acknowledge that there were lots of details of Gackt’s sex life that he didn’t know about and just as many that he didn’t want to know about. He did know, however, that Gackt would never have sex with him.
There wasn’t enough alcohol even in Gackt’s wine cellar to make that possible.
You sat up and glanced quickly at the clock. 9am…
Wait.
There were two things in front of the clock. You had recognised them for what they were immediately, but he was too scared to look again to make sure. He didn’t want to see those two condom wrappers idly lying on the wooden surface. He didn’t want to see them because they were confirmation that his vivid dream had been real.
Only a few hours earlier he had had sex with Gackt. And then, it had happened again.
And he’d enjoyed it.
There was no trace of Gackt in the room. You leaned over the edge of the bed and saw just his old pair of pyjama bottoms on the floor, the orange towelling robe having disappeared alongside his owner. You toyed with the idea of staying in that guest room all day, but he knew that eventually he’d have to face Gackt and he’d never been one to run away from a problem or a question.
You dressed in the clothes he’d worn last night, took a deep breath and left the room.
*~*~*~
He found Gackt in the kitchen, drinking one of those lurid fruit drinks that he considered breakfast. Gackt didn’t notice him immediately and it meant that You was able to observe him, to watch as Gackt swallowed down the juice and to see how tense Gackt looked.
You cleared his throat.
Gackt looked at him, his eyes widening to an impossible size and his cheeks flushing pink. He nearly dropped the glass in his hand, but quickly recovered and continued to stare at You for a few moments.
“Gackt…”
“No,” Gackt interrupted in a firm voice. “We’re not talking about this now or ever. There is nothing to talk about.”
“Gackt…”
“No, You,” Gackt interrupted again. “I’m going to the recording studio. You can make your own way there.”
And with that Gackt was gone. Three minutes later, You heard the front door slam shut.
You sank onto one of the stools that sat beside the breakfast bar and buried his head in his hands. For nineteen years he’d been best friends with Gackt. They were closer than brothers and had lived through everything together. Could all of that have been destroyed in just one night?
You needed to act. He grabbed his bag, said goodbye to the staff, slipped on his shoes and left. He had no choice. He’d have to try and confront Gackt at the recording studio. He was willing to fight to salvage their friendship and all he could do was hope that Gackt would be just as willing as he was.
~owari
Notes
1) I didn’t intend this to be so long! I was determined not to have any dialogue in the sex scenes so I thought that would make them really short due to my usual failure at writing smut, but this time I think I wrote too much… I'm sorry it's so long, but hopefully TWO sex scenes makes up for it!
2) I hope this goes someway to explain why they were so awkward with each other and why Gackt was trying so hard to avoid the subject in “Today”.