Apology
Title - Apology
Author - unwritten_ideas
Rating - PG-13 (references to previous sexual encounters)
Word Count - 1,557
Pairing - Gackt x Jon
Characters - Gackt, Jon
Disclaimer - don’t own squat and if I did, I’d be posting this with pictures
Summary - it's YFC's first live in four months and Gackt and Jon find themselves looking at things differently
Gackt felt good.
The adrenaline that only came from a good live was still running through his veins as he stood in the dressing room that he was sharing with Jon. His YFC jacket, shirt and tie lay discarded on the floor of the dressing room and he stood in front of the mirror that adjourned the far wall. The table before the mirror was covered in various bottles of make up and hair products and he was idly sorting through the clutter to find the make up remover.
He was alone, but that was okay as his thoughts were still on the live. It had been short, too short, but he had enjoyed every second of it. It had been a long four months since the last YFC live in Makuhari and the end of the Japanese tour, and although a short TV special wasn’t quite enough to feed the hunger he felt for playing live, it was enough for now.
There was truly nothing like stepping on stage in front of a crowd, whether it was 200 people or 20,000 people and hearing their screams. Gackt never felt as alive as he did when he had a microphone in his hand and a live band behind him. The performance had been near perfect despite the lengthy gap and lack of rehearsal due to his trip to LA, and he had loved every second.
He heard the door open but neither looked to see who had entered or lifted his head from the collection of bottles and items that sat before him. The staff would make sure that only authorised people entered the dressing room and he began humming to himself, the music still flowing through his veins as his eyes finally found the make up remover that he was looking for.
Gackt’s head snapped up to look in the mirror and his back stiffened when two strong arms wrapped around his bare waist.
“Good live, huh?”
It was Jon, of course, Gackt should have expected that as it was Jon’s dressing room as much as his own, after all. The arms around his waist were a heavy, but loose brand that almost burned his already heated skin and Gackt brushed them away as he stepped to the right and picked up the make up remover that was just out of his reach.
Gackt didn’t turn around and instead watched Jon in the mirror’s reflection. “It was fun.”
Jon also stepped to the side and tried to wrap his arms around Gackt again, but this time Gackt was ready and waiting and effortlessly side stepped Jon’s action. Jon frowned in confusion.
“Is there a problem?” Jon asked.
“No,” Gackt said sharply, still facing away from Jon, “the live was perfect.”
Jon sighed and stepped closer to Gackt. When Gackt took a step forward to put more space between them again, Jon felt his heart skip a beat. “That’s not what I was talking about.”
Gackt said nothing.
Jon pulled his tie loose and threw it onto the floor. Throughout both the European and Japanese tours, he and Gackt had been in a relationship of sorts. It had been purely sexual, but that had been enough. They’d worked together on stage, a perfect team matching their voices and movements, infusing the crowd with energy and spurring each other on with a force that had become distinctly darker and more dangerous as the tour had progressed.
When the shows were over, that force, the darkness and the danger, the aggression and testosterone, had resulted in them fucking each other until their throats were raw from screaming, their bodies ached from the passion and until they had no energy to even keep their eyes open.
It only happened after concerts. Sometimes in the dressing room if Gackt had enough energy left, sometimes in the hotel, sometimes at Gackt’s house and one memorable time when Gackt had somehow managed to purposely break the hotel elevator for an hour because he couldn’t wait for the ride to his hotel room on the twentieth floor to be over. They had never spoken about it and Jon couldn’t even remember who had started the arrangement, but it had happened. Every single night without fail.
Gackt’s back was rigid with tension, Jon noted, but that was nothing unusual. Live performances always left Gackt either boneless and on the verge of collapse or so tightly wound that only the type of sex that bruised would be able to relax him.
Jon ran a blunt and bitten fingernail down the centre of Gackt’s back and felt his cock twitch at the involuntary shiver that ran down Gackt’s spine. It had been too long since he’d felt Gackt’s body succumb to his.
Gackt span on his heels and slapped away Jon’s hand. “What are you doing?”
“What we always do,” Jon answered simply.
“And what’s that?” Gackt’s voice was low, controlled and dark and Jon should have realised the danger signs.
“Having some fun and releasing some tension,” Jon said.
Gackt narrowed his heavily made up eyes and Jon had never wanted him more. “No,” Gackt said firmly. “That’s not what you’ve been doing at all, is it?”
Now, Jon was really confused. “G, I don’t understand. We always fuck after concerts. What’s changed?”
“I fuck, you...” Gackt’s voice trailed off. “I’m not stupid Jon, and I’m not the heavy sleeper you think I am, either.”
Jon’s throat suddenly felt dry. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Gackt took a step forward and with a surprisingly gentle touch, held Jon’s chin with his right hand. “I heard those things you whispered to me after the Makuhari show. I heard you say that you had fallen in love with me and felt how gently you stroked my face.” Jon could only close his eyes when the hand that held his chin began to gently caress his cheek in the same way he’d touched Gackt those months ago. “This was never about falling in love with each other, Jon.”
Jon kept his eyes closed. He had known all along that falling in love with Gackt was a stupid idea. You had warned him months ago that he should have as much fun with Gackt as he wanted, but to never let feelings become involved because as loving as Gackt was with his friends, he had a habit of trampling all over the feelings of those who were stupid enough to fall in love with him. The sad tone in You’s voice had led Jon to believe that You was speaking from experience.
Jon had taken You’s words to heart and had fought against his growing feelings for months. He enjoyed the things Gackt did to him and loved having free reign to do whatever he wanted to Gackt, but he had kept his heart away from it all. That last night in Makuhari had, however, been one night too many. When he had woken half way through the night he had thought that it was their last night together and that Gackt was fast asleep. He had seen no harm in simply touching Gackt and saying those things he would never dare to say to Gackt when he was awake.
“You never said anything,” Jon said quietly, his eyes still closed as he tried to memorise how Gackt’s touch felt when it was soft and gentle. He’d only ever felt power and strength from him before. “These last four months… you’ve acted like you didn’t know.”
“There was no need for me to say anything,” Gackt answered. “We were simply working together and being friends.”
“And now?” Jon said, dreading the answer.
“I can’t fuck someone who’s in love with me,” Gackt answered, his hand finally drifting away from Jon’s face. “It isn’t fair on either of us.”
Jon opened his eyes and nodded. After a silence that seemed to stretch forever, he finally spoke. “I’m sorry. I broke the rules, didn’t I?”
Gackt shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the mirror. “It happens.”
Suddenly, Jon thought of that sad tone in You’s voice and the words he’d spoken. How many others had found themselves in this situation with Gackt? Used purely for a quick fuck and then discarded when feelings had become involved? Had Gackt genuinely not cared for any of them as anything more than a friend, or had he simply never allowed himself to?
Jon stepped away from Gackt, putting a safe distance between them again and began unbuttoning his shirt. “I take my apology back.”
Gackt turned back around to face him. “What?”
Jon took a deep breath before he began to speak. “Falling in love with you isn’t something I should apologise for,” Jon said, his pulse racing at finally saying the words out loud to Gackt. It made the emotion more real, somehow, “but you should be apologising for not feeling the same.”
Gackt was reduced to one word again. “What?”
“Falling in love is never a bad thing,” Jon said, “but being unable to fall in love, is.”
Before Gackt could answer, Jon had grabbed his toiletries bag and headed for the attached shower room.
As Gackt removed the make up that covered his skin and revealed the man that lay beneath, only two words flowed through his mind.
“I’m sorry.”
~owari
Notes
1) Call me cruel, but I like the idea of lonely, ice queen (fictional) Gackt XD
2) Sometimes when I write, I have the entire fic planned in my brain and know every line before I write a word. For this, I just had the mental image of Gackt side stepping Jon when he tried to embrace him. I didn't expect it to end this way!
Author - unwritten_ideas
Rating - PG-13 (references to previous sexual encounters)
Word Count - 1,557
Pairing - Gackt x Jon
Characters - Gackt, Jon
Disclaimer - don’t own squat and if I did, I’d be posting this with pictures
Summary - it's YFC's first live in four months and Gackt and Jon find themselves looking at things differently
Gackt felt good.
The adrenaline that only came from a good live was still running through his veins as he stood in the dressing room that he was sharing with Jon. His YFC jacket, shirt and tie lay discarded on the floor of the dressing room and he stood in front of the mirror that adjourned the far wall. The table before the mirror was covered in various bottles of make up and hair products and he was idly sorting through the clutter to find the make up remover.
He was alone, but that was okay as his thoughts were still on the live. It had been short, too short, but he had enjoyed every second of it. It had been a long four months since the last YFC live in Makuhari and the end of the Japanese tour, and although a short TV special wasn’t quite enough to feed the hunger he felt for playing live, it was enough for now.
There was truly nothing like stepping on stage in front of a crowd, whether it was 200 people or 20,000 people and hearing their screams. Gackt never felt as alive as he did when he had a microphone in his hand and a live band behind him. The performance had been near perfect despite the lengthy gap and lack of rehearsal due to his trip to LA, and he had loved every second.
He heard the door open but neither looked to see who had entered or lifted his head from the collection of bottles and items that sat before him. The staff would make sure that only authorised people entered the dressing room and he began humming to himself, the music still flowing through his veins as his eyes finally found the make up remover that he was looking for.
Gackt’s head snapped up to look in the mirror and his back stiffened when two strong arms wrapped around his bare waist.
“Good live, huh?”
It was Jon, of course, Gackt should have expected that as it was Jon’s dressing room as much as his own, after all. The arms around his waist were a heavy, but loose brand that almost burned his already heated skin and Gackt brushed them away as he stepped to the right and picked up the make up remover that was just out of his reach.
Gackt didn’t turn around and instead watched Jon in the mirror’s reflection. “It was fun.”
Jon also stepped to the side and tried to wrap his arms around Gackt again, but this time Gackt was ready and waiting and effortlessly side stepped Jon’s action. Jon frowned in confusion.
“Is there a problem?” Jon asked.
“No,” Gackt said sharply, still facing away from Jon, “the live was perfect.”
Jon sighed and stepped closer to Gackt. When Gackt took a step forward to put more space between them again, Jon felt his heart skip a beat. “That’s not what I was talking about.”
Gackt said nothing.
Jon pulled his tie loose and threw it onto the floor. Throughout both the European and Japanese tours, he and Gackt had been in a relationship of sorts. It had been purely sexual, but that had been enough. They’d worked together on stage, a perfect team matching their voices and movements, infusing the crowd with energy and spurring each other on with a force that had become distinctly darker and more dangerous as the tour had progressed.
When the shows were over, that force, the darkness and the danger, the aggression and testosterone, had resulted in them fucking each other until their throats were raw from screaming, their bodies ached from the passion and until they had no energy to even keep their eyes open.
It only happened after concerts. Sometimes in the dressing room if Gackt had enough energy left, sometimes in the hotel, sometimes at Gackt’s house and one memorable time when Gackt had somehow managed to purposely break the hotel elevator for an hour because he couldn’t wait for the ride to his hotel room on the twentieth floor to be over. They had never spoken about it and Jon couldn’t even remember who had started the arrangement, but it had happened. Every single night without fail.
Gackt’s back was rigid with tension, Jon noted, but that was nothing unusual. Live performances always left Gackt either boneless and on the verge of collapse or so tightly wound that only the type of sex that bruised would be able to relax him.
Jon ran a blunt and bitten fingernail down the centre of Gackt’s back and felt his cock twitch at the involuntary shiver that ran down Gackt’s spine. It had been too long since he’d felt Gackt’s body succumb to his.
Gackt span on his heels and slapped away Jon’s hand. “What are you doing?”
“What we always do,” Jon answered simply.
“And what’s that?” Gackt’s voice was low, controlled and dark and Jon should have realised the danger signs.
“Having some fun and releasing some tension,” Jon said.
Gackt narrowed his heavily made up eyes and Jon had never wanted him more. “No,” Gackt said firmly. “That’s not what you’ve been doing at all, is it?”
Now, Jon was really confused. “G, I don’t understand. We always fuck after concerts. What’s changed?”
“I fuck, you...” Gackt’s voice trailed off. “I’m not stupid Jon, and I’m not the heavy sleeper you think I am, either.”
Jon’s throat suddenly felt dry. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Gackt took a step forward and with a surprisingly gentle touch, held Jon’s chin with his right hand. “I heard those things you whispered to me after the Makuhari show. I heard you say that you had fallen in love with me and felt how gently you stroked my face.” Jon could only close his eyes when the hand that held his chin began to gently caress his cheek in the same way he’d touched Gackt those months ago. “This was never about falling in love with each other, Jon.”
Jon kept his eyes closed. He had known all along that falling in love with Gackt was a stupid idea. You had warned him months ago that he should have as much fun with Gackt as he wanted, but to never let feelings become involved because as loving as Gackt was with his friends, he had a habit of trampling all over the feelings of those who were stupid enough to fall in love with him. The sad tone in You’s voice had led Jon to believe that You was speaking from experience.
Jon had taken You’s words to heart and had fought against his growing feelings for months. He enjoyed the things Gackt did to him and loved having free reign to do whatever he wanted to Gackt, but he had kept his heart away from it all. That last night in Makuhari had, however, been one night too many. When he had woken half way through the night he had thought that it was their last night together and that Gackt was fast asleep. He had seen no harm in simply touching Gackt and saying those things he would never dare to say to Gackt when he was awake.
“You never said anything,” Jon said quietly, his eyes still closed as he tried to memorise how Gackt’s touch felt when it was soft and gentle. He’d only ever felt power and strength from him before. “These last four months… you’ve acted like you didn’t know.”
“There was no need for me to say anything,” Gackt answered. “We were simply working together and being friends.”
“And now?” Jon said, dreading the answer.
“I can’t fuck someone who’s in love with me,” Gackt answered, his hand finally drifting away from Jon’s face. “It isn’t fair on either of us.”
Jon opened his eyes and nodded. After a silence that seemed to stretch forever, he finally spoke. “I’m sorry. I broke the rules, didn’t I?”
Gackt shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the mirror. “It happens.”
Suddenly, Jon thought of that sad tone in You’s voice and the words he’d spoken. How many others had found themselves in this situation with Gackt? Used purely for a quick fuck and then discarded when feelings had become involved? Had Gackt genuinely not cared for any of them as anything more than a friend, or had he simply never allowed himself to?
Jon stepped away from Gackt, putting a safe distance between them again and began unbuttoning his shirt. “I take my apology back.”
Gackt turned back around to face him. “What?”
Jon took a deep breath before he began to speak. “Falling in love with you isn’t something I should apologise for,” Jon said, his pulse racing at finally saying the words out loud to Gackt. It made the emotion more real, somehow, “but you should be apologising for not feeling the same.”
Gackt was reduced to one word again. “What?”
“Falling in love is never a bad thing,” Jon said, “but being unable to fall in love, is.”
Before Gackt could answer, Jon had grabbed his toiletries bag and headed for the attached shower room.
As Gackt removed the make up that covered his skin and revealed the man that lay beneath, only two words flowed through his mind.
“I’m sorry.”
~owari
Notes
1) Call me cruel, but I like the idea of lonely, ice queen (fictional) Gackt XD
2) Sometimes when I write, I have the entire fic planned in my brain and know every line before I write a word. For this, I just had the mental image of Gackt side stepping Jon when he tried to embrace him. I didn't expect it to end this way!