Twenty One
Title - Twenty One
Author - unwritten_ideas
Rating - PG
Word Count - 1,123
Pairing - Gackt x You
Characters - Gackt, You
Disclaimer - don’t own squat and if I did, I’d be posting this with pictures
Summary - You wakes up in the middle of the night, but he isn't the only one awake.
Notes - sorry it's a sad one, guys!
You didn’t need to look at the alarm clock beside the bed to know that it was too early to be awake. Even though the underground bedroom was always cloaked in darkness, it had a different atmosphere during the night and the silence that reigned throughout the house meant that if no staff were around, it was definitely too early for him to be awake.
He closed his eyes and tried for a few minutes to fall back asleep, but for some reason his body felt on edge. It happened sometimes - he’d wake and be restless, and so You did the one thing he always did when he needed to relax during the night.
He rolled over to face the centre of the bed, opened his eyes and looked at the man sleeping next to him.
Gackt was lying on his back, his eyes closed, freshly dyed black hair pointing in all directions and breathing deep and even. He looked asleep, but You knew Gackt’s sleeping habits well enough to know that Gackt didn’t sleep on his back unless You’s head was upon his chest.
You reached out and traced a finger down Gackt’s cheek. As expected, Gackt’s eyes fluttered open and they had the clarity of someone who was wide awake. “Can’t sleep?” You asked.
“No,” Gackt answered simply.
You shuffled closer. “Still wired?” They’d had a party that night to celebrate the release of the album and had both gone to bed slightly buzzed from the wine they’d drank.
“No.”
“Not sleepy?”
Gackt still stared at the ceiling. “No.”
You was wide awake now and he could tell from the short, dismissive answers, the purposely controlled breathing and the harsh set of Gackt’s jaw line that something more than the singer’s usual insomnia was keeping him awake. It was also pretty evident that Gackt didn’t want to talk about it.
Dealing with Gackt was like working with a wild animal sometimes. He could be friendly and loving, open and approachable, but you never knew when he would close himself down and attack if the wrong word was said. Due to trial and error and a lot of patience, You was now able to judge Gackt’s moods but he still couldn’t figure out how to deal with all them.
Then again, Gackt probably couldn’t either.
“Anything you want to talk about?” You said hopefully.
The answer was disappointing, but expected. “No.”
You sighed, moving the hand that still stroked Gackt’s cheek down until it rested over the other man’s heart. It was beating rapidly, and You thought he knew what was wrong. “Nightmare?”
Gackt paused, and when he answered his voice was slightly strained. “No.”
You grabbed Gackt’s far wrist and settled down onto his back, pulling Gackt with him. Gackt resisted the gesture for a second, but then complied and rolled over, placing his head on You’s chest and draping an arm loosely around You’s waist.
You held him close and kissed his temple. “If you want to tell me…”
“No,” Gackt answered curtly.
“Everyone has nightmares,” You explained softly. “I can’t imagine what yours are like.”
“What do you mean by that?” Gackt asked.
“Well, most singers write simple songs about love. You write them from the perspective of nazi cyborgs, vampires and samurais and build complicated storylines around them. Your imagination is so creative and vivid and it must be horrible when it works against you.”
Gackt was silent for a long time and You allowed him his time to think. Gackt had always had a mind that could see farther than anyone else You had ever known and You thought that it had to be both a blessing, and a curse depending on the situation.
Finally, Gackt spoke. “Go back to sleep.”
You recognised the comment for it was - Gackt’s way of ending the conversation. He knew that he could push a little more and try to get Gackt to open up, but he also knew that the most possible outcome of that would be angering Gackt and causing an argument. Gackt hated admitting his weaknesses and fears, even ones that were common to everyone, and You knew better than to make him.
“Okay,” You acquiesced. “If you want me, wake me.”
“I won’t,” Gackt answered simply, not explaining whether he meant he wouldn’t need You, or wouldn’t wake him even if he did.
“Fine,” You sighed. “I love you.”
Gackt closed his eyes when he felt You’s lips brush against his hair and scalp. “I love you too,” he said in a soft and genuine voice.
You closed his eyes and simply listened to the rhythm of Gackt’s breaths. Despite how far they’d come together and how open and warm Gackt had become as he’d matured and become more at ease with himself, there were still some things he held back. There had been progress, of course, in years gone by Gackt would have either turned his back on You or left the bed completely instead of seeking silent comfort from him, but it wasn’t enough.
The minutes ticked by as You wondered if sometimes, he asked too much of Gackt. He had known from the beginning that the man in his arms had his defences and secrets and Gackt had never hidden that. You had entered the friendship, and later begun the relationship, fully aware that Gackt was unwilling to admit certain truths to himself, let alone anyone else. Asking him to change so much… was it a step too far?
You had no idea how long he had been mulling through his thoughts. Gackt hadn’t moved since they’d both fallen silent and was still warming the right side of You’s body, fast asleep.
Or, at least You had thought Gackt was fast asleep. He had to reconsider that when he felt Gackt’s body shudder softly and involuntarily, followed by a warm wetness against his skin.
Gackt was crying. Silently, and alone.
You wanted nothing more than to hold him tighter, shower him in kisses and tell him over and over again that everything was going to be okay. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. He knew that Gackt would never allow it and You always put Gackt’s wishes before his own, even when he thought they were dumb, unhelpful and counter productive.
Instead, You lay in silence, his eyes closed as the occasional hushed sob reached his ears, despite Gackt’s best attempts to keep them all inside. He hoped that simply being there as a reassuring presence for Gackt to hold onto would be enough.
It had taken twenty one years to get to this stage. You hoped it wouldn’t take another twenty one years for Gackt to finally open up enough to speak to him.
~owari
Notes
1) I really shouldn't be writing new stuff when I have a folder full of WIP. I really want to finish one of them too...
Author - unwritten_ideas
Rating - PG
Word Count - 1,123
Pairing - Gackt x You
Characters - Gackt, You
Disclaimer - don’t own squat and if I did, I’d be posting this with pictures
Summary - You wakes up in the middle of the night, but he isn't the only one awake.
Notes - sorry it's a sad one, guys!
You didn’t need to look at the alarm clock beside the bed to know that it was too early to be awake. Even though the underground bedroom was always cloaked in darkness, it had a different atmosphere during the night and the silence that reigned throughout the house meant that if no staff were around, it was definitely too early for him to be awake.
He closed his eyes and tried for a few minutes to fall back asleep, but for some reason his body felt on edge. It happened sometimes - he’d wake and be restless, and so You did the one thing he always did when he needed to relax during the night.
He rolled over to face the centre of the bed, opened his eyes and looked at the man sleeping next to him.
Gackt was lying on his back, his eyes closed, freshly dyed black hair pointing in all directions and breathing deep and even. He looked asleep, but You knew Gackt’s sleeping habits well enough to know that Gackt didn’t sleep on his back unless You’s head was upon his chest.
You reached out and traced a finger down Gackt’s cheek. As expected, Gackt’s eyes fluttered open and they had the clarity of someone who was wide awake. “Can’t sleep?” You asked.
“No,” Gackt answered simply.
You shuffled closer. “Still wired?” They’d had a party that night to celebrate the release of the album and had both gone to bed slightly buzzed from the wine they’d drank.
“No.”
“Not sleepy?”
Gackt still stared at the ceiling. “No.”
You was wide awake now and he could tell from the short, dismissive answers, the purposely controlled breathing and the harsh set of Gackt’s jaw line that something more than the singer’s usual insomnia was keeping him awake. It was also pretty evident that Gackt didn’t want to talk about it.
Dealing with Gackt was like working with a wild animal sometimes. He could be friendly and loving, open and approachable, but you never knew when he would close himself down and attack if the wrong word was said. Due to trial and error and a lot of patience, You was now able to judge Gackt’s moods but he still couldn’t figure out how to deal with all them.
Then again, Gackt probably couldn’t either.
“Anything you want to talk about?” You said hopefully.
The answer was disappointing, but expected. “No.”
You sighed, moving the hand that still stroked Gackt’s cheek down until it rested over the other man’s heart. It was beating rapidly, and You thought he knew what was wrong. “Nightmare?”
Gackt paused, and when he answered his voice was slightly strained. “No.”
You grabbed Gackt’s far wrist and settled down onto his back, pulling Gackt with him. Gackt resisted the gesture for a second, but then complied and rolled over, placing his head on You’s chest and draping an arm loosely around You’s waist.
You held him close and kissed his temple. “If you want to tell me…”
“No,” Gackt answered curtly.
“Everyone has nightmares,” You explained softly. “I can’t imagine what yours are like.”
“What do you mean by that?” Gackt asked.
“Well, most singers write simple songs about love. You write them from the perspective of nazi cyborgs, vampires and samurais and build complicated storylines around them. Your imagination is so creative and vivid and it must be horrible when it works against you.”
Gackt was silent for a long time and You allowed him his time to think. Gackt had always had a mind that could see farther than anyone else You had ever known and You thought that it had to be both a blessing, and a curse depending on the situation.
Finally, Gackt spoke. “Go back to sleep.”
You recognised the comment for it was - Gackt’s way of ending the conversation. He knew that he could push a little more and try to get Gackt to open up, but he also knew that the most possible outcome of that would be angering Gackt and causing an argument. Gackt hated admitting his weaknesses and fears, even ones that were common to everyone, and You knew better than to make him.
“Okay,” You acquiesced. “If you want me, wake me.”
“I won’t,” Gackt answered simply, not explaining whether he meant he wouldn’t need You, or wouldn’t wake him even if he did.
“Fine,” You sighed. “I love you.”
Gackt closed his eyes when he felt You’s lips brush against his hair and scalp. “I love you too,” he said in a soft and genuine voice.
You closed his eyes and simply listened to the rhythm of Gackt’s breaths. Despite how far they’d come together and how open and warm Gackt had become as he’d matured and become more at ease with himself, there were still some things he held back. There had been progress, of course, in years gone by Gackt would have either turned his back on You or left the bed completely instead of seeking silent comfort from him, but it wasn’t enough.
The minutes ticked by as You wondered if sometimes, he asked too much of Gackt. He had known from the beginning that the man in his arms had his defences and secrets and Gackt had never hidden that. You had entered the friendship, and later begun the relationship, fully aware that Gackt was unwilling to admit certain truths to himself, let alone anyone else. Asking him to change so much… was it a step too far?
You had no idea how long he had been mulling through his thoughts. Gackt hadn’t moved since they’d both fallen silent and was still warming the right side of You’s body, fast asleep.
Or, at least You had thought Gackt was fast asleep. He had to reconsider that when he felt Gackt’s body shudder softly and involuntarily, followed by a warm wetness against his skin.
Gackt was crying. Silently, and alone.
You wanted nothing more than to hold him tighter, shower him in kisses and tell him over and over again that everything was going to be okay. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. He knew that Gackt would never allow it and You always put Gackt’s wishes before his own, even when he thought they were dumb, unhelpful and counter productive.
Instead, You lay in silence, his eyes closed as the occasional hushed sob reached his ears, despite Gackt’s best attempts to keep them all inside. He hoped that simply being there as a reassuring presence for Gackt to hold onto would be enough.
It had taken twenty one years to get to this stage. You hoped it wouldn’t take another twenty one years for Gackt to finally open up enough to speak to him.
~owari
Notes
1) I really shouldn't be writing new stuff when I have a folder full of WIP. I really want to finish one of them too...