fic; see you when i fall asleep (nick/harry)
part two. 2k. pg-13.
part 1 here
i apologise mainly to erin but also to all the other people i made cry with part one. this one isnt as heart shattering (i promise). i'm not 100% in love with this part but i just feel like i had to get some louis context down. in case anyone was wondering this whole story is less actual romantic relationships and more sort of really friendly relationships that border on romantic relationships. you could say the characters dont even quite know the boundaries themselves.
self edited so all mistakes are my own.
We used to play outside when we were young
And full of life and full of love ~~
One hundred and twelve days since.
Harry can feel Louis’ eyes burning into the back of his head and it’s really quite awful. They’ve all been dragged off to rehearsals for a performance Harry knows nothing about, though the rest of the boys appear well informed. Their management give him filthy looks as though he’s the biggest burden on their money making and he realizes that it’s probably true.
Liam and Niall, the ever encouraging duo continually try to make him laugh; tell him that he’s doing really well. It never really works much. After three hours of terrible singing and pathetic attempts to look like he’s enjoying himself, the boys pull him aside for yet another lecture. Liam takes the lead, as per usual, leaving the other three boys to stand behind him, all sad eyed and full of pity.
“Harry, at some point you’re going to have to pick yourself up, yeah?” Liam begins. “I understand you’re sad--“
(Do you, Liam? Do you? I don’t think you do.)
“And we just want the best for you, Harry, and you’re letting yourself go to waste and it’s not nice, and we want to be here for you, if you’d let us in. We understand how you feel mate--“
(No you don’t. Nobody does)
“And we’re so sorry, but do you really think Nick would want you like this?”
Harry can feel the blood boiling in his ears as that name resounds through his head. Most people are too scared to mention him around Harry, like it’s some incredibly dangerous taboo word and Harry might throw himself off a cliff at the sound of it. It’s not though, and the fact that it affects him so much now is really just irritating, as Harry's about one hundred percent sure that it’s everybody’s tiptoeing around him that’s stopping anything from getting better.
“I wouldn’t want you like this, Harold, you were much more fun before. Now you’re just all mopey and boring,” Nick says from behind him.
Harry spins his head around. “What?”
Liam shakes his head. “I was saying, that I don’t think Nick--“
“No, not you,” Harry says, but can’t tell them what he really heard, because they’ll kill him if they find out that the voices haven’t gone away. Their management suggested therapy after the pancake incident (much to Harry’s disgust, it was Liam who dobbed him in, because of course he’s always been the sensible one and of course the people in charge need to be made aware of these things); Niall and Louis practically forced it onto him, but it really didn’t help much at all. Because Nick is still everywhere all at once. Present tense.
The boys are all still staring, seemingly confused, and Harry figures he owes them some sort of explanation.
“He was-- is my best friend, Liam, I can’t just....forget.” He says, but before he can say any more, Louis stands.
“Good to see I made a lasting impression,” he says casually as he walks to the mini-fridge in the corner of the room. The words sting. Louis has a way of being demanding, and controlling, and he’s probably the most manipulative person Harry’s ever met. Harry never saw it at first, but over time it became apparent that his favourite way of getting his own way, was to insult you by making you feel bad for him.
Funny, adorable, loud, outrageous. The public have their words for Louis. ‘Leader’ is another that often comes to their minds, but what they don’t know is that Louis’ need for control is so much more than the desire to be the leader.
It’s manipulation at its finest.
Four hundred and twelve days before.Harry finds Louis in the living room watching reruns of Friends when he arrives home, and smiles. “Hey.”
“How was your little outing then?” Louis says, eyes not leaving the television. There’s a sharp undertone in his voice and Harry isn’t sure whether or not to mention it. He’s been noticing that same edge to his voice more and more lately, most often when Harry arrives home after having spent time with Nick. It’s not like he spends any less time with Louis, or that he doesn’t love Louis any more or any less. Nick’s just a new friend. It’s stupid because Louis makes new friends all the time and Harry’s never said a word, but then again, Harry isn’t a control freak in the same way that Louis has always been.
“T’was good,” he says, and that’s all he says, because revealing further details is just dancing with the danger zone in which Louis starts questioning and Harry gets all flustered and Lou screams and Harry cries and Louis comes back an hour later to apologize for being such a freak and it becomes a drainer for everybody.
What he doesn’t say is that it was brilliant and that he and Nick and Aimee and Lou Teasdale all went to the cinema and that the film was perfect and the company was even better and that they’d all had such a wonderful night and promised to do it again next time Aimee was in the country as she was headed to New York in the morning. That it was the most fun he’s had going to the cinema in ages.
Louis is looking at him now, and Harry can see him thinking, challenging his mind for control over the situation. Wondering what to ask next. Picking his battles. Harry finds himself only staring, a small part of him praying that Louis will just drop it.
“Well... good,” he says finally, though very slowly. Not quite sincerely. Harry knows it probably wasn’t, but even still he breathes a sigh of relief.
Too early.
The next words out of Louis’ mouth are more troublesome than ever. “So Friday night then, you and me’ll go out, like old times then eh?”
Not Friday night is all Harry can think because he’s already agreed to a night out with Nick. But telling Louis he can’t come because he’s going out with Nick is likely to cause world war three and he’s just standing there and gaping and staring and Louis is looking at him like something must have gone visibly wrong with his head.
“Harry? You alright mate?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. “Friday night, yeah?”
Harry takes a deep breath in attempt to compose himself. “Actually, I uh... I had plans. Nick asked me to...go out. On Friday.”
Louis’ cheerful face suddenly turns dark, eyes narrowing, corners of his mouth turning ever so slightly downwards. Harry immediately knows he’s said the wrong thing. Should have just cancelled. Never mentioned it.
“But you’re going to tell him you have plans with me, right?” Louis says.
Harry takes a deep breath in the hope that he might be strong enough to hold his own this time. “Well I said I’d--“
Louis cuts him off before he even gets the chance. “What was that? You’re not going to leave me all alone on a Friday night are you?”
Harry immediately knows that there is no way out of this that doesn’t involve crumbling to Louis’ demands. This is the danger zone. The only real right answer here is yes, of course I’ll tell him I can't make it.
Louis is smiling at him now. More of a smirk than a smile; a sneaking, calculated smirk, and Harry knows it, but it’s Louis.
Harry sighs. “I’ll tell him I’m busy.”
Louis stands, making his way across the living room to Harry, and plants a soft kiss on his cheek. Harry feels a shiver run through him, and Louis grins as he whispers “I knew you’d do the right thing.”
The burning sensation left on Harry’s cheek quickly spreads through his whole body, and he finds himself smiling even though he never intended on giving Louis the satisfaction of being successful in his endeavour to control Harry’s life. It’s too late though because Louis is dancing around the room listing off all of the wonderful things they’re going to do on their Friday Night Adventure, because no night with Louis is ever just a ‘night out’, it’s always an adventure or an expedition or a series of escapades and Harry smiles because whether he’s been manipulated or not, this is one of the reasons he’s always loved Louis. There’s never been a single dull moment. The adventurous adventures of Louis and Harry. Always.
Harry fires off a quick text to Nick saying he won’t be able to make it and Nick replies instantly.
Is it Louis?
Is what Louis?
Is it Louis not letting you come?
I forgot I already told him we’d do something Friday, that’s all.
It’s a lie, of course, but he feels bad enough about it to really have to explain, and Harry’s found that every time he reveals the exact dynamics of his relationship with Louis people tend to freak and treat it like it’s an abusive relationship that Harry should remove himself from. He knows Nick knows this and he knows that Nick’s opinion of Louis isn’t the highest, but Harry tells himself they simply don’t get along because they’re too similar, and leaves it at that.
His phone buzzes again.
Whatever you say, Harold. See you Monday x
Harry doesn’t respond because he knows he doesn’t have to; between them a few words (or sometimes no words at all) are almost always enough to communicate almost anything. The ‘x’ is an added feature that’s been appearing on the end of Nick’s texts of late and Harry knows it should be of concern (and would be the end of the fucking world if Louis ever found out) but it’s nice and Nick’s wonderful so what does it even matter?
Louis is wonderful too, though, and Harry can’t help but feel absolutely undeserving of the both of them.
One hundred and twelve days since.“Good to see I made a lasting impression,”
Nick’s presence in Harry’s life was a concern to Louis from the start and Harry knows it. It was never fair or justified or even remotely reasonable (and was more about Louis being selfish than Nick’s influence on Harry) but Louis wouldn’t give it up. Harry can’t help but wonder sometimes how much more time he would have gotten with Nick before he lost him forever if it hadn’t been for Louis, but that’s probably just as unreasonable.
Niall looks as though he’s begun watching an intense game of ping pong, eyes rapidly swapping from Louis to Harry and back again, trying to process the dig from Louis.
Harry can only roll his eyes because it’s no point these days even trying to argue. Somehow Louis made up his mind that Nick was the only thing that ever mattered to Harry, regardless of the exact nature of their relationship prior to Nick’s passing.
“Well it’s not like you’ve done a very good job either, Louis.”
It’s Zayn’s voice that breaks the silence, rather unexpectedly too, and Louis turns to glare at him.
Harry can tell that there’s a ‘what’s that supposed to mean’ lined up somewhere on the tip of Louis’ tongue, but everyone knows that he doesn’t really have to ask, because from the minute Harry had opened his eyes in his hospital room and screamed the building down when one of the nurses broke the news to him, Louis had been the worst best friend anyone could ever have had. Whatever problem Louis had with Nick somehow prevented him from being what Harry had needed him to be in the aftermath of the accident.
At the thought of the accident Harry closes his eyes, squeezing them shut tight, and counts slowly to five. Runs a finger over the not-so-bright-pink-anymore scar on his forehead. Counts another five.
When he opens his eyes, Nick’s standing behind Louis, and Harry can't fathom how the others don't see him too because he looks just as alive as Louis does. Nick smiles and Harry wants so badly to smile back, but today it’s no comfort, because his stomach’s in knots and Louis is still frowning all he can think is that he really didn’t lose just one friend that day.
He lost two.