First chapter of my book: I Shot the Cherub
Copyright 2007 by Sarah Meadows
Does Valentine’s Day get you down?
Let’s face it. Valentine’s Day is one of the worst holidays single women face. If you’re anything like me, those first two weeks of February make you feel nothing but nausea and dread. Red and pink, once fairly harmless colors, get your eyes watering. Hearts and flowers? They can’t be tolerated! Chocolate brings you nothing but joy and cavities any other time of the year, but the very sight of it makes your stomach start to twist up in knots. Honestly, you just want to take the biggest, fattest marker you can find and cross February 14th off the calendar for good.
By the time the dismal day itself rolls around, you’re already sick of love and anyone involved with it. You’ve had it up to here, there and everywhere with Nauseatingly Cheerful Wives and Girlfriends. You have more than a few choice words for couples who prance around handing each other heart-shaped boxes, and you’d like to tell the makers of candy, jewelry and tacky lingerie just where they can stick all that sappy advertising.
Most of us have been in that place at least once in our lives, and plenty of us have been there more than that. It’s perfectly normal to be upset… or even a little depressed. We’re fantastic, charming and intelligent women. We have challenging jobs and rewarding hobbies, and there’s absolutely no doubt that our lives are filled with people who admire and adore us. Unfortunately, all of these things seem to get tossed out the window as soon as February arrives. Why? Because, put simply, Valentine’s Day is the only holiday that takes the one thing in our lives that we don’t have - romance - and waves it in our faces.
Does being single get you down?
Let’s forget about Valentine’s Day for one minute. Holidays aren’t the only things that frustrate single women. In fact, talk to just about any single woman, and you’ll probably learn that sometimes, being alone is only slightly more comfortable than running naked through a cactus patch.
For starters, there’s all that loneliness. We feel like we have plenty of affection to give, but nobody to give it to. We want attention and appreciation. There’s also the thought of doing things alone, like going to the movies, eating out in restaurants, and showing up for weddings and other family functions; these things always seem like a lot more fun when there’s someone else around.
Outside influences are pretty hard to ignore. Parents nag and drop hints about grandchildren. Friends in relationships “forget” to send social invitations. Co-workers set up blind dates with men who make the average peeping Tom look like an innocent schoolboy. The pressure to be part of a couple never seems to let up. It often looks like the world was made for pairs - and the rest of us have no choice but to keep quiet and deal with it.
Want to know a little secret? It doesn’t have to be this way! One of the best parts about life is choice. Believe it or not, you can choose to be happy, whether you have a date for Cousin Betty’s wedding or not. You may have to work on it a little, and you may need to use some ingenuity, but it’s definitely possible to be content when you’re alone. Not only is it possible, but it’s absolutely necessary!
Think about it like this: more and more people in the world are staying single for longer and longer. If you’re single at this very moment, odds are you’ll be single for at least the next hour or so. Keeping that in mind, does it make sense to spend your time miserable, obsessing over what you don’t have? Or is it a little more reasonable to make the most of the life you have right now?
Also, I hate to be the one to bring it up, but spending your days pining for romance isn’t going to improve your chances of meeting the right person. If anything, it’s going to make you desperate and unattractive to the very people you’d like to impress - or, even worse, set you up to settle for less than you deserve. If you’re in a hurry to end your days of sitting in the dark with a bunch of tissues watching The Notebook, you might end up grabbing the first thing that comes along - which is going to cause you more trouble than being single ever could. In my experience, a lot of women will put up with any amount of mistreatment - including lying, cheating and plain old indifference - in the name of having someone.
I’m not saying that we can’t - and won’t - have our weaker moments. It doesn’t help to mope, but it certainly doesn’t help to beat ourselves over the head for the way we feel. My point is this: accept your sadness, your fear, your insecurity, and move on. You have nothing to gain, and everything to lose (your time, your sanity, your self-esteem, and your life) by dwelling on it.
To get personal for just a moment, I spent several years crying during romantic movies and resenting friends who were either dating or married. I chased after men who were clearly not fit to lick my socks, let alone my boots. I was followed by a few downright scary ones. I used every excuse I could pull out of thin air to explain to my family why, oh why, I didn’t have a boyfriend yet!
This was time I could have spent getting to know myself (fascinating creature that I am). This was time I could have spent working on my writing. Frankly, this was time I could have spent picking my nose! Looking back, I seriously regret not having been a little more selective in my choice of activities.
What does this have to do with Valentine’s Day?
Not only is it in every single woman’s best interest to be comfortable by herself, but it’s also nothing but good for her to handle the holidays, including Valentine’s Day, in a way that doesn’t involve tears, anger or six gallons of ice cream. There isn’t a lot any of us can do about the existence of Valentine’s Day, as much as we’d like to grab hold of Cupid and pluck him like a Thanksgiving turkey. Luckily, we can change the way we react to the holiday - and to those grueling two weeks leading up to it.
Three choices
So not only have you decided that you want to become a little more comfortable with your singlehood, you’ve also decided that you’d rather not be miserable on Valentine’s Day. (Either that, or you’ve decided to humor me for awhile. If that’s the case, I’ll just have to do my best to convince you, won’t I?) Well, congratulations! You’ve just taken a step that most people haven’t even considered yet.
Now that depressed moping has been ruled out, the way I see it there are three ways you can spend the holiday. You can change your definition of Valentine’s Day to include more than romantic love; you can mercilessly mock the holiday and all who celebrate it; or you can ignore it completely. Each of these options will be explored in the chapters that follow.
Isn’t Valentine’s Day materialistic?
One of the many reasons people aren’t tickled red and pink about this holiday is that they think it supports mindless consumerism. They feel that buying cards, chocolate, flowers, lingerie, and jewelry is a little... excessive. Well, for the most part I agree with them!
As far as I’m concerned, a woman doesn’t need to part with every last penny in her pocket to enjoy Valentine’s Day, which is why many of my suggestions fall on the frugal side. When you take yourself for a long walk, re-read your favorite novel or keep yourself amused with your favorite hobby, there’s a good chance you’ll have a terrific time in the process. It’s also unlikely that your wallet will look as thin as a Swedish supermodel in the end.
Of course, more than a few of the suggestions in this survival guide were not created with the health of your bank account in mind. I tend to believe that when it comes to establishing your life as a happy, well-adjusted single woman, you need to do whatever it takes. You’ll be investing plenty of time, attention and patience in yourself. Sometimes a little cash can’t help but follow.
Making plans
Before I overwhelm you with ideas, recipes and other trinkets, I’d like to put in a word or two about planning ahead. Once you’ve decided on a course of action for Valentine’s Day, whether it’s a long, relaxing soak in the bathtub, dinner with your closest friends or even an hour of hard labor at the gym, you’ll want to make your decision into an actual plan.
Plans can always change according to your mood, but if you have something definite to look forward to, those first two weeks of February won’t be nearly as agonizing. The more time you put into planning, the more committed you’ll be - which makes it a lot less likely you’ll back out and return to your sad old habits.
I suggest making plans the moment February rolls around, if not sooner. If your event involves other people, like friends, family or co-workers, you’ll have plenty of time to clue them in. You can even tailor your activities to the attitudes and tastes of potential guests if you’re feeling generous; all it takes is a little research.
How do they feel about Valentine’s Day? Is it the reason they wake up in the morning, or the reason they cower under the sheets? If you don’t already know, you can also find out about their tastes in food, movies and music. Not that they don’t already crave your company, of course, but keeping their preferences in mind will make it even more likely that they’ll be up to spending time with you.
In the weeks leading up to your Valentine’s event, you’ll be able to work out all the details. You can put together the perfect menu, make your grocery list, make reservations at your favorite restaurant, or choose a workout time that means less interaction with Nauseatingly Cheerful Wives and Girlfriends. You can send customized invitations to your party, put together a CD of your favorite romance-free music, or anything else that comes to mind. Most importantly, you’ll be able to put your incredible plans into action without rushing around in a crazed panic on the day itself.
Does Valentine’s Day get you down?
Let’s face it. Valentine’s Day is one of the worst holidays single women face. If you’re anything like me, those first two weeks of February make you feel nothing but nausea and dread. Red and pink, once fairly harmless colors, get your eyes watering. Hearts and flowers? They can’t be tolerated! Chocolate brings you nothing but joy and cavities any other time of the year, but the very sight of it makes your stomach start to twist up in knots. Honestly, you just want to take the biggest, fattest marker you can find and cross February 14th off the calendar for good.
By the time the dismal day itself rolls around, you’re already sick of love and anyone involved with it. You’ve had it up to here, there and everywhere with Nauseatingly Cheerful Wives and Girlfriends. You have more than a few choice words for couples who prance around handing each other heart-shaped boxes, and you’d like to tell the makers of candy, jewelry and tacky lingerie just where they can stick all that sappy advertising.
Most of us have been in that place at least once in our lives, and plenty of us have been there more than that. It’s perfectly normal to be upset… or even a little depressed. We’re fantastic, charming and intelligent women. We have challenging jobs and rewarding hobbies, and there’s absolutely no doubt that our lives are filled with people who admire and adore us. Unfortunately, all of these things seem to get tossed out the window as soon as February arrives. Why? Because, put simply, Valentine’s Day is the only holiday that takes the one thing in our lives that we don’t have - romance - and waves it in our faces.
Does being single get you down?
Let’s forget about Valentine’s Day for one minute. Holidays aren’t the only things that frustrate single women. In fact, talk to just about any single woman, and you’ll probably learn that sometimes, being alone is only slightly more comfortable than running naked through a cactus patch.
For starters, there’s all that loneliness. We feel like we have plenty of affection to give, but nobody to give it to. We want attention and appreciation. There’s also the thought of doing things alone, like going to the movies, eating out in restaurants, and showing up for weddings and other family functions; these things always seem like a lot more fun when there’s someone else around.
Outside influences are pretty hard to ignore. Parents nag and drop hints about grandchildren. Friends in relationships “forget” to send social invitations. Co-workers set up blind dates with men who make the average peeping Tom look like an innocent schoolboy. The pressure to be part of a couple never seems to let up. It often looks like the world was made for pairs - and the rest of us have no choice but to keep quiet and deal with it.
Want to know a little secret? It doesn’t have to be this way! One of the best parts about life is choice. Believe it or not, you can choose to be happy, whether you have a date for Cousin Betty’s wedding or not. You may have to work on it a little, and you may need to use some ingenuity, but it’s definitely possible to be content when you’re alone. Not only is it possible, but it’s absolutely necessary!
Think about it like this: more and more people in the world are staying single for longer and longer. If you’re single at this very moment, odds are you’ll be single for at least the next hour or so. Keeping that in mind, does it make sense to spend your time miserable, obsessing over what you don’t have? Or is it a little more reasonable to make the most of the life you have right now?
Also, I hate to be the one to bring it up, but spending your days pining for romance isn’t going to improve your chances of meeting the right person. If anything, it’s going to make you desperate and unattractive to the very people you’d like to impress - or, even worse, set you up to settle for less than you deserve. If you’re in a hurry to end your days of sitting in the dark with a bunch of tissues watching The Notebook, you might end up grabbing the first thing that comes along - which is going to cause you more trouble than being single ever could. In my experience, a lot of women will put up with any amount of mistreatment - including lying, cheating and plain old indifference - in the name of having someone.
I’m not saying that we can’t - and won’t - have our weaker moments. It doesn’t help to mope, but it certainly doesn’t help to beat ourselves over the head for the way we feel. My point is this: accept your sadness, your fear, your insecurity, and move on. You have nothing to gain, and everything to lose (your time, your sanity, your self-esteem, and your life) by dwelling on it.
To get personal for just a moment, I spent several years crying during romantic movies and resenting friends who were either dating or married. I chased after men who were clearly not fit to lick my socks, let alone my boots. I was followed by a few downright scary ones. I used every excuse I could pull out of thin air to explain to my family why, oh why, I didn’t have a boyfriend yet!
This was time I could have spent getting to know myself (fascinating creature that I am). This was time I could have spent working on my writing. Frankly, this was time I could have spent picking my nose! Looking back, I seriously regret not having been a little more selective in my choice of activities.
What does this have to do with Valentine’s Day?
Not only is it in every single woman’s best interest to be comfortable by herself, but it’s also nothing but good for her to handle the holidays, including Valentine’s Day, in a way that doesn’t involve tears, anger or six gallons of ice cream. There isn’t a lot any of us can do about the existence of Valentine’s Day, as much as we’d like to grab hold of Cupid and pluck him like a Thanksgiving turkey. Luckily, we can change the way we react to the holiday - and to those grueling two weeks leading up to it.
Three choices
So not only have you decided that you want to become a little more comfortable with your singlehood, you’ve also decided that you’d rather not be miserable on Valentine’s Day. (Either that, or you’ve decided to humor me for awhile. If that’s the case, I’ll just have to do my best to convince you, won’t I?) Well, congratulations! You’ve just taken a step that most people haven’t even considered yet.
Now that depressed moping has been ruled out, the way I see it there are three ways you can spend the holiday. You can change your definition of Valentine’s Day to include more than romantic love; you can mercilessly mock the holiday and all who celebrate it; or you can ignore it completely. Each of these options will be explored in the chapters that follow.
Isn’t Valentine’s Day materialistic?
One of the many reasons people aren’t tickled red and pink about this holiday is that they think it supports mindless consumerism. They feel that buying cards, chocolate, flowers, lingerie, and jewelry is a little... excessive. Well, for the most part I agree with them!
As far as I’m concerned, a woman doesn’t need to part with every last penny in her pocket to enjoy Valentine’s Day, which is why many of my suggestions fall on the frugal side. When you take yourself for a long walk, re-read your favorite novel or keep yourself amused with your favorite hobby, there’s a good chance you’ll have a terrific time in the process. It’s also unlikely that your wallet will look as thin as a Swedish supermodel in the end.
Of course, more than a few of the suggestions in this survival guide were not created with the health of your bank account in mind. I tend to believe that when it comes to establishing your life as a happy, well-adjusted single woman, you need to do whatever it takes. You’ll be investing plenty of time, attention and patience in yourself. Sometimes a little cash can’t help but follow.
Making plans
Before I overwhelm you with ideas, recipes and other trinkets, I’d like to put in a word or two about planning ahead. Once you’ve decided on a course of action for Valentine’s Day, whether it’s a long, relaxing soak in the bathtub, dinner with your closest friends or even an hour of hard labor at the gym, you’ll want to make your decision into an actual plan.
Plans can always change according to your mood, but if you have something definite to look forward to, those first two weeks of February won’t be nearly as agonizing. The more time you put into planning, the more committed you’ll be - which makes it a lot less likely you’ll back out and return to your sad old habits.
I suggest making plans the moment February rolls around, if not sooner. If your event involves other people, like friends, family or co-workers, you’ll have plenty of time to clue them in. You can even tailor your activities to the attitudes and tastes of potential guests if you’re feeling generous; all it takes is a little research.
How do they feel about Valentine’s Day? Is it the reason they wake up in the morning, or the reason they cower under the sheets? If you don’t already know, you can also find out about their tastes in food, movies and music. Not that they don’t already crave your company, of course, but keeping their preferences in mind will make it even more likely that they’ll be up to spending time with you.
In the weeks leading up to your Valentine’s event, you’ll be able to work out all the details. You can put together the perfect menu, make your grocery list, make reservations at your favorite restaurant, or choose a workout time that means less interaction with Nauseatingly Cheerful Wives and Girlfriends. You can send customized invitations to your party, put together a CD of your favorite romance-free music, or anything else that comes to mind. Most importantly, you’ll be able to put your incredible plans into action without rushing around in a crazed panic on the day itself.