Here I am
Ok, here I am. After 
satcshoegal commented on my journal: "I'm here with the same intent of the above posters...to find out where the hell you are- my Friends page isn't the same without your Carrie Bradshaw-esque/uplifting entries! I hope you're ok! :-/" - I couldn't keep her on her toes! Don't worry, I'm ok.
I just felt done with livejournal. Can you believe upthebuttboy has only been around for almost a year? It feels to me like I started this a long, long time ago. I was too open, too honest, and a drama queen one-too-many-a-times. lol. I like to think that I've grown past that, and have learned something. Livejournal seemed to me as something that was holding me back, and didn't have any positives. That's why I stopped posting. It seemed to me that I lived and learned the wonders of livejournal, and I was done. But for now (and due to satcshoegal's cute comment) I'll give you the basic update. I'm "checking in" with you all. I'm sorry that I haven't kept up with everyone, and I hope you all are doing ok. And at the moment currently, I have the urge to write.
I'm happy to say for the first time in weeks, there was positive headlines! About Hurricane Rita, and how thousands of lives were saved. And New Orleans will soon open its doors again. I feel relieved to see hopeful news.
September is almost over. Crazy. Absolutely crazy.
For the past couple of days, I've been very nostalgic. About our country, our past, and what lies ahead. In the world we live in today, it's a very sad and scary feeling you get when you have to ask yourself "where do I fit in?" and "what's my purpose here?" What do I want to do with my life? What difference do I want to make, and how can I make that difference? I couldn't sleep at all last night wondering. After much confusion, I've looked into applying to a private university in Connecticut. I sent an email to an admissions counselor and I'm waiting to hear back if my credits would transfer. I'll have to wait and see.
Everyone's telling me "good for you" or "I think that's a great idea", as if the choices I've made in the past weren't good enough. And that college is the only right choice. And it's frustrating. And why don't I feel good about it? I don't get that "I'm making the right choice, this is going to be good for me" feeling. Why am I not excited? Just the thought of everything that college involves, and the complications of me going (my apartment, my job, all my stuff....let alone finances) exhausts me.
It brings me back to the question. What do I want to do with my life? With all the disasters and war in the world, I just want to have a purpose. A reason to be here. I can't donate any money (what money?), I can't hop on a train and go volunteer - what volunteer skills do I even have? I don't even know how to give CPR. I just can't seem find the reason for me to be here. And that makes me feel quite sad and alone.
satcshoegal commented on my journal: "I'm here with the same intent of the above posters...to find out where the hell you are- my Friends page isn't the same without your Carrie Bradshaw-esque/uplifting entries! I hope you're ok! :-/" - I couldn't keep her on her toes! Don't worry, I'm ok.
I just felt done with livejournal. Can you believe upthebuttboy has only been around for almost a year? It feels to me like I started this a long, long time ago. I was too open, too honest, and a drama queen one-too-many-a-times. lol. I like to think that I've grown past that, and have learned something. Livejournal seemed to me as something that was holding me back, and didn't have any positives. That's why I stopped posting. It seemed to me that I lived and learned the wonders of livejournal, and I was done. But for now (and due to satcshoegal's cute comment) I'll give you the basic update. I'm "checking in" with you all. I'm sorry that I haven't kept up with everyone, and I hope you all are doing ok. And at the moment currently, I have the urge to write.
I'm happy to say for the first time in weeks, there was positive headlines! About Hurricane Rita, and how thousands of lives were saved. And New Orleans will soon open its doors again. I feel relieved to see hopeful news.
September is almost over. Crazy. Absolutely crazy.
For the past couple of days, I've been very nostalgic. About our country, our past, and what lies ahead. In the world we live in today, it's a very sad and scary feeling you get when you have to ask yourself "where do I fit in?" and "what's my purpose here?" What do I want to do with my life? What difference do I want to make, and how can I make that difference? I couldn't sleep at all last night wondering. After much confusion, I've looked into applying to a private university in Connecticut. I sent an email to an admissions counselor and I'm waiting to hear back if my credits would transfer. I'll have to wait and see.
Everyone's telling me "good for you" or "I think that's a great idea", as if the choices I've made in the past weren't good enough. And that college is the only right choice. And it's frustrating. And why don't I feel good about it? I don't get that "I'm making the right choice, this is going to be good for me" feeling. Why am I not excited? Just the thought of everything that college involves, and the complications of me going (my apartment, my job, all my stuff....let alone finances) exhausts me.
It brings me back to the question. What do I want to do with my life? With all the disasters and war in the world, I just want to have a purpose. A reason to be here. I can't donate any money (what money?), I can't hop on a train and go volunteer - what volunteer skills do I even have? I don't even know how to give CPR. I just can't seem find the reason for me to be here. And that makes me feel quite sad and alone.