Heroinebigbang: Help, I'm Alive

[upupa_epops]

Title: Help, I'm Alive
Author: upupa-epops
Mixer: ever-neutral
Fandom: The Vampire Diaries
Word Count: 5,000
Rating: NC 17
Characters/Pairings: Elena Gilbert, Alaric Saltzman, Damon Salvatore
Warnings major character death; allusions to mental illness and self-harm
Summary: Goes AU in TVD 3x11. Stefan feeds Elena his blood, and drives her off Wickery Bridge. But everyday

Comments

[vergoldung]

OMFGGGGGGG WHAT

NO NO NO N O

She sits on the couch for what feels like hours, watching him work, arms tense and head bent. Seeing him like that is both soothing and absolutely terrifying; she isn't sure why, and doesn't want to think about it too much.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU

There's a monster in his house, and he should be sleeping with a knife under his pillow, his clothes and bedsheets soaked in vervain.
should should should can't can't can't
I HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

When Ric doesn't answer, Elena has a nagging feeling that he's trying very hard to not ask her something in return.
....................................................................................
WHATEVER OKAY NOT EVEN GOING TO DIGNIFY THAT WITH A COMMENT
(hdu hdu hduuuu)

Since Elena doesn't want to talk about the present, she tries to think about last night, but that doesn't work either. Everything is a blur, a nonsensical string of people and places, rushed and messy. She

[vergoldung]

She constantly keeps an eye on a piece of copper pipe they use instead of a stake, and freely looks for Ric's weak points that she could hit, thinks about blood pumping in his veins, and the smell of adrenaline soaking his t-shirt.
efffff this is so hot
why do i even like you why

The best part is that the idea that he can never kill her starts sinking in slowly but surely, making its way into her brain - Alaric can't kill her, because nothing can. She became a paradox, dead therefore immortal, and nothing, not even Wickery Bridge, can hurt her now. So she dodges Ric's blows one after another, and feels invincible; powerful, eternal, and hungry.

She could get used to this.)
hold me pls
SOMEBODY HOLD ME I AM DISSOLVING INTO AN OCEAN OF PAIN LUST AND OTP OTP OTP AND ALSO DID I MENTION MARTA HATE BECAUSE THAT'S THE NUMBER ONE

She picks up her phone first thing in the morning, calls Bonnie, tells her what happened, and asks for a daylight ring. They neatly tick off five stages of grief in five minutes, then move on; death really doesn't

[vergoldung]

Elena laughs, because if anyone has the right to ask her this question, it's Caroline Forbes - the girl who knows how to fix your makeup to not let it show that you've been crying, and who knows exactly what “Are you okay?” really means.
FUUUUUCK FUCK
my heart ok pls have pity on my heart

(Now for the first time it occurs to Elena that what they both always do whenever they have a problem might not be the best way to deal with life.)
torn between laughing and sobbing tbh

(They fix their makeup before they go back to class, but Elena doesn't reapply her lipstick in an act of rebellion that she can afford.)
O__O you play so dirty

AN ACT OF REBELLION SHE CAN AFFORD??? SERIOUSLY?????
FUCK YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE LIKE WHO EVEN ALLOWS YOU TO WRITE DOWN THINGS LIKE THAT

(Normally, she would've written this in her journal, but now that she can't die, and she'll never have her journals discovered after her death, she needs to practice performing for live audience.)
*agonized shrieking*

(She remembers just how he kissed her on her porch not

[ever_neutral]

Finally got to read this now LJ's stopped malfunctioning!

And. Um. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS. I mean, I like how you drew it all out so that it'd seem like everything would be okay in the end, what a good joke. :) :) :)

Also, your Elena is amazing always, ofc, I love how much she is over literally everything, including her own death. ;__________; Needless to say the Alaric-Elena is the star of this fic, though I can add nothing further to Eleonore's comment beasts above! ;)

Congrats on getting it done, I know you've put a lot of work into it -- your ability to churn out so much quality lengthy Elena fic is enviable.

[spuffy_noelle]

I've had this sitting on my browser for what feels like forever, but was really only yesterday? Anyway SO GLAD I finally got around to reading it!!

WHAT DID YOU DO??????

First of all, my favs ♥♥♥♥ Elena is now a member of the BrOTP for life.

And I'm like la la la Elena is adjusting really well to being a vampire, then BAM! Ric fucking kills her. You are the worst (in the best way possible).

Um, so amazing job!! I'm pretty incoherent after reading this, plus I'm realllllly tired.