Comments | urbanrebel: I don't fit here

urbanrebel

I don't fit here

Oct 31, 2011 02:06

The minute I got to LA as a teen, I felt like it was home. It fit me like a glove. I have been trying to see if there's some place I think I could live in the Bay Area for a while - to be closer to my parents through their health issues, but I just don't feel like I *fit* anywhere up here. I went to wander around San Francisco to see if I ( Read more... )

Comments 10

gnumoose October 31 2011, 14:02:31 UTC

I usually head over to Berkeley at least once when I visit SF.

San Francisco is certainly not the same city as it was when I first started visiting in 1995. I do enjoy it there, but it's not the same. Eagle closing, places in the Castro gone, friends gone (moved or other wise) It feels home to me though. I know when I start walking around in a couple weeks, I'll be happy.

Manhattan though is a great city to live. I've seen things at the Gristedes in Chelsea that have been pretty amazing.

Hope you find "home" soon!

urbanrebel October 31 2011, 18:29:18 UTC

Well, I don't really know any places in the Castro etc. It's just a very different city with a very different feel than LA, and I just find myself *uncomfortable* there after a bit and am usually ready to leave. But, I have heard from others who have felt that way that it grows on you, and I do remember that after visiting for weekends several times during my grad school years.

I'd move to Manhattan in a heartbeat though if it weeren't so far from my family - at a time they need me most.

gnumoose October 31 2011, 19:20:15 UTC

well yes, there is a comfort when I get to San Francisco, a familiarity when I'm there. Perhaps it might be time for you to investigate the Castro area with someone very familiar with it

urbanrebel November 1 2011, 07:33:37 UTC

Well, I know what the Castro is. It's just not a place that I feel particularly comfortable. I can't explain it. I very much go by vibe and I don't need to spend a lot of time somewhere - or with anyone to to show me an area. I have traveled all over by myself. I know Paris felt like my home in Europe the first time I ever went there and every one of the half dozen plus times I've been back. I knew I could live in Barcelona the first time I went there and started going there ever year for my birthday for a number of years. I went to Prague to see if I could live there because I thought of taking a year there to write a book, but despite it being THE most beautiful city I've ever seen, I realized I couldn't live there. Again, the vibe there just wasn't for me. And I know I feel like I fit more in any area of NYC than I do in San Francsico ( ... )

Thread 6

xxhistrionicxx October 31 2011, 18:12:12 UTC

Why not just live in San Francisco itself? I love it there. But I agree that anywhere in the surroundings "suburbs" are pretty slow.

But it's weird to me that you like Palo Alto. Thats place is soooooooo slow. I mean disturbingly so. My mom's doctors are at standford so I have been going up there every three months since I was just a kid and i just think its so stuffy and boring.

But if you lived inactually SF proper, you would still be close to your parents wouldn't you?

urbanrebel October 31 2011, 18:41:41 UTC

Because San Francisco has never done anything for me. Even just going up there a few weeks ago on an Saturday for the afternoon to see how I felt, after about 4 hours I was like . . . . OK, I'm ready to leave. There's something about it where I feel I just don't fit and it makes me uncomfortable. I don't know how else to explain it, BUT, it's probably the only place up here with enough people for me - I suppose I could try it and see if it grew on me, but I hate to move to a place that I pretty much dislike spending more than a few hours in the hope it grows on me. Kind of a big gamble ( ... )

mblj November 1 2011, 05:56:44 UTC

When I interviewed at SCU, I realized that if the door opened for me (it did not), I would want to be on the Peninsula, somewhere beyond Mountain View. I can understand your experience with Palo Alto, it seems to be a similar experience to what I have in Pasadena--here, Caltech, ArtCenter, Fuller Seminary, and a few others. Thinking of living in the City, it's a mixed set of feelings for me--I'd like to be there, but there are so many ugly neighborhoods...for me, perhaps West Portal, I enjoyed a Polish restaurant there some years ago. My point in sharing all this, is that I can understand some moments of your dilemma...finding a place you like well enough to settle for the next phase of life. Right now, you're in an experience that is easily stressful (being available to parents), so it's really, really important to find a place that has enough comfort and stimulation for you. So I'll be interested and concerned to hear how you're doing on this, Russ.

--markb

urbanrebel November 1 2011, 06:55:58 UTC

Thank you, Mark. I think of you often with equal interest and concern, wondering how you are doing. I would love to see you end up living in a cooler climate doing something where you'll feel more fulfilled.

I didn't know you interviewed at SCU! I felt like a duck out of water there too. I don't know. Environment has always been played a big part in my overall happiness, and I was never as unhappy as I was those three years coming back up here. My motivation in being up here is different now though. It's not so much about me being happy as it is doing what I feel I need to do to have no regrets. But if I'm going to be up here for a while (not set in stone yet), then I should at least TRY to find the place that fits me best.