(no subject)
This is just me overreacting about the horse/Julia-thing.
I don't think I can do this for very long. Julia has been coming along a couple of times. I know it's good that she cares enough to, because I have never been as good with horses as her, it's just... I can't handle her. We were driving up to the stable last night, Julia had just finished ranting about how I can never be good enough to handle her horses, and she and mom were screaming at each other like mad. The roads are very slippery now that there's snow, and I just kept thinking "don't crash, don't crash, please don't crash". I had this trick I used to do, I used to sing lullabies really quietly whenever they had their arguments, and last night I started doing that again without even noticing it.
The worst thing is that she's starting to take the fun out of being with horses again. Julia's the reason I stopped in the first place, because she managed to get it into my head that I was nothing when it came to this. She was the one who knew what to do and how to do it. I was only in the way. I stepped away from the horses because of her. I stepped away from everything because of her. last year it almost killed me, and I just don't know how it will ned up this time.
I don't want to hate her; she is after all my sister and I don't want us to turn into my mother and my aunt, who haven't spoken to each other for over five years now. But I can't stand her controlling me anymore.
There. Nothing to worry about. Just a little ranting, really.
I don't think I can do this for very long. Julia has been coming along a couple of times. I know it's good that she cares enough to, because I have never been as good with horses as her, it's just... I can't handle her. We were driving up to the stable last night, Julia had just finished ranting about how I can never be good enough to handle her horses, and she and mom were screaming at each other like mad. The roads are very slippery now that there's snow, and I just kept thinking "don't crash, don't crash, please don't crash". I had this trick I used to do, I used to sing lullabies really quietly whenever they had their arguments, and last night I started doing that again without even noticing it.
The worst thing is that she's starting to take the fun out of being with horses again. Julia's the reason I stopped in the first place, because she managed to get it into my head that I was nothing when it came to this. She was the one who knew what to do and how to do it. I was only in the way. I stepped away from the horses because of her. I stepped away from everything because of her. last year it almost killed me, and I just don't know how it will ned up this time.
I don't want to hate her; she is after all my sister and I don't want us to turn into my mother and my aunt, who haven't spoken to each other for over five years now. But I can't stand her controlling me anymore.
There. Nothing to worry about. Just a little ranting, really.