[Video] 04th Time Loop

[urnewkingbitch]

[At first, all that's seen is the face of a crow, staring at the screen and judging it harshly, like it did wronged the bird somehow and the poor journal has no idea what is going on. Abruptly, the bird is pushed away, giving an indignant caw, and Dave appears.]

Anybody got bird control?

[He tilts the camera to have a look at his room. It has a

Comments

[text forever]

[hamburellakind]

dave you have to go to planned parenthood for bird control
you know that
you aren't being a very responsible teen
here let me shove condoms on you in the most creepy and pushy way
hehehe

[urnewkingbitch]

i think someone slipped something into my drink last night
its all a blur
next thing i know there are birds everywhere and theres a ring on my finger that i know wasnt there before

[hamburellakind]

dave
do we need to take you to a clinic
and possibly a lawyer?
and maybe the police
gosh dave you got in all kinds of trouble

[urnewkingbitch]

more like take me to a hospital
hell knows what kind of bird stds i mightve contracted
im going to need a divorce lawyer a defense attorney and you might as well call the coast guard
trouble seems to follow me like these stalker birds

[hamburellakind]

dave here's the secret:
i am the coast guard
it's me
and surprisingly crows are out of my jurisdiction
so you are up a creek
or up a caw
whatever
sucks to be you
hehehe

[urnewkingbitch]

what you cant come in off duty and sweep them out my window with your wind shit
so lazy egbert
im in the sky without wings plummeting into a writhing mass of atramentous birds
get a fucking flashlight and a gun if you want to see me again writer boy

[hamburellakind]

oh hey
i didn't even think of that
whoops!
okay i'll come by
no promises that it'll work though

[urnewkingbitch]

if you can avoid making too big of a mess then youre welcome to try
just remembered that a hurricane indoors is a pretty fucking stupid idea

-->action

[hamburellakind]

[John comes from wherever he was and bursts in.]

Hey! I have the windy thing if you brought the birds for it to-- wow there are really a lot of birds in here!

[urnewkingbitch]

[Dave now has one crow on his head and one on each shoulder.]

No fucking shit.

[hamburellakind]

[John hesitates, not sure what to do. He can't exactly blast wind into Dave's face or something.]

Uh...Here, maybe I can...

[John's just gonna...reach over and...try to pick up the crow on Dave's head....]

[urnewkingbitch]

[Dave will certainly not appreciate the spontaneous blow dry.

The crow watches his hand inch closer. Right when John's about to grab it, it CAWS and stretches its wings to try being intimidating.]

[hamburellakind]

The crow succeeds! John flinches, and probably yells BLUH or something.]

Okay. Okay. Um. Oh, better idea!

[John hops over to the closet and retrieves a pair of thick gloves. He puts them on and this time approaches the birds with a slightly less terrified expression on his face.]

I am just going to lift you, birdie. Do not bite me.

[urnewkingbitch]

[This is actually amusing.]

You suck with birds, Egbert. I thought you'd be on some deep emotional level with your wind bullshit.

[The crow just watches him.

Watches.

And judges him.]

[hamburellakind]

No...they seem to like you better.

[SWEET BIRD CATCH!]

Oh Jegus, oh Jegus...

[urnewkingbitch]

[THIS BIRD DOESN'T APPRECIATE BEING MANHANDLED, JOHN. Struggling and cawing is a go!]

Can you blame 'em?

[The rest of the murder is watching John suspiciously.]