An Email Exchange At Work
-----Original Message-----
From: William Tanner [mailto:xxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 12:58 PM
To: David Allison
Subject: RE:
Let's hit up a liquor store.
-----Original Message-----
From: David Allison [mailto:xxxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:01 PM
To: William Tanner
Subject: RE:
What are you planning on getting? I might pick up some hoegarten, kahlua,
and vodka.
-----Original Message-----
From: William Tanner [mailto:xxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:23 PM
To: David Allison
Subject: RE:
Probably wine. I'm not feeling very vodkay, schnappy, ginny, or what have
you. Just not in the mood for gut rot.
I want to get drunk...
Or high...
Anything to shake my mind out of this dumb, numb, plain, vanilla state I'm
in.
I can't get fucked... I don't think that would help anyway. I need
something to just fucking explode my mind... just crack it like a 40 pound
sledge on concrete...
There's like this wall between where I am and where I want to be... and it's
pissing me off...
-----Original Message-----
From: David Allison [mailto:xxxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:26 PM
To: William Tanner
Subject: RE:
I know what you mean. Training/fighting during those times usually helps
me, but I guess that's not one of your options. Getting drunk usually makes
everything feel more dead to me; I've been told that's not normal, though.
-----Original Message-----
From: William Tanner [mailto:xxxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:31 PM
To: David Allison
Subject: RE:
No, fighting wouldn't even do it, I don't think. When I punch things, my
brain just pushes up against that block and it makes me angrier. I need to
find a way to just blast through that fucker...
-----Original Message-----
From: David Allison [mailto:xxxxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:37 PM
To: William Tanner
Subject: RE:
I don't know if it'd help your particular problem, but I think it'd be a
worthwhile experiment. A couple of years ago, when I was unemployed, I decided
to go on a "media fast" for several weeks. I stopped listening to music,
playing video games, watching movies and tv, and reading books. All I did
was eat, sleep, talk to people, think, and write down some of my thoughts.
It was an interesting shift in perspective and I found myself having better,
clearer, and more interesting insights.
-----Original Message-----
From: William Tanner [mailto:xxxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:45 PM
To: David Allison
Subject: RE:
That's all that my life is. Yeah, I'm online a lot. Yeah, I play video games when the mood strikes me, but it doesn't change anything. That four day weekend thing I had was one of the worst weekends of my life. I was pissed off from Friday night until... well, today. I still haven't stopped being angry. Being angry and not having any contact with other people only makes you angrier. Being sick (on top of that) only makes you MORE angry. Now put in that mind the thoughts of the girl who ripped your heart out fucking the guy she left you for in your own home city INSTEAD of you... when HE lives in fucking Illinois! In addition to that, you start thinking that she's just toying with you... just stringing you along. Sure, it's probably paranoia, you tell yourself, but how do you know? Stir all of that vigorously, and press that angry mind up against a mental wall that just won't fucking burst. That's where I am now.
-----Original Message-----
From: David Allison [mailto:xxxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:49 PM
To: William Tanner
Subject: RE:
I see. I'm sorry I don't have any more advice; every time that's happened
to me I just had to wait it out. I hate waiting things out, too, but
eventually you either find something that makes you feel better, something
that distracts you, or a bigger problem to worry about.
-----Original Message-----
From: David Allison [mailto:xxxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 2:08 PM
To: William Tanner
Subject: RE:
I'm dissastisfied with my life, too, but for different reasons. I think I
have the potential to start movements, influence people... maybe not change
things in a drastic way, but have an effect on individual lives by changing
people's perspectives. I just don't feel like I'm in a position to do it
yet, and it's frustrating. It also couldn't hurt for me to learn how to
speak more cohesively, too.
-----Original Message-----
From: William Tanner [mailto:xxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 2:13 PM
To: David Allison
Subject: RE:
Would it surprise you to say that that desire of yours is obvious to even
the most casual observer?
-----Original Message-----
From: David Allison [mailto:xxxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 2:18 PM
To: William Tanner
Subject: RE:
Not really. I mean, I think most people aren't even casual observers--they
just don't observe at all--but of those that do, I don't try to hide my
impulse to stimulate and provoke them.
-----Original Message-----
From: William Tanner [mailto:xxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 2:24 PM
To: David Allison
Subject: RE:
I'm not intending to be mean by this, but it seems to come across more like
bullshitting to gain the favor of others, specifically females. I've heard
the way you talk to Karen and Sarah. You kinda sound like you want to get
into their pants... which, maybe you do, but to me, it sounds really
obvious.
That could just be my interpretation, though... no offense.
-----Original Message-----
From: David Allison [mailto:xxxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 2:28 PM
To: William Tanner
Subject: RE:
Really? I usually only talk to girls like that when I have no interest in
them whatsoever, or if they've become friends. Girls I'm attracted to I
tend to avoid. I don't remember any particular conversations with Sarah,
but with Karen I'm just really interested in the subjects we talk about, and
glad that she is a human being who seems to be even slightly interested in
them. I mean, I talk with some guys the exact same way, too.
-----Original Message-----
From: William Tanner [mailto:xxxxx@justifacts.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 2:31 PM
To: David Allison
Subject: RE:
Meh. I'm probably just a cynical fucker. But like David Lee Roth said, "Everybody wants some". If you DID want to bullshit your way into anyone's pants, nobody could blame you. You're just following your biological imperitive.