(no subject)
OOC: Annie thinks this is locked, but it obviously isn't.
Why do I feel so betrayed from her going out on a date with someone else? I've been going with him for... hell, I'm getting married to him. I love this man, but feel... I don't know... for some odd reason. Maybe even a little jealous. I wanted to make ammends, I wanted to know it's okay between us and... for some crazy reason, I wanted her blessing. I wanted to know it was okay by her.
But I don't think I can care anymore, I don't think I'm allowed to. It's so hard just to let her really, truely go. I want to know he won't leave. I think that's why I went with her for so long, even Dr. Yao said that. I have a fear of men and them leaving me, like Doug did. I have a fear of being alone because of him. Every fear I have stems from him.
It's why I have to protect these boys. My mother, I know she hurts because of him, but she puts on a happier face for us and she tries to convince herself that he'll be back, but he hasn't been back all this time. Not a phone call, letter, picture. Nothing. I don't even want him back again... just to hurt us. I know I've left before, but I just couldn't be there at that time because of school, or because of him being there. I know that truely in my heart, and in my actions, that I've changed so much. I'm more mature now. I know what I want in life. I finally know who I am, finally.
Why do I feel so betrayed from her going out on a date with someone else? I've been going with him for... hell, I'm getting married to him. I love this man, but feel... I don't know... for some odd reason. Maybe even a little jealous. I wanted to make ammends, I wanted to know it's okay between us and... for some crazy reason, I wanted her blessing. I wanted to know it was okay by her.
But I don't think I can care anymore, I don't think I'm allowed to. It's so hard just to let her really, truely go. I want to know he won't leave. I think that's why I went with her for so long, even Dr. Yao said that. I have a fear of men and them leaving me, like Doug did. I have a fear of being alone because of him. Every fear I have stems from him.
It's why I have to protect these boys. My mother, I know she hurts because of him, but she puts on a happier face for us and she tries to convince herself that he'll be back, but he hasn't been back all this time. Not a phone call, letter, picture. Nothing. I don't even want him back again... just to hurt us. I know I've left before, but I just couldn't be there at that time because of school, or because of him being there. I know that truely in my heart, and in my actions, that I've changed so much. I'm more mature now. I know what I want in life. I finally know who I am, finally.