Entanglement | Kris/Adam, NC17
(Originally posted 30th April 2009.)
Title: Entanglement
Author: ilytheira
Pairing: Kradam (Kris Allen/Adam Lambert)
Rating: NC17, to be safe. (:
Summary: 'You fell because you had known that nothing is impossible. That no one is infallible.'
Notes: Well, wasn't that an interesting results show? This is a product of a second viewing of the whole Matt-Adam-Kris bottom three, written in about 25 minutes, give or take a few. If it's incoherent and jumbled up - it's a perfect reflection of how I was. LOL. I apologize for any mistakes. (:
Disclaimer: Neither Kris nor Adam, nor any of the people featured, belong to me.
It makes you nearly incurably sick to your stomach to know that such a thing is possible.
But - no. Then again, you've known all along that on this show, something anything everything is possible - and you don't have anything in your arsenal to contradict that. You can't say it's impossible anymore, you don't have the right to call anything impossible anymore. You can't play the "I never thought I'd ever make it this far" card, because you know that you've envisioned yourself taking it all thousands of times before. You no longer have the right to hold the "I never thought I'd become to emotionally attached to anyone in the house" card, either, because you're just that type of person to get attached, to make friends, to light up a room when you walk in. And you sure as hell can't play the "I never thought I'd fall in love or lust or an impossibly large amount of like for my roommate" hand, because the moment you laid eyes on him, you fell.
You fell because you had known that nothing is impossible. That no one is infallible.
You were almost a witness to fallibility tonight.
You can still feel your heartbeat in your throat, can still feel the sweat running down your temples and forming on your palms, can still feel your hands and your knees and your whole body shake. You still feel like you want to throw up, like you want to pass out, like you can't take it anymore, you don't feel any form of relief yet. You try to breathe can't breathe won't breathe should breathe must breathe must breathe must breathe, and it takes you longer than a minute to gather your mind; longer than three to form a coherent word; much longer than five to form a coherent string of words, much less a thought.
It's heart-wrenching and gut-twisting - and you can honestly say that this isn't how you'd ever thought it would be. Of course, of course you know that you'd eventually be disappointed. Disappointed that the title wouldn't become yours, or disappointed that it would be yours and not his.
Because everything always comes back to him.
Even if it were to end with you basking in the glory of the shower of confetti, if it were to end with the Idol crown on your head, if it were to end with you above everyone else, you would still be disappointed.
Disappointed that it was not his.
Because there is always something to be disappointed about.
You have almost found your ultimate disappointment tonight. Almost found yourself alone in the room alone in the bed (alone under the sheets).
You have almost caved in to your ultimate disappointment tonight. Almost caved in to the thought of yourself alone in the room alone in the bed (alone under the sheets).
You have almost driven yourself crazy because of the possibility of your ultimate disappointment tonight. Almost drove yourself crazy with the thought of yourself alone in the room alone in the bed (alone under the sheets).
But then the door is opening and you know that it had only been almost almost almost because he is standing there and your eyes meet and the relief is more euphoric than euphoric. He steps inside and closes the door gently, eyes never leaving yours and yours never leaving his, and as soon as you blink he has already crossed the room and you are melting in his arms. He is kissing your eyes your forehead your lips your cheeks your neck and you gladly surrender to him.
You can feel your heartbeat in your throat again, can feel the sweat running down your temples and forming on your palms as you are undressed and he is undressed and you are pressed against the carpet, can feel your hands and your knees and your whole body shake. You feel like you want to explode as he kisses a shoulder the base of your neck your other shoulder, like you want to pass out as his lips make their way to a nipple across your chest to the other down to your navel, like you can't take it anymore as his mouth intentionally bypasses your erection goes straight for your inner thigh then the other one, you don't feel any form of relief yet. You try to breathe as he takes you in his mouth can't breathe won't breathe should breathe must breathe must breathe must breathe, and it takes you longer than a minute to gather your mind; longer than three to form a coherent word; much longer than five to form a coherent string of words, much less a thought.
But it takes you much less than a second to whimper his name whimper his name whimper his name shout his name as he coaxes an orgasm from your body as you arch your body only for him as you bury one hand in his hair and the other on the carpet to hold yourself steady.
Within moments, after your fastest recovery ever on record, he is in you on top of you moving with you moving in and out of you and it's heaven, plain and simple. You feel the rush of blood, you can't think properly, and all you see hear say smell touch is him him him and all you can ever bear to ever think of again is him. Him as you orgasm a second time, him as he kisses you passionately as he spills himself inside of you, him as he lies on top of you and you lay together, a sweaty tangle of limbs and semen and whispers and breaths and clutching and you are simply there.
For a moment, you have become the knot Alexander will never undo can never undo can never ever undo.
But you've found your disappointment again, even in tonight.
(The knowledge that even this, such a beautiful thing as this, such a wonderful thing as this, such a rare thing as this, cannot last forever.
But even for almost forever almost eternity almost infinity together - you will settle for it. You will settle for almost, you have to settle for almost.
Because almost forever almost eternity almost infinity together is with him. And that thought is the furthest from disappointment you've ever been.)
Title: Entanglement
Author: ilytheira
Pairing: Kradam (Kris Allen/Adam Lambert)
Rating: NC17, to be safe. (:
Summary: 'You fell because you had known that nothing is impossible. That no one is infallible.'
Notes: Well, wasn't that an interesting results show? This is a product of a second viewing of the whole Matt-Adam-Kris bottom three, written in about 25 minutes, give or take a few. If it's incoherent and jumbled up - it's a perfect reflection of how I was. LOL. I apologize for any mistakes. (:
Disclaimer: Neither Kris nor Adam, nor any of the people featured, belong to me.
It makes you nearly incurably sick to your stomach to know that such a thing is possible.
But - no. Then again, you've known all along that on this show, something anything everything is possible - and you don't have anything in your arsenal to contradict that. You can't say it's impossible anymore, you don't have the right to call anything impossible anymore. You can't play the "I never thought I'd ever make it this far" card, because you know that you've envisioned yourself taking it all thousands of times before. You no longer have the right to hold the "I never thought I'd become to emotionally attached to anyone in the house" card, either, because you're just that type of person to get attached, to make friends, to light up a room when you walk in. And you sure as hell can't play the "I never thought I'd fall in love or lust or an impossibly large amount of like for my roommate" hand, because the moment you laid eyes on him, you fell.
You fell because you had known that nothing is impossible. That no one is infallible.
You were almost a witness to fallibility tonight.
You can still feel your heartbeat in your throat, can still feel the sweat running down your temples and forming on your palms, can still feel your hands and your knees and your whole body shake. You still feel like you want to throw up, like you want to pass out, like you can't take it anymore, you don't feel any form of relief yet. You try to breathe can't breathe won't breathe should breathe must breathe must breathe must breathe, and it takes you longer than a minute to gather your mind; longer than three to form a coherent word; much longer than five to form a coherent string of words, much less a thought.
It's heart-wrenching and gut-twisting - and you can honestly say that this isn't how you'd ever thought it would be. Of course, of course you know that you'd eventually be disappointed. Disappointed that the title wouldn't become yours, or disappointed that it would be yours and not his.
Because everything always comes back to him.
Even if it were to end with you basking in the glory of the shower of confetti, if it were to end with the Idol crown on your head, if it were to end with you above everyone else, you would still be disappointed.
Disappointed that it was not his.
Because there is always something to be disappointed about.
You have almost found your ultimate disappointment tonight. Almost found yourself alone in the room alone in the bed (alone under the sheets).
You have almost caved in to your ultimate disappointment tonight. Almost caved in to the thought of yourself alone in the room alone in the bed (alone under the sheets).
You have almost driven yourself crazy because of the possibility of your ultimate disappointment tonight. Almost drove yourself crazy with the thought of yourself alone in the room alone in the bed (alone under the sheets).
But then the door is opening and you know that it had only been almost almost almost because he is standing there and your eyes meet and the relief is more euphoric than euphoric. He steps inside and closes the door gently, eyes never leaving yours and yours never leaving his, and as soon as you blink he has already crossed the room and you are melting in his arms. He is kissing your eyes your forehead your lips your cheeks your neck and you gladly surrender to him.
You can feel your heartbeat in your throat again, can feel the sweat running down your temples and forming on your palms as you are undressed and he is undressed and you are pressed against the carpet, can feel your hands and your knees and your whole body shake. You feel like you want to explode as he kisses a shoulder the base of your neck your other shoulder, like you want to pass out as his lips make their way to a nipple across your chest to the other down to your navel, like you can't take it anymore as his mouth intentionally bypasses your erection goes straight for your inner thigh then the other one, you don't feel any form of relief yet. You try to breathe as he takes you in his mouth can't breathe won't breathe should breathe must breathe must breathe must breathe, and it takes you longer than a minute to gather your mind; longer than three to form a coherent word; much longer than five to form a coherent string of words, much less a thought.
But it takes you much less than a second to whimper his name whimper his name whimper his name shout his name as he coaxes an orgasm from your body as you arch your body only for him as you bury one hand in his hair and the other on the carpet to hold yourself steady.
Within moments, after your fastest recovery ever on record, he is in you on top of you moving with you moving in and out of you and it's heaven, plain and simple. You feel the rush of blood, you can't think properly, and all you see hear say smell touch is him him him and all you can ever bear to ever think of again is him. Him as you orgasm a second time, him as he kisses you passionately as he spills himself inside of you, him as he lies on top of you and you lay together, a sweaty tangle of limbs and semen and whispers and breaths and clutching and you are simply there.
For a moment, you have become the knot Alexander will never undo can never undo can never ever undo.
But you've found your disappointment again, even in tonight.
(The knowledge that even this, such a beautiful thing as this, such a wonderful thing as this, such a rare thing as this, cannot last forever.
But even for almost forever almost eternity almost infinity together - you will settle for it. You will settle for almost, you have to settle for almost.
Because almost forever almost eternity almost infinity together is with him. And that thought is the furthest from disappointment you've ever been.)