Police This!
So a few days ago I'm with my friend Rupert and we're heading over to Debbie George's, and due to circumstances, I thought it better for us to park at the apartment complex next to her trailer park and just hop over the fence. Hopping that fence was a once-common occurrence by many who either lived at or frequented the lodgings. I was carrying a white trash bag with a fresh change of clothes for changing into after I had taken a shower. Rupe and I passed Debbie's trailer up and went two trailers down to her friend Paula's b/c no one was home and she'd locked her trailer. There was no one home at Paula's either, but her trailer was unlocked, so we went in. This is all standard procedure. While not actually blood or marriage relatives, we're family, so we can do that.
I hop in the shower, and when I come out, there's a patrol cruiser parked at Debbie's. I kept peeking out the window to try and figure out what was going on. Debbie then calls me on my cell and tells me that supposedly someone broke into her trailer and locked themselves inside. Dana (another friend, lives between the two trailers) comes over and gets us, says she spoke to Debbie and that we three should find out who, if anyone, was or still is inside. I crawled in through the living room window and unlocked the front door, then we three began a sweep of the house. No one hiding inside, nothing out of place.
So now that that was done, I thought I'd get a couple of things out of my car. But I looked over the fence, and I didn't see it! I was freaking out to Rupert about it, and he said it was probably just parked in a different space than I thought, one obscured from vision. Now we decide to walk around the long way instead of jumping the fence, since there had been recent police activity. While en route to the parking lot, an unmarked police vehicle pulled up next to us. Out of it popped two Dayton detectives.
The detectives separate us as soon as possible and start to question us individually. The fat one asked me what I was doing, why I'd parked at an apartment complex I didn't live in, why I was seen jumping a fence and carrying a "suspicious bag", etc. What this man was implying was that it was in fact I who had broken into Debbie's, to either burgle it or sell drugs inside it. Therein I explained to the officer why I'd parked there, what I was doing in the trailer park, how I knew the women of each trailer, the phone call from Debbie, all of us searching, and then me walking back to my car. I even offerred to call the leaseholder and get it straightened out.
Well, Mr. Detective didn't like my explanation one bit. During my recounting, he was constantly giving me a "Go to hell" look, and basically had an all-around dick demeanor. To quote him, he said, "You know what? I think that's bullshit," and repeated "bullshit" after every sentence. His body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, it all conveyed malice toward me. I usually try to remain calm and civil in the presence of law enforcement, but I wasn't gonna let some shithead detective with an attitude call me a liar and not listen to me without giving him a piece of my mind...
I'm not certain of the exact wording, since I was heated, but I think my response was, "Man, you're fucking bullshit, piece-of-shit pig." Then the cop gets a grin on his face and asks, "You ever been arrested before?"
"Yeah," I admit.
He asks, "On what charge?"
I tell him, "criminal mischief and possession of marijuana."
"You smoked any marijuana today?"
"No."
"You done any other drugs today?"
"No."
"When's the last time you did drugs?"
"Fuck if I know."
Then he does a field sobriety test, which he says I failed, then places me in the backseat of another, uniformed officer's car who had arrived at some point in all this. This whole time, the other detective's questioning Rupert, and about that time Rupert gets on my cell and calls Debbie. When he gets ahold of her, he tells her what the deal is, and hands the phone to ShitPig who had just finished with me. Instead of getting to the bottom of the case, i.e. DETECTING, he takes the phone, hangs it up and puts it in his pocket. Now Rupert's pissed too, and shouts, "What the fuck's wrong with you, man?!" Into the car next to me he goes.
We pull around in front of the three trailers "involved" in this, and the uniformed officer talks to Dana to get some more information. The detectives are searching the front area of Debbie's for signs of forced entry, which of course they found none. All the while, Rupert and I are talking about how fucked up ShitPig is being and making fun of the whole thing. We were shouting things at the detectives through the windows like, "Dude, this handle's broken." and "Could you roll these windows down? We wanna smoke."
Then Debbie arrives, and the detectives talk to her. Finally the officer lets us out of his car, and says no B&E charges are being filed by the owner (no fucking shit) so we're free to go. He also told me where my car was impounded at by the apartment complex owner. When Rupe and I got out, we strutted around the car, spouting things like, "Can't hold ME!" and "Ain't got shit on me!" We were daring the detectives to throw another charge at us. "But make sure you know what the fuck you're talking about first," he shouted as they were pulling out of the trailer park.
Of course no victory over the police, especially one with this kind of pompous attitude, goes without its price. Dectective O'Donnell (ShitPig) told Debbie that I'm already currently under investigation, that I'm a "major marijuana dealer who sells to children as young as twelve", and that he's got a hardon for me now (That's a cop hardon, aka has it in for me). Well "you know what? I think that's bullshit." Anyone who knows me well at all knows I'm not a dealer. I'm too perpetually broke, AND out of weed, to be a seller. Even if I was, I sure as fuck wouldn't sell to little kids. So fuck that pathetic excuse for a human being calling himself a detective. And fuck his "investigation" and his homo hardon he's got for me. He ain't got shit on me; if he did, I'd already have been arrested for the charges.
Too bad his lies worked on Debbie. She's convinced that they're gonna bust me out soon, and since she said I was welcome in her home anytime even without her to O'Donnell, she thinks my presence will get her house searched. Now she's forbid everyone who doesn't live in her house from going over there, including and especially me. I don't know what scare tactics he used to convey the notion that a search warrant might be issued if I came around anymore, but I do know that he convinced her she would lose her kids over it if they did.
So this dick Dick thinks he's got me pegged AND popped, I emerge as the right and righteous winner, and after the battle, he throws the lowest blow, and gets me barred (temporarily I hope) from where I truly consider my home to be. Life is bittersweet.
I hop in the shower, and when I come out, there's a patrol cruiser parked at Debbie's. I kept peeking out the window to try and figure out what was going on. Debbie then calls me on my cell and tells me that supposedly someone broke into her trailer and locked themselves inside. Dana (another friend, lives between the two trailers) comes over and gets us, says she spoke to Debbie and that we three should find out who, if anyone, was or still is inside. I crawled in through the living room window and unlocked the front door, then we three began a sweep of the house. No one hiding inside, nothing out of place.
So now that that was done, I thought I'd get a couple of things out of my car. But I looked over the fence, and I didn't see it! I was freaking out to Rupert about it, and he said it was probably just parked in a different space than I thought, one obscured from vision. Now we decide to walk around the long way instead of jumping the fence, since there had been recent police activity. While en route to the parking lot, an unmarked police vehicle pulled up next to us. Out of it popped two Dayton detectives.
The detectives separate us as soon as possible and start to question us individually. The fat one asked me what I was doing, why I'd parked at an apartment complex I didn't live in, why I was seen jumping a fence and carrying a "suspicious bag", etc. What this man was implying was that it was in fact I who had broken into Debbie's, to either burgle it or sell drugs inside it. Therein I explained to the officer why I'd parked there, what I was doing in the trailer park, how I knew the women of each trailer, the phone call from Debbie, all of us searching, and then me walking back to my car. I even offerred to call the leaseholder and get it straightened out.
Well, Mr. Detective didn't like my explanation one bit. During my recounting, he was constantly giving me a "Go to hell" look, and basically had an all-around dick demeanor. To quote him, he said, "You know what? I think that's bullshit," and repeated "bullshit" after every sentence. His body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, it all conveyed malice toward me. I usually try to remain calm and civil in the presence of law enforcement, but I wasn't gonna let some shithead detective with an attitude call me a liar and not listen to me without giving him a piece of my mind...
I'm not certain of the exact wording, since I was heated, but I think my response was, "Man, you're fucking bullshit, piece-of-shit pig." Then the cop gets a grin on his face and asks, "You ever been arrested before?"
"Yeah," I admit.
He asks, "On what charge?"
I tell him, "criminal mischief and possession of marijuana."
"You smoked any marijuana today?"
"No."
"You done any other drugs today?"
"No."
"When's the last time you did drugs?"
"Fuck if I know."
Then he does a field sobriety test, which he says I failed, then places me in the backseat of another, uniformed officer's car who had arrived at some point in all this. This whole time, the other detective's questioning Rupert, and about that time Rupert gets on my cell and calls Debbie. When he gets ahold of her, he tells her what the deal is, and hands the phone to ShitPig who had just finished with me. Instead of getting to the bottom of the case, i.e. DETECTING, he takes the phone, hangs it up and puts it in his pocket. Now Rupert's pissed too, and shouts, "What the fuck's wrong with you, man?!" Into the car next to me he goes.
We pull around in front of the three trailers "involved" in this, and the uniformed officer talks to Dana to get some more information. The detectives are searching the front area of Debbie's for signs of forced entry, which of course they found none. All the while, Rupert and I are talking about how fucked up ShitPig is being and making fun of the whole thing. We were shouting things at the detectives through the windows like, "Dude, this handle's broken." and "Could you roll these windows down? We wanna smoke."
Then Debbie arrives, and the detectives talk to her. Finally the officer lets us out of his car, and says no B&E charges are being filed by the owner (no fucking shit) so we're free to go. He also told me where my car was impounded at by the apartment complex owner. When Rupe and I got out, we strutted around the car, spouting things like, "Can't hold ME!" and "Ain't got shit on me!" We were daring the detectives to throw another charge at us. "But make sure you know what the fuck you're talking about first," he shouted as they were pulling out of the trailer park.
Of course no victory over the police, especially one with this kind of pompous attitude, goes without its price. Dectective O'Donnell (ShitPig) told Debbie that I'm already currently under investigation, that I'm a "major marijuana dealer who sells to children as young as twelve", and that he's got a hardon for me now (That's a cop hardon, aka has it in for me). Well "you know what? I think that's bullshit." Anyone who knows me well at all knows I'm not a dealer. I'm too perpetually broke, AND out of weed, to be a seller. Even if I was, I sure as fuck wouldn't sell to little kids. So fuck that pathetic excuse for a human being calling himself a detective. And fuck his "investigation" and his homo hardon he's got for me. He ain't got shit on me; if he did, I'd already have been arrested for the charges.
Too bad his lies worked on Debbie. She's convinced that they're gonna bust me out soon, and since she said I was welcome in her home anytime even without her to O'Donnell, she thinks my presence will get her house searched. Now she's forbid everyone who doesn't live in her house from going over there, including and especially me. I don't know what scare tactics he used to convey the notion that a search warrant might be issued if I came around anymore, but I do know that he convinced her she would lose her kids over it if they did.
So this dick Dick thinks he's got me pegged AND popped, I emerge as the right and righteous winner, and after the battle, he throws the lowest blow, and gets me barred (temporarily I hope) from where I truly consider my home to be. Life is bittersweet.