Reunion (Mirror Universe)
Title: Reunion
Pairing: Kai/Shirogane
Rating: PG-13
AN: Written before we RPed this, then I forgot about it. -_- This isn't how I planned on it ending but I think it works okay as it stands.
He didn’t like this new base, Kai thought with tired annoyance. It was cold and uninviting and not ‘home’ like the other one had been. Logically he knew that was because he’d never been here before and that after their base had been destroyed this was the next best thing, but he couldn’t feel comfortable here, not even held in Shirogane’s arms like he was. He turned onto his side and gently ran a finger down the side of Shirogane’s face, tracing over his mouth (complete with split lip from where the Alliance trooper had hit him), over the bruise just under his right eye (courtesy of same, no doubt), over the bridge of his nose (only recently set by Alyssa after it had been broken) and back again. Shirogane had taken one hell of a beating for him, trying to keep him safe; it wasn’t his fault it hadn’t worked, the Alliance wanted him too badly to let anyone stand in their way.
It wasn’t just Shirogane either; Isshu was dead, Merrick was dead… practically everybody on the base was walking wounded and it was all his fault. The Alliance had been there for him, to take him back, back to Kosaka, back to Esumi, back to-- back to Ushigome: if it hadn’t been for him the base wouldn’t have been raided and everybody would still be alive. He swallowed past the tight knot in his throat, hugging Shirogane close and absorbing the warmth radiating from him. He’d been relieved at first, when they came for him, rescuing him from the Alliance yet again and he’d been relieved beyond any hope of explanation at the sight of Shirogane at the far end of that corridor: it had been, hands down, the most beautiful thing he’d seen in his life.
The relief was short-lived though, and now that everything had calmed down, now that he had time to think, guilt and despair were beginning to take hold. He might be free now but the Alliance would come for him again; if there was one thing he’d learned being back at the SCRTC facility it was that they would never let him go. It didn’t matter how often he escaped, they’d just find him and drag him back and it would start all over again. More people would die because of him and maybe next time the images of Shirogane lying broken on the floor would be real and not just a freeze-frame designed to break his will, maybe next time Shirogane really would die trying to protect him. Kai shook his head fiercely and held on tighter, remembering only too clearly how he’d felt when he’d thought Shirogane was dead. Not again, he decided firmly, he wasn’t going to let either of them go through that again. As long as he was here he was a threat to the entire base, a threat to Shirogane and he couldn’t allow that anymore.
One of the benefits of his documented short sleep cycle was that nobody would be surprised to see him wandering around at this time of night and Shirogane wouldn’t be too surprised to find himself alone when he woke up. Okay, granted, if they saw him wandering around with a bag slung over his shoulder they’d probably start asking questions, so it would probably be a good idea to avoid people where possible. He wasn’t quite sure how but he made it to the docking bay without being spotted and he slid into the pilot’s seat, wishing he felt more confident about this.
“Jan,” he said, resisting the urge to whisper. “Get me out of here without setting off the alarms.”
“Where are you going?” demanded the voice of the AI, sounding confused and a little… put out?
“Away,” he replied firmly. “Away from them.”
“But,” Jan protested, “Shirogane! If you leave he’ll be all shioshio.”
Kai swallowed hard. “He’s better off without me,” he muttered. “As long as I’m here the Alliance will keep coming. I can’t let anyone else die because of me, Jan.” I can’t let Shirogane die because of me.
Jan made a soft sound of protest but the doors to the docking bay locked behind him anyway and the space doors opened. “Thank you,” Kai whispered, fingers tightening on the controls as he activated the thrusters, blasting out of the docking bay without looking back.
***
Drifting on the verge of waking up, Shirogane wriggled further under the covers, trying to hold off wakefulness as long as he could, wanting to make the most of this time with Kai before they both had to get up and face the realities of such a hasty relocation. He groaned at the thought of what was waiting for them, even though the basics had already been put in place months before, and reached out for Kai, needing to feel him there, alive and well and back with him, not trapped in Alliance hands anymore.
His hand came down on the flat surface of the mattress and he frowned, opening his eyes blearily to find out why he’d hit the mattress instead of resting on Kai like he should have. The answer turned out to be a simple one: Kai wasn’t there. Suddenly and horribly wide awake now, Shirogane stared at the empty space, dread an unpleasant ball in his gut as he carefully reached out once more, resting his palm on the mattress and finding it cold. Kai hadn’t been there for a while.
He groped around for his comm badge, praying Kai hadn’t done what he was afraid he had. It wasn’t unusual for Kai to be gone when he woke up; with Kai rarely sleeping longer than three hours at any given point he could usually be found somewhere around the base when Shirogane got up, working on whatever decryptions needed doing. Still, after what they’d gone through the past few days he would have expected Kai to still be here. The relationship between them was still new, only becoming lovers the day before the Alliance had come for them - two days ago now, was it really such a short amount of time? - but he knew Kai and after everything that had happened, Kai had been even more tactile than usual so this sudden absence was worrying.
He finally found the badge and tapped it hurriedly, opening up the comm channel. “Kai. Kai, where are you?” He didn’t care if Kai laughed at him for being a paranoid alarmist if only he was still here. There was a familiar beep from the other side of the room, where the unpacked bags were still sitting. Where they were still sitting, minus one. Shirogane tapped the badge again, repeating the call, not wanting to believe it, but when the beep went off again there was no denying it. Shirogane scrambled out of bed and stumbled across the room to the bags, pulling them open and upending them until Kai’s comm badge fell onto the floor with a tinny thud.
Holding the badge tightly in his hands, so tightly he could feel the metal digging into his skin, Shirogane squeezed his eyes shut against the stinging heat of tears, slamming his fists against the cold floor. Kai was gone. Again.
Kai was gone.
***
Walking over sparse grass and rocks, tricorder in hand, Shirogane kept up a running monologue of curses in as many languages as he could think of. He hadn’t been planetside for years and he’d thought that if he ever had the opportunity he’d be enjoying it; breathing unfiltered air, seeing things by natural light instead of artificial ones powered by generators, but now that he was actually here there was none of that; instead he was ignoring all the things he’d wanted the most in favour of tracking down the most irritating, annoying, selfish, stupid brat he’d ever met. Fortunately Kai wasn’t much of a pilot and it had been simple enough to track the shuttle once they knew it was gone, Jan sheepishly admitting to helping, even if he wouldn’t explain why.
Why had Kai left? Shirogane asked himself again, still unable to come up with a reason. And why so suddenly, without even saying goodbye. Why? It just didn’t make any sense and when he got his hands on Kai he was going to shake the answer out of him, damn it, for scaring him like this. The tricorder beeped quietly as it picked up a nearby lifesign and Shirogane turned from his former course to follow it, wondering if Ryu was having any better luck than he was. Keeping his attention on the tricorder’s screen, Shirogane took some heart from seeing the little point of light getting steadily closer, faster than he’d thought, true, but closer.
He rounded a corner, heart hammering in his chest with the knowledge that Kai was within reach. He kept the slight rise of the hill to his side and walked straight into the end of a phaser. He swallowed reflexively and took a step back, putting a bit of distance between himself and the phaser, not that it would do much good if the person holding it decided to fire anyway. His gaze lifted from the weapon to the person holding it and felt his heart spasm painfully in chest as Kai’s cold gaze stared back at him.
What are you doing? he wanted to scream at him, once he got over the paralysing shock. Why did you leave? Why are you doing this? What did the Alliance do to you? This couldn’t be real, it couldn’t. Kai would never point a weapon at him, would never look at him with eyes that cold, would never…. What had the Alliance done?
“Kai,” Kai whispered softly, his eyes dropping a little in thought as he chewed on his bottom lip. The action was heartbreakingly familiar and leant a whole new level of wrongness to the entire situation. “So that’s his name. It’s not bad.” Before Shirogane could think of reacting though, the cold stare was back, the phaser raised slightly. “Where is he?” Kai demanded. “I know he’s here, somewhere, where are you keeping him?”
“Who?” Shirogane asked, heart sinking into his boots. This was wrong, all wrong. He had no idea how he was going to snap Kai out of this, but he’d have to play along for a while, at least until an opportunity presented itself. “I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
“Kai,” Kai snapped angrily. “Where is he?”
Shirogane stared at him, bemused. Why was Kai asking where he was hiding him when they were both right there? Had the Alliance done more damage than they’d thought? But surely he hadn’t been there long enough for even Kosaka to do this kind of damage to a person’s mind. And surely he’d have noticed before now; he’d been paying quite a lot of attention - very detailed attention - once he’d got Kai safely back.
“Honestly,” Kai muttered. “How hard can this be? It’s a simple question, for the Gods’ sakes.”
For the Gods’ sakes? Shirogane thought in confusion. That was something he’d never heard from Kai before. From Ryu, occasionally, yes, referring to the four gods of Betazed, but never from Kai. The levels of wrongness just kept adding up; too many things about the person in front of him didn’t match with the Kai he’d thought he knew and he might as well be a total stranger for all the connection he felt with him.
That was it, he thought suddenly, eyes widening. This didn’t feel like Kai at all, not his Kai. Some kind of, of clone maybe? He knew he was grabbing at straws, desperately reaching for an explanation as to why Kai would turn on him like this, but he just couldn’t believe or accept that Kai would do this, not without being influenced in some way.
“Okay,” Kai sighed, “there are two ways this can go. You tell me what I want to know or I’ll get it out of you another way. Either way works for me but it’ll be a lot easier for you if you just tell me.”
“You’re not having him,” Shirogane growled. “I don’t care what you do, you’re not finding him because of me.” And maybe this was stupid, maybe he was making a fool out of himself, but every instinct he had was screaming at him now that this wasn’t Kai, no matter what - or who - he looked like.
‘Kai’ tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowing as he studied him and whoever was behind all this had really got Kai’s mannerisms down pat, damn them. “You don’t know,” he said in surprise, eyes widening again. “You really don’t.”
“And if I did I wouldn’t tell you,” he grated.
“No,” ‘Kai’ said thoughtfully. “You wouldn’t. Not that that would stop me.” The indifference was the worst part, Shirogane decided. The utter lack of caring in that last sentence was more chilling than the statement itself and he knew, knew, that Kai could never sound like that. “You’re very stubborn,” ‘Kai’ sighed. “Look, I can appreciate the loyalty but it’s kind of annoying so drop it, okay? Just help me find him. You want to find him anyway, might as well do it together, where I can keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t do anything stupid.”
“I’m not helping you find him,” Shirogane repeated. He wasn’t handing Kai over to the Alliance again; he’d been willing to die to keep him safe before, nothing had changed since then.
“Why are you being so stubborn?” ‘Kai’ exclaimed in frustration. “You-- oh. Oh, I get it.” He lowered the phaser again and rubbed his free hand across his forehead tiredly. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re in love with him, that’s why you’re protecting him.”
Shirogane stared at him, going cold all over. How-- was he that obvious?
“This is crazy,” ‘Kai’ was sighing. “Just… insane. ‘True Love’,” he snorted. “Spare me. Love only makes you weak.”
“Then you’ve obviously never been in love,” Shirogane shot back.
“I don’t need love,” ‘Kai’ snapped. “Love’s an illusion and I know all about illusions, so I’ll do without your ‘love’, thanks.”
In spite of himself, Shirogane found he was feeling… bad for this Kai look-alike, this clone or whatever he was. How could anyone be happy living so isolated from people?
“And don’t feel sorry for me, damn it!” the guy snapped, pointing the phaser at him again, displaying the same kind of uncanny ability to follow his train of thought that Kai had. Just as he thought that there was a blur in the corner of his vision, then the Kai look-alike was crashing to the floor, phaser blast going over Shirogane’s head and Kai was standing protectively in front of him; his Kai, the real Kai, not someone who just happened to look like him.
“You okay?” Kai asked, glancing back over his shoulder and Shirogane nodded.
“I’m fine, thank you,” he replied, moving to put himself between Kai and the-- the other one, when the look-alike raised his head and Kai took an immediate step back, his eyes going wide and his jaw dropping.
“Hello, brother,” the look-alike grinned, holstering the phaser at his hip. “Long time no see.”
Pairing: Kai/Shirogane
Rating: PG-13
AN: Written before we RPed this, then I forgot about it. -_- This isn't how I planned on it ending but I think it works okay as it stands.
He didn’t like this new base, Kai thought with tired annoyance. It was cold and uninviting and not ‘home’ like the other one had been. Logically he knew that was because he’d never been here before and that after their base had been destroyed this was the next best thing, but he couldn’t feel comfortable here, not even held in Shirogane’s arms like he was. He turned onto his side and gently ran a finger down the side of Shirogane’s face, tracing over his mouth (complete with split lip from where the Alliance trooper had hit him), over the bruise just under his right eye (courtesy of same, no doubt), over the bridge of his nose (only recently set by Alyssa after it had been broken) and back again. Shirogane had taken one hell of a beating for him, trying to keep him safe; it wasn’t his fault it hadn’t worked, the Alliance wanted him too badly to let anyone stand in their way.
It wasn’t just Shirogane either; Isshu was dead, Merrick was dead… practically everybody on the base was walking wounded and it was all his fault. The Alliance had been there for him, to take him back, back to Kosaka, back to Esumi, back to-- back to Ushigome: if it hadn’t been for him the base wouldn’t have been raided and everybody would still be alive. He swallowed past the tight knot in his throat, hugging Shirogane close and absorbing the warmth radiating from him. He’d been relieved at first, when they came for him, rescuing him from the Alliance yet again and he’d been relieved beyond any hope of explanation at the sight of Shirogane at the far end of that corridor: it had been, hands down, the most beautiful thing he’d seen in his life.
The relief was short-lived though, and now that everything had calmed down, now that he had time to think, guilt and despair were beginning to take hold. He might be free now but the Alliance would come for him again; if there was one thing he’d learned being back at the SCRTC facility it was that they would never let him go. It didn’t matter how often he escaped, they’d just find him and drag him back and it would start all over again. More people would die because of him and maybe next time the images of Shirogane lying broken on the floor would be real and not just a freeze-frame designed to break his will, maybe next time Shirogane really would die trying to protect him. Kai shook his head fiercely and held on tighter, remembering only too clearly how he’d felt when he’d thought Shirogane was dead. Not again, he decided firmly, he wasn’t going to let either of them go through that again. As long as he was here he was a threat to the entire base, a threat to Shirogane and he couldn’t allow that anymore.
One of the benefits of his documented short sleep cycle was that nobody would be surprised to see him wandering around at this time of night and Shirogane wouldn’t be too surprised to find himself alone when he woke up. Okay, granted, if they saw him wandering around with a bag slung over his shoulder they’d probably start asking questions, so it would probably be a good idea to avoid people where possible. He wasn’t quite sure how but he made it to the docking bay without being spotted and he slid into the pilot’s seat, wishing he felt more confident about this.
“Jan,” he said, resisting the urge to whisper. “Get me out of here without setting off the alarms.”
“Where are you going?” demanded the voice of the AI, sounding confused and a little… put out?
“Away,” he replied firmly. “Away from them.”
“But,” Jan protested, “Shirogane! If you leave he’ll be all shioshio.”
Kai swallowed hard. “He’s better off without me,” he muttered. “As long as I’m here the Alliance will keep coming. I can’t let anyone else die because of me, Jan.” I can’t let Shirogane die because of me.
Jan made a soft sound of protest but the doors to the docking bay locked behind him anyway and the space doors opened. “Thank you,” Kai whispered, fingers tightening on the controls as he activated the thrusters, blasting out of the docking bay without looking back.
***
Drifting on the verge of waking up, Shirogane wriggled further under the covers, trying to hold off wakefulness as long as he could, wanting to make the most of this time with Kai before they both had to get up and face the realities of such a hasty relocation. He groaned at the thought of what was waiting for them, even though the basics had already been put in place months before, and reached out for Kai, needing to feel him there, alive and well and back with him, not trapped in Alliance hands anymore.
His hand came down on the flat surface of the mattress and he frowned, opening his eyes blearily to find out why he’d hit the mattress instead of resting on Kai like he should have. The answer turned out to be a simple one: Kai wasn’t there. Suddenly and horribly wide awake now, Shirogane stared at the empty space, dread an unpleasant ball in his gut as he carefully reached out once more, resting his palm on the mattress and finding it cold. Kai hadn’t been there for a while.
He groped around for his comm badge, praying Kai hadn’t done what he was afraid he had. It wasn’t unusual for Kai to be gone when he woke up; with Kai rarely sleeping longer than three hours at any given point he could usually be found somewhere around the base when Shirogane got up, working on whatever decryptions needed doing. Still, after what they’d gone through the past few days he would have expected Kai to still be here. The relationship between them was still new, only becoming lovers the day before the Alliance had come for them - two days ago now, was it really such a short amount of time? - but he knew Kai and after everything that had happened, Kai had been even more tactile than usual so this sudden absence was worrying.
He finally found the badge and tapped it hurriedly, opening up the comm channel. “Kai. Kai, where are you?” He didn’t care if Kai laughed at him for being a paranoid alarmist if only he was still here. There was a familiar beep from the other side of the room, where the unpacked bags were still sitting. Where they were still sitting, minus one. Shirogane tapped the badge again, repeating the call, not wanting to believe it, but when the beep went off again there was no denying it. Shirogane scrambled out of bed and stumbled across the room to the bags, pulling them open and upending them until Kai’s comm badge fell onto the floor with a tinny thud.
Holding the badge tightly in his hands, so tightly he could feel the metal digging into his skin, Shirogane squeezed his eyes shut against the stinging heat of tears, slamming his fists against the cold floor. Kai was gone. Again.
Kai was gone.
***
Walking over sparse grass and rocks, tricorder in hand, Shirogane kept up a running monologue of curses in as many languages as he could think of. He hadn’t been planetside for years and he’d thought that if he ever had the opportunity he’d be enjoying it; breathing unfiltered air, seeing things by natural light instead of artificial ones powered by generators, but now that he was actually here there was none of that; instead he was ignoring all the things he’d wanted the most in favour of tracking down the most irritating, annoying, selfish, stupid brat he’d ever met. Fortunately Kai wasn’t much of a pilot and it had been simple enough to track the shuttle once they knew it was gone, Jan sheepishly admitting to helping, even if he wouldn’t explain why.
Why had Kai left? Shirogane asked himself again, still unable to come up with a reason. And why so suddenly, without even saying goodbye. Why? It just didn’t make any sense and when he got his hands on Kai he was going to shake the answer out of him, damn it, for scaring him like this. The tricorder beeped quietly as it picked up a nearby lifesign and Shirogane turned from his former course to follow it, wondering if Ryu was having any better luck than he was. Keeping his attention on the tricorder’s screen, Shirogane took some heart from seeing the little point of light getting steadily closer, faster than he’d thought, true, but closer.
He rounded a corner, heart hammering in his chest with the knowledge that Kai was within reach. He kept the slight rise of the hill to his side and walked straight into the end of a phaser. He swallowed reflexively and took a step back, putting a bit of distance between himself and the phaser, not that it would do much good if the person holding it decided to fire anyway. His gaze lifted from the weapon to the person holding it and felt his heart spasm painfully in chest as Kai’s cold gaze stared back at him.
What are you doing? he wanted to scream at him, once he got over the paralysing shock. Why did you leave? Why are you doing this? What did the Alliance do to you? This couldn’t be real, it couldn’t. Kai would never point a weapon at him, would never look at him with eyes that cold, would never…. What had the Alliance done?
“Kai,” Kai whispered softly, his eyes dropping a little in thought as he chewed on his bottom lip. The action was heartbreakingly familiar and leant a whole new level of wrongness to the entire situation. “So that’s his name. It’s not bad.” Before Shirogane could think of reacting though, the cold stare was back, the phaser raised slightly. “Where is he?” Kai demanded. “I know he’s here, somewhere, where are you keeping him?”
“Who?” Shirogane asked, heart sinking into his boots. This was wrong, all wrong. He had no idea how he was going to snap Kai out of this, but he’d have to play along for a while, at least until an opportunity presented itself. “I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
“Kai,” Kai snapped angrily. “Where is he?”
Shirogane stared at him, bemused. Why was Kai asking where he was hiding him when they were both right there? Had the Alliance done more damage than they’d thought? But surely he hadn’t been there long enough for even Kosaka to do this kind of damage to a person’s mind. And surely he’d have noticed before now; he’d been paying quite a lot of attention - very detailed attention - once he’d got Kai safely back.
“Honestly,” Kai muttered. “How hard can this be? It’s a simple question, for the Gods’ sakes.”
For the Gods’ sakes? Shirogane thought in confusion. That was something he’d never heard from Kai before. From Ryu, occasionally, yes, referring to the four gods of Betazed, but never from Kai. The levels of wrongness just kept adding up; too many things about the person in front of him didn’t match with the Kai he’d thought he knew and he might as well be a total stranger for all the connection he felt with him.
That was it, he thought suddenly, eyes widening. This didn’t feel like Kai at all, not his Kai. Some kind of, of clone maybe? He knew he was grabbing at straws, desperately reaching for an explanation as to why Kai would turn on him like this, but he just couldn’t believe or accept that Kai would do this, not without being influenced in some way.
“Okay,” Kai sighed, “there are two ways this can go. You tell me what I want to know or I’ll get it out of you another way. Either way works for me but it’ll be a lot easier for you if you just tell me.”
“You’re not having him,” Shirogane growled. “I don’t care what you do, you’re not finding him because of me.” And maybe this was stupid, maybe he was making a fool out of himself, but every instinct he had was screaming at him now that this wasn’t Kai, no matter what - or who - he looked like.
‘Kai’ tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowing as he studied him and whoever was behind all this had really got Kai’s mannerisms down pat, damn them. “You don’t know,” he said in surprise, eyes widening again. “You really don’t.”
“And if I did I wouldn’t tell you,” he grated.
“No,” ‘Kai’ said thoughtfully. “You wouldn’t. Not that that would stop me.” The indifference was the worst part, Shirogane decided. The utter lack of caring in that last sentence was more chilling than the statement itself and he knew, knew, that Kai could never sound like that. “You’re very stubborn,” ‘Kai’ sighed. “Look, I can appreciate the loyalty but it’s kind of annoying so drop it, okay? Just help me find him. You want to find him anyway, might as well do it together, where I can keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t do anything stupid.”
“I’m not helping you find him,” Shirogane repeated. He wasn’t handing Kai over to the Alliance again; he’d been willing to die to keep him safe before, nothing had changed since then.
“Why are you being so stubborn?” ‘Kai’ exclaimed in frustration. “You-- oh. Oh, I get it.” He lowered the phaser again and rubbed his free hand across his forehead tiredly. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re in love with him, that’s why you’re protecting him.”
Shirogane stared at him, going cold all over. How-- was he that obvious?
“This is crazy,” ‘Kai’ was sighing. “Just… insane. ‘True Love’,” he snorted. “Spare me. Love only makes you weak.”
“Then you’ve obviously never been in love,” Shirogane shot back.
“I don’t need love,” ‘Kai’ snapped. “Love’s an illusion and I know all about illusions, so I’ll do without your ‘love’, thanks.”
In spite of himself, Shirogane found he was feeling… bad for this Kai look-alike, this clone or whatever he was. How could anyone be happy living so isolated from people?
“And don’t feel sorry for me, damn it!” the guy snapped, pointing the phaser at him again, displaying the same kind of uncanny ability to follow his train of thought that Kai had. Just as he thought that there was a blur in the corner of his vision, then the Kai look-alike was crashing to the floor, phaser blast going over Shirogane’s head and Kai was standing protectively in front of him; his Kai, the real Kai, not someone who just happened to look like him.
“You okay?” Kai asked, glancing back over his shoulder and Shirogane nodded.
“I’m fine, thank you,” he replied, moving to put himself between Kai and the-- the other one, when the look-alike raised his head and Kai took an immediate step back, his eyes going wide and his jaw dropping.
“Hello, brother,” the look-alike grinned, holstering the phaser at his hip. “Long time no see.”