So I'm sitting here in my last 50 minutes of work for the day and I figured, what the hell, let's update this thing and wish everyone a Merry Christmas....

So.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

I hope everyone drives safe to where ever they are going, and if you are already there, then I hope you enjoy your holiday with family/friends/who ever else will be ( Read more... )

 
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME
According to the Alaskan Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, ( Read more... )

 
After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who
was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and quickly fell asleep.

Suddenly, he awoke to find a strange man standing at the end of his bed
wearing a long flowing white robe.

"Who the hell are you," demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my
bedroom?"

The mysterious man ( Read more... )

Courtesy of Jacoby Ellsbury's fourth-inning steal of second base, every person in the United States is entitled to a free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Taco at Taco Bell. Just visit Taco Bell on Oct. 30 between 2-5 p.m. local time to redeem your free taco.

Don't believe me? Go HERE

 THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG ( Read more... )

 A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant ( Read more... )

A man walks into a drug store with his 13-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, 'What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex.'

'Oh I see,' replied the boy pensively. 'Yes, I've heard of That in health class at school.' He looks ( Read more... )

 The federal government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!

Damn ( Read more... )

So last week at work they sent out an email talking about a Halloween pot-luck. It also mentioned that they will be giving away prizes for the top 3 costumes. Who ever thought that I would be able to dress up FOR WORK, none-the-less in a costume?! So, I'm going to wear my nun costume. I'm debating if I want to make it into a pregnant nun or not, ( Read more... )

 
A husband and wife were scheduled to attend a Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headacke and told her husband to go to the Halloween party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by her not going. So he took ( Read more... )