Pat. I miss Pat. I miss my friend. I don't ever want to be with someone ever again.

I don't even care about fucking. All I want is to lay in my bed with someone holding me. I don't think it's going to ever happen. I can't imagine letting someone into my life again. I never really let anyone in anyway, even if I think I do at the time. I'm always by myself.

I'm so lonely and I feel like it's going to be like this forever.

Really, at the end of the day, all that matters is that Miranda is my friend.

I feel stressed out about next year. I don't know what I should do for work. I need to figure out if I can afford to be a P.A. again. I don't think I can. $13/hr and no benefits just is not enough. I need to figure out if I can be a set painter...I'm afraid to ask...it's an unknown ( Read more... )

Ryan came to visit today, he's gonna leave in the morning. It was a busy day but fun. I told him for some reason that I'm an alcoholic. Whyyyyy did I tell him that? He didn't need to know that. I don't think he's gonna tell mom or dad or anything. I just feel weird about it. I feel weird about everything ( Read more... )

I guess Pat and I broke up on Monday. It feels pretty awful. I don't really know what to write about it. I'm just sad. I don't really want to talk to anyone about it even though Amy said I had to if I wanted to start feeling better ( Read more... )

I feel so weird. I have all these e-mails and texts from friends I haven't replied to. I don't know what my problem is. I feel isolated and lonely and it is clearly my fault, because people are trying to connect with me and I just won't reciprocate. I'm just too anxious or something. I'm so weird. I'm so tired of being me ( Read more... )

I just want to be held. I'm so lonely.

Whew, has it been a busy week and a half. Getting settled into the new place. I love it. It is scary to spend so much money, dear lord. Work has been kind of dramatic lately. In other news, I really really miss having sex.