Rabbit Hole Day: The Sequel
I'm beginning to feel weak, because the doctors at the hospital deemed me as "mentally unstable" and to escape them all I had to use my Jedi powers more than I've ever had to... But most importantly, I just was involved in the war to return justice to the galaxy. Rewinding a bit to the hospital, they called the police and now they were after me. I encountered the police three times, and each time I used Jedi mind tricks to get past them. Luckily, they are weak minded, so it isn't too hard.
When I first escaped, I knew that if I wanted to get far away, my only hope was to find my whaling crew and make amends. As I was travelling through the raging blizzard, Ackbar came to me in a vision. "Travel to the Paris Opera House, there you will find the Phantom, and he will teach you how to kill a mockingbird." I passed out, and when I woke up, you wouldn't believe who had saved me. It was the Russian spy, who it turns out was actually Seymour Krelbourn in disguise. He had been impersonating a stupid Russian spy to escape Audrey II. Somehow, he had managed to get away from the CIA before they actually made the arrest. When the weather improved, I took Seymore to my ship and we made peace with the crew. I had a nice, fancy apology for them, with very long words - because it is style, not sincerity that counts.
In the Paris Opera house, Seymour and encounted a Madame Giry. She showed us a dark passageway which led down to a dark lair on a lake. There the Phantom was, playing his organ music fanatically. We waited an hour or two for him to stop playing and finally acknowledge us, instead he just kept playing. Finally, he spun around in his chair and yelled out in song, "Why do you think I was bound in chains in the cold and dismal place? Not for any mortal sin but the wickedness of my abhorent face!"
Suddenly, Seymour was in a noose! The Phantom repeated, "Why do you think I was bound in chains in the cold and dismal place? Not for any mortal sin but the wickedness of my abhorent face!"
I didn't know what to say, and just stood there, and listened as the Phantom repeated once more, "Why do you think I was bound in chains in the cold and dismal place? Not for any mortal sin but the wickedness of my abhorent face!" I asked him to tell me about the mockingbird that Ackbar had spoken of, but all he did is say those same words again. Then I asked if he could free Seymour from the noose, and he did. Seconds later, he screamed, "Seek Calpurnia in Alabama, in the years of the Depression!" After he was finished, he disappeared.
We went into the whaling ship again, and used the last of our magic whale oil to fuel the time machine kept in the hold to go back in time. Eventually, we found this Calpurnia the Phantom had spoken of. Calpurnia was just kind of angry at us, because she had been expecting us to come forever to kill the dreaded mockingbird and it had used a time machine to get back to the future.
So it was a waste of time and magic whale oil after all, and that's when Ackbar appeared. Since he is the greatest wizard in the world (he defeated Voldemort, of course), he was able to use his powers to bring us back to the future. Ackbar disappeared after bringing us back to the correct time. Seymour and I parted with my crew, and I made them vow to never kill another whale. Now, they do great missionary work in converting other whalers into merchant sailors.
Now we were faced with the problem of killing the mockingbird. Seymour realized that he had nothing to provide, not even sweet understanding, and he took off. I was back to being on my own, and totally clueless. In desperate need of Ackbar's guidance, I had no idea what to do in order to defeat the mockingbird. And Palpatine/Porkins, Darth Rabkca and the Nazgul were still in the back of my mind.
That is when I appeared before the Galatic Senate, begging for some help. The senators Hollingsworth, Einstein, Robert Plant, Toulouse-Lautrec, Jafar, and Buddy the Elf sided with me. This may sound like a significant number, but it a unsignificant amount considering there are a few thousand members of the Senate. Doing what I should've done long ago, I relied on the Force to bring me some assistance.
Instead, Sailor Moon arrived with Sailor Mercury. The rest of the scouts sent their apologies, because they were busy at a convention. I brought them to my house, above which Palpatine and Rabkca were still fighting the Nazgul. We were hiding in the shadows and waiting for Ackbar, when Sailor Moon got cocky and used to her Moon Prism Power in an effort to harm Palpatine/Porkins.
This was futile. Instead, it directed the fighting of both parties towards us. Sailor Moon and Mercury did their best to defend us against them, while I tried once more to contact Ackbar. Unfortunately, when Ackbar apparated, he did not land where he intended but right in front of Sailor Mercury as she was doing one of her attacks. The Mon Calamari, just like fish, are sensitive to mercury and he at once fell ill. Mercury had the same effect on him that an ungodly amount of alcohol would on a human and, in a drunken-like state, he began to sing karaoke. Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury, discouraged and with no self-esteem, fled.
Now, I was to face them all alone.
Just when it couldn't get worse, it seemed like it did. Mr. McG, who is a Sith himself, rushed to join the fight and brought his cows*. Each of his cows had the deadly Mad-Cow Disease and wore Ms. A's shoes**, a combination so dangerous that only a Jedi or a wizard could bear it. McG and his cows challenged Ackbar to a Karaoke-Duel. Ackbar would normally refuse and resort to his magical powers, but (being mercury poisoned) he accepted. It was McG's turn to sing first and he chose a Cher song.
This is where the lesson comes in, all of you who are considering a life of evil should pay closer attention. McG was so infuated with singing "If I Could Turn Back Time" that he didn't realize his muse was actually weakening his allies. The cows were dancing vehemently, to the point that Ms. A's shoes flew off and hit each of the Nazgul, McG, Palpatine, and Darth Rabkca in the faces. The energy of the shoes pinned them to the ground.
What I least expected was for Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury to return with a serum to cure Ackbar. Restored to his normal state, Ackbar and I were able to team up and easily annihilate the sith, the Nazgul, and the cows.
The galaxy celebrated, once again free from the dark Sith lords. In our happiness, we failed to remember one thing - the most important thing of all - the mockingbird. But the mockingbird was sleeping, and it would not strike for sometime. And it would remain forgotten until that day.
But I'm too tired to tell you the story of how we dealt with the mockingbird... So I guess I'll have another nap. Like I said before, I feel very weak. Time for a nap.
* "Mr. McG" was my geometry teacher freshman year. He hated me. He loved Cher and owned lots of cows.
** "Ms. A" was my eighth grade math teacher. She had lots and lots of shoes that she kept under her desk for some reason.
When I first escaped, I knew that if I wanted to get far away, my only hope was to find my whaling crew and make amends. As I was travelling through the raging blizzard, Ackbar came to me in a vision. "Travel to the Paris Opera House, there you will find the Phantom, and he will teach you how to kill a mockingbird." I passed out, and when I woke up, you wouldn't believe who had saved me. It was the Russian spy, who it turns out was actually Seymour Krelbourn in disguise. He had been impersonating a stupid Russian spy to escape Audrey II. Somehow, he had managed to get away from the CIA before they actually made the arrest. When the weather improved, I took Seymore to my ship and we made peace with the crew. I had a nice, fancy apology for them, with very long words - because it is style, not sincerity that counts.
In the Paris Opera house, Seymour and encounted a Madame Giry. She showed us a dark passageway which led down to a dark lair on a lake. There the Phantom was, playing his organ music fanatically. We waited an hour or two for him to stop playing and finally acknowledge us, instead he just kept playing. Finally, he spun around in his chair and yelled out in song, "Why do you think I was bound in chains in the cold and dismal place? Not for any mortal sin but the wickedness of my abhorent face!"
Suddenly, Seymour was in a noose! The Phantom repeated, "Why do you think I was bound in chains in the cold and dismal place? Not for any mortal sin but the wickedness of my abhorent face!"
I didn't know what to say, and just stood there, and listened as the Phantom repeated once more, "Why do you think I was bound in chains in the cold and dismal place? Not for any mortal sin but the wickedness of my abhorent face!" I asked him to tell me about the mockingbird that Ackbar had spoken of, but all he did is say those same words again. Then I asked if he could free Seymour from the noose, and he did. Seconds later, he screamed, "Seek Calpurnia in Alabama, in the years of the Depression!" After he was finished, he disappeared.
We went into the whaling ship again, and used the last of our magic whale oil to fuel the time machine kept in the hold to go back in time. Eventually, we found this Calpurnia the Phantom had spoken of. Calpurnia was just kind of angry at us, because she had been expecting us to come forever to kill the dreaded mockingbird and it had used a time machine to get back to the future.
So it was a waste of time and magic whale oil after all, and that's when Ackbar appeared. Since he is the greatest wizard in the world (he defeated Voldemort, of course), he was able to use his powers to bring us back to the future. Ackbar disappeared after bringing us back to the correct time. Seymour and I parted with my crew, and I made them vow to never kill another whale. Now, they do great missionary work in converting other whalers into merchant sailors.
Now we were faced with the problem of killing the mockingbird. Seymour realized that he had nothing to provide, not even sweet understanding, and he took off. I was back to being on my own, and totally clueless. In desperate need of Ackbar's guidance, I had no idea what to do in order to defeat the mockingbird. And Palpatine/Porkins, Darth Rabkca and the Nazgul were still in the back of my mind.
That is when I appeared before the Galatic Senate, begging for some help. The senators Hollingsworth, Einstein, Robert Plant, Toulouse-Lautrec, Jafar, and Buddy the Elf sided with me. This may sound like a significant number, but it a unsignificant amount considering there are a few thousand members of the Senate. Doing what I should've done long ago, I relied on the Force to bring me some assistance.
Instead, Sailor Moon arrived with Sailor Mercury. The rest of the scouts sent their apologies, because they were busy at a convention. I brought them to my house, above which Palpatine and Rabkca were still fighting the Nazgul. We were hiding in the shadows and waiting for Ackbar, when Sailor Moon got cocky and used to her Moon Prism Power in an effort to harm Palpatine/Porkins.
This was futile. Instead, it directed the fighting of both parties towards us. Sailor Moon and Mercury did their best to defend us against them, while I tried once more to contact Ackbar. Unfortunately, when Ackbar apparated, he did not land where he intended but right in front of Sailor Mercury as she was doing one of her attacks. The Mon Calamari, just like fish, are sensitive to mercury and he at once fell ill. Mercury had the same effect on him that an ungodly amount of alcohol would on a human and, in a drunken-like state, he began to sing karaoke. Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury, discouraged and with no self-esteem, fled.
Now, I was to face them all alone.
Just when it couldn't get worse, it seemed like it did. Mr. McG, who is a Sith himself, rushed to join the fight and brought his cows*. Each of his cows had the deadly Mad-Cow Disease and wore Ms. A's shoes**, a combination so dangerous that only a Jedi or a wizard could bear it. McG and his cows challenged Ackbar to a Karaoke-Duel. Ackbar would normally refuse and resort to his magical powers, but (being mercury poisoned) he accepted. It was McG's turn to sing first and he chose a Cher song.
This is where the lesson comes in, all of you who are considering a life of evil should pay closer attention. McG was so infuated with singing "If I Could Turn Back Time" that he didn't realize his muse was actually weakening his allies. The cows were dancing vehemently, to the point that Ms. A's shoes flew off and hit each of the Nazgul, McG, Palpatine, and Darth Rabkca in the faces. The energy of the shoes pinned them to the ground.
What I least expected was for Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury to return with a serum to cure Ackbar. Restored to his normal state, Ackbar and I were able to team up and easily annihilate the sith, the Nazgul, and the cows.
The galaxy celebrated, once again free from the dark Sith lords. In our happiness, we failed to remember one thing - the most important thing of all - the mockingbird. But the mockingbird was sleeping, and it would not strike for sometime. And it would remain forgotten until that day.
But I'm too tired to tell you the story of how we dealt with the mockingbird... So I guess I'll have another nap. Like I said before, I feel very weak. Time for a nap.
* "Mr. McG" was my geometry teacher freshman year. He hated me. He loved Cher and owned lots of cows.
** "Ms. A" was my eighth grade math teacher. She had lots and lots of shoes that she kept under her desk for some reason.