OMGWTFBBQBirmingham
updates updates, long overdue.
here follows the tale of my recent employ
an account worthy of reality tv
the story of cherylOMGWTFBBQBirmingham
a fearsome firecracker,
a source of priceless wisdom.
she was eccentric, to be sure,
we all thought during our group interview.
we being myself and two other girls
it was much less an interview
and more an opportunity for her soapbox.
no sooner had i mentioned japan
than she launched into longwindedness:
I love Japanese Culture!
I used to study Aikido!
(she was apparently a ~170lb black belt aka "accomplished martial artist")
which is Just Like studying the Culture.
Japan has Contributed So Much!
to the world with, um, Electronics!
even after getting Two Atombombs!
They deserve all the Economic Goodness they're getting!
FACT: japan has been in recession since the 1990s
so what do you study at RISD? industrial design?
Ohhh! My Boyfriend is from Ghana!
Ghana is the gate to africa!
they have Gold And And And Diamonds!
You should do industrial design in Ghana!!
...
the next week she calls:
congratulations! you got the job.
come to training tomorrow
bring your social security card.
none of us can find/receive it in time
Didn't I tell you to Bring Your Card?
I told You Didn't I?
You Didn't Even Try to (blah blah blah)
whatever whatever. next day,
memorizing stupid script,
getting drilled, doing roleplay,
shrug.
oh you Play Violin?
you should audition for my
Boyfriend from Ghana's orchestra!
it is So Awesome.
He is So Awesome.
FIELD TRAINING! yay!
walking around, watching her canvass:
Hello! How are you Doing!
I Know you Want to make an Appointment
with our Product Specialist!
you Think you don't have the money,
But You Do.
you just Want to Be Convinced by Me!
Ohhhh! you are an Actor!!
you Need Music! i have a
Boyfriend from Ghana!
with an orchestra.
I am getting paid to Chat with you
about my Boyfriend from Ghana
for a good Fifteen Minutes!
next couple of days: six more hours of salesmanny goodness.
highlights include:
daily raging against
her lucky employee of the day
for not meeting goals
despite good performance previously
her Boyfriend from Ghana!
is awesome! so Awesome!
Black men have many children
by different women
in order to repopulate the world
post-slavery.
they are the Superior Race.
she has the Essence of black people inside her.
part of the team threatened with arrest
for lack of canvassing permits
throwing a co-operative fit over it
in order to drag out break-time.
having not made enough appointments
to satisfy her,
we were Clearly Doing It All Wrong.
It Was Not Luck
that people happened to be home in the afternoon
and were interested in getting renovations.
Not Luck At All!
and the finale:
the team is "caught" taking a break on the beach
having been there for no more than five minutes
probably more like two.
having been still talking to a customer
i did not know where they had gone
when she drove the van by to pick us up.
in fact,
we had Conspired not to do Our Jobs
Who Knows How Long We Hadn't Been Working??
despite having filled out sheets
describing all the houses we had visited,
evidence of having worked hard.
despite the fact that on the first day
she intentionally spent about 30 minutes
driving around in a park because it was too hot outside.
she Couldn't Trust Us Anymore!
apparently I Lied To Her
to cover for the team.
no amount of insistence could convince her.
and some of the team had Not Met Their Goals
despite having over-performed on other days.
i was done. this was ridiculous.
no amount of making fun could remedy the fact
that
everyday, we were being yelled at
despite working honestly
in the hot sun of the day.
so i quit
citing a bad work environment.
she began to argue at me,
so i walked out.
she followed me out, and mass fired the whole team.
i quit, she fired six, and the remaining employee quit thereafter.
all told, 15 employees either quit or were fired in the last month.
but Wait! There's More!
-- storming off to her car
-- driving back to the building
-- yelling match
-- storming off again
-- coming back
-- yelling match
... etc.
i believe she came back to argue with everyone at least three times.
amazing.
here follows the tale of my recent employ
an account worthy of reality tv
the story of cherylOMGWTFBBQBirmingham
a fearsome firecracker,
a source of priceless wisdom.
she was eccentric, to be sure,
we all thought during our group interview.
we being myself and two other girls
it was much less an interview
and more an opportunity for her soapbox.
no sooner had i mentioned japan
than she launched into longwindedness:
I love Japanese Culture!
I used to study Aikido!
(she was apparently a ~170lb black belt aka "accomplished martial artist")
which is Just Like studying the Culture.
Japan has Contributed So Much!
to the world with, um, Electronics!
even after getting Two Atombombs!
They deserve all the Economic Goodness they're getting!
FACT: japan has been in recession since the 1990s
so what do you study at RISD? industrial design?
Ohhh! My Boyfriend is from Ghana!
Ghana is the gate to africa!
they have Gold And And And Diamonds!
You should do industrial design in Ghana!!
...
the next week she calls:
congratulations! you got the job.
come to training tomorrow
bring your social security card.
none of us can find/receive it in time
Didn't I tell you to Bring Your Card?
I told You Didn't I?
You Didn't Even Try to (blah blah blah)
whatever whatever. next day,
memorizing stupid script,
getting drilled, doing roleplay,
shrug.
oh you Play Violin?
you should audition for my
Boyfriend from Ghana's orchestra!
it is So Awesome.
He is So Awesome.
FIELD TRAINING! yay!
walking around, watching her canvass:
Hello! How are you Doing!
I Know you Want to make an Appointment
with our Product Specialist!
you Think you don't have the money,
But You Do.
you just Want to Be Convinced by Me!
Ohhhh! you are an Actor!!
you Need Music! i have a
Boyfriend from Ghana!
with an orchestra.
I am getting paid to Chat with you
about my Boyfriend from Ghana
for a good Fifteen Minutes!
next couple of days: six more hours of salesmanny goodness.
highlights include:
daily raging against
her lucky employee of the day
for not meeting goals
despite good performance previously
her Boyfriend from Ghana!
is awesome! so Awesome!
Black men have many children
by different women
in order to repopulate the world
post-slavery.
they are the Superior Race.
she has the Essence of black people inside her.
part of the team threatened with arrest
for lack of canvassing permits
throwing a co-operative fit over it
in order to drag out break-time.
having not made enough appointments
to satisfy her,
we were Clearly Doing It All Wrong.
It Was Not Luck
that people happened to be home in the afternoon
and were interested in getting renovations.
Not Luck At All!
and the finale:
the team is "caught" taking a break on the beach
having been there for no more than five minutes
probably more like two.
having been still talking to a customer
i did not know where they had gone
when she drove the van by to pick us up.
in fact,
we had Conspired not to do Our Jobs
Who Knows How Long We Hadn't Been Working??
despite having filled out sheets
describing all the houses we had visited,
evidence of having worked hard.
despite the fact that on the first day
she intentionally spent about 30 minutes
driving around in a park because it was too hot outside.
she Couldn't Trust Us Anymore!
apparently I Lied To Her
to cover for the team.
no amount of insistence could convince her.
and some of the team had Not Met Their Goals
despite having over-performed on other days.
i was done. this was ridiculous.
no amount of making fun could remedy the fact
that
everyday, we were being yelled at
despite working honestly
in the hot sun of the day.
so i quit
citing a bad work environment.
she began to argue at me,
so i walked out.
she followed me out, and mass fired the whole team.
i quit, she fired six, and the remaining employee quit thereafter.
all told, 15 employees either quit or were fired in the last month.
but Wait! There's More!
-- storming off to her car
-- driving back to the building
-- yelling match
-- storming off again
-- coming back
-- yelling match
... etc.
i believe she came back to argue with everyone at least three times.
amazing.