Happy Halloween!
0594184 | 你我就是一輩子
That’s what it feels like when you touch me. Like millions of tiny universe being born and then dying in the space between your finger and my skin.Sometimes I forget.
“Did you wait long?” He says with a wide smile spread across his lips and his eyes disappearing in slits. “I’m sorry,” he goes on as he crouches beside her, “I got caught up with work.”
“You always get caught up at work,” she retorts with a sigh as she watches the dandelions that were ruffled and disturbed with his movements, the bits and pieces flying and floating up above the sky. She stretches her arm; her palms wide open as she tries to catch them but fails.
They bask in silence before he launches in different stories; the ahjumma that was fond of him in the market, the kids at the school she had taught before, their stubborn pet cat Riko and how he was up for the spot of a possible promotion. “It’s a bit of a hassle to think of it, they’re expecting so much from me.” He says with a grunt before leaning his back against the huge rock behind him. “Do you think I can do it?”
“I think you can do anything,” Dara says and leans her own back against the rock. “You can always do anything you put your heart into.”
“I told mom and she told me I can do anything.” He sighs and rolls his eyes before he tips his head back and watches the clouds. Dara takes this opportunity to look at him, to marvel at the sight of features and the obvious traces of hard work marring his skin.
“You look tired,” she says as she lifts a hand to trace his face. But he suddenly jerks away and looks at her, his eyes red rimmed and tired. “You should rest,” she commands, “go home and rest. You really look like you need it.”
“I should stop coming here.”
Dara detects the sadness in his voice even before the pained look crosses his face and floods his eyes. She wants to stretch her arms and envelope him in a hug but she doesn’t do it, she can’t do it. So she sighs and listens to his breathing, watches as he hunches his shoulders forward.
“Everyone’s saying I should stop coming here, noona, but can they blame me? Can you blame me?” He sighs and shakes his head, his hands messing up his hair as he rests his forehead on the crooks of his palm. “This is the only place I feel safe and next to you.”
“Even after all this time?”
“Five years,” he says and Dara nods because all this time was indeed summed up by five years. “It’s hard to break this. I don’t think I can even try to forget. Would you like me to forget, noona?” She shakes her head. “I don’t want to forget.” And this time, it’s his turn to shake his head.
“But,” Dara says, “moving on doesn’t really mean you have to forget. You just have to deal with it better. You just have to face the truth.”
Another silence settles upon them, Dara contemplating her own words as she looks at his face. She smiles as she feels his gaze settling upon her, a delusion she had let to flood her mind every once in a while because sometimes it was nice to forget.
“Five years… Five years of living without you. I’m surprised I survived.” He blinks and fights back the tears, teeth digging against his bottom lip. “I. I just wish I was able to save you that night. If I did then maybe I won’t be alone here right now. I’d have you with me; sitting here and watching the clouds chase the setting sun. Wonderful, isn’t it?”
Dara nods and smiles and ignores the fact that he couldn’t see, even ignores the fact that he can’t feel her as she tries to hold his hand. “I wish you didn’t die that night, noona.” He says in a small voice but Dara catches the words and it breaks her heart to hear him sound so small, so weak.
“Sanghyun~ah,” Dara calls out, enveloping her brother in an embrace he can never feel. “I wish I didn’t die that night too but it already happened and we have to deal with that.”
Sanghyun sighs as if he had just heard her and he tips his head back again, tears falling in the corner of his eyes and Dara wants to wipe it all away. She wants to tell her brother that it was all going to be okay and that no matter what, he could handle this. But she can’t do that, not when she’s nothing but a mere ghost of someone who had been loved by many.
“I should go,” Sanghyun says as he stands up and brushes the back of his pants. He looks down at the spot she had always sat in whenever they were here and smiles. Dara looks up from where she’s sitting too, a smile of her own on her lips. “I’ll be back though, noona. I’ll tell you more stories when I come back.”
“You should,” Dara whispers and stands up as well, her gaze trained against Sanghyun’s face. “Take care, Sanghyun~ah. Tell mom and Durami I miss them. I miss you too.” She holds her hand up and places it by his jaw, a loving gesture she always did before when they would part ways.
Sanghyun slowly walks away, his gaze casted on the ground before him. He suddenly halts on his steps, looks back and tries to imagine Dara standing before him. He squints his eyes, the lazy rays of the setting sun somewhat blinding him. A hand flies up to shield his eyes and for a brief moment, he wants to assume that he had seen her standing in between the glimmer of the sunset.
“You and me for a lifetime, ne, noona?” He whispers to the air and he imagines Dara nodding with a big goofy grin on her lips. Sanghyun smiles an identical smile and nods himself, thinking that maybe he could still hold on a bit more to this.