Nine Gates of Hell (9/?)

[valamagic]

Part 9

There wasn’t anything left to be said after that so I trailed James back to the house. I wondered why being single again hurt so much, especially when it was what I’d wanted all along. Except that I had to admit I didn’t really want to be single even if it had its benefits. Being single allows you a much greater freedom than being in a relationship, you don’t have to worry about being late getting home or remembering to call when you say you will even though all you want to do is curl up and sleep. But I wasn’t getting any younger, I wanted there to be somebody for me to go home to, contrary to what I kept telling James when he asked when we were moving in together. I was ready to settle down and ready to start a family, at least I was ready to settle down, starting a family could wait a few years.

Who was I kidding, if David were the one asking I wouldn’t want to wait even ten seconds. Once again I had to remind myself that David was off limits, something which was only made harder by our confessions early that morning. It was one thing to fantasize about someone but another to know they shared your fantasies and were still alarmingly off limits. James offered me an apologetic smile before we headed into the house. I threw David a look that I hoped portrayed just how emotionally exhausted I was, and physically exhausted too, I realised then I’d barely slept more than a few hours a night since we’d gotten there. I was supposed to be on vacation, for something that was supposed to be relaxing there was a shitload of stress and tension going around.

James had already packed his bags and they were sitting inside our bedroom door, sorry my bedroom door, ready for when his brother came to get him. It hit me then that it really was over, there was no going back, no changing my mind, he’d walk out of my life and that would be it. I was less upset by the thought than I should have been, what bothered me was that this was a nice decent man I was turning away from, probably better than I could ever hope to get otherwise. What was I thinking?

James followed me into the bedroom , I knew it wasn’t so that we could talk more but more as a measure to avoid the others so I grabbed some clothes quickly and headed straight to the bathroom. Some time alone would do me good, give me a chance to think and to let the tears that had been threatening to fall all morning have free rein.

David appeared as I was slipping out of my pants not bothering to knock before barging into the bathroom. My pants pooled around my ankles and I was left staring shocked at David, he at least had the decency to close to door behind him so that we were cocooned in tiled room together.

“How did it go?” He sat down on the edge of the bath his legs stretched out in front of me. I didn’t bother pulling my pants back up instead I stepped out of them before flinging them towards the corner of the bathroom where they would hopefully stay dry.

“What are you doing in here Dave?” I tried to sound annoyed, but it came out as an exhausted sigh.

“Wanted to check on you”

“And you couldn’t have waited until I finished my shower?” I asked with a smirk.

“Nope”

“Hmm, that’s what I thought, you were hoping to catch a glimpse of me naked.”

“I never said that”

“No of course you didn’t” I agreed with a slight laugh. I really couldn’t begrudge him that urge since it was one I so often had myself.

“So... how did it go?” he changed the subject.

“He broke up with me” It was funny almost, that I’d gone out there with the intention of breaking up with him only to have him break up with me.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Yeah” and then I was crying, because suddenly I couldn’t hold it in anymore and Dave was pulling me onto his lap. His arms were wrapped tightly around me pulling me as close to him as I had been on the beach that morning. It was such an odd position for us to be in, yet somehow I was completely comfortable, I was safe in his arms. My bare legs dangled over the side of his, just barely above the floor and he didn’t speak as I spilled my tears on to his shoulder. One arm rubbed my back gently the other gripped my hip holding me in his place, his bare arm rested on my naked thigh. I wondered if I’d ever been in such an intimate position before.

The thought just made me cry harder. The one man I couldn’t have was so close to me at that moment and yet I could never have him. The one man I truly loved could never be mine.

“Hey Em, it’s okay, he’s just one guy, I know it hurts right now but you’ll be okay. There’s somebody out there for you, you’ll find him” He tried to reassure me and it wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate it because I did, his hand reached up to tip my face towards him to make sure I saw the truth in his eyes. I didn’t really doubt that he spoke the truth, but for once he was way off on the reassurance front because I didn’t need reassurance about the break-up.

“That’s not it” I admitted quietly, my head tipped to the side and I willed him to realise what I didn’t want to say.

“Oh. I’m sorry Em”

“It’s not your fault It was true, how could it be his fault that he was married, we hadn’t known each other when he’d married Jaime, he’d obviously been happy with her. It was just a case of bad timing, one that would forever affect my life, but still nothing more than bad timing.

“I feel bad anyway”

“Could we not talk about it Dave” I dropped my head to his shoulder so I couldn’t see his face anymore.

“Yeah of course. I guess I should get out of here so you can have a shower and then Jaime and I can have that little chat” I didn’t want to hear her name at that moment but I nodded weakly against him, before snuggling closer to his warm body partially to ward off the chill that had begun to spread across my bare thighs and partly to ward of the emptiness in my heart.

“I can’t get out of here if you’re doing that. Not that I have a problem staying here while you shower” I smacked him half heartedly on the arm “Worth a try” I knew I needed to pull myself off his lap and send him out, if for no other reason than the health of his relationship, truthfully I wouldn’t have minded if he stayed either.

“You thinking about things with Jaime?”

“Yeah”

“You know avoiding it isn’t going to make it any better, nor is her finding you in the bathroom with me”

“Yeah, I know” Then it was his head falling against my shoulder, he didn’t cry but my hand rubbed over his back comfortingly as his had done to me moments earlier, his fingers twisted in my hair and I gave him as much time as he needed to gather his thoughts. Finally his fingers stilled against my scalp and his head lifted off his shoulder a weak smile on his face.

“Up you get” he whispered against my ear. Yeah, that would be the sensible thing to do I agreed. I forced myself up onto my feet wanting nothing more than to stay in his arms in that bathroom forever. I didn’t bother to check whether or not he was getting up to leave before pulling my t-shirt over my head and dumping it with my pants, because truthfully I didn’t really care if he saw naked, there was no one I trusted more. Besides, after letting him see me emotionally raw, him seeing my body wasn’t such a big deal.

The gasp I heard over my shoulder revealed that David was definitely still there, his eyes probably fixed on my bare back. I wondered how long it would take for him to regain control of his faculties. I reached out one hand to turn on the water allowing a few moments for it to heat, another gasp told me that David still hadn’t left and that his eyes were probably fixed on the curve of breast that I guessed was visible to him. With a final flick of my hand the last scrap of material that had covered my body joined my other clothes in the corner. I heard David collapse onto the closed toilet seat as I slipped into the shower pulling the curtain shut behind me.

“You just gonna sit there David” I laughed slightly poking my head around the curtain to where he was still sitting, his face shocked.

“Huh?”

“Geez, anyone would think you’d never seen a naked woman before” I lathered shampoo into my hair as I spoke.

“Huh?” he repeated.

“Woman, naked, anyone would think you’d never seen one”

“Oh... hey, I’ve seen women naked before” he defended, showing a slight improvement in faculty use, at least he knew what I was talking about.

“I never doubted that. You’ve been married twice, if you’d never seen a naked woman I would be very worried”

“Then why did you say it?”

“I was being sarcastic, you were kind of out of it”

“Oh, sorry. It’s just you’re so... I don’t know, so beautiful. I think you might be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen” I poked my head out from the side of the curtain again.

“You’re serious?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re married to a Playboy bunny, how am I supposed to compete with that?” I tried to keep my tone light but my voice belied my insecurities.

“You don’t have to compete. Has anyone ever told you that being hot and being beautiful are two different things” I’d never really thought about it but it did make sense, one could definitely be hot without being beautiful, I wasn’t sure whether one could be beautiful without being hot, but I guessed it was probably possible.

“So you’re saying that I’m not hot?”

“Yes... no” I loved hearing him flustered and smirked slightly as I poured some conditioner into my palm “What I mean is that you’re beautiful and hot”

“Then what about Jaime?” I was confused.

“Oh she’s definitely hot, probably hotter than you, but she hasn’t always looked like that” I’d guessed as much, it wasn’t hard to tell.

“But you’re completely natural and it’s refreshing and beautiful... I said that didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did”

“That’s because it’s true. You have self respect and dignity and I appreciate it”

I poked my head out again “Thankyou Dave, I appreciate you saying that”

“Anytime. So do I get another glimpse of that wonderful body” he teased, back to the David I knew and loved.

“I think you’ve seen enough for today, don’t need to get you too worked up. You’ve gotta go talk to your wife. Off you go, I’ll be out in a couple of minutes, or you can turn your back and promise me to be good”

“You doubt me?” he asked feigning hurt.

“You’re a guy and I’m a naked woman... so yes I doubt you”

“Fair enough” he agreed laughing. I waited a few moments but heard no movement within in the bathroom.

“You’re not leaving are you?” It was more of a statement than a question.

“No, but I’ll turn around now.”

“You know you have to deal with it sooner or later, you might as well go out and do it now”

“Please” he begged, I didn’t have the heart to turn him away. True to his word he kept his back turned while I dried off and slid into a pair of jeans and a shirt.

“Okay, you can turn back” I told him with a sigh as I began to run a comb through my hair deciding to let it dry naturally, for once I couldn’t be bothered with it. He watched on as I smoothed moisturiser into my skin and donned a light layer of foundation, that was as much habit as anything else.

“You ready?” I asked finally my hand grazing over his shoulder as a small sign of comfort.

“Yeah. Gotta face the music right?”