[Log] Two Duels and a Squirrel
Valentine has led the way on the Extensive Picnic Of Adventure out of Amber into a lightly wooded part of the countryside, his horse Sparky looking mildly irate to be kept to a nice walk or trot and not get to go running. Or charge down theoretical enemies with its mighty hooves, what with no actual enemies having appeared yet. In any case, he's now stopped at a shaded clearing by a little brook that looks like an excellent place for a light lunch and maybe some sort of Horrible Attack that could lead to the hoped-for adventure. "I hope you like peanut butter cookies, since I accidentally bought two dozen of those. I was using the wrong Cibolan dialect when I ordered."
Taleyn grins. "That sounds lovely!" She pauses, tilting her head to the side. "What were you *trying* to order?" Her horse is Temperance, a beautiful brown stallion, trained by Quina to the point of bombproofedness. He is more skilled at carrying than his rider is at riding, in fact, and occasionally he darts an eye back toward Taleyn when she gives too dramatic a gesture or twist, just to see if he's supposed to be heeding it or whether she's merely Being Taleyn.
Valentine swings down from Sparky, a mare with fine bright eyes and the temper of a warhorse annoyed at the current lack of wars nearby. "Two packed lunches. But if it's wrong to have a lunch made entirely of cookies, I don't want to be right." He leaves the reins hanging over his horse's neck, and stretches. "Kai said he'd catch up with us later. I think he's caught in the throes of poetry again. Either that or practicing with the sword, seeing how seriously he takes both."
Taleyn giggles as she dismounts, tying her gentle stallion a respectful distance from Tine's Alpha Mare. Temperance begins to crop the grass nearby immediately, while Taleyn bounces over to join Valentine. Steed and rider could not be more mismatched if they had planned it! It rather gives the impression the horse is babysitting Taleyn. "Cookies, I am in favor of them!" She beams. "That Kai, he is utterly the sensitive artist."
Valentine gets a large paper bag out of Sparky's saddlebags, and offers a cookie. "He is! A sensitive artist who could totally stick a sword through me if we ever got into an argument that demanded a duel. I really need to brush up on my own sword skills. I was embarrassingly incompetent against him when we tried out a bit of practice once."
Somewhere past the immediate surround of trees, there is heard the soft clip-clop of hooves upon the soil underneath. The rider hears voices, and begins to near.
Taleyn hops and beams more! "Oooooh, I never never EVER get to spar anymore!!! Please please please try to stick a sword through my gizzard, Tine!"
From afar, Celeste grins
Valentine hastily finishes off the cookie he's started on. "Sure! Let me just tether Sparky and let her know what's up, so that she doesn't decide you're trying to kill me and come attack you. She's very sensitive about my near-death experiences for some reason." He lowers his voice conspiratorially. "Don't let her know that I've noticed, but I think she actually likes me."
Lucius appears on horseback, his black mare is a bold Frisian breed - surely of Mandrake stock. Across his lap sits a loaded crossbow, angled away and downwards. He holds the reins one-handed, and mainly steers with his knees. Upon seeing the couple, Lucius calls, "Ho, there!" He moves closer to make out the pair.
Valentine waves cheerfully, with half a cookie in hand. He's busy tying his mare, who looks dubious about this whole enterprise, to a nearby tree that looks sturdy enough to hold her in place.
Taleyn giggles at Tine's confession. She says, "Some mares get motherly toward their riders. Yours reminds me of Irene!" She chuckles. Then her eyes widen as she sees Lucius...'s HORSE!!!! "OHMYGOODNESSHEISGORGEOUS!!!" She doesn't squee loudly, for the horse's sake, yet she emphasizes her words with a little dance. "And good day to /you/, Lord Lucius!" She adds, grinning.
Lucius chuckles softly. "I do believe Amara is flattered." He pats the horse's neck. "Aren't you girl?" The creature seems impassive to the attention, but peers curiously at the other of its kin. "I must say I was out hunting in the wood, and heard voices. Am I intruding, Dame Taleyn? Lord Valentine?"
Valentine says cheerfully, "Not in the slightest, Lord Lucius. I was just about to demonstrate to Taleyn my complete inability to remove her spleen in formal duel conditions. Now, if there were surgical equipment available, I might have a chance at it."
Temperance the stallion now has TWO lovely mares to ignore, as he continues to eat grass, the very picture of serenity. Taleyn, on the other hand, looks like she is oscillating in place, so hard is she trying not to bounce and cavort around Amara. She is distracted from the black steed only by talk of swordplay! "Huzzah! Spleen removal on the cheap! Would you like to bear witness, Lord Lucius? Or perhaps join in?" She grins and her eyes sparkle.
Lucius smiles, "I would be happy to officiate, if it is welcome. Thank you both for the invitation. Perhaps I may test my mettle against the winner. Or whomever." Lucius uncocks his crossbow and dismounts. He allows Amara to do as she pleased - which is mainly eat grass and go nudge other horses curiously.
Valentine laughs, moving across the grass to a reasonably open area. "I'll set out the picnic during the second duel. I hope you like peanut butter cookies." He draws his sword, leaving the rapier hanging politely at his side with the point aimed at the ground, while waiting for Taleyn. "And if you're willing to give us the signal to begin, all the better."
Taleyn beams and draws her blade of silver, politely saluting Valentine with her own blade and a smile before getting her concentration on. She bides, awaiting the signal, apparently able to remain still when there are pointy shinies involved.
"Certainly." Lucius moves to the centre of the pair, forming a T along with them. He raises his blade - which reflects the light like a mirror. It is held up as he regards the pair, to see if they are ready. When they appear to be, he sweeps the blade downward to signal the duel's commencement. "Begin!"
Valentine's sword flashes up from at his side to ready in an instant, and then he dashes forward in a long fencing lunge, rapier's tip aiming for--actually, that would be right around where one would cut in for the spleen. A doctor knows these things. "Assume I'm decrying your terrible insult to something or other," he says, with a white-toothed grin.
Taleyn hops sideways with a single bounce in order to circle-parry and riposte right to the thoracic vertebrae! Feldanes might not know where the spleen is, but they know bones! "Avast, varlet, for thy cookies might be delicious but mayhap thy, erm, Raw Umber paint be less than freshly-ground!" She answers Tine's grin with one of her own.
Lucius nods, and feels the spirit. "Cookies! Indeed! Defend their honour, Lord Valentine!"
Valentine ducks, retreats, and hops backward to stand atop a rotting stump. "How dare you malign the good name of those cookies, full of peanuts that died for the cause, or my Raw Umber! I'll have you know that my paint is always ground /daily/." He leaps upward, with his free hand hooked to a tree branch to swing him further, and lands lightly on the ground behind Taleyn, sword pointed at her back.
Lucius regards Taleyn, to see what her response might be.
Taleyn swirls around in a graceful arc, her blade whirling overhead yet dipping down at an angle in order to knock Tine's blade off line. She advances upon him, continuing in this flowing, swirling style and attempting to drive him backward.
Lucius stands and studies the battle.
Valentine falls into a retreat, his sword flashing back and forth. He's good with keeping his footing, and it looks like if anything he's more used to fighting on the retreat than on the advance. But then, with all those stumps and trees about the clearing, he still needs to flash a look over his shoulder every so often to not end up pinned. "And your spleen is slightly non-standard on a statistical basis compared to other spleens in your age group!"
Lucius gasps. "A slight against the lady's organs!"
Taleyn gasps in mock horror!!! "Oh yes? Well, your... um. Your left clavicle appears slightly longer than might be strictly proper for a gentleman of your rank, Milord!" She does a funny little skip-hop and attacks from a different line, attempting to drive Tine into a gorse bush.
Valentine zigs when he should have zagged, and squeaks in an ungentlemanly manner when the hem of his coat is caught on the gorse bush. "How dare you! I'll have you know than we Mandrakes are the standard by which bodily measurements are defined!"
Lucius fans himself, "A clavicular insult! What next? Horse-grooming habits?"
Taleyn chuckles. "Argh! I have the overwhelming desire to RESCUE YOUR COAT from that bush! Prithee disentangle thyself lest I lose my resolve for duelling and stop to be a girly-girl!" She swishes her blade in the air a few times, neither attacking nor retreating, but looking Very Flash Indeed!
Flash! AaaaAAAAAaaa! He'll save every one of us!
Valentine yanks the hem of his coat free, with a ripping noise. "We must settle this duel forthwith, before our horses are offended by insults that touch on them, or I destroy any more clothing!" He dashes in for a valiant and overly broad spleen-stabbing attempt, Take Two.
Lucius cocks a brow, "I fear a well-appointed cap may be next! Will the horror never cease?"
Taleyn actually winces as the coat rips! "THE HORROR... the horror...!" She shifts her weight backward in such a way that her limbs seem to flow like water, or like a ballet dancer rather than a swordsman. She draws out Tine's attack, and just at the instant his point draws good aim at her spleen and dives in for the splenectomy, her own blade flashes up with a wrist-flick powerful enough to beat Tine's point far to his right and leave his body open. Her arm straightens, and her point lands the barest touch on Tine's chest.
Valentine freezes, the only movement left on his part the slow drift of his sword in a recovery pattern that'd be painful to halt too suddenly. "I yield, Dame Taleyn."
Lucius looks to Taleyn. "Do you accept the gentleman's yield?"
Taleyn pulls her own blade up in a salute. "I do, Milord!" She beams at Tine and Lucius, seeming truly grateful for the spar. "Though I now concede that peanut butter cookies are magnificent, Lord Valentine's Raw Umber is freshly-ground, and his clavicle is impeccable."
Valentine matches the salute, and sheathes his rapier. "Whereas your spleen is perfectly formed. Would anyone care for a cookie? Or is it my turn to play judge while the two of you give this dueling thing a try together?"
Taleyn giggles. "I'd not mind another go if Lord Lucius consents."
Lucius sweeps his blade and bows, "I may not refuse a lady."
Valentine marches off to Lucius' spot. "And after the duel, there's milk and cookies all around."
Taleyn salutes Lucius with her blade. "Have at you, good, kind sir, whose garments are very tidy!!!"
Lucius salutes in kind. "And you, milady, whose personality is bright and cheersome!" He waits for a signal from Valentine before letting her spleen have it.
Valentine drops the signal, and then takes a few hasty steps back to make sure he doesn't get in the way. "Action!"
Lucius's guard is excellent, and is the only hope he has of staving off Taleyn's lithe and alacritous movements. When he strikes, the resounding clang of metal is startling. Surely every beast from leagues around can hear the ruckus. When he misses the knight captain's blade, Lucius' own slices deep ruts into the earth - through root and brush as though it were water. The power of his strokes betrays a vigorous strength his lean form fails to represent. But, time is a thief, and as it steals the clock, so does it sap his energy. As the pair duel on and on, it is clear there is no simple winner or loser.
Taleyn's blade zings out like a bolt of silver lightning striking at the same target over and over! Her movements become a dervish-dance as she spins and avoids, swirls and parries, ripostes and realigns, all to compensate for Lucius's overwhelming strength. She digs in for the long haul, to try to outlast him with her seemingly-boundless energy, and the longer they fight, the wider she smiles-- in truth, it seems to be bringing her great joy to have to battle with every ounce of her resourcefulness! It becomes clear that they could carry on like this for hours in this deadly dance! WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE COOKIES???
Valentine acts as judge! Which mostly means lounging against a tree, having a cookie, while he catches his breath. He watches the daring swordfight in great admiration, while his horse gives him dirty looks for not letting her join in and kick someone.
A sharp crack resounds, and a small tree is cleaved by Lucius' slice. Sweat pours from his brow, and the young gentleman appears quite winded after over quite some time of duelling. He recovers just in time to parry a spleen-bursting blow. Then, he raises his hand. "I relent, Dame Taleyn. Your skill is truly remarkable."
Taleyn is one of those ladies that glows rather than sweats, but in time even that glow begins to run in suspiciously droplike rivulets from her forehead. She, like Lucius, is suspiciously strong for her size and slenderness, though her strength does not match his. Instead she relies on her speed to deflect, move, counterattack. The leaves on the ground whoosh at her passing as she evades the full force of Lucius's attacks, which gouge huge chunks out of even the ancient trees around them. Her strikes begin to get wilder as she tires, and she seems happy to hold at Lucius's raised hand. She beams hugely, though her bounce has wilted and all her metaphors are mixed up! "Lord Lucius! I salute your skill! You are truly the finest sword of your House I have yet beheld!"
Valentine heads for Sparky's saddlebags. "This looks like the cue for milk and cookies."
Lucius pants a bit, then bows to Taleyn. "I am flattered... Dame Taleyn..." He rises and catches his breath. "That sounds excellent Lord Valentine." He carefully cleans his blade before sheathing it. Only when he is satisfied does he stagger over to Valentine. That was quite the workout.
The horrible beast-like creature that's been attracted by the sound of clashing swords is very large, as one might expect from anything horrible and beast-like that runs /towards/ that kind of noise instead of away. It looks rather like a squirrel, if they were larger than horses and had terrible burning red eyes. It chitters the chitter of the damned, and with its (surprisingly still rather adorable) bushy tail lashing back and forth against the bushes in the clearing, it leaps towards Taleyn, maw gaping.
Taleyn looks relieved to hear the call for snacks! She makes a beeline for Tine, wasting no movements on extraneous non-snack-getting energy expenditures. THEN... aaaaaah, a beast!!!!!! "AAAAAAAAH, A BEAST!" she utters, whirling around and nearly falling over trying to bring her sword to bear, so exhausted she can barely lift it!
Lucius sees the threat, and does not waste time drawing his blade. The ferocious.... squirrel seems to be an immediate danger to Taleyn. Protecting a woman in danger is Lucius' raison d'etre. So he does the smart thing. And tackles it. Very smart, that Lucius. A regular smarty-pants.
If there was anything the squirrel-beast expected when it came loping in to have a Feldane snack, it was apparently not that a Karm would leap on its back. It bounces into the air, clearing a few treetops, and lands with a resounding thud, as it thrashes about in an attempt to throw Lucius off. For the moment, it's distracted from the delicious fun-sized Taleyn in front of it.
Off to the side of the clearing, Valentine draws his sword again to run in and help! Though on second consideration, he starts untying his horse, instead, as it's probably the better combatant between the two of them.
Taleyn gasps as Lucius leaps to her rescue only to be kidnapped by a rabid squirrel! She leaps to her feet with an 'OH I'm going to regret that later' kind of wince, and shouts, "TINE! The horses!" in her Commanderly Voice. Looking around to see that Tine has already had the same thought, she nods, then leaps up, branch to branch, into the treetops to follow the squirrel!
Lucius is quite confused to find himself in a tree, when just a moment ago he was upon the back of a dire squirrel. Oh. There's the ground now. Coming right up. Reliable stuff, that ground. Never makes you wait. THUD.
Valentine valiantly unties horses! There is downright heroic horse-untying going on, over here!
The squirrel flings itself back into the air, and lands in the branches of an enormous old oak tree. Even its branches sway under the sudden thud of Doom Squirrel, which is now scampering towards the trunk to try rubbing this Karm infestation off against the bark.
It is a remarkably long way down from where the squirrel currently is to the ground.
Taleyn reaches the treetop of the one she's climbing and looks around at the sea of rippling green leaves, disturbed abruptly by a whale of a squirrel breaching into the air and THUDDING atop another tree not far in front of her! Oh wait, there's a human figure with which to judge size and distance-- it IS far in front of her! She hesitates... then she leaps. As fast as her wretched, spaghettified, tired legs can carry her she attempts to skip lightly across the treetops in order to GET THAT SQUIRREL before it scrapes Lucius into a Karm paste!
Something crunches, and Lucius hopes it was that branch that came down with him. Because if it wasn't, he'll really regret carrying around his mother's fine china tea set on his ride into the woods today. "Mnghuh." His eloquence knows no bounds.
The squirrel abandons its Karmic prey, stored in a crook of the oak tree, to go bounding along a branch towards the Taleyn In Flight. When she lands on the branch, the squirrel is there, and enormous teeth flash in on a terrible attack to her side.
"AUGH, MY SPLEEN!" Taleyn shouts, as the squirrel sinks its evil teeth into her statistically-too-large organ! She gets a funny look, realizing she is going to have to prise the thing's jaws from herself before shock sets in to kill her dead! "..." she strains, as she clamps her jaws shut in order to prise... finally she realizes this is hopeless. She draws her main gauche and PUNCHES the squirrel IN THE TEETH.
Lucius crawls towards his horse, and the crossbow there held. "My... hngurgmurble."
Down on the ground, the horses are all untied! And sort of milling about, seeing as the action is taking place up in the tree, and few equines have bought the Tree Climbing gift. Up in the trees, the squirrel reels back in horror from the punch to the teeth. Because it has been punched. In. The teeth. Its precious, enormous, marvelous teeth!
With a chitter that sounds suspiciously like a "You haven't seen the last of me, you wretch! I shall have my revenge!" the squirrel leaps away to another tree, rubbing a paw against its chipped tooth.
Valentine scrambles to grab the crossbow for Lucius, while saying several rude things in an obscure Cibolan dialect about not carrying any ranged weapons himself.
Lucius takes his crossbow happily, and goes about the messy business of winding it up. It's likely that by the time he's finished, a fast-food restaurant chain shall dominate Amber's culinary community.
Taleyn begins to fall out of the tree but is saved by her horrid Victorian wool skirt. "blagh," she utters.
Valentine re-sheathes his sword, and uses Sparky as a footstool to help him climb up the tree and totally rescue Taleyn. Sparky looks deeply offended by this affront to her warhorse dignity. "Hold on, Taleyn! Try not to bleed too much!"
Taleyn drips blood while dangling by one leg of the split-skirt like a Christmas Tree Ornament of gothic horror. She manages to sniff disdainfully of her undignified position while flinging one arm over the branch. She remembers to shove her other fist into the wound, ridding said fist of her main gauche first.
The squirrel shakes a fist at Lucius from its tree, and disappears into the forest with a loud crashing of enormous squirrel leaping from branch to branch. Somewhere out in Arden, a very large acorn is about to have a very bad day.
Lucius is hellbent on winding up that... there goes the quarrel, half-cocked. Lucius relives horrible memories of teasing at the military academy. He sighs in failure, and rolls onto his back to observe the goings-on of Taleyn and Valentine.
Valentine reaches out to offer Taleyn a hand. "Hold on, and I'll get you down from here safely." He calls down to Lucius, "Think you can catch her? Try standing down there with your arms out, and we'll see if this works."
Lucius struggles to his feet, and croaks, "Ready, willing and able, sir!" His arms are held out. Yes. He can do this. Sure.
Taleyn breathes deeply and evenly and only semi-upside-downly to avoid going into shock. "I swear, Doctor Valentine, this had best not mean I get no cookies. Lord Lucius, are you all right? That looked like a dreadful fall!"
Valentine tries dislodging Taleyn from the tree, now that Lucius is in place for catching if any unfortunate slips occur. "You are entirely allowed to have as many cookies as you like. As soon as you get down so that I can have a look at your spleen."
"Quite alright, Dame Taleyn," Lucius calls, in a tone that is not quite, quite-alright. He stands ready to catch the lady as Valentine drops her to him.
Kai manages somehow to look aimless even when on horseback, as opposed to purposeful. His horse is a roan gelding with black mane and socks - very striking, but undeniably bad-tempered and apparently not in possession of the memo informing of the loss of its masculinity, for it snorts menacingly as it approaches the clearing. Kai doesn't notice, calling out cheerfully, "Hullo, the camp! I say, do women grow on trees now? How odd I'd never noticed."
Taleyn moans lightly but cuttingly, looking rather like a wadded-up pill bug being poked by a stick. "Hallo, Kai. Be a dear and dismount in case Lucius drops me."
Valentine's horse takes exception to Kai's horse, and Tine has to do some hasty shouting in Ghenesh to keep the mare from 'helpfully' defending him by attacking the nearest creature she hasn't already been told not to bite. "We had a bit of a squirrel problem..." He works Taleyn's skirt free. "Down we go!"
Lucius seems mildly offended, but says nothing. He waits, and for the nonce ignores Kai. His attention is only so great at this point. And down she comes! Right into his arms. Then his chest. Then, well, that's all for her. Lucius ends up a little lower though. "Hrngle." That duel really wore him out. But at least Taleyn is unscathed by the villainous ground. Lucius lies upon his back, still clutching the fallen damsel. "See... Dame... Taleyn... nothing to worry... about."
Kai obligingly dismounts, wrapping the reins around a branch. The gelding gives the knot a cutting look but waits for its rider's back to be turned - and then begins to cunningly chew on the branch. "Righto, cos. Squirrels? What, do you have pickled walnuts in your lunch baskets?" He looks momentarily nostalgic as he comes to stand next to Lucius. "I do love pickled walnuts. I always seem to arrive just when they've run out." And then Lucius is down. "I say, could either of you use a hand?"
Valentine leaps down onto the ground far more lightly, what with not having done as much dueling, or any real squirrel-wrangling. "Kai! So glad you could make it. There aren't any pickled walnuts, but I have plenty of cookies to go around. I say, did you see an enormous squirrel with red eyes leaping through the treetops on your way here?"
Taleyn flashes Lucius a dazzling smile. "I never doubted you for an instant!" Then she turns an affectionate smile on Kai. "I've got two, thanks, only one's in my spleen. I may need to be held down while stitched, depending how long my Knightly composure lasts."