some of my favorite Futurama quotes [Season 2]
Fry: Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang?
Vet: Hmm. I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning, but if he's anything like the common tree, the rings might indicate his age.
Fry: Heheh, yeah, well. Good luck. It'd take some kind of genius to count all those rings.
Vet: He's 5.
- - -
Professor (delivering requiem for Nibbler): And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet.
Zapp Brannigan: So, a plot to assassinate a weird looking alien with scissors. How very neutral of you. But everybody knows that rock beats scissors. But paper beats rock. And scissors beats paper! Kif, we have a conundrum.
[Kif sighs.]
Zapp Brannigan: Search them for paper. And while you're at it, go get a rock.
Kif: Why?
Bender: I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood?
Fry: Whose blood?
Bender: Eh, some guy's.
Dr. Zoidberg: Hmm, this love intrigues me. Teach me to fake it!
Voice on T.V.: Is modern day life making you angry and impatient?
Bender: Shut the hell up and get to the point!
- - -
Fry: I just made out with that radiator woman from the Radiator Planet!
Leela: Fry, that's a radiator.
Fry: Oh. Is there a burn ward within ten feet of here?
Leela: Valentine's Day's coming up.
Fry: Oh crap! I forgot to get a girlfriend again!
Amy: Fry, where's your brain slug?
Professor Farnsworth: [picks up a withered brain slug] Poor little guy starved to death.
Professor Farnsworth: Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Goodbye! [walks out]
- - -
Professor Farnsworth: And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately so far it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language.
Cubert: Hello!
Universal Translator: Bonjour!
Professor Farnsworth: Crazy jibberish!
- - -
Professor Farnsworth: Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp. Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords. Cruel though they may be, I-
[Fry is presented with an egg-sized pill which will allow him to withstand the pressure underwater.]
Fry: Are you crazy? I can't swallow that.
Professor Farnsworth: Well, then good news! It's a suppository.
- - -
[The Planet Express Ship is being dragged underwater by a colossal mouth bass.]
Leela: Depth at forty five hundred feet. Forty eight hundred. Fifty hundred. Five thousand feet.
Professor Farnsworth: Dear Lord, that's over 150 atmospheres of pressure.
Fry: How many atmospheres can this ship withstand?
Professor Farnsworth: Well it's a spaceship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.
Fry: They're like sex, except I'm having them!
Fry: What if Bender was really giant?
Leela: You idiot! We already saw that.
Fry: I know. I liked it. I want to see it again.
Professor Farnsworth: We are not seeing it again! Ask something less stupid!
Fry: Um… What if I never fell into that freezer-doodle and came to the future-jiggy?
Professor Farnsworth: That question is less stupid; though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.
Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle's not so bad?
Soldier: Oh right. I forgot about the battle.
[A binary number appears on the wall]
Bender: 0101100101 [357 in decimal]
Fry: What does that mean?
Bender: Nothing, it's gibberish. [Sees the number in the mirror] 1010011010! [666 in decimal] Ahhhh! [Runs away]
Michelle: It gave me a chance to think.
Fry: I'm sorry.
source: Wikiquote
Vet: Hmm. I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning, but if he's anything like the common tree, the rings might indicate his age.
Fry: Heheh, yeah, well. Good luck. It'd take some kind of genius to count all those rings.
Vet: He's 5.
- - -
Professor (delivering requiem for Nibbler): And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet.
Zapp Brannigan: So, a plot to assassinate a weird looking alien with scissors. How very neutral of you. But everybody knows that rock beats scissors. But paper beats rock. And scissors beats paper! Kif, we have a conundrum.
[Kif sighs.]
Zapp Brannigan: Search them for paper. And while you're at it, go get a rock.
Kif: Why?
Bender: I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood?
Fry: Whose blood?
Bender: Eh, some guy's.
Dr. Zoidberg: Hmm, this love intrigues me. Teach me to fake it!
Voice on T.V.: Is modern day life making you angry and impatient?
Bender: Shut the hell up and get to the point!
- - -
Fry: I just made out with that radiator woman from the Radiator Planet!
Leela: Fry, that's a radiator.
Fry: Oh. Is there a burn ward within ten feet of here?
Leela: Valentine's Day's coming up.
Fry: Oh crap! I forgot to get a girlfriend again!
Amy: Fry, where's your brain slug?
Professor Farnsworth: [picks up a withered brain slug] Poor little guy starved to death.
Professor Farnsworth: Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Goodbye! [walks out]
- - -
Professor Farnsworth: And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately so far it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language.
Cubert: Hello!
Universal Translator: Bonjour!
Professor Farnsworth: Crazy jibberish!
- - -
Professor Farnsworth: Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp. Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords. Cruel though they may be, I-
[Fry is presented with an egg-sized pill which will allow him to withstand the pressure underwater.]
Fry: Are you crazy? I can't swallow that.
Professor Farnsworth: Well, then good news! It's a suppository.
- - -
[The Planet Express Ship is being dragged underwater by a colossal mouth bass.]
Leela: Depth at forty five hundred feet. Forty eight hundred. Fifty hundred. Five thousand feet.
Professor Farnsworth: Dear Lord, that's over 150 atmospheres of pressure.
Fry: How many atmospheres can this ship withstand?
Professor Farnsworth: Well it's a spaceship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.
Fry: They're like sex, except I'm having them!
Fry: What if Bender was really giant?
Leela: You idiot! We already saw that.
Fry: I know. I liked it. I want to see it again.
Professor Farnsworth: We are not seeing it again! Ask something less stupid!
Fry: Um… What if I never fell into that freezer-doodle and came to the future-jiggy?
Professor Farnsworth: That question is less stupid; though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.
Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle's not so bad?
Soldier: Oh right. I forgot about the battle.
[A binary number appears on the wall]
Bender: 0101100101 [357 in decimal]
Fry: What does that mean?
Bender: Nothing, it's gibberish. [Sees the number in the mirror] 1010011010! [666 in decimal] Ahhhh! [Runs away]
Michelle: It gave me a chance to think.
Fry: I'm sorry.
source: Wikiquote