After the storm - part four
Days later when they’ve turned into a week, Luke realizes that he´s been starting to think of his family and friends as dead. It´s not like he wants to believe that they´re all gone or that he´s lost all hope, but since they left Seattle they´ve hardly come across any survivors at all and deep down Luke knows that it´s pretty unrealistic to believe that all the citizens of Oakdale somehow made it through all this un-scathed.
He wants to believe, but the more empty towns they pass, the more he starts to accept the fact that they´re gone. He thinks of his grandmothers. Emma, who´s been a constant all through his life and whose food Reid would have loved and Lucinda, who would have always favored him and stood at his side. He thinks of his mother and the man who raised him and loved him just as his own all his life and prays that they were together until the end. He´s never had an easy relationship with Damian but the last few years has been good and he comes to the conclusion that no matter what Damian´s done, he´s still his father and Luke knows he loves him.
He can´t bear the thought of the fate of his siblings though, Faith and Nathalie and Ethan, because when he does he only thinks about how scared the must have been and the thought of them as zombies is too much. So, he thinks about Casey instead and wonders if his best friend had enjoyed the idea of a zombie apocalypse. Casey had always loved horror movies and he would probably found it a bit entertaining in the beginning. He guesses Casey must have fought to the end and in a way it makes him ridiculously proud.
The hardest thing to bear is not that his family is gone, it´s the thought of his loved ones being infected, so when he and Reid walk into a house where the owners had killed themselves and Reid tells him it´s not the first ones he´s come across, Luke feels so relieved that he could cry. He hasn´t given up on his family and he still wants to go back to Oakdale to see for himself but he has started to accept the thought that they may no longer be there and he hopes that if they´re not, they had the possibility to choose their own fate.
Mostly he tries to not think of them at all and instead, he focuses on Reid and their journey to Chicago.
***
They stop in Sioux Falls to get supplies and to hopefully find a car. Luke may have gotten his strength back but he´s still so tired of walking all the time that the idea of sitting in a car for endless hours seems like something close to heaven. They haven´t come across a zombie in weeks and while they´re still careful, Luke knows that both he and Reid have been taking unnecessary risks. Usually before walking into a store they would have been taking precautions.
As it is now they just stomp right in there and try to find something and anything that could have been left behind by others without searching through the place first. It´s a mistake, Luke knows that, but he doesn´t know just how big of a mistake it is until he looks up and can see something moving out of the corner of his eye that isn´t Reid.
“Reid!” he shouts in warning.
There´s a man behind Reid, his hands almost on Reid´s shoulders and Luke knows what´s going to happen. But there´s no way Reid will be able to turn around and shoot the zombie before it gets to him. The same thing that happened to Joanne will happen to Reid and Luke can´t stand the thought of losing him. Without Reid there´s no way he´ll make it, without Reid he’ll be alone. So, without another thought, Luke raises his gun with shaking hands, carefully aims and pulls the trigger.
He´s not sure who´s the most surprised, him or Reid, when he gets a perfect hit and the zombie stumbles and falls down just a few feet from Reid.
He can´t believe he actually did that. He killed someone. He shot a man right in the head and while he´s prepared for the regret and sorrow for having to do it, he´s not prepared to feel so grateful that he’s managed to save Reid. His knees go weak and his hands tremble so much that he drops the gun on the ground. Reid´s there in an instant, holding him up with an arm around his waist and looking at him with a worried expression.
“Are you alright?” he asks softly. Luke knows they´re both thinking about the conversation they had when Reid had said it wasn´t ever easy the first time you had to use a gun.
“Look, I know how it feels,” he says, comfortingly. “But you have to remember that you did the right thing, it´s either us or them. Think about getting back to your family.”
The thought of Reid Oliver giving a pep talk is so ridiculous that Luke starts to laugh. Reid looks at him like he´s crazy which only makes Luke laugh harder. He laughs so much that tears starts to fall and it´s not until then that he realizes that he´s crying. It´s weeks of pent up emotions that he can no longer hold back and even though a part of him is ashamed that he’s breaking down in front of Reid, there´s no way he can hold it back. Reid looks incredibly uncomfortable but to Luke´s surprise he doesn´t move away, he just stands there awkwardly, with his arm around Luke and holding him.
When the tears finally subside, he´s surprised he isn´t completely worn out but the adrenaline is still rushing through his body, mixed with the slight embarrassment he´s feeling. It’s having him more on edge than ever.
“I´m sorry, I shouldn´t have broken down like that.” He rubs his wet cheeks awkwardly.
“It´s fine, Luke. Just, eh, please never do that again. I´m not good with tears.”
Luke huffs out a laugh and looks up to meet his gaze to tell him he´s not as bad with them as he thinks he is, when he realizes that Reid had said his name for the first time. He´d grown so used to being called Mr. Snyder, or simply Snyder when Reid was in a particularly foul mood, that he hadn´t ever thought he would hear him say his first name.
Hearing Reid say his name intensifies the attraction he´s pushed away for weeks and he feels arousal growing in his stomach. Reid is standing so close that Luke can feel the smell of his skin over the blood and gunpowder. He wets his lips nervously and when he sees Reid´s gaze flickering down to his mouth he can´t hold back and presses his lips against Reid´s.
Reid makes a surprised noise and pulls back almost immediately and Luke opens his mouth to apologize, because how could he be so stupid? Reid´s maybe-girlfriend died just a few weeks ago and there´s no way Reid will let him tag along now. Then Reid´s lips are back on his and his hand is in his hair and Luke forgets whatever it was that he was thinking about.
Reid´s mouth is warm and wet and Luke licks into it with urgency he isn´t sure he´s ever felt before. He presses his growing erection against Reid´s thigh and can´t hold back a moan when he feels Reid´s answering hardness pressing back.
“But you´re not even gay,” he breathes while he´s doing his best to unzip Reid´s pants.
He can feel Reid huff a laugh against his neck. “Well, I´m willing to pretend otherwise if you are.”
“What?”
“You seriously need to have your gaydar fixed,” Reid says and unceremoniously shoves his hand down Luke´s boxers. “Now, please shut up.”
Luke gasps when he feels Reid´s hand on his dick and he decides that he doesn´t care whether or not Reid´s gay as long as he doesn´t stop doing that. Luke can´t even remember the last time he jerked off and it´s been way longer than that since he had someone else’s hand on his dick. And Reid clearly knows what he´s doing; he combines fast, hard strokes with slower ones and pauses to rub his thumb along the head and if Luke wasn´t so out of it he would be ashamed of the sounds he’s making. But he doesn´t care about anything besides Reid and Reid´s hand and Reid´s mouth, which is doing criminal things to his neck and shoulder. Luke doesn´t think he´s ever had a hickey before, but the way Reid sucks and bites on his skin makes him think he´s going to have plenty and he couldn´t care less.
What he does care about though is that Reid´s pants are still firmly in place and the fastening to his slacks are more complicated than Fort Knox. He doesn´t have the coordination or brain capacity to deal with this.
“Reid,” he groans. “I wanna touch you.” He makes another struggling attempt to unfasten Reid´s ridiculous pants. “Dammit Reid, take them off!”
Reid snorts but removes the hand firmly clasped around Luke´s neck and quickly unzips his own pants, and Luke would have been impressed by how quick he does it if he wasn´t already distracted by the feel of another dick against his own and then Reid has them both in his hand, and it feels incredible. Reid´s kissing him again, all tongue and teeth and Luke comes hard all over Reid´s hand and dick and his own stomach. He takes a few moments to get down from his high before realizing that Reid´s still hard and so he reaches down between them and replacing Reid´s hand with his own.
“Let me,” he says, not only because reciprocation is the polite thing to do after someone gives you an awesome orgasm, but also because he really wants to touch Reid. It doesn´t take more than a few strokes and Luke would have been disappointed over how fast it was over if it wasn´t for the criminally hot sounds Reid makes as he comes.
They stand together for a while, until the stickiness starts to feel disgusting and Reid takes a step back, searching for something to clean them up with. Coming up with nothing he removes his own t-shirt and wipes his hands before tossing it to Luke, who does the same before straightening his clothes.
“So,” Luke says and scratches his neck, trying to look anywhere but directly at Reid´s naked chest, which is ridiculous considering he’d just had his hand on Reid´s dick. “That happened.”
Reid hums agreeably and pulls out another shirt from his bag and Luke isn´t sure if he´s relieved or disappointed when he puts it on.
“And you´re really gay?” He chances a quick glance at Reid to see him rolling his eyes, which probably is answer enough, but still. “I mean, you and Joanne weren’t together?”
Reid falters in his movements and when he answers his voice is flat. “Since Joanne is, was a woman and we just established that I´m gay, I think you know the answer to that already.”
Luke nods and Reid seems to think that´s the end of the conversation but Luke never really knew when to stop. “Then, what does this mean?” he asks, awkwardly gesturing between the two of them.
“What is this, twenty questions?” Reid sighs. “What do you think it means?”
“I don´t know, I usually don´t do these type of things.” While Luke has had a few boyfriends, he´s never had a one night stand since he didn´t ever see the point in having sex with someone he didn´t love or at least care a great deal about.
“You´re not going to freak out over a mutual hand job are you?” Reid asks, amusement clear in his voice. “Because if you are, let me remind you that we´re in the middle of a zombie apocalypse and there´s a dead guy on the floor.”
“I- No-“ He clears his voice. “I´m not freaking out.”
Reid seems to notice the hesitation in his voice because he sighs and gives Luke one of his you´re-clearly-an-idiot-stare. “Look, it´s perfectly normal to get aroused after being in a life or death situation. In fact, there´s been numerous studies done that shows that the adrenaline level is closely connected to-“
“Hang on,” Luke cuts him off. “What? You think--,” Luke takes a deep breath. “You think I kissed you because I got hard from killing a zombie?” It sounds even more ridiculous out loud then it did in his head.
Reid opens his mouth but snaps it shut again. “Well, not when you put it like that.” He runs a hand through his hair and takes a few steps closer to Luke. ”So, why did you kiss me?”
Luke´s pulse starts to pick up again when he feels the warmth from Reid´s body. “I don´t know--because I wanted to?”
Reid cups his cheek with his left hand and leans in to kiss him again. This time it’s soft and slow, without the urgency from before, but it’s just as amazing. Just when Luke thinks that if they continue this, he might be up for another round, Reid pulls back and rests their foreheads together. “I wanted to kiss you, too. Don´t make it so complicated.”
When Luke nods, he pulls back, gives Luke´s cheek a little slap and picks up his bag. “Now, let´s go and find somewhere to sleep.”
***
In a way, nothing changes between them after that, and at the same time everything changes. They continue walking or occasionally driving, when they could find a car, towards Chicago and they still argue most of the time, but now Luke notices all the things he didn´t see before.
Like how Reid´s mouth twitches whenever Luke says something he deems exceptionally stupid or the way his gaze lingers on Luke´s mouth when he laughs or takes a sip of water. Sometimes, Luke catches Reid staring at him with an expression Luke can´t really decipher. For some reason, it reminds him of how Reid used to look at Joanne, but at the same time not and he doesn´t really know what it means or how to feel about it. When Reid catches him noticing, he always looks away, and it’s clear that whatever it is that he feels, he clearly doesn´t want Luke to see it.
That first hand job isn´t the last. If Luke had thought that giving in to his attraction to Reid once would help him get over it, he´d never been more wrong. Instead, it intensifies to the point that he has trouble of thinking of anything else other than the taste of Reid´s mouth and the feel of his cock against his own. They don´t talk about it the next day, but when they´ve found a place to stay for the night, all Luke needs to do is look at Reid to know he wants it just as much as Luke does.
It´s always too quick and too rushed and over way too soon. Since they never feel completely safe, there is no time to lie down and discover what parts of Reid are the most sensitive, but Luke makes do with what he can. Reid is really quiet during sex, not like Luke who can´t seem to stop moaning or gasping even if he tries hard not to make a sound. But instead, Luke enjoys the way Reid´s breathing hitches when Luke rubs his nipples or sucks on the skin just behind his ear.
Since the closest they´ve come to take a shower is that one time they took a quick swim in a lake, which Reid only deemed acceptable because he felt that the amount of sweat and dirt on his skin was worse than the filth in the water, cleaning mostly means pouring a bottle of water over themselves or filling up a sink with rain water and trying to get as much dirt scrubbed off their skin as possible. They never really feel clean so there aren´t many blowjobs. But the few times Reid does go down on him, Luke wonders if anything could be better than that. And then Reid slides his fingers along the crack of his ass and Luke wishes they had the time to find out.
It´s so good and so easy and Luke thinks this is what sex with someone you love should be like.
Something that also changes is the way that they touch, how their personal space becomes one and the same. While Luke´s always been a tactile guy and sharing hugs and kisses with those that he cares about, Reid hasn´t exactly seemed like the most physical guy so far. When Luke thinks about it, he realizes that it was always Joanne who instigated the few hugs they shared and they always made Reid look weirdly uncomfortable. But after they started whatever it is that they´re doing, Luke realizes just how much Reid touches him. When they share a water bottle, Reid´s fingers always linger on his and they always walk close enough that their hands keep brushing together. It´s nice and comforting and makes Luke want him in a way that has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with Reid.
The closer they get to Chicago, the more dead bodies they come across. Most of them are infected but there are also a few men and woman with both bite marks and bullet wounds. Luke can´t help but think of Joanne and from the way Reid stiffens beside him he’s thinking the same, this time though, when Luke puts a hand on his shoulder for comfort, it´s welcome.
They try to stay away from cities as much as they can, but when both their food and water is almost out, there´s not much of a choice. Considering the increasing amount of bodies they´ve seen it is no surprise that they have had to shoot several of the infected while getting supplies. Luke misses with every shot, which makes Reid laugh, but they´re never really in danger. Luke guesses there´s probably something wrong with him if seeing Reid shoot a zombie in the head makes him hard as rock. He doesn´t care much about it though, and later that night when he has Reid´s mouth on his dick, he tells him just how hot he thinks he is.
Reid always takes the first watch and Luke has taken to always falling asleep with his head in Reid´s lap. Not only does it make him feel safe but he likes the way Reid runs his fingers through his hair, it makes falling asleep much easier, and when Reid wakes him up for his turn, he returns the favor.
Sometimes they talk before going to sleep. Reid promises to follow him to Oakdale if Luke can wait until there´s a proper vaccine that works and Luke feels relieved knowing that he won’t have to go back there by himself, not only because the roads are unsafe but also because he knows he could handle or face anything if someone was with him, by his side. It feels good to make plans again and whatever the world has come become, Luke is happy to be alive and he´s happy that he’s found Reid.
The more time they spend together, Luke comes to realize that he was right about not being able to have sex with someone he doesn´t love.
He´s just not sure when he started to love Reid, or what he´s supposed to do about it.
***
When they finally reach Chicago it´s not as Luke had imagined. There are high fences with barbed wire lining the top, and they have to walk for what feels like hours until they reach the gates that will take them into the actual city. They´re greeted by heavily armed military and Luke feels slightly uncertain while walking towards the men with guns pointed at him with his arms in the air. He lets Reid do all the talking and it doesn´t take long until they´re escorted inside where they are sent in for a full check up by a doctor on site. Reid complains, but lets the doctors search for bite marks that aren´t there. Luke feels extremely uncomfortable but figures Chicago wouldn´t be safe if they didn´t check every inch of the people they let inside. They get their various shots, Luke doesn´t listen too closely since the first shot is supposed to be a vaccine, and after that he´s so relieved that he doesn´t really care what the rest of them are.
They both pass the medical exam and after taking their weapons they get a tour of the base. He´s surprised to see that they´ve got a working community with electricity and running water going. What surprises him the most though, is the amount of people milling around. He´s been to Chicago a number of times and while there´s not nearly as many people now as there´s been before the virus outbreak, it´s still more people then Luke´s seen in months. They make him feel strangely uncomfortable and he finds himself searching for any indication that someone´s infected even though he knows that the risks are minimum. He suddenly wishes that he and Reid were back on the road again, away from all these other people.
Since most of the people seem to feel safer staying close together, most of the hotels have been remade into temporary homes with armed guards standing outside. Reid and Luke share a room and get cards that give them access to free meals at the hotel restaurant, which sound more glamorous than it actually is. Dinner the first night is a small portion of rice and vegetables and while it´s better than baked beans from a can, it´s nothing special. The best thing about it, is Reid´s disappointed face which makes Luke laugh hysterically for a good five minutes. There is coffee though, and that makes everything better, for the both of them.
It feels weird getting into bed together. On the road, one of them had to stay up and keep watch most nights, unless they found a place to sleep in which was as safe as the video store that first night in Seattle, so they haven´t really spent much time lying down together. Luke falls asleep with his head on Reid´s chest and Reid´s arms around him and he figures he can get used to this.
As the days go they fall into a new routine. Reid begins his duties as a neurosurgeon and is immediately put to work. While there is already a vaccine, they haven´t done enough tests to confirm it’s viable and so Reid throws himself into it spending most of the day in the lab. Luke misses him and quickly gets bored of having nothing to do, so he finds Major Stevens, who´s in charge, and asks for something to do. He gets assigned to the daycare which also doubles up as a school for those children who are of school age. Many of the children have lost one or both parents and are taken care of by those who have lost children of their own. Luke quickly learns that it´s not so much a school, but a place where the younger children are taken care of and so that the older ones can process what they´ve been through and what they’ve seen, both with each other and with the adults working there.
There´s a girl who reminds him so much of Natalie that, in an odd way, it hurts to spend time with her.
While it´s hard to have the kids confide in him and tell him what they´ve seen and what they’ve been through, it´s also helpful. It feels good to spend time with them and feel useful again. And it gives him something else to do rather than sit alone in their room and think about his family and Reid´s absence.
He´s starts to spend much more time at the daycare and often stays to talk with his colleagues; he especially likes one of them, Laura, who´s the same age as Luke and lost her husband and both her parents. It wasn´t until she got to Chicago that she found out she was pregnant and Luke figures it makes things a little easier to know she has something left of her husband, that she hasn’t lost him forever, not really.
“You´re really good with kids,” Laura says and smiles at him.
Luke shrugs and takes a sip of his coffee. “I should be, I spent most of my life helping my parents take care of my three younger siblings.” The mention of his family brings back that familiar ache and he decides that he´s waited long enough. He needs to go back to Oakdale and see if there´s anything left for him there.
“Is your family safe?”
“I think it´s time for me to find out,” he answers and puts his coffee mug down. “I have to go back and know for sure.”
He can´t believe he´s put it off for this long and he has the sudden urge to pack the few things he owns and to go immediately.
Laura nods and seems to understand what he isn´t saying. “Be careful.”
“I´ll try.”
He´s almost at the door when she speaks again. “Is Doctor Oliver going with you?”
Luke steps falter, and he lets himself think of Reid. They have barely spent any time together since arriving in Chicago. Reid spends every waking hour in the lab or at the hospital and it isn´t that Luke is holding any grudge against him over that. He had kind of suspected that Reid lived for his job and there´s nothing wrong with that. It´s just that Luke had hoped that there was a place for him in Reid´s life too.
He knows that Reid cares about him, probably even considers him a friend, and knowing Reid that´s a big thing; but Luke wants more than that. He´s known he´s in love with Reid for weeks now and when they were on the road it seemed like Reid felt the same way, but coming here changed that and even though they´re sleeping in the same bed most nights, sleeping is all they do. They´ve barely even kissed in the last two weeks, let alone jerked each other off. And while he wants Reid to feel the same way, he knows far too well that you can´t force someone to love you, and he isn´t even going to try.
“No,” he finally answers. “No, I don´t think so.”
***
Finally taking the decision to go back to Oakdale feels good and when he talks to Major Stevens, he´s surprised but grateful that he’s been offered a gun, ammo for it and a car. He promises that if there´s nothing left for him in Oakdale, he´ll be back. He plans on leaving the next day and spends the evening alone in his and Reid´s room staring at a map, deciding which road to take and which towns to avoid.
It´s only half past seven when Reid comes barging through the door, and that´s the earliest he´s left the lab since they got here. Usually he doesn´t come back until Luke´s asleep and leaves before he wakes up. Reid´s still wearing his lab coat and Luke figures he left in a rush. The distraught look on his face makes fear coil in Luke´s stomach and he stands up.
“What´s wrong?”
“’What´s wrong?’ he asks,” Reid mutters angrily and glares at him. “You´re leaving?”
“Oh,” Luke says and sits down again. “Yeah, about that. I guess you talked to Major Stevens?”
“It never crossed your mind to talk to me about it?”
“Well, I was going to write you a note.”
“A note?” Reid asks incredulously and shakes his head. “Jesus Christ, Luke.”
“Well, it´s not like you would notice if I was gone anyway, I´ve hardly seen you since we got here.”
Luke tries but probably fails to hold back the disappointment in his voice.
Reid scowls. “I´ve been working, Luke. You of all people should know how important it is to be sure that the vaccine actually works.”
“I know that! And I know what you´re doing is important, it´s just that I thought-“ he closes his eyes and shakes his head. “It doesn´t matter what I thought, the whole point of this trip was for you to come here and for me to go home.”
“So, you´re just going to go back to Oakdale without anyone there to back you up in the hopes of finding your whole family safe and sound? Clearly you´re an even bigger idiot than I thought.”
“I´m not stupid Reid, I know what I´m most likely to find if, when, I go back.”
Reid seems to be on the verge to object and Luke raises a hand to stop him. “Look, I don´t want to fight with you. I know you care about me,” and god does he want Reid to care, “and I appreciate it I really do, but I have to do this.” He takes a deep breath and finally looks up to meet Reid´s gaze. “And you´re right, I’m still hoping that I´ll find at least one of them alive, but if I don´t, at least then I´ll know.”
“And if they´re infected?” Reid´s voice is firm but Luke knows he´s starting to give in.
“Then I’ll deal with it,” he swallows painfully, “so I can bury them.”
Reid sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “Okay, give me a few days to run a few more tests and then we can go.”
“You´re coming with me?” Luke does nothing to hide the surprise in his voice. He knows Reid cares about him but Reid had seemed so content to be back in civilization and being able to work again, even if it´s in a lab and not an operating room.
“I said I would.”
Luke walks over and hesitantly puts his hand on Reid´s arm. “I don´t want you to come with me just because you feel obligated to, it would only make us both miserable. And I know you like it here, being back in a hospital again, even if it isn´t the same.”
“I´m not going to deny that it feels good to be useful again, and I might have gotten a bit caught up in work since we got here, but-” He puts his hands on Luke´s hips and pulls him closer. “Christ Luke, you have to know how I feel about you.”
Luke has a hard time holding back his ridiculous, happy smile and leans in to capture Reid´s lips with his own.
He hadn´t known how much he had missed Reid´s mouth and hands on him until he has them back on him and when the kiss quickly turns heated. He pushes the lab coat of off Reid´s shoulders and pulls off his own t-shirt before going back in to suck at the sensitive spot right behind Reid´s ear.
“Besides,” Reid says while unzipping Luke´s pants. “One lucky hit, ah, doesn´t exactly make you a good shot, you´ll, oh god, need someone with my expertise.”
“Oh, I need your expertise alright,” Luke mutters against Reid´s collarbone. “So hurry up and get your clothes off.”
***
The streets of Oakdale are just as empty and silent as the other towns have been. The only difference is that this is Luke´s hometown. He knows every shop and store, knows most names of the people who used to live in the houses that they pass. He went to the school that´s now deserted and he has spent weeks in the hospital with its now shattered windows and what Luke imagines, abandoned beds. It´s not that he hadn´t realized the disaster the virus had wreaked but he had thought that the weeks on the road would prepare him for what he would inevitable find when he got here. But knowing something and the expectation you hold is not the same as actually seeing it, especially the disaster of a town that he has always thought of as home.
They pull up outside the farm and the sound of the car doors shutting echo in the silence. Luke thinks of his parents, his siblings and everyone he loves, he pictures them standing on the deserted porch, welcoming him home.
“Are you ready?” Reid asks.
Luke takes a deep breath and thinks of everything he´s lost, his job, his money, the foundation and most likely every single one of his family and friends. His whole life. And then he looks at Reid and thinks of what he´s got left. He reaches for Reid´s hand and laces their fingers together.
“I´m ready.”
Fin.