(no subject)
I fucking hate my sisters car and it's going to be mine probably as of next week. fucking hate driving it.
Everything I hate about it I can deal with and get used to except the fact that the speakers on the right side are non-existent and the left side sounds like dragons gargling diarrhea. I CANNOT drive without audio. I havent driven a car since I got my license without talking to someone, listening to music or listening to an audiobook.
There's a decent chance I will die in the next few weeks while driving with headphones on. It's a risk I'm willing to take.
Yes that's all stubbornness (but really, who here has never seen my stubborn side?) and quite honestly, I'm willing to not hear something and die in a horrific car crash if that's the way it has to be.
I may be exaggerating a bit, but i got it out at least.
on a lighter note I am ecstatic that likely the most brilliant philosopher in nh, possibly new england, is in my favorite class and in my weekly philosophy group. I learn more from each conversation with him than I did in each year of high school. He knows more about philosophy than I know about anything, his brain is a language and pop culture encyclopedia. My intellect has got more stimulation at the tech than I ever thought possible.
I'm in a math class i couldnt care less about but am actually trying to get a grip on math in for the first time in (literally) ten years. An astronomy class that isn't my favorite but will surely prove interesting, a modern fiction class with a decent teacher and a class (with a couple exceptions) that makes me look like a literary scholar and then I have this amazing Literature, culture and technology course that is the high point of my week/life. And also the reason I have my nose in a book about 3 hours a day minimum. Especially in that class I am being pushed, and more importantly pushing myself, more than ever before and its exhausting but I love it. The professor, Dave Edwards, is THE reason I am motivated to stay in school and THE reason I am happy being at the tech. He's brilliant as well and on an almost daily basis inspires me to want to be a teacher because he's just so goddamn good at it. I dont think that's what I want to do at all, but he really makes me want to.
On that note, still have no fucking clue what I want to do career-wise.
I fucking hate that word. career. I really don't know yet, but i do know I love reading and I love writing. I love soaking up all the intellectual enrichment I can and there is an abundance to soak up in my life right now. I'm perfectly happy doing as much of that as possible and figuring out everything else later.
Admittedly I'm pretty lonely around here, just in the sense I don't have really close friends around here. It's really not that bad because I'm involved in that group, I'm an editor for The Eye now and generally more involved. But for someone who is as socially needy as I am it's been pretty miserable. My biggest fear isn't being alone, it's being alone with myself. Well it used to be, I'm starting to get used to it and even like it sometimes. It would still be nice to have some closer friends around here. Nick, albeit a huge math nerd and a pretty weird guy overall, is a good friend but also has no capacity for emotional understanding. Which serves as hilarious to me watching his relationship with his girlfriend but useless in talking about anything on that level. There's this kid Max who seems like a pretty chill guy, he's in one of my classes and we asked him to join our philosophy group today, and I think I might be able to hang out with him sometime soon. Unlike Nick, he could actually come to my house and hangout, assuming he doesn't have a ridiculous phobia of other peoples houses like Nick. But the best part is he's a huge gamer and I've desperately needed a gaming buddy around here.
meh, there was an entry I suppose. Oh and Tom, I don't want to take a picture of the video because it would look shitty, but i can easily acquire exceptionally scandalous pictures from Jalyn. So expect it soon.