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~The Rose and The Thorns: Teru Ending~
Quietly Hizaki slipped out of Kamijo's arms, glad that his brother was asleep at long last. He felt violated by his brother's aggressive actions and needed to get clean. He kept the tears back until the shower was running, crying into the water until, obviously shaken, he sat on the shower floor. Had that been rape? He'd consented, but it hadn't been his choice to do so. Not really. His brother was becoming a monster. Perhaps now was the time to end this illicit affair?
He was tired of secrets, tired of worrying how his brother would react to everything he did. His soul ached for the simplicity he had with Teru. The boy was younger than him, childish even, but that was no longer something he looked down on.
He couldn't stay in the shower forever, so he pulled himself to his feet and wrapped himself in a large towel. His make-up was all over his face, he'd forgotten to take it off, so tiredly he reached for the remover and wiped it all away. He looked younger now, his body very much that of a man, though his features were androgynous as they always had been. Did he dress as a woman to please Kamijo, or himself? Both perhaps, but he didn't want to let the dresses go. It must have been his own decision all along, but he could think of other things that were not.
He returned to the bedroom, and got into bed without bothering with any clothes. What did he have left to hide from his brother? Only what he felt deep inside. His sleep was restless, and when he woke up Kamijo was gone. Perhaps it had all been nothing but a bad dream. No, that was too much to hope for.
“Teru!” Hizaki called as he found the other student walking down the hall, “We need to talk.”
“We do,” Teru agreed, allowing himself to be led into an empty classroom. He said no more, what he must be thinking Hizaki couldn't guess. All he knew was that his usual smile was long gone, and that this was his fault.
“I'm sorry, for having to run off like that,” Hizaki apologised, “I didn't mean to abandon you.”
“You had to talk to him, I get it,” Teru answered, “No harm done.”
“So we're good?” Hizaki asked, relieved when Teru agreed.
“Just a little hurt you didn't tell me about your boyfriend. That was why Kamijo was angry with you wasn't it? He thought you were cheating,” Teru answered, “You led me on Hizaki, I thought you might have feelings for me. I guess I was wrong. Maybe that's my fault?”
“I was leading you on,” Hizaki confessed, “But only because my feelings for you are real. Please Teru, if you really are interested, please don't let go of those feelings.”
“I can't be the other man,” Teru answered, “I'm sorry Hizaki, but I think that we shouldn't spend so much time together. I can't be around you, not while there's no chance of this ever becoming anything more.”
“Please, don't leave,” Hizaki begged as Teru began to walk away. He couldn't handle this, not after everything that had happened. He needed Teru, he'd been a fool to think that what he had before was all right. It was toxic, his love for Kamijo poisoning them both more every day. “It was Kamijo.”
“What was?” Teru asked, pausing with one hand on the door knob.
“The man that I was dating,” Hizaki explained, “It was Kamijo.”
“Isn't he your brother?” Teru asked, visibly shocked by the confession.
“It's OK if you hate me,” Hizaki said, a voice in his head screaming at him for lying to the boy he adored, “Even if you tell people, we'll only deny it, but at least know it's over. Or will be.”
“I've heard so many cruel comments about homosexuals, that I know better than to judge others,” Teru answered, his logic so very much like Hizaki's had once been, “I can't pretend that it doesn't make me uneasy, but I don't hate you. I certainly won't tell. Especially if it really is over.”
“I don't even know where to begin ending it all,” Hizaki confessed, “He's going to be so angry and hurt. He'll think he was right, that I had been betraying him all this time. I care too much about him to hurt him like that, but how else can I be free?”
“I don't know what to suggest,” Teru answered, “I'm only fifteen! Perhaps you could talk to the school councillor? You don't need to tell him everything, just what you're comfortable with.”
“I'm not comfortable telling him anything,” Hizaki answered. “He can't help anyway. I know what my choices are, and both lead to someone I care about getting hurt.”
“I'm here for you,” Teru promised, gently kissing Hizaki on the cheek, “But we need to get to class. I'll try and think of something that can help you.”
“It's my mistake to fix,” Hizaki reassured him, “But thank you anyway.”
“What the hell are you doing in here?” Kamijo snapped as he blocked the doorway to what had once been the guest room.
“Yamato said I could move in here,” Hizaki answered. Their adoptive father had been delighted to hear he final wanted his own room, praising him for finally finding his independence. “I think I got all my stuff.”
“Why would you want to move in here?” Kamijo demanded, “What happened to us?”
“That's the other thing,” Hizaki said, ready to scream for help this time if things went bad, “I think we should break up.”
“Because of Teru?” Kamijo snapped, “I always knew he'd be the end of us!”
“Because of you!” Hizaki angrily snapped back, “I can't handle your jealousy and temper! Teru is sweet and kind, but I never would have broken up with you for him. You've got a darkness in you, which quite frankly scares me. So yes, I admit freely I'm leaving you for Teru, but it was your own god damn fault!”
“If you had a problem with me, you should have told me!” Kamijo angrily snapped, storming off to his own room and leaving Hizaki alone in his new room. It was terrifying not being with Kamijo, he didn't know how he was going to handle this at all. It was the right decision though. He needed someone who made him smile, who he could hold hands with in public, someone who loved him without taking over his entire life. He needed to be normal.
“How did it go?” Teru asked, shyly taking Hizaki's hand in his own.
“He's so mad he will hardly talk to me,” Hizaki admitted, “But I don't think his anger will last forever. I hope not anyway. I want us to be brothers again, in a normal way. What we had was wrong, but not in the way people think.”
“Why do you think it was wrong?” Teru asked gently. He was so loving and supportive, no wonder he had been the one to steal away his heart.
“When I was with him, we were so close that we blocked off everyone else in our life,” Hizaki tried to explain, “I've become closer to our parents in the last few days, than I have in all the years we've lived with them. I never respected my friends, not really, but now I can see them for who they are without judging them against the impossible standards Kamijo and I set for the world. It's wrong to have one person and block off everyone else. That's why the relationship turned toxic in the end.”
“Perhaps you need some time alone?” Teru suggested, “To appreciate everything you have, before tying yourself to just one person? I can wait, if that future person might be me.”
“We can date,” Hizaki reassured him, his heart warming to the honest smile Teru wore at hearing his words, “But slowly. You're too young to know what's good for you, I know I was when I was your age. Even if you argue that reasoning, I still need time to adjust.”
“Slowly then,” Teru agreed, “On one condition. I still get to kiss you?”
“Well,” Hizaki teased, “I don't think so.”
“What?” Teru complained, “Why? That's going slow!”
“Because you need to learn how to respect your elders,” Hizaki answered, leaning over to give Teru a gentle kiss, “And accept that they're the one's who are going to kiss you.”