(Untitled)

[vampirehydeftw]

Title: After Dark
Rating: 18
Genre: Supernatural Horror
Band: Mejibray
Pairing: Koichi x MiA
Summary: The sun protects us, a shining beacon that has kept the darkness at bay. Evil fears it, for the light is their weakness and they shun it. Even the sun can't protect me now, nothing can. Except perhaps for the man I know only as 'Koichi'.
Author's

Comments

[color_me_blue3]

Awesome! I definitely will continue to read :3

[leifang666]

Thank you. This story has been so fun to write, and obviously this is just the beginning.

[color_me_blue3]

That's great!

[color_me_blue3]

Btw, I just posted the new chapter of my Vaniru fanfic, since you wanted to know about Yuto's mystery XD

[hamhamheaven]

I hope you don't mind a little constructive criticism? You've switched back and forth from past to present tense a lot with your verbs, but it doesn't seem like you mean for MiA to be narrating his story in real time.

I like that we get a subtle sense of Koichi's age from simple things like his not caring that people know he's gay or how easily he eats junk without worrying about the health consequences. (Is this meant to be set in Japan or somewhere else? I'm trying to get a sense of the level of homophobia I should be interpreting here.)

[leifang666]

It's supposed to be from the perspective of MiA, recalling what happened to him. Perhaps in his telling of the story, he himself gets confused... that's just my poor explanation for any mistakes that I made. I hope they didn't take away from the story

[leifang666]

So, I'd like to say thank you for this comment. I decided tonight that I should go back and amend this chapter, thinking I'd find the odd mistake. The verbs were a mess of past and present tense and it took far longer than I had expected to fix it. I've probably missed a few, but I think I got most of them.

There's always a risk to changing your writing style, but thanks to you I've been able to fix my errors early on. Hopefully the rest of the chapters won't be as messy as this one was. I'm going to make efforts in checking the verbs when I proof read, it seems worse after the characters say anything. I'm good at avoiding "he said", not so much at using the correct tense. (Stupid English).

[hamhamheaven]

English is incredibly stupid; anyone who learns it as a second language is my hero, tbh, because I swear we only have rules so that we can break them. I know I have a terrible time keeping my verb tenses straight when I switch back and forth from the Colours/Greyscale universe (which is all present tense) to the Pets universe (past tense). Glad I could help!

[vampire_kiki]

keep it up~

[leifang666]

I will