How To Save A Life (Part 4/4)
Title: How To Save A Life
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Length: 4/4
Summary: Jae is a delinquent, Yunho is a handicapped youth. Can this unlikely duo find some common ground? (Yea, I don't really know what to write here just yet.) This is a friendship fic, absolutely NO ROMANCE whatsoever.
The Funeral…
Jae sat in the second pew in the church, the first pew having been reserved for Yunho’s family, sandwiched between his mother and MaeRi. They’d hardly left his side since the accident. He smiled to himself as he thought about how much of a constant MaeRi had become since that fateful day. Yunho was right after all…
The thought of his friend brought with it a vicious stab of pain as it always did, and would for quite some time he suspected, but he was prepared this time, having finally come to terms with his father’s death. He had finally accepted that there really wasn’t anything he could have done to save him. As for Yunho…
When he’d lain in bed that night, just staring at the wall after his mother had held him through his seemingly ceaseless tears, his mind had wandered over the accident yet again. He hadn’t realized it at first but when he’d thought back, just before he went flying, he’d felt the urgent push of two hands on his back. Two small hands. Two hands. It could only be Yunho, there was no one else close enough to push him out of the way, no one who cared enough to potentially sacrifice themselves for him. And sacrifice he had. Then he’d remembered looking down at Yunho’s still body in his arms. He hadn’t noticed at the time of the accident but when the picture popped into his mind as he lay in bed, he saw it clearly: Yunho was clutching the shell, his palm closed tightly around it. He would’ve had to grab it as soon as he pushed Jae away, or perhaps he’d had that littlest bit of strength left in his tiny body to accomplish the feat as he lay bleeding on the cold, hard ground. Jae wished he knew for sure. He prayed Yunho had died on impact, hated the idea of him experiencing immesurable pain in his battered body and knowing that the life was literally flowing out of him.
“Now we’ll hear a few words from a close friend of Yunho’s.”
He was so lost in thought that he didn’t know he was being summoned until his mother squeezed his hand, bringing him out of his reverie. He glanced at her and she smiled, nodding her head towards the podium. Heeding the signal, he stood and slowly made his way to the front.
Mrs. Jung had asked him to speak at Yunho’s funeral. He was his closest friend, she said, his only friend. He’d been honored…and terrified. He was still coming to terms with Yunho’s death, he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to talk about him just yet. That would make it all too real, that he wasn’t going to be a part of his life anymore. He’d thought long and hard about what he wanted to say, what he should say. He’d even tried writing it down but he wasn’t satisfied with anything he’d written. But the night before the funeral, he’d gone to bed and dreamt. Yunho had been there in his dream. He didn’t say anything, just smiled that sweet angel smile he was so used to. He must have cried in his sleep because when he woke shortly after the dream ended his cheeks were moist. He’d decided then that he didn’t need to prepare in advance. He would speak from the heart, Yunho would guide him.
He stared out at the congregation and felt his palms go clammy. As confident as he was, he’d never liked public speaking, least of all at a funeral of a loved one. Taking a deep breath, he began.
“I don’t really know what to say, I’m not very good at these things, but I’ll try my best.
Yunho came into my life at a time when I was going down a very dark, dangerous path. He was a little force to be reckoned with, one that it took me a while to appreciate. Luckily, I was smart enough to after a time. I would’ve hated to have missed out on having someone that amazing in my life.
I only knew Yunho for 100 days, 100 days exactly, but I’ll remember him for the rest of my life. I can never forget him after what he’s done for me. He saved me, you see. Twice. First, by making me realize that I wasn’t really living, that I was wasting something precious that so many others never had the chance to fully experience: life itself. The second time he saved me was at the cost of his own life.” He smiled slightly. “Yunho had a way of getting under your skin and even if you tried to fight it, he always left you thinking about what he said. He could be an annoying brat when he wanted to be,” he chuckled. “I said many mean things to him in our 100 days together, things I never apologized for and can never take back, but he always smiled, letting me know that he wasn’t hurt by it. He was always smiling. It drove me crazy too. How can someone with so much going against them be so happy all the time? I didn’t understand. I’ve never known anyone to have that much faith and hope, least of all someone in his situation. One day I asked him if he wasn’t bitter about it, if he didn’t think life was unfair. He said no, he wasn’t, and what little life he had and would have was a blessing because some others didn’t even have that much. Yunho was very practical about these things. In some ways, he was far wiser than people five times his age. He chose to appreciate what he did have as opposed to lamenting what he didn’t as most of us tend to. I didn’t always understand him but I’m glad he knew himself as well as he did. He had faith and it’s his belief in his abilities that saved me.
When my father died, I was angry, hurt and blamed myself for not saving him. Yunho helped me overcome those feelings but now that he’s gone, a small part of me is tempted to give into them again. But I won’t. Yunho wouldn’t have wanted me to. He didn’t die for me only to have me spend the rest of my life hating myself. That would solve nothing and make a mockery of his sacrifice. I won’t do that to him. Rather, just as he changed my life, I hope that one day I can have such a great, positive impact on someone else’s. I think only then will I truly feel deserving of this gift he’s given me.”
He paused for a moment, looking down at his clasped hands on the lectern.
“I have many regrets in my short life but the biggest is probably that I never told Yunho how much I appreciated him. He was my best friend and… I loved him.” He blinked back the tears that sprung to his eyes. “He taught me many lessons: he was my unofficial mentor. Next to my parents, there’s no one I respected more. He once said that he wanted to be like me when he grew up.” He shook his head. “No… I want to be like him. There’s never been a more super awesome human being in this world and there never will be.” Shaking off the heaviness in his heart, he smiled brightly. “Don’t cry for Yunho, it’s not what he would have wanted. We should take the lessons he taught us and live our lives accordingly instead. He was right: life is a blessing and we are blessed to have known him.”
Jae entered the room in the back, stepping into considerable darkness compared to the well-lit ante-room he’d just exited. Mrs. Jung had asked to see him and he’d been directed to a private area where she’d apparently gone to have a minute to herself.
“Jaejoong,” she greeted with a small smile as soon as she saw him.
He bowed deeply before walking towards her. He was a little nervous being around her. It was the first time he’d seen her since the day of the accident. The only time they’d talked since was when she’d called to ask him to to speak on Yunho’s behalf. He couldn’t suppress the pangs of guilt he felt. He lived while her son had died, it would be perfectly natural for her to feel a bit of resentment towards him.
“You’re probably wondering why I called you here,” she began.
He nodded. He was so there was no point denying it.
Her smile widened slightly. Standing, she closed the distance between them. “There are two reasons. First, I wanted to let you know that I don’t hate you nor do I blame you for what happened. I admit that I was angry, not with you, but at the situation. Neither of you should’ve been in that position. I know that, were the situation reversed, you would’ve done the same for Yunho. Your speech was beautiful. Yunho would have loved it.” She reached a hand up and gently touched his cheek. “You’re a wonderful young man, Jaejoong, I hope you know that.”
He blushed slightly, his eyes dropping to his feet.
Chuckling to herself, she reached into her bag and took something out. “The second reason is that I wanted to give you something.” She took his hand, palm up, and rest a small box in it.
Jae looked down at the box, then up at Mrs. Jung, confusion evident in his eyes.
“Go ahead,” she urged. “Open it.”
Jae lifted the lid, not knowing what to expect, but what he saw had him gasping, his eyes going wide.
“He worked on it every day, from the very first night that day you gave him the necklace. He would stay up late sometimes, starting over if he was dissatisfied, but he was so determined. I’d asked him when he planned to give it to you but he never said.”
Atop a bed of crimson crepe paper lay a shell, slightly smaller than the one Jae had given Yunho. The surface was painted in shades of reds, oranges and golds, like a setting or rising sun. He could see the places where the brush strokes had strayed from the striations on the shell but it didn’t mar its beauty. A small hole had been punched through the shell, his mother or father’s doing Jae was sure, and a thin silver chain looped through it.
“He loved the necklace you made him. It was his most prized possession. Since he never took it off while he was alive, I thought it fitting that it go with him from this life to the next. He’ll never be separated from it, from you, just like he wanted.” She paused, tears twinkling on her lashes. “He was so excited to give this to you, I wish…” Her voice broke, cutting off her words.
Jae knew exactly how she felt. As he picked up the shell, felt its cold, hard surface settle into the heat of his palm, his own eyes filled with tears. Having spent so many hours painting with Yunho, he could picture him sitting there at the table, working diligently, intently, as he tried to get it just right. It had to be perfect, otherwise it wasn’t worthy of being given.
“It’s beautiful,” he whispered.
And it was, as beautiful as the boy who had made it. He would cherish them both. Always…
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Length: 4/4
Summary: Jae is a delinquent, Yunho is a handicapped youth. Can this unlikely duo find some common ground? (Yea, I don't really know what to write here just yet.) This is a friendship fic, absolutely NO ROMANCE whatsoever.
The Funeral…
Jae sat in the second pew in the church, the first pew having been reserved for Yunho’s family, sandwiched between his mother and MaeRi. They’d hardly left his side since the accident. He smiled to himself as he thought about how much of a constant MaeRi had become since that fateful day. Yunho was right after all…
The thought of his friend brought with it a vicious stab of pain as it always did, and would for quite some time he suspected, but he was prepared this time, having finally come to terms with his father’s death. He had finally accepted that there really wasn’t anything he could have done to save him. As for Yunho…
When he’d lain in bed that night, just staring at the wall after his mother had held him through his seemingly ceaseless tears, his mind had wandered over the accident yet again. He hadn’t realized it at first but when he’d thought back, just before he went flying, he’d felt the urgent push of two hands on his back. Two small hands. Two hands. It could only be Yunho, there was no one else close enough to push him out of the way, no one who cared enough to potentially sacrifice themselves for him. And sacrifice he had. Then he’d remembered looking down at Yunho’s still body in his arms. He hadn’t noticed at the time of the accident but when the picture popped into his mind as he lay in bed, he saw it clearly: Yunho was clutching the shell, his palm closed tightly around it. He would’ve had to grab it as soon as he pushed Jae away, or perhaps he’d had that littlest bit of strength left in his tiny body to accomplish the feat as he lay bleeding on the cold, hard ground. Jae wished he knew for sure. He prayed Yunho had died on impact, hated the idea of him experiencing immesurable pain in his battered body and knowing that the life was literally flowing out of him.
“Now we’ll hear a few words from a close friend of Yunho’s.”
He was so lost in thought that he didn’t know he was being summoned until his mother squeezed his hand, bringing him out of his reverie. He glanced at her and she smiled, nodding her head towards the podium. Heeding the signal, he stood and slowly made his way to the front.
Mrs. Jung had asked him to speak at Yunho’s funeral. He was his closest friend, she said, his only friend. He’d been honored…and terrified. He was still coming to terms with Yunho’s death, he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to talk about him just yet. That would make it all too real, that he wasn’t going to be a part of his life anymore. He’d thought long and hard about what he wanted to say, what he should say. He’d even tried writing it down but he wasn’t satisfied with anything he’d written. But the night before the funeral, he’d gone to bed and dreamt. Yunho had been there in his dream. He didn’t say anything, just smiled that sweet angel smile he was so used to. He must have cried in his sleep because when he woke shortly after the dream ended his cheeks were moist. He’d decided then that he didn’t need to prepare in advance. He would speak from the heart, Yunho would guide him.
He stared out at the congregation and felt his palms go clammy. As confident as he was, he’d never liked public speaking, least of all at a funeral of a loved one. Taking a deep breath, he began.
“I don’t really know what to say, I’m not very good at these things, but I’ll try my best.
Yunho came into my life at a time when I was going down a very dark, dangerous path. He was a little force to be reckoned with, one that it took me a while to appreciate. Luckily, I was smart enough to after a time. I would’ve hated to have missed out on having someone that amazing in my life.
I only knew Yunho for 100 days, 100 days exactly, but I’ll remember him for the rest of my life. I can never forget him after what he’s done for me. He saved me, you see. Twice. First, by making me realize that I wasn’t really living, that I was wasting something precious that so many others never had the chance to fully experience: life itself. The second time he saved me was at the cost of his own life.” He smiled slightly. “Yunho had a way of getting under your skin and even if you tried to fight it, he always left you thinking about what he said. He could be an annoying brat when he wanted to be,” he chuckled. “I said many mean things to him in our 100 days together, things I never apologized for and can never take back, but he always smiled, letting me know that he wasn’t hurt by it. He was always smiling. It drove me crazy too. How can someone with so much going against them be so happy all the time? I didn’t understand. I’ve never known anyone to have that much faith and hope, least of all someone in his situation. One day I asked him if he wasn’t bitter about it, if he didn’t think life was unfair. He said no, he wasn’t, and what little life he had and would have was a blessing because some others didn’t even have that much. Yunho was very practical about these things. In some ways, he was far wiser than people five times his age. He chose to appreciate what he did have as opposed to lamenting what he didn’t as most of us tend to. I didn’t always understand him but I’m glad he knew himself as well as he did. He had faith and it’s his belief in his abilities that saved me.
When my father died, I was angry, hurt and blamed myself for not saving him. Yunho helped me overcome those feelings but now that he’s gone, a small part of me is tempted to give into them again. But I won’t. Yunho wouldn’t have wanted me to. He didn’t die for me only to have me spend the rest of my life hating myself. That would solve nothing and make a mockery of his sacrifice. I won’t do that to him. Rather, just as he changed my life, I hope that one day I can have such a great, positive impact on someone else’s. I think only then will I truly feel deserving of this gift he’s given me.”
He paused for a moment, looking down at his clasped hands on the lectern.
“I have many regrets in my short life but the biggest is probably that I never told Yunho how much I appreciated him. He was my best friend and… I loved him.” He blinked back the tears that sprung to his eyes. “He taught me many lessons: he was my unofficial mentor. Next to my parents, there’s no one I respected more. He once said that he wanted to be like me when he grew up.” He shook his head. “No… I want to be like him. There’s never been a more super awesome human being in this world and there never will be.” Shaking off the heaviness in his heart, he smiled brightly. “Don’t cry for Yunho, it’s not what he would have wanted. We should take the lessons he taught us and live our lives accordingly instead. He was right: life is a blessing and we are blessed to have known him.”
Jae entered the room in the back, stepping into considerable darkness compared to the well-lit ante-room he’d just exited. Mrs. Jung had asked to see him and he’d been directed to a private area where she’d apparently gone to have a minute to herself.
“Jaejoong,” she greeted with a small smile as soon as she saw him.
He bowed deeply before walking towards her. He was a little nervous being around her. It was the first time he’d seen her since the day of the accident. The only time they’d talked since was when she’d called to ask him to to speak on Yunho’s behalf. He couldn’t suppress the pangs of guilt he felt. He lived while her son had died, it would be perfectly natural for her to feel a bit of resentment towards him.
“You’re probably wondering why I called you here,” she began.
He nodded. He was so there was no point denying it.
Her smile widened slightly. Standing, she closed the distance between them. “There are two reasons. First, I wanted to let you know that I don’t hate you nor do I blame you for what happened. I admit that I was angry, not with you, but at the situation. Neither of you should’ve been in that position. I know that, were the situation reversed, you would’ve done the same for Yunho. Your speech was beautiful. Yunho would have loved it.” She reached a hand up and gently touched his cheek. “You’re a wonderful young man, Jaejoong, I hope you know that.”
He blushed slightly, his eyes dropping to his feet.
Chuckling to herself, she reached into her bag and took something out. “The second reason is that I wanted to give you something.” She took his hand, palm up, and rest a small box in it.
Jae looked down at the box, then up at Mrs. Jung, confusion evident in his eyes.
“Go ahead,” she urged. “Open it.”
Jae lifted the lid, not knowing what to expect, but what he saw had him gasping, his eyes going wide.
“He worked on it every day, from the very first night that day you gave him the necklace. He would stay up late sometimes, starting over if he was dissatisfied, but he was so determined. I’d asked him when he planned to give it to you but he never said.”
Atop a bed of crimson crepe paper lay a shell, slightly smaller than the one Jae had given Yunho. The surface was painted in shades of reds, oranges and golds, like a setting or rising sun. He could see the places where the brush strokes had strayed from the striations on the shell but it didn’t mar its beauty. A small hole had been punched through the shell, his mother or father’s doing Jae was sure, and a thin silver chain looped through it.
“He loved the necklace you made him. It was his most prized possession. Since he never took it off while he was alive, I thought it fitting that it go with him from this life to the next. He’ll never be separated from it, from you, just like he wanted.” She paused, tears twinkling on her lashes. “He was so excited to give this to you, I wish…” Her voice broke, cutting off her words.
Jae knew exactly how she felt. As he picked up the shell, felt its cold, hard surface settle into the heat of his palm, his own eyes filled with tears. Having spent so many hours painting with Yunho, he could picture him sitting there at the table, working diligently, intently, as he tried to get it just right. It had to be perfect, otherwise it wasn’t worthy of being given.
“It’s beautiful,” he whispered.
And it was, as beautiful as the boy who had made it. He would cherish them both. Always…