Bundle of Misery (Part 1/2)
Title: Bundle of Misery
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13
Length: Part 1/2
Genre: Mpreg
Summary: Jaejoong's knocked up and he isn't too happy about it. Can Yunho change his mind before their baby arrives?
A/N: An experiment that went horribly, horribly wrong. Sorry guys! ><
He needed to pee.
The pressure on his bladder was excruciating. If there was one thing he would not miss after this ordeal was over and done with, it would be this: the incessant urge to urinate even when he’d already gone a mere five minutes ago.
“Fuck my life,” he muttered, hefting his considerable girth off of the sofa to begin the ever joyful trek to the bathroom.
He was a striking man, average height and size but with a face that commanded attention. His once slim, fit body was now a distant memory, which was one of the things that made it all so hard for him to accept. He didn’t mind the weight gain, the way his face, arms and legs had filled out suited him in his opinion, but the rotund growth protruding from his middle was a sight for sore eyes, one he tried as much as possible not to behold.
He’d heard about the glow of pregnancy and all that rubbish. It didn’t apply to him.
He didn’t want this…this alien growing inside of him. He had never wanted to be a father, much less for making the damn kid. As far as accidental pregnancies went, this was the kicker.
He’d been feeling queasy for weeks, unable to keep certain foods down, becoming nauseated by the mere smell or sight of others. When it started affecting his work - which, at that point, he loved more than anything in the world - his best friend was finally able to talk him into going to a doctor.
The doctor had run some tests, all of which came back normal, and done a routine body check-up. Everything was fine until he got to his stomach, which the doctor noted was slightly distended and harder than it should have been. He’d noticed it too but thought nothing of it. He was slightly constipated, which he assumed was a result of his poor eating habits and the extreme pressure of his job during this crucial financial period, so a little discomfort in his stomach was normal. Or so he’d thought.
At the doctor’s suggestion, an ultrasound was done. To say that he’d been shocked when the doctor delivered the news was an understatement.
He’d been mind-fucking-blown.
Men did not get pregnant. Okay, no, that wasn’t true. In recent years, the incidence of male pregnancies had increased exponentially, to the point that it was something of the norm now.
No, men got pregnant but Kim-fucking-Jaejoong did not.
And yet, here he was. Preparing to burst as his due date was just around the corner.
He’d known who the father was, of course. He might have been many things but a whore he was not. He didn’t have the time to be one, in any event.
He’d stewed for a while, taking a sudden leave of absence from the firm at which he was a financial adviser. He’d cut everyone off, except his parents who he only talked to on the phone. For three weeks, no one but his best friend, HyunJoong, knew his secret. He’d been raving mad, almost demolishing his apartment in one of his tirades. Thankfully, HyunJoong had been there to save the really pricey stuff.
How could this have happened? To him? Nothing happened in his life that he didn’t want or plan for and this was definitely unwanted and unplanned.
He’d considered abortion, had puffed himself up to the point where he’d thought he could actually go through with it, but at the last minute - literally the last since he’d been in the clinic - he’d changed his mind. He’d seen enough anti-abortion films to know exactly what was going to happen to the foetus. He’d always believed that it was a matter of choice: no one had the right to judge someone else for a decision that they made about their own body. But in that moment, he couldn’t go through with it. In the end, he’d decided that it wasn’t the right choice for him.
His next option had been adoption but he wasn’t sure if he could live knowing that his child, even if he didn’t really think of it as his, was somewhere out there, vulnerable and in the care of strangers who would make or break him/her. His decision was made for him when HyunJoong said:
“What about Yunho? You haven’t even told him yet. It’s his baby too.”
Shit!
So grumpy and grumbling, he’d called Yunho, feeling slightly guilty after ignoring his calls for three whole weeks, and asked him to come over that night. He had something to tell him. Cryptic words but nonetheless true.
Yunho was right on time, as always. He hadn’t tried to hide his stomach but he’d worn a loose, cotton shirt that flirted around his frame so his growing bulge hadn’t been too obvious. No need to beat the man over the head with it, he’d thought. He would ease him into impending fatherhood as best he could.
For the next hour, after he’d apologized for locking Yunho off, they made up for lost time. He inquired, more deeply than he would have before, about Yunho’s work. Yunho was an E.R. physician and surgical resident so he always had interesting stories to regale people with. It was one of the more interesting aspects of being with him in Jaejoong’s opinion.
After dinner, which Jaejoong had specially prepared, they continued to talk over coffee. But when things started to heat up and Yunho, by way of his wandering hands, let his intentions be known, Jaejoong thought that the time had finally come to spill the beans.
“Yunho,” he’d said. “I have something to tell you.”
He’d gotten up to pace, half embarrassed and half irritated that he had to do it at all. He’d tried to think of the best way to verbalize it but he’d realized that there was no ‘best’ way.
“Ahh, fuck it,” he swore. He stopped in front of Yunho and turned to face him. “Yunho, I’m pregnant. And, it’s yours. Congratulations, Dr. Jung, you’re going to be a daddy.”
Yunho’s reaction, his expression, was a comedy of…well, comedy.
Unable to help himself, Jaejoong laughed. The laughter kept coming and he’d started to feel a little crazy but his tension also eased a bit. It was nice to have someone to share the misery with. Or so he’d thought, until…
“Is it true?” Yunho asked, jumping off the sofa. “Are you really?”
Jaejoong’s laughter had stopped. Why did Yunho sound so…excited? Why wasn’t he looking as panicked and miserable as Jaejoong had felt when the doctor gave him the news? This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.
“Jaejoong!”
Yunho was at his side now, pulling him close, one hand gently laying on his belly. He knew the exact moment that Yunho felt his swollen stomach. His eyes widened, pupils dilating, mouth going agape.
“We’re really having a baby,” he breathed.
Could anyone be more happy?
“We’re having a baby!” Yunho shouted, snatching Jaejoong up in his arms and spinning him around.
Jaejoong held on tightly - what choice did he have? - but as he pressed his face into Yunho’s shoulder, there were tears in his eyes.
“Shit, fuck, shit,” Jaejoong muttered as he hauled his ass up the staircase.
He’d bought the apartment because it was like a mini-house, allowing a division between the common and private areas. The kitchen, living and dining rooms were downstairs and the three bedrooms - one a master - and full bath were upstairs. There was even a half-bath downstairs so that it wasn’t necessary for guests to go upstairs to use the facilities. Only close friends and family were allowed into his sanctuary. For everyone else, it was off limits.
However, he’d become so used to using his bathroom, the bathroom annexed to his bedroom, that he found that he couldn’t use any of the others. Every time he needed to take care of business, he had to make the climb up the elegantly curved staircase. Earlier in the pregnancy, when he’d really started to expand, Yunho had offered, demanded even, that he move in with him since there were no stairs to climb and it would be a lot less taxing on his already burdened body. He’d shot that idea down immediately, though. His apartment was, well, his. He’d chosen it, decorated it. It was the first place he’d lived since leaving his parents’ house all those years ago that he considered home. He needed to be as comfortable as possible in surroundings that were familiar to him. As a result, Yunho had all but moved in with him. To be there for him in his time of need and all that.
As he stepped onto the top landing, he sighed. He often did when he thought about Yunho and their relationship.
There was nothing wrong with the relationship per se. Yunho was great, attentive and caring, and would make an amazing father. However, prior to the pregnancy, they’d only been together for seven months. Actually, “together” should be used loosely because they both had such busy careers and led such active lives that they’d never gotten around to having any serious discussions about the state or future of their relationship. They’d maintained frequent contact and when they were free, they’d meet. Usually drinks and dinner, which would almost always culminate in them ending up at one of their apartments, more often Jae’s since it was fairly close to the hospital and Yunho could sneak out during his breaks or before/after his shift.
No doubt that had led to his current condition, he thought as he lifted his loose t-shirt above his belly and undid his fly. He stopped thinking for a minute and simply enjoyed the ecstasy he felt when his bladder was being relieved.
It had never occurred to him to use protection. Why would it? He was only sexually active with one person at the time and he trusted Yunho, had no doubt that he wasn’t spreading his wealth around town, so to speak. Pregnancy had never crossed his mind.
Sighing again, he put his clothes to rights, washed his hands and started towards his bedroom. He wasn’t in the mood to tackle the stairs again just yet.
He and Yunho had never discussed commitment but now, not only were they committed, they were bound for life. He didn’t ascribe to the eighteen year period he often heard referred to in Western films, media, etc. A child was a child for life: they didn’t stop being yours just because they turned legal age. He had no doubt that Yunho would always be there for the child but their relationship had no guarantees. They’d gone from a casual, agreeable situation to living together and preparing for a baby literally overnight. In a couple of weeks, they were going to be a family. It was a lot for someone who had never thought himself capable of settling down to wrap his head around.
But what choice did he have? Yunho was his baby’s father and had every right to be there, to experience everything that he would. But it wouldn’t be the same, would it? Yunho actually wanted the kid while he…grew more and more detached from it everyday. It was a bit worrying. How was he supposed to take care of this person that he felt absolutely nothing for? He had no faith in his feelings changing once he set eyes on the child.
Perhaps if he and Yunho had taken the usual route - fall in love, commit, plan a family, make said family - he would have been more excited for the impending arrival but they’d pretty much skipped over the middle and went straight to the end. It honestly scared him, the uncertainty. He’d never been insecure about anything in his life but he had no confidence, none whatsoever, in his ability to be a good father because he’d never felt the inclination to be one and he couldn’t see how that wouldn’t affect the child negatively. He’d made up his mind to do his best but parenting required more than just taking care of a child’s physical or material needs. The child would require things from him that he wasn’t sure he could give.
Lowering himself to the side of his bed, he slowly swung his legs up, one at a time, and laid back against the pillows. He sighed again. He missed lying on his belly, couldn’t wait to get back to sprawling all over his bed once the kid was out.
Unconsciously, a hand settled on his stomach, gently rubbing it. He usually avoided touching his middle but would often caress the mound without even knowing it.
He wondered what Yunho would bring home for dinner. He was a little hungry but dinner was hours away.
Yawning hugely, he closed his eyes and settled deeper into the pillows.
He had just enough time for a nap before Yunho came home.
Yunho took his time walking up the stairs.
He’d skipped the building’s elevator and gone to the stairwell instead, needing time to clear his head and build his confidence.
He was 0-for-2 so far and he’d be damned if he let it get to three.
He was going to ask Jaejoong to marry him. Again. It was important to him that they be a family, legally. He didn’t want their child growing up with the stigma of being a bastard. In pretty much every society, it was considered shameful, but in Asian society, it would follow the child for the rest of his/her life. Having gay parents was bad enough, he didn’t want to burden the child further. He wanted to give his child the best chance it could possibly have and this was a natural step towards securing that.
The problem was that he had no idea how to approach the topic with Jaejoong. The first two times, Jaejoong hadn’t said “no”. He hadn’t said anything, actually. He’d just…zoned out. In Jaejoong’s defense, Yunho had to acknowledge that at least on the first proposal, his timing could have been better. Jaejoong had just told him that he was going to be a father and the words “will you marry me?” had automatically popped out of his mouth. He was a traditional man, what could he say? The important thing to note was that Jaejoong hadn’t said “yes” on either occasion, not even the second time when he’d prepared a romantic dinner and a ring, and that needed to be rectified immediately. Someway, somehow, he had to make him see that this was what was best for their child.
He knew that Jaejoong had reservations about them as a couple, questioned their longevity - and he was entitled to that - but for his part, Yunho was confident in his own feelings for Jaejoong and what he wanted for their family. He loved him. He wanted to marry him. He hadn’t so much as looked at another guy from the moment he’d met him. He knew that Jaejoong had also stopped looking once they’d started their “thing”. Didn’t that say that he felt the same as well? Perhaps he just didn’t know his own heart.
There was no reason why they shouldn’t get married and one huge reason why they should. He didn’t know if Jaejoong loved him - he’d never actually said the words - but he knew that he cared for and was committed to him and their child so that would be enough. At least for now. Perhaps with a little more time, and when things returned to normal, they could work on the romance in their relationship. They’d have plenty of time to fill in the gaps they’d hop-skip-jumped over when Jaejoong became pregnant. Although, in his opinion anyway, they’d already made more progress in their relationship post-pregnancy than they had prior. He’d come to realize that their relationship had previously revolved around sex but now that they lived together and had gotten to know each other during the course of the pregnancy, they’d meshed and settled down far better than he ever could have expected. It gave him hope for their future once the baby arrived.
He’d been there every step of the way: at every doctor’s appointment, every important stage in the baby’s development. He’d been there when the baby kicked for the first time, and had been more excited than Jaejoong who had begun griping about the kid making him nauseous. When Jaejoong’s body had really started to change, much to his dismay, he was the one who’d assured him that he was as gorgeous as he’d ever been, more so now that he’d filled out and was taking better care of himself. Their sex life had actually improved, much to their surprise. At least in the first two trimesters. They’d ceased almost all physical activities in the past couple of months, also much to Jaejoong’s dismay. He had great plans for Yunho once he was back in shape, he’d promised.
Yunho smiled to himself. Coming home to Jaejoong at the end of the day was the best feeling. He loved listening to him complain about his aches and pains while he rubbed his feet because it was the least he could do considering that Jaejoong was giving him the most precious gift anyone ever had or would. What he loved most was listening to him talk about all the things he wanted to do once their lives returned to normal because although Jaejoong probably didn’t realize it, he spoke about them as if they were a family already. The three of them. Clearly Jaejoong was looking forward to the arrival of their bundle of joy more than even he was aware.
Striding down the hallway towards their apartment, he became more confident about what he was about to do. It was the right thing to do, he thought as he unlocked the apartment door. They were already a family, for all intents and purposes, so there was no reason why they shouldn’t make it official.
“Jaejoong!” he called, setting the dinner bags he held on the kitchen counter.
“Up here!” a muffled voice replied.
Yunho took the steps two at a time but slowed his pace when he approached the bedroom, strolling in sedately.
“Hi,” he greeted, smiling as he set eyes on the man that he was positive was the love of his life.
“Hey,” Jaejoong grumbled, shifting uncomfortably against the pillows.
His nap had been good but not nearly long enough to significantly improve his disposition.
“How are you feeling?” Yunho inquired as he sat beside him. He placed a hand on Jaejoong’s stomach, patting it lovingly.
Jaejoong sighed. “Fine, I guess. I had one of those piss-filled days again. Such a pain in the ass. But otherwise fine. And hungry,” he added, shooting Yunho a hopeful glance.
Laughing, Yunho stood. “Let’s go down to dinner then.”
“Do you mind if we eat up here?” Jaejoong asked. “I really don’t think I can get out of this bed just yet.”
Yunho nodded. “Sure, no problem.”
He started to leave then remembered his mission. Turning around, he resumed his place next to Jaejoong on the bed. He lifted one of Jaejoong’s hands off his stomach and cupped it in both of his.
“Actually, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”
Jaejoong’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Oh?”
“I think you know what it is,” Yunho said, not beating around the bush.
Stifling a sigh, Jaejoong dropped his gaze. “Yunho…”
“I want you to marry me, Jaejoong. You know it’s the right thing to do. Our baby will be here very soon and I want him or her to have the best chance possible when it comes into the world.”
“What does marriage have to do with it?” Jaejoong retorted.
“It has everything to do with it. You know things aren’t going to be easy for any child of ours. Why should it be even harder when this simple detail could smoothen things out considerably?” Yunho paused to let his words sink in. “I know that you’re having a hard time, Jaejoong. You haven’t really been involved in your own pregnancy, you won’t even consider choosing a name for the child. Distancing yourself from it is the only way you’ve been able to deal but once our son or daughter arrives, that defense mechanism is going to go out the window. You need to start facing that fact. You lost the option of not dealing with the situation when you made the decision to inform me of my impending fatherhood. I know that…you don’t love me…”
Jaejoong gasped, eyes widening. “Yunho…”
Yunho raised a silencing hand. It hurt to say it, to think it, but he had never been the sort to lie to himself. “It’s okay, you don’t need to say anything. I’ve always known but I do know that you care about me otherwise you would’ve handled the pregnancy on your own and left me out of it. I think that, deep inside, you do want this child and you do want us to be a family. This is the next natural step. It may seem scary but nothing’s going to change.”
“If nothing’s going to change then why do we need to get married?” Jaejoong grumbled stubbornly.
Yunho stifled a smile and ignored his words. “I’m not going to ask for an answer right this minute but you are going to give me one this time. Think about it for a few days, okay?” He squeezed Jaejoong’s hand slightly when he got no response. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
Yunho grinned, releasing Jaejoong’s hand, and kissed his forehead before climbing to his feet.
“I’ll be back with your dinner.”
Jaejoong glared at him. “Suddenly, I’m not hungry anymore.”
Part 2
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13
Length: Part 1/2
Genre: Mpreg
Summary: Jaejoong's knocked up and he isn't too happy about it. Can Yunho change his mind before their baby arrives?
A/N: An experiment that went horribly, horribly wrong. Sorry guys! ><
He needed to pee.
The pressure on his bladder was excruciating. If there was one thing he would not miss after this ordeal was over and done with, it would be this: the incessant urge to urinate even when he’d already gone a mere five minutes ago.
“Fuck my life,” he muttered, hefting his considerable girth off of the sofa to begin the ever joyful trek to the bathroom.
He was a striking man, average height and size but with a face that commanded attention. His once slim, fit body was now a distant memory, which was one of the things that made it all so hard for him to accept. He didn’t mind the weight gain, the way his face, arms and legs had filled out suited him in his opinion, but the rotund growth protruding from his middle was a sight for sore eyes, one he tried as much as possible not to behold.
He’d heard about the glow of pregnancy and all that rubbish. It didn’t apply to him.
He didn’t want this…this alien growing inside of him. He had never wanted to be a father, much less for making the damn kid. As far as accidental pregnancies went, this was the kicker.
He’d been feeling queasy for weeks, unable to keep certain foods down, becoming nauseated by the mere smell or sight of others. When it started affecting his work - which, at that point, he loved more than anything in the world - his best friend was finally able to talk him into going to a doctor.
The doctor had run some tests, all of which came back normal, and done a routine body check-up. Everything was fine until he got to his stomach, which the doctor noted was slightly distended and harder than it should have been. He’d noticed it too but thought nothing of it. He was slightly constipated, which he assumed was a result of his poor eating habits and the extreme pressure of his job during this crucial financial period, so a little discomfort in his stomach was normal. Or so he’d thought.
At the doctor’s suggestion, an ultrasound was done. To say that he’d been shocked when the doctor delivered the news was an understatement.
He’d been mind-fucking-blown.
Men did not get pregnant. Okay, no, that wasn’t true. In recent years, the incidence of male pregnancies had increased exponentially, to the point that it was something of the norm now.
No, men got pregnant but Kim-fucking-Jaejoong did not.
And yet, here he was. Preparing to burst as his due date was just around the corner.
He’d known who the father was, of course. He might have been many things but a whore he was not. He didn’t have the time to be one, in any event.
He’d stewed for a while, taking a sudden leave of absence from the firm at which he was a financial adviser. He’d cut everyone off, except his parents who he only talked to on the phone. For three weeks, no one but his best friend, HyunJoong, knew his secret. He’d been raving mad, almost demolishing his apartment in one of his tirades. Thankfully, HyunJoong had been there to save the really pricey stuff.
How could this have happened? To him? Nothing happened in his life that he didn’t want or plan for and this was definitely unwanted and unplanned.
He’d considered abortion, had puffed himself up to the point where he’d thought he could actually go through with it, but at the last minute - literally the last since he’d been in the clinic - he’d changed his mind. He’d seen enough anti-abortion films to know exactly what was going to happen to the foetus. He’d always believed that it was a matter of choice: no one had the right to judge someone else for a decision that they made about their own body. But in that moment, he couldn’t go through with it. In the end, he’d decided that it wasn’t the right choice for him.
His next option had been adoption but he wasn’t sure if he could live knowing that his child, even if he didn’t really think of it as his, was somewhere out there, vulnerable and in the care of strangers who would make or break him/her. His decision was made for him when HyunJoong said:
“What about Yunho? You haven’t even told him yet. It’s his baby too.”
Shit!
So grumpy and grumbling, he’d called Yunho, feeling slightly guilty after ignoring his calls for three whole weeks, and asked him to come over that night. He had something to tell him. Cryptic words but nonetheless true.
Yunho was right on time, as always. He hadn’t tried to hide his stomach but he’d worn a loose, cotton shirt that flirted around his frame so his growing bulge hadn’t been too obvious. No need to beat the man over the head with it, he’d thought. He would ease him into impending fatherhood as best he could.
For the next hour, after he’d apologized for locking Yunho off, they made up for lost time. He inquired, more deeply than he would have before, about Yunho’s work. Yunho was an E.R. physician and surgical resident so he always had interesting stories to regale people with. It was one of the more interesting aspects of being with him in Jaejoong’s opinion.
After dinner, which Jaejoong had specially prepared, they continued to talk over coffee. But when things started to heat up and Yunho, by way of his wandering hands, let his intentions be known, Jaejoong thought that the time had finally come to spill the beans.
“Yunho,” he’d said. “I have something to tell you.”
He’d gotten up to pace, half embarrassed and half irritated that he had to do it at all. He’d tried to think of the best way to verbalize it but he’d realized that there was no ‘best’ way.
“Ahh, fuck it,” he swore. He stopped in front of Yunho and turned to face him. “Yunho, I’m pregnant. And, it’s yours. Congratulations, Dr. Jung, you’re going to be a daddy.”
Yunho’s reaction, his expression, was a comedy of…well, comedy.
Unable to help himself, Jaejoong laughed. The laughter kept coming and he’d started to feel a little crazy but his tension also eased a bit. It was nice to have someone to share the misery with. Or so he’d thought, until…
“Is it true?” Yunho asked, jumping off the sofa. “Are you really?”
Jaejoong’s laughter had stopped. Why did Yunho sound so…excited? Why wasn’t he looking as panicked and miserable as Jaejoong had felt when the doctor gave him the news? This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.
“Jaejoong!”
Yunho was at his side now, pulling him close, one hand gently laying on his belly. He knew the exact moment that Yunho felt his swollen stomach. His eyes widened, pupils dilating, mouth going agape.
“We’re really having a baby,” he breathed.
Could anyone be more happy?
“We’re having a baby!” Yunho shouted, snatching Jaejoong up in his arms and spinning him around.
Jaejoong held on tightly - what choice did he have? - but as he pressed his face into Yunho’s shoulder, there were tears in his eyes.
“Shit, fuck, shit,” Jaejoong muttered as he hauled his ass up the staircase.
He’d bought the apartment because it was like a mini-house, allowing a division between the common and private areas. The kitchen, living and dining rooms were downstairs and the three bedrooms - one a master - and full bath were upstairs. There was even a half-bath downstairs so that it wasn’t necessary for guests to go upstairs to use the facilities. Only close friends and family were allowed into his sanctuary. For everyone else, it was off limits.
However, he’d become so used to using his bathroom, the bathroom annexed to his bedroom, that he found that he couldn’t use any of the others. Every time he needed to take care of business, he had to make the climb up the elegantly curved staircase. Earlier in the pregnancy, when he’d really started to expand, Yunho had offered, demanded even, that he move in with him since there were no stairs to climb and it would be a lot less taxing on his already burdened body. He’d shot that idea down immediately, though. His apartment was, well, his. He’d chosen it, decorated it. It was the first place he’d lived since leaving his parents’ house all those years ago that he considered home. He needed to be as comfortable as possible in surroundings that were familiar to him. As a result, Yunho had all but moved in with him. To be there for him in his time of need and all that.
As he stepped onto the top landing, he sighed. He often did when he thought about Yunho and their relationship.
There was nothing wrong with the relationship per se. Yunho was great, attentive and caring, and would make an amazing father. However, prior to the pregnancy, they’d only been together for seven months. Actually, “together” should be used loosely because they both had such busy careers and led such active lives that they’d never gotten around to having any serious discussions about the state or future of their relationship. They’d maintained frequent contact and when they were free, they’d meet. Usually drinks and dinner, which would almost always culminate in them ending up at one of their apartments, more often Jae’s since it was fairly close to the hospital and Yunho could sneak out during his breaks or before/after his shift.
No doubt that had led to his current condition, he thought as he lifted his loose t-shirt above his belly and undid his fly. He stopped thinking for a minute and simply enjoyed the ecstasy he felt when his bladder was being relieved.
It had never occurred to him to use protection. Why would it? He was only sexually active with one person at the time and he trusted Yunho, had no doubt that he wasn’t spreading his wealth around town, so to speak. Pregnancy had never crossed his mind.
Sighing again, he put his clothes to rights, washed his hands and started towards his bedroom. He wasn’t in the mood to tackle the stairs again just yet.
He and Yunho had never discussed commitment but now, not only were they committed, they were bound for life. He didn’t ascribe to the eighteen year period he often heard referred to in Western films, media, etc. A child was a child for life: they didn’t stop being yours just because they turned legal age. He had no doubt that Yunho would always be there for the child but their relationship had no guarantees. They’d gone from a casual, agreeable situation to living together and preparing for a baby literally overnight. In a couple of weeks, they were going to be a family. It was a lot for someone who had never thought himself capable of settling down to wrap his head around.
But what choice did he have? Yunho was his baby’s father and had every right to be there, to experience everything that he would. But it wouldn’t be the same, would it? Yunho actually wanted the kid while he…grew more and more detached from it everyday. It was a bit worrying. How was he supposed to take care of this person that he felt absolutely nothing for? He had no faith in his feelings changing once he set eyes on the child.
Perhaps if he and Yunho had taken the usual route - fall in love, commit, plan a family, make said family - he would have been more excited for the impending arrival but they’d pretty much skipped over the middle and went straight to the end. It honestly scared him, the uncertainty. He’d never been insecure about anything in his life but he had no confidence, none whatsoever, in his ability to be a good father because he’d never felt the inclination to be one and he couldn’t see how that wouldn’t affect the child negatively. He’d made up his mind to do his best but parenting required more than just taking care of a child’s physical or material needs. The child would require things from him that he wasn’t sure he could give.
Lowering himself to the side of his bed, he slowly swung his legs up, one at a time, and laid back against the pillows. He sighed again. He missed lying on his belly, couldn’t wait to get back to sprawling all over his bed once the kid was out.
Unconsciously, a hand settled on his stomach, gently rubbing it. He usually avoided touching his middle but would often caress the mound without even knowing it.
He wondered what Yunho would bring home for dinner. He was a little hungry but dinner was hours away.
Yawning hugely, he closed his eyes and settled deeper into the pillows.
He had just enough time for a nap before Yunho came home.
Yunho took his time walking up the stairs.
He’d skipped the building’s elevator and gone to the stairwell instead, needing time to clear his head and build his confidence.
He was 0-for-2 so far and he’d be damned if he let it get to three.
He was going to ask Jaejoong to marry him. Again. It was important to him that they be a family, legally. He didn’t want their child growing up with the stigma of being a bastard. In pretty much every society, it was considered shameful, but in Asian society, it would follow the child for the rest of his/her life. Having gay parents was bad enough, he didn’t want to burden the child further. He wanted to give his child the best chance it could possibly have and this was a natural step towards securing that.
The problem was that he had no idea how to approach the topic with Jaejoong. The first two times, Jaejoong hadn’t said “no”. He hadn’t said anything, actually. He’d just…zoned out. In Jaejoong’s defense, Yunho had to acknowledge that at least on the first proposal, his timing could have been better. Jaejoong had just told him that he was going to be a father and the words “will you marry me?” had automatically popped out of his mouth. He was a traditional man, what could he say? The important thing to note was that Jaejoong hadn’t said “yes” on either occasion, not even the second time when he’d prepared a romantic dinner and a ring, and that needed to be rectified immediately. Someway, somehow, he had to make him see that this was what was best for their child.
He knew that Jaejoong had reservations about them as a couple, questioned their longevity - and he was entitled to that - but for his part, Yunho was confident in his own feelings for Jaejoong and what he wanted for their family. He loved him. He wanted to marry him. He hadn’t so much as looked at another guy from the moment he’d met him. He knew that Jaejoong had also stopped looking once they’d started their “thing”. Didn’t that say that he felt the same as well? Perhaps he just didn’t know his own heart.
There was no reason why they shouldn’t get married and one huge reason why they should. He didn’t know if Jaejoong loved him - he’d never actually said the words - but he knew that he cared for and was committed to him and their child so that would be enough. At least for now. Perhaps with a little more time, and when things returned to normal, they could work on the romance in their relationship. They’d have plenty of time to fill in the gaps they’d hop-skip-jumped over when Jaejoong became pregnant. Although, in his opinion anyway, they’d already made more progress in their relationship post-pregnancy than they had prior. He’d come to realize that their relationship had previously revolved around sex but now that they lived together and had gotten to know each other during the course of the pregnancy, they’d meshed and settled down far better than he ever could have expected. It gave him hope for their future once the baby arrived.
He’d been there every step of the way: at every doctor’s appointment, every important stage in the baby’s development. He’d been there when the baby kicked for the first time, and had been more excited than Jaejoong who had begun griping about the kid making him nauseous. When Jaejoong’s body had really started to change, much to his dismay, he was the one who’d assured him that he was as gorgeous as he’d ever been, more so now that he’d filled out and was taking better care of himself. Their sex life had actually improved, much to their surprise. At least in the first two trimesters. They’d ceased almost all physical activities in the past couple of months, also much to Jaejoong’s dismay. He had great plans for Yunho once he was back in shape, he’d promised.
Yunho smiled to himself. Coming home to Jaejoong at the end of the day was the best feeling. He loved listening to him complain about his aches and pains while he rubbed his feet because it was the least he could do considering that Jaejoong was giving him the most precious gift anyone ever had or would. What he loved most was listening to him talk about all the things he wanted to do once their lives returned to normal because although Jaejoong probably didn’t realize it, he spoke about them as if they were a family already. The three of them. Clearly Jaejoong was looking forward to the arrival of their bundle of joy more than even he was aware.
Striding down the hallway towards their apartment, he became more confident about what he was about to do. It was the right thing to do, he thought as he unlocked the apartment door. They were already a family, for all intents and purposes, so there was no reason why they shouldn’t make it official.
“Jaejoong!” he called, setting the dinner bags he held on the kitchen counter.
“Up here!” a muffled voice replied.
Yunho took the steps two at a time but slowed his pace when he approached the bedroom, strolling in sedately.
“Hi,” he greeted, smiling as he set eyes on the man that he was positive was the love of his life.
“Hey,” Jaejoong grumbled, shifting uncomfortably against the pillows.
His nap had been good but not nearly long enough to significantly improve his disposition.
“How are you feeling?” Yunho inquired as he sat beside him. He placed a hand on Jaejoong’s stomach, patting it lovingly.
Jaejoong sighed. “Fine, I guess. I had one of those piss-filled days again. Such a pain in the ass. But otherwise fine. And hungry,” he added, shooting Yunho a hopeful glance.
Laughing, Yunho stood. “Let’s go down to dinner then.”
“Do you mind if we eat up here?” Jaejoong asked. “I really don’t think I can get out of this bed just yet.”
Yunho nodded. “Sure, no problem.”
He started to leave then remembered his mission. Turning around, he resumed his place next to Jaejoong on the bed. He lifted one of Jaejoong’s hands off his stomach and cupped it in both of his.
“Actually, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”
Jaejoong’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Oh?”
“I think you know what it is,” Yunho said, not beating around the bush.
Stifling a sigh, Jaejoong dropped his gaze. “Yunho…”
“I want you to marry me, Jaejoong. You know it’s the right thing to do. Our baby will be here very soon and I want him or her to have the best chance possible when it comes into the world.”
“What does marriage have to do with it?” Jaejoong retorted.
“It has everything to do with it. You know things aren’t going to be easy for any child of ours. Why should it be even harder when this simple detail could smoothen things out considerably?” Yunho paused to let his words sink in. “I know that you’re having a hard time, Jaejoong. You haven’t really been involved in your own pregnancy, you won’t even consider choosing a name for the child. Distancing yourself from it is the only way you’ve been able to deal but once our son or daughter arrives, that defense mechanism is going to go out the window. You need to start facing that fact. You lost the option of not dealing with the situation when you made the decision to inform me of my impending fatherhood. I know that…you don’t love me…”
Jaejoong gasped, eyes widening. “Yunho…”
Yunho raised a silencing hand. It hurt to say it, to think it, but he had never been the sort to lie to himself. “It’s okay, you don’t need to say anything. I’ve always known but I do know that you care about me otherwise you would’ve handled the pregnancy on your own and left me out of it. I think that, deep inside, you do want this child and you do want us to be a family. This is the next natural step. It may seem scary but nothing’s going to change.”
“If nothing’s going to change then why do we need to get married?” Jaejoong grumbled stubbornly.
Yunho stifled a smile and ignored his words. “I’m not going to ask for an answer right this minute but you are going to give me one this time. Think about it for a few days, okay?” He squeezed Jaejoong’s hand slightly when he got no response. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
Yunho grinned, releasing Jaejoong’s hand, and kissed his forehead before climbing to his feet.
“I’ll be back with your dinner.”
Jaejoong glared at him. “Suddenly, I’m not hungry anymore.”
Part 2