Haunting (Part 5)
Title: Haunting
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13
Length: Undetermined
Summary: A tragic end leads to a new beginning...
“Dying?”
No sooner were the words out his mouth than a soul-crushing pain caught him in its grip: eyes bulging out of their sockets, mouth opening for a scream that wouldn’t come since there was absolutely no air in his deflated lungs. His body was locked tight as wave after wave of excruciating pain rolled through him.
Yes, he thought. I’m dying.
He waited for the blackness to come, his angel of mercy from this unending torment, and wept when it didn’t.
His father rushed to him, kneeling beside him and stroking his face with tender fingers.
“Shhh,” he soothed. “Don’t fight it. It’ll pass soon, just let it ride.”
He could only whimper, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he wondered why this was happening to him. He’d been a good person, a good son and friend, a real humanitarian. Sure, he hadn’t been perfect but for all his sins, and they were few in his opinion, he’d done really well during his short time on earth. However, not only had he been killed - a cruel death, anyone would agree - but he was stuck here in the in-between, not living but not nearly as dead as he should be, and now, to add insult to injury, he was apparently dying. Again.
Finally, unable to bear the unfairness of it all, he felt the tendrils of darkness begin to permeate his thoughts, saw his vision begin to fray, and when it swamped his senses, the pain dwindling to a faint echo, he willingly succumbed to it.
When he opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that the pain had completely receded. He breathed a soft sigh of relief.
“Better?”
He glanced over to see his father still kneeling beside him, exactly where he’d been when he’d passed out.
He nodded and started to push himself up, leaning into his father when he wrapped an arm around his shoulders to help him.
“How long was I out for?” he asked.
His father smiled. “Hard to tell, as I’m sure you know. Time means nothing here.”
Here.
“Dad…where exactly is this place?” Jaejoong asked. It felt so good to finally have someone to talk to about his situation. All the questions he’d had ever since he’d died warred with each other on the tip of his tongue, seeking precedence.
“Somewhere you shouldn’t be,” his father said seriously.
“Is this heaven or hell or…” Jaejoong trailed off, not knowing if there were any other options besides those two.
His father shook his head. “No, neither. No one’s supposed to be here. No one.”
Jaejoong frowned. “Then why am I here?”
His father shook his head again. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”
“How come you’re here?” Jaejoong pressed. “Have you been here all this time?”
“No. They sent me to get you.”
Jaejoong’s eyebrows shot up. “They?”
Before Jaejoong could ask the obvious, his father interrupted him. “Jaejoong… Listen to me. You can’t go on like this. You see what’s been happening to you. You need to stop now.”
“Stop?” Jaejoong echoed.
“It’s only going to get worse,” his father continued, his fear for his son leaking into his words. “For your sake, for that boy’s sake…”
“That boy?” Jaejoong repeated, blinking away his confusion. “Yunho? What has he got to do with this?”
“Everything!” his father snapped. “Jaejoong, open your eyes. Look at yourself, look at what’s been happening to you.”
“I don’t…I don’t understand,” Jaejoong whispered. “Daddy…what did you mean when you said that I’m dying? I’m already dead, right? I can’t die twice. Right?” He eyes pleaded for an affirmative answer.
His father shook his head, expression somber, eyes sad. “Think about it, Jaejoong. Think really hard. Why do you think you’re here? Or rather, what’s keeping you here?”
Jaejoong frowned, puzzled. It had been some time since he’d asked himself that question. In the beginning he’d been so angry, determined to make Yunho pay for what he’d done, but as time passed, his anger had fizzled out as his relationship with Yunho changed.
Suddenly, awareness began to creep in.
Seeing it in his eyes, his father nodded. “Do you get it now?”
“I don’t…” Jaejoong shook his head. “None of this makes sense.”
“What happened when you died, Jaejoong?” his father asked patiently, guiding him through the series of events. “What were you thinking? What were you feeling?”
“I was sad…” Jaejoong replied carefully, afraid that he did indeed know what his father was getting at. “Hurt…beyond hurt. Shattered, by someone I cared about.”
His father nodded. “Okay, then what?”
“I saw myself lying there, dying, and then…”
“And then?” his father pressed.
“Then I saw him and…he started to walk away and I got so angry…” Jaejoong saw it playing out in his mind, relived the emotions as he spoke. “I’ve never been that angry before. How dare he walk away while I lay dying in the street like some stray dog. I was so pissed.”
He looked into his father’s eyes and saw the answer to his long unanswered question reflecting back at him.
“Vengeful spirits have long been part of our folklore,” his father began. “The elders talk about it, threaten the younger generation into submission by talks of siccing spirits on them if they misbehaved. Most people just accept it as part of the culture and think nothing more of it. But ghosts and spirits, as you’ve learned, are very real.” He paused to let his words sink in. “What happens, though, if a spirit is no longer vengeful?”
Jaejoong silently looked at his father, not wanting to acknowledge what he knew was coming.
“If a spirit is hell-bent on revenge, what happens to it when it accomplishes or loses its purpose, Jaejoong?”
He knew that what his father was saying was true but he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. Thinking back, he suspected that he’d known all along. He’d only been able to separate from his body when he’d become outrageously fired up and automatically followed Yunho. There’d been no conscious thought behind it, he’d just been filled with rage and his feet had started moving of their own accord. Those first few weeks, he’d gleefully tormented Yunho, satisfied that the one who he held responsible for his death was not able to forget his transgression and move on, was constantly reminded of the “sin” he’d committed. All that had changed, however, when Yunho got sick.
That was when it started, he thought. The blackouts.
“Your anger, your rage, your desire to make him pay fueled you. It kept you going. But you’re not angry anymore, are you?” his father asked sadly.
No, he wasn’t, though he knew that he didn’t need to say so.
“The pain that you feel. Do you know what it is?” his father suddenly asked.
Jaejoong turned to look up at him, confused again. “What?”
“Think, Jaejoong. Think hard. The pain that you feel. It’s very specific, isn’t it?” his father asked pointedly, prodding him towards the answer. “What is it that you’ve been feeling, Jaejoong?”
His pain? Other than the fact that it hurt like hell, he really didn’t know. His head usually felt like his brain had exploded; chest crushed, making it hard for him to breathe. His arms and legs would be throbbing, pain reverberating along his nerve pathways, though admittedly his left hand usually stung the most.
His left hand…
He gasped, gaze locking with his father’s.
His father nodded. “You didn’t remember, did you? Your anger was a shield, protecting you from it, but now that it’s gone…”
The pain that he felt was…his injuries?
It all made sense now. He recalled the image of his body as he lay bleeding to death. He couldn’t see inside himself, of course, but when he put it all together, he had an idea of what had happened to him. Fractured skull, collapsed lungs, broken spine, his wrist… He’d been there when they’d done his autopsy but it never clicked, not once. Then again, he hadn’t realized a lot of things…hadn’t wanted to.
“It was always there, in the back of your mind, but your anger camouflaged it,” his father explained. “So long as you were angry, so long as you had purpose, you were fine. Now, things have changed, haven’t they?”
Jaejoong looked at his father wordlessly, not knowing what to say.
His father gripped his arms gently, turning him to face him fully. “Jaejoong, listen to me. You need to stop now, please. You have to leave this place. You can’t go back there, to the land of the living. You don’t belong there.”
Leave? Leave Yunho?
“I…can’t,” he whispered.
“Jaejoong, please,” his father implored. “I know how you feel, I know but… Your love for that boy is killing you. Do you understand that?”
Jaejoong shook his head, pulling away from his father. “No. No, I can’t.” He scrambled to his feet to put some distance between them.
“Jaejoong, please, listen to me.”
“No!” he snapped. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”
“You can’t stay here,” his father reasoned. “It’s only going to get worse. You think your pain is bad now? You don’t know what’s in store for you if you remain here.”
Jaejoong shook his head. “I don’t care. I can’t leave him.”
“And what will staying accomplish?” his father asked angrily. “You can’t be together, don’t you understand that? You’re dead, Jaejoong. He’s very much alive, but you aren’t and the harder you try to force your worlds together, the more you’re going to suffer. You, not him.”
“You don’t know that. There must be a way…” Jaejoong whimpered.
The sadness in his father’s eyes deepened. “There isn’t. The longer you stay here, the harder it’s going to be on both of you: you with your pain and him when you leave. Because you will leave him eventually, Jaejoong. You can’t stay here forever, no matter how hard you try. If you love him, you’ll let him go now before it’s too late.”
Jaejoong’s hands clenched into fists at his side. “You’re wrong.” His father might be dead but that didn’t mean he knew everything. “He can see me. I…I can touch him. He can touch me as if I were alive.”
“And that’s against nature. I don’t know how you’re doing it but that’s not supposed to happen. Jaejoong, please,” his father begged. “Don’t do this. Come with me.”
“I can’t leave,” Jaejoong said calmly, his voice full of conviction. “Not yet.”
“Jaejoong…”
“I have to go, Dad,” he interrupted, mind made up.
He had been away from Yunho for too long already. Yunho was probably wondering what had happened to him. How was he going to explain his absence?
“Jaejoong, I’m begging you. Don’t do this.”
He turned his back on his father, taking a deep breath. “You’ve been very helpful, Dad, but I’ll take it from here.” Steeling his nerves, he started walking away.
“This won’t end well,” he heard his father say softly, but he kept going.
As he made his way to Yunho’s house, he replayed his conversation with his father.
His anger had kept him “alive”…but now his love for Yunho was killing him…
It was a mind-fuck to say the least. Life didn’t prepare a person for that kind of thing.
But…if his anger had kept him going, couldn’t love do the same? Love was supposed to be the most powerful of all emotions, wasn’t it?
“Maybe there’s a way…” he murmured.
He was still several blocks away from Yunho’s and he felt mildly annoyed that being dead in the real world lacked the fun tricks that ghosts and spirits in the movies were graced with. At least they could teleport to wherever they wanted to go. He literally had to walk or be driven to his destination. Were there really no perks in this life?
By the time he arrived at the Jung household, he was exhausted, emotionally and physically tuckered out, and he knew that he was invisible. Yunho wouldn’t be able to see him.
Standing outside Yunho’s door, he closed his eyes and mustered his strength, praying that it wouldn’t take as long as it usually did.
Time was of the essence. He couldn’t waste what precious little he had.
Yunho was propped up against his pillows in bed, fighting the sleep that threatened to claim him.
Jaejoong had been gone for over eight hours and he was starting to think that he wasn’t coming back.
He has to.
He didn’t know where Jaejoong had disappeared to or how to reach him and it worried him. Suppose something happened to him on the…other side. Yunho was powerless to help him. He hated the feeling, hated being helpless.
He started to doze again, chaotic thoughts momentarily quieting down, when he finally heard the voice he’d been waiting for.
“Yunho?”
It was a question, soft and husky.
He opened his eyes and saw Jaejoong standing at the foot of his bed. He immediately knew that something was wrong.
Sliding off the side of the bed, he walked slowly towards him. “Jaejoong… What’s wrong? Where’ve you been? I waited…”
“Yunho?” he said again, his voice barely a whisper.
Yunho stopped in front of him, brows furrowed. “Yes?”
Jaejoong glanced down for a second before meeting Yunho’s gaze, his eyes wide and intense.
“Do you still want to touch me?”
Yunho gasped. It was not what he’d been expecting but his body immediately reacted, his instant erection letting its opinion on the matter be known.
“Yes,” he said softly.
Jaejoong nodded once, then stood on tip-toes until his lips met Yunho’s.
As soon as they touched, Yunho wrapped his arms around Jaejoong and got swept away in the emotions and sensations coursing through his body.
It shouldn’t be possible to feel so much for and from someone who was no longer there, he thought, yet Jaejoong felt as real to him as he did that time in the noraebang. How was that possible? It made no sense. But he didn’t linger on it, didn’t question it. It felt too right to be wrong and if indeed it was wrong, if they were breaking some kind of cosmic law, then he’d gladly pay the price. It wouldn’t matter then. He would already have gone to heaven.
Somehow they ended up on the bed, neither one breaking the kiss nor their tight hold on the other. Yunho’s skin was hot, his passion burning him up from the inside out, and he wanted nothing more than to feel the heat of Jaejoong’s smooth, warm flesh gliding against his own.
Except…
How exactly were they supposed to do this?
Experimentally, he slid his hand down Jaejoong’s side to the hem of his jacket, tunneling beneath his shirt until he got to the soft, firm skin of his belly.
Yes, he could touch him.
He wasted little time removing Jaejoong’s uniform - the only clothes he ever wore since he’d died in it - marveling all the while that he actually could. This living-dead thing would never cease to amaze him.
When his own clothes came off, he slowed down, taking his time to simply enjoy kissing Jaejoong, tasting the sweet nectar of his lips, laving kisses along his jaw and neck, watching the way he reacted when he touched him in extra-sensitive spots. Their first time together had been rushed and insane. Having relived that moment over and over in his head, he wanted a stronger, more detailed memory. He didn’t know what the future held for them, he couldn’t imagine that it would be good given the circumstances, so he wanted to make the most of it. If this was the only time he would ever be with Jaejoong again for the rest of his life, then he wanted to leave his mark, the way Jaejoong had marked him inside.
Jaejoong lost himself in Yunho, giving himself up to the immense pleasure that raged through him. Everything he’d dreamt and longed for in life had come to him in death. Maybe it was the universe’s way of making it up to him after his untimely demise. Regardless of what his father said, this thing between him and Yunho wasn’t of his own making. It had to have been written in the stars. They fit together too well to not have been fated. Maybe things in the afterlife usually went a certain way but perhaps he was the exception to the rule. There was no other explanation.
Thinking about his father, the words of doom he’d spoken, caused a sense of panic to stir within Jaejoong and he found himself gripping Yunho tighter, kissing him harder, his movements becoming more frenzied as he tried to drown out the echo of his father’s voice with that of the lust rushing through his veins.
Wrapping his legs around Yunho’s waist, Jaejoong urged him forward.
Yunho broke the kiss, startled. “Wait. I don’t have any…”
Jaejoong smiled, pressing his lips to Yunho’s briefly. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. I’m dead, I can’t feel pain,” he said. It wasn’t true but he figured that nothing Yunho did to him could ever be as bad as the pain he’d already endured.
“Are you sure?” Yunho pressed.
Jaejoong nodded. “Positive. But it’s sweet of you to worry.” He pulled Yunho back down for a kiss, lifting his hips to show that he was ready.
Slowly, Yunho positioned himself, one hand holding Jaejoong’s hips as he guided himself into his entrance.
It was just as hot and tight as he’d remembered.
He took his time, moving slowly, carefully, until Jaejoong’s tense frame relaxed in his arms. He was content simply being there, being cradled within him, and expressed his gratitude through his kisses.
They loved, leisurely and thoroughly, a combination of slow thrusts and breathy sighs that took them on a journey that neither one had ever expected to experience again. Yunho stuck to his promise to take his time, memorizing the blissful expression on Jaejoong’s face as he moved with him, reveling in his tender caresses and gentle kisses. He would never forget the way Jaejoong’s mouth went slack, his nails digging into Yunho’s back when he climaxed. He would never forget how he felt when the pressure that had built low in his belly finally gave way to a heart-stopping release, how Jaejoong had held him, kissing his cheek and whispering soothing, nonsensical phrases as he’d plunged deep into his body while those last few waves of pleasure crashed over him.
He would never forget being on top of Jaejoong, inside him, surrounded by him, and feeling like he’d finally found a place to call home.
He would never forget because it was the moment when he realized that he’d finally fallen in love.
“How come I’m the only one that can see you?”
They lay in bed, touching from head to toe, wrapped completely around each other. They’d made love once more and were now content to simply hold each other close, exchanging nothing more than idle caresses and sighs of contentment.
“I am the only one, right?”
Yunho didn’t want to destroy the atmosphere their lovemaking had created but after Jaejoong’s absence all afternoon, his curiosity would no longer be denied.
“Yes,” Jaejoong replied. He wasn’t prepared for an inquisition but he wasn’t surprised that Yunho was finally voicing what had probably been nagging at him for a while.
“How come? I mean…why me?”
“I don’t know,” Jaejoong lied. How could he possibly explain the truth to Yunho? “Maybe because I was thinking of you when I died.” That was at least partly true, he thought.
“Oh…” Yunho turned it over in his mind, accepting it. It was as good an explanation as any.
Silence momentarily fell between them but Yunho was in no way finished.
“How come I can touch you? How is it possible that we can…do the things we did?”
Jaejoong could hear the blush in his voice. He smiled at Yunho’s hesitation to say exactly what they’d done.
“I don’t know,” he replied again, this time happy to not be forced to lie. “I honestly don’t know.”
“It shouldn’t be possible,” Yunho mused. “And yet, it most definitely is.”
Jaejoong said nothing, Yunho’s words striking a note deep within him as they so closely echoed his father’s.
Once more, silence reigned and Jaejoong wondered if Yunho was finally done with his questions.
“Where do you go…when you disappear, I mean?”
Jaejoong sighed inwardly. He didn’t want to have to lie to Yunho but he couldn’t tell him the whole truth either. He was still processing everything his father had said to him.
“Jaejoong?”
“I…Sometimes I need to rest. To recharge.” Yes, this was good. And it was true. “It takes a lot of energy for me to stay here, with you, and sometimes I get tired and just need a little rest. Like a nap.”
“Ahh…”
Yunho pondered Jaejoong’s explanation for a minute. He’d almost expected a more cryptic answer so he was thankful that it was nothing morbid. On the other hand, knowing that staying with him exhausted Jaejoong awakened feelings of guilt. However much he wanted to tell Jaejoong not to expend himself on his behalf, he couldn’t. He needed him.
Yunho yawned, arms tightening around Jaejoong as he burrowed into his pillow, suddenly feeling the weight of the day pressing down on him.
He just had one more question…
“Will you be here when I wake up?” he whispered.
Jaejoong felt a tightness in his chest. He didn’t have an answer to that. He was losing control and he just didn’t know what would happen. But he couldn’t tell Yunho that, couldn’t scare him. He would never sleep if he knew.
“Yes,” Jaejoong said softly. “I’ll be here.”
He hoped to God that it was true.
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13
Length: Undetermined
Summary: A tragic end leads to a new beginning...
“Dying?”
No sooner were the words out his mouth than a soul-crushing pain caught him in its grip: eyes bulging out of their sockets, mouth opening for a scream that wouldn’t come since there was absolutely no air in his deflated lungs. His body was locked tight as wave after wave of excruciating pain rolled through him.
Yes, he thought. I’m dying.
He waited for the blackness to come, his angel of mercy from this unending torment, and wept when it didn’t.
His father rushed to him, kneeling beside him and stroking his face with tender fingers.
“Shhh,” he soothed. “Don’t fight it. It’ll pass soon, just let it ride.”
He could only whimper, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he wondered why this was happening to him. He’d been a good person, a good son and friend, a real humanitarian. Sure, he hadn’t been perfect but for all his sins, and they were few in his opinion, he’d done really well during his short time on earth. However, not only had he been killed - a cruel death, anyone would agree - but he was stuck here in the in-between, not living but not nearly as dead as he should be, and now, to add insult to injury, he was apparently dying. Again.
Finally, unable to bear the unfairness of it all, he felt the tendrils of darkness begin to permeate his thoughts, saw his vision begin to fray, and when it swamped his senses, the pain dwindling to a faint echo, he willingly succumbed to it.
When he opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that the pain had completely receded. He breathed a soft sigh of relief.
“Better?”
He glanced over to see his father still kneeling beside him, exactly where he’d been when he’d passed out.
He nodded and started to push himself up, leaning into his father when he wrapped an arm around his shoulders to help him.
“How long was I out for?” he asked.
His father smiled. “Hard to tell, as I’m sure you know. Time means nothing here.”
Here.
“Dad…where exactly is this place?” Jaejoong asked. It felt so good to finally have someone to talk to about his situation. All the questions he’d had ever since he’d died warred with each other on the tip of his tongue, seeking precedence.
“Somewhere you shouldn’t be,” his father said seriously.
“Is this heaven or hell or…” Jaejoong trailed off, not knowing if there were any other options besides those two.
His father shook his head. “No, neither. No one’s supposed to be here. No one.”
Jaejoong frowned. “Then why am I here?”
His father shook his head again. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”
“How come you’re here?” Jaejoong pressed. “Have you been here all this time?”
“No. They sent me to get you.”
Jaejoong’s eyebrows shot up. “They?”
Before Jaejoong could ask the obvious, his father interrupted him. “Jaejoong… Listen to me. You can’t go on like this. You see what’s been happening to you. You need to stop now.”
“Stop?” Jaejoong echoed.
“It’s only going to get worse,” his father continued, his fear for his son leaking into his words. “For your sake, for that boy’s sake…”
“That boy?” Jaejoong repeated, blinking away his confusion. “Yunho? What has he got to do with this?”
“Everything!” his father snapped. “Jaejoong, open your eyes. Look at yourself, look at what’s been happening to you.”
“I don’t…I don’t understand,” Jaejoong whispered. “Daddy…what did you mean when you said that I’m dying? I’m already dead, right? I can’t die twice. Right?” He eyes pleaded for an affirmative answer.
His father shook his head, expression somber, eyes sad. “Think about it, Jaejoong. Think really hard. Why do you think you’re here? Or rather, what’s keeping you here?”
Jaejoong frowned, puzzled. It had been some time since he’d asked himself that question. In the beginning he’d been so angry, determined to make Yunho pay for what he’d done, but as time passed, his anger had fizzled out as his relationship with Yunho changed.
Suddenly, awareness began to creep in.
Seeing it in his eyes, his father nodded. “Do you get it now?”
“I don’t…” Jaejoong shook his head. “None of this makes sense.”
“What happened when you died, Jaejoong?” his father asked patiently, guiding him through the series of events. “What were you thinking? What were you feeling?”
“I was sad…” Jaejoong replied carefully, afraid that he did indeed know what his father was getting at. “Hurt…beyond hurt. Shattered, by someone I cared about.”
His father nodded. “Okay, then what?”
“I saw myself lying there, dying, and then…”
“And then?” his father pressed.
“Then I saw him and…he started to walk away and I got so angry…” Jaejoong saw it playing out in his mind, relived the emotions as he spoke. “I’ve never been that angry before. How dare he walk away while I lay dying in the street like some stray dog. I was so pissed.”
He looked into his father’s eyes and saw the answer to his long unanswered question reflecting back at him.
“Vengeful spirits have long been part of our folklore,” his father began. “The elders talk about it, threaten the younger generation into submission by talks of siccing spirits on them if they misbehaved. Most people just accept it as part of the culture and think nothing more of it. But ghosts and spirits, as you’ve learned, are very real.” He paused to let his words sink in. “What happens, though, if a spirit is no longer vengeful?”
Jaejoong silently looked at his father, not wanting to acknowledge what he knew was coming.
“If a spirit is hell-bent on revenge, what happens to it when it accomplishes or loses its purpose, Jaejoong?”
He knew that what his father was saying was true but he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. Thinking back, he suspected that he’d known all along. He’d only been able to separate from his body when he’d become outrageously fired up and automatically followed Yunho. There’d been no conscious thought behind it, he’d just been filled with rage and his feet had started moving of their own accord. Those first few weeks, he’d gleefully tormented Yunho, satisfied that the one who he held responsible for his death was not able to forget his transgression and move on, was constantly reminded of the “sin” he’d committed. All that had changed, however, when Yunho got sick.
That was when it started, he thought. The blackouts.
“Your anger, your rage, your desire to make him pay fueled you. It kept you going. But you’re not angry anymore, are you?” his father asked sadly.
No, he wasn’t, though he knew that he didn’t need to say so.
“The pain that you feel. Do you know what it is?” his father suddenly asked.
Jaejoong turned to look up at him, confused again. “What?”
“Think, Jaejoong. Think hard. The pain that you feel. It’s very specific, isn’t it?” his father asked pointedly, prodding him towards the answer. “What is it that you’ve been feeling, Jaejoong?”
His pain? Other than the fact that it hurt like hell, he really didn’t know. His head usually felt like his brain had exploded; chest crushed, making it hard for him to breathe. His arms and legs would be throbbing, pain reverberating along his nerve pathways, though admittedly his left hand usually stung the most.
His left hand…
He gasped, gaze locking with his father’s.
His father nodded. “You didn’t remember, did you? Your anger was a shield, protecting you from it, but now that it’s gone…”
The pain that he felt was…his injuries?
It all made sense now. He recalled the image of his body as he lay bleeding to death. He couldn’t see inside himself, of course, but when he put it all together, he had an idea of what had happened to him. Fractured skull, collapsed lungs, broken spine, his wrist… He’d been there when they’d done his autopsy but it never clicked, not once. Then again, he hadn’t realized a lot of things…hadn’t wanted to.
“It was always there, in the back of your mind, but your anger camouflaged it,” his father explained. “So long as you were angry, so long as you had purpose, you were fine. Now, things have changed, haven’t they?”
Jaejoong looked at his father wordlessly, not knowing what to say.
His father gripped his arms gently, turning him to face him fully. “Jaejoong, listen to me. You need to stop now, please. You have to leave this place. You can’t go back there, to the land of the living. You don’t belong there.”
Leave? Leave Yunho?
“I…can’t,” he whispered.
“Jaejoong, please,” his father implored. “I know how you feel, I know but… Your love for that boy is killing you. Do you understand that?”
Jaejoong shook his head, pulling away from his father. “No. No, I can’t.” He scrambled to his feet to put some distance between them.
“Jaejoong, please, listen to me.”
“No!” he snapped. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”
“You can’t stay here,” his father reasoned. “It’s only going to get worse. You think your pain is bad now? You don’t know what’s in store for you if you remain here.”
Jaejoong shook his head. “I don’t care. I can’t leave him.”
“And what will staying accomplish?” his father asked angrily. “You can’t be together, don’t you understand that? You’re dead, Jaejoong. He’s very much alive, but you aren’t and the harder you try to force your worlds together, the more you’re going to suffer. You, not him.”
“You don’t know that. There must be a way…” Jaejoong whimpered.
The sadness in his father’s eyes deepened. “There isn’t. The longer you stay here, the harder it’s going to be on both of you: you with your pain and him when you leave. Because you will leave him eventually, Jaejoong. You can’t stay here forever, no matter how hard you try. If you love him, you’ll let him go now before it’s too late.”
Jaejoong’s hands clenched into fists at his side. “You’re wrong.” His father might be dead but that didn’t mean he knew everything. “He can see me. I…I can touch him. He can touch me as if I were alive.”
“And that’s against nature. I don’t know how you’re doing it but that’s not supposed to happen. Jaejoong, please,” his father begged. “Don’t do this. Come with me.”
“I can’t leave,” Jaejoong said calmly, his voice full of conviction. “Not yet.”
“Jaejoong…”
“I have to go, Dad,” he interrupted, mind made up.
He had been away from Yunho for too long already. Yunho was probably wondering what had happened to him. How was he going to explain his absence?
“Jaejoong, I’m begging you. Don’t do this.”
He turned his back on his father, taking a deep breath. “You’ve been very helpful, Dad, but I’ll take it from here.” Steeling his nerves, he started walking away.
“This won’t end well,” he heard his father say softly, but he kept going.
As he made his way to Yunho’s house, he replayed his conversation with his father.
His anger had kept him “alive”…but now his love for Yunho was killing him…
It was a mind-fuck to say the least. Life didn’t prepare a person for that kind of thing.
But…if his anger had kept him going, couldn’t love do the same? Love was supposed to be the most powerful of all emotions, wasn’t it?
“Maybe there’s a way…” he murmured.
He was still several blocks away from Yunho’s and he felt mildly annoyed that being dead in the real world lacked the fun tricks that ghosts and spirits in the movies were graced with. At least they could teleport to wherever they wanted to go. He literally had to walk or be driven to his destination. Were there really no perks in this life?
By the time he arrived at the Jung household, he was exhausted, emotionally and physically tuckered out, and he knew that he was invisible. Yunho wouldn’t be able to see him.
Standing outside Yunho’s door, he closed his eyes and mustered his strength, praying that it wouldn’t take as long as it usually did.
Time was of the essence. He couldn’t waste what precious little he had.
Yunho was propped up against his pillows in bed, fighting the sleep that threatened to claim him.
Jaejoong had been gone for over eight hours and he was starting to think that he wasn’t coming back.
He has to.
He didn’t know where Jaejoong had disappeared to or how to reach him and it worried him. Suppose something happened to him on the…other side. Yunho was powerless to help him. He hated the feeling, hated being helpless.
He started to doze again, chaotic thoughts momentarily quieting down, when he finally heard the voice he’d been waiting for.
“Yunho?”
It was a question, soft and husky.
He opened his eyes and saw Jaejoong standing at the foot of his bed. He immediately knew that something was wrong.
Sliding off the side of the bed, he walked slowly towards him. “Jaejoong… What’s wrong? Where’ve you been? I waited…”
“Yunho?” he said again, his voice barely a whisper.
Yunho stopped in front of him, brows furrowed. “Yes?”
Jaejoong glanced down for a second before meeting Yunho’s gaze, his eyes wide and intense.
“Do you still want to touch me?”
Yunho gasped. It was not what he’d been expecting but his body immediately reacted, his instant erection letting its opinion on the matter be known.
“Yes,” he said softly.
Jaejoong nodded once, then stood on tip-toes until his lips met Yunho’s.
As soon as they touched, Yunho wrapped his arms around Jaejoong and got swept away in the emotions and sensations coursing through his body.
It shouldn’t be possible to feel so much for and from someone who was no longer there, he thought, yet Jaejoong felt as real to him as he did that time in the noraebang. How was that possible? It made no sense. But he didn’t linger on it, didn’t question it. It felt too right to be wrong and if indeed it was wrong, if they were breaking some kind of cosmic law, then he’d gladly pay the price. It wouldn’t matter then. He would already have gone to heaven.
Somehow they ended up on the bed, neither one breaking the kiss nor their tight hold on the other. Yunho’s skin was hot, his passion burning him up from the inside out, and he wanted nothing more than to feel the heat of Jaejoong’s smooth, warm flesh gliding against his own.
Except…
How exactly were they supposed to do this?
Experimentally, he slid his hand down Jaejoong’s side to the hem of his jacket, tunneling beneath his shirt until he got to the soft, firm skin of his belly.
Yes, he could touch him.
He wasted little time removing Jaejoong’s uniform - the only clothes he ever wore since he’d died in it - marveling all the while that he actually could. This living-dead thing would never cease to amaze him.
When his own clothes came off, he slowed down, taking his time to simply enjoy kissing Jaejoong, tasting the sweet nectar of his lips, laving kisses along his jaw and neck, watching the way he reacted when he touched him in extra-sensitive spots. Their first time together had been rushed and insane. Having relived that moment over and over in his head, he wanted a stronger, more detailed memory. He didn’t know what the future held for them, he couldn’t imagine that it would be good given the circumstances, so he wanted to make the most of it. If this was the only time he would ever be with Jaejoong again for the rest of his life, then he wanted to leave his mark, the way Jaejoong had marked him inside.
Jaejoong lost himself in Yunho, giving himself up to the immense pleasure that raged through him. Everything he’d dreamt and longed for in life had come to him in death. Maybe it was the universe’s way of making it up to him after his untimely demise. Regardless of what his father said, this thing between him and Yunho wasn’t of his own making. It had to have been written in the stars. They fit together too well to not have been fated. Maybe things in the afterlife usually went a certain way but perhaps he was the exception to the rule. There was no other explanation.
Thinking about his father, the words of doom he’d spoken, caused a sense of panic to stir within Jaejoong and he found himself gripping Yunho tighter, kissing him harder, his movements becoming more frenzied as he tried to drown out the echo of his father’s voice with that of the lust rushing through his veins.
Wrapping his legs around Yunho’s waist, Jaejoong urged him forward.
Yunho broke the kiss, startled. “Wait. I don’t have any…”
Jaejoong smiled, pressing his lips to Yunho’s briefly. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. I’m dead, I can’t feel pain,” he said. It wasn’t true but he figured that nothing Yunho did to him could ever be as bad as the pain he’d already endured.
“Are you sure?” Yunho pressed.
Jaejoong nodded. “Positive. But it’s sweet of you to worry.” He pulled Yunho back down for a kiss, lifting his hips to show that he was ready.
Slowly, Yunho positioned himself, one hand holding Jaejoong’s hips as he guided himself into his entrance.
It was just as hot and tight as he’d remembered.
He took his time, moving slowly, carefully, until Jaejoong’s tense frame relaxed in his arms. He was content simply being there, being cradled within him, and expressed his gratitude through his kisses.
They loved, leisurely and thoroughly, a combination of slow thrusts and breathy sighs that took them on a journey that neither one had ever expected to experience again. Yunho stuck to his promise to take his time, memorizing the blissful expression on Jaejoong’s face as he moved with him, reveling in his tender caresses and gentle kisses. He would never forget the way Jaejoong’s mouth went slack, his nails digging into Yunho’s back when he climaxed. He would never forget how he felt when the pressure that had built low in his belly finally gave way to a heart-stopping release, how Jaejoong had held him, kissing his cheek and whispering soothing, nonsensical phrases as he’d plunged deep into his body while those last few waves of pleasure crashed over him.
He would never forget being on top of Jaejoong, inside him, surrounded by him, and feeling like he’d finally found a place to call home.
He would never forget because it was the moment when he realized that he’d finally fallen in love.
“How come I’m the only one that can see you?”
They lay in bed, touching from head to toe, wrapped completely around each other. They’d made love once more and were now content to simply hold each other close, exchanging nothing more than idle caresses and sighs of contentment.
“I am the only one, right?”
Yunho didn’t want to destroy the atmosphere their lovemaking had created but after Jaejoong’s absence all afternoon, his curiosity would no longer be denied.
“Yes,” Jaejoong replied. He wasn’t prepared for an inquisition but he wasn’t surprised that Yunho was finally voicing what had probably been nagging at him for a while.
“How come? I mean…why me?”
“I don’t know,” Jaejoong lied. How could he possibly explain the truth to Yunho? “Maybe because I was thinking of you when I died.” That was at least partly true, he thought.
“Oh…” Yunho turned it over in his mind, accepting it. It was as good an explanation as any.
Silence momentarily fell between them but Yunho was in no way finished.
“How come I can touch you? How is it possible that we can…do the things we did?”
Jaejoong could hear the blush in his voice. He smiled at Yunho’s hesitation to say exactly what they’d done.
“I don’t know,” he replied again, this time happy to not be forced to lie. “I honestly don’t know.”
“It shouldn’t be possible,” Yunho mused. “And yet, it most definitely is.”
Jaejoong said nothing, Yunho’s words striking a note deep within him as they so closely echoed his father’s.
Once more, silence reigned and Jaejoong wondered if Yunho was finally done with his questions.
“Where do you go…when you disappear, I mean?”
Jaejoong sighed inwardly. He didn’t want to have to lie to Yunho but he couldn’t tell him the whole truth either. He was still processing everything his father had said to him.
“Jaejoong?”
“I…Sometimes I need to rest. To recharge.” Yes, this was good. And it was true. “It takes a lot of energy for me to stay here, with you, and sometimes I get tired and just need a little rest. Like a nap.”
“Ahh…”
Yunho pondered Jaejoong’s explanation for a minute. He’d almost expected a more cryptic answer so he was thankful that it was nothing morbid. On the other hand, knowing that staying with him exhausted Jaejoong awakened feelings of guilt. However much he wanted to tell Jaejoong not to expend himself on his behalf, he couldn’t. He needed him.
Yunho yawned, arms tightening around Jaejoong as he burrowed into his pillow, suddenly feeling the weight of the day pressing down on him.
He just had one more question…
“Will you be here when I wake up?” he whispered.
Jaejoong felt a tightness in his chest. He didn’t have an answer to that. He was losing control and he just didn’t know what would happen. But he couldn’t tell Yunho that, couldn’t scare him. He would never sleep if he knew.
“Yes,” Jaejoong said softly. “I’ll be here.”
He hoped to God that it was true.