Bleeding Hearts
Title: Bleeding Hearts 2/2
Pairing: Rabin, one sided kenbin, one sided haken
Rating: NC 17
Warning: rape, abuse (not in this part)
Summary: Hongbin realizes that your idols are not always what they are cracked up to be.
Part 1
Jaehwan rubbed his bottom lip with shaky hands, lost in thought until he lifted the glass back to his lips to drink the burning liquid. He had to calm down, the same liquor he was drinking almost spilled all over the trembling hand that was holding it. He stared at Hongbin, as he laid in front of him, sleeping with probably too many blankets over him but Jaehwan said nothing. Jaehwan tilted his head back and closed his eyes tightly, clenching his jaw as if the pain he generated would dull the ache he felt in his chest. How could he let Hongbin get hurt, he was there, he should have protected him, made sure it never happened at all. He jumped when the stillness of their dorm was shattered by Hongbin’s scream. Jaehwan dropped the glass, its contents spilling all over the floor and some onto Jaehwan’s clothing but that was the last thing on his mind. Jaehwan went to Hongbin quickly and pulled him into a hug, not feeling the sting in his cheek from where Hongbin struck him because the pain he felt from seeing the terror in Hongbin’s eyes was much greater. Jaehwan paid little attention to how Hongbin hit him to try and get away, his screams echoing off the walls until he realized he wasn’t in his dream any longer. Jaehwan swallowed hard but it couldn’t stop the tears as Hongbin clung to him, sobbing into his chest, begging for Jaehwan to help him. Jaehwan has never felt so weak, so worthless; he couldn’t even help Hongbin sleep well. It wasn’t until Hongbin fell back asleep in Jaehwan’s arms did he realize his hands were still trembling. Jaehwan leaned his head back, resting against the wall behind him with Hongbin in his lap, held tightly against his chest until Hongbin woke again not even an hour later to leave a few more bruises on Jaehwan and cause his ears to ring.
Jaehwan jumped, turning to see Hakyeon’s worried face so he straightened up, setting his glass in the sink, “What’s up hyung?”
Hakyeon leaned against the counter and stared at Jaehwan, “You’re not sleeping are you?”
“I am here and there, as much as any-“
“That isn’t true.” Hakyeon looked hurt, Jaehwan had to look away, “Jaehwan-ah you look like you are almost dead,” Hakyeon moved closer, gently resting his hands on his chest, “you’re scaring me.”
Jaehwan took Hakyeon’s hands and gently let them go to fall by Hakyeon’s sides, “Please don’t worry about me ok? I’m fine.”
Hakyeon swallowed hard, looking down, trying to choose his next words very carefully, “Jaehwan-ah, I know Hongbin-ah has been having a lot of nightmares lately but you should get sleep, it has been a week?”
Jaehwan tensed, like he always did when anyone brought up Hongbin and Hakyeon felt instant regret because Jaehwan’s gaze would no longer meet his eyes. He reached out but Jaehwan backed up, so Hakyeon slowly closed his hand and let if fall again.
“I’m fine, and if I can make Hongbin feel a bit better than that’s all that matters. Hyung please don’t worry about me ok?”
Hakyeon didn’t stop Jaehwan from walking out of the kitchen, nor did he turn to watch him leave. Instead Hakyeon closed his eyes, not being able to push away the lump that formed in his throat this time. He brought a hand up to cover his eyes, his fingers getting a bit wet.
“Yea…that is all that matters.”
Sanghyuk laughed at Wonshik, lightly pushing him but then profusely apologizing to the crew back stage of the show they were about to appear on. Wonshik, in turn, laughed at Sanghyuk who only glared. Sanghyuk wandered away and smiled when he found Hongbin, he threw his arm around him but how violently his body flinched had Sanghyuk slowly taking it away, looking confused. Hongbin turned to Sanghyuk and only smiled weakly, backing up a bit to put some distance between them.
“Hyung are you not eating either?”
“Either?”
Sanghyuk frowned, “Well you’re not sleeping either. Hyung, I’m worried about you.”
Hongbin swallowed hard and shook his head, “Well don’t be. There isn’t anything wrong with me.”
Sanghyuk sighed softly, obviously not believing Hongbin but not really knowing how to push the issue. He opened his mouth but Taekwoon’s soft touch to his wrist pulled his attention away. Sanghyuk looked at Taekwoon who just shook his head and lead Sanghyuk away from Hongbin, looking back only once. Hongbin let out a deep breath but his stomach dropped when Wonshik came over with a large smile.
“Hey good luck!” He patted Hongbin’s back.
Hongbin tried to slowly move away, to not alarm Wonshik and smiled weakly, feeling like Wonshik shouldn’t even touch him. He was too dirty for Wonshik.
“Thanks…you too.”
Hongbin felt relief when they were told the show was about to begin so he could duck and walk quickly away from Wonshik, his head down and throat constricting.
Hongbin was able to sit in silence for most of the recording but the middle aged man, whose name Hongbin had missed, asked to see his abs. Panic shot through Hongbin at the thought of lifting his shirt here, in front of all these people. He didn’t notice the worry that must have appeared in his face because Jaehwan mirrored the look when they locked eyes.
“I don’t know if he would want to, he hasn’t been able to work out lately.” Jaehwan tried to divert there attention, his smile as weak and fake as the nervous laugh that followed his words.
The man ignored Jaehwan’s words, not believing him and Hongbin sent a panicked look to Jaehwan who didn’t know what to say. Wonshik looked over at Hongbin, wondering what was wrong but then realized his hands were trembling a bit too much.
He quickly stood up, “Well I guess I can show mine.”
He laughed and shook his head at the compliments but he was more interested in trying to see if Hongbin was fine but he stared at his lap for the rest of the show.
Jaehwan jumped when the bedroom door was ripped open, his very short nap being broken and judging by how loudly Hongbin was yelling he wasn’t going to get one at all. Jaehwan blinked at Hongbin, standing up to grab his arms while trying to understand what he was saying to his sleep deprived mind.
“Hongbin-ah, Hongbin-ah, slow down what happened?” He spoke calmly, a bit slurred, but Hongbin continued to speak loudly and he could only guess everyone else was out.
“You told him! Hyung how could you?”
Jaehwan rose an eyebrow, “Told who, I didn’t say anything.” He let go of Hongbin and moved to grab his glasses, “Although I should have…”
“Wonshik hyung, you told him!”
Jaehwan looked back at Hongbin and instantly regretted putting on his glasses because now he could see his face, wet with tears of betrayal. Jaehwan quickly went over to Hongbin who pushed him but Hongbin was so weak it was easy for Jaehwan to grab him anyways.
“I did not tell anyone.” When Hongbin yelled again Jaehwan’s grip tightened on him, looking right into his eyes with his own exhausted ones, “Hongbin-ah, I did not say anything.”
Hongbin blinked a few times then he started to cry for a different reason, falling into his chest and hugging him tightly. Jaehwan gently rubbed Hongbin’s back but he didn’t feel like he was there, it felt almost as if he stood away and watched this happening. All he could wonder in his exhausted haze was if Hongbin wished he was Wonshik instead.
Jaehwan rubbed his temples while he sat on the couch of some set where they were doing something with someone, he really hadn’t been paying attention. His contacts were only starting to hurt his head even more but he couldn’t wear his glasses. He opened his eyes only to see Taekwoon crouched and looking up at Jaehwan then he reached out to gently touch his forehead then cheeks.
“You have a fever Jaehwan-ah.”
Jaehwan relaxed, seeing it was Taekwoon, “Do I?”
Taekwoon frowned at Jaehwan, not moving, “This has to do with what happened to Hongbin-ah doesn’t it?”
Jaehwan’s eyes widened, “You know?”
“I guessed, he talks in his sleep you know.”
Jaehwan felt a bit more relieved but he still felt worried. Taekwoon sighed softly, resting his hands on Jaehwan’s thighs, waiting patiently until Jaehwan caught his gaze.
“This isn’t your fault you know.”
Jaehwan let out a shaky breath and tore away from Taekwoon’s inviting gaze, “I don’t know hyung.”
Taekwoon sighed again and stood up, resting his hand on Jaehwan’s head, “If you break too, there will be no one to hold us together. Please take care of yourself Jaehwan-ah, we all need you.”
Jaehwan looked up, shock obvious on his face but Taekwoon turned to walk away, not saying another word nor looking back at Jaehwan at all. Jaehwan swallowed hard resting his head in his hands until he felt the couch next to him dip slightly. He waited for whoever it was to speak but no words came, so he looked instead and gently took Hongbin’s hand in his own. Hongbin only squeezed Jaehwan’s hand too hard and moved closer to him, his head down. Jaehwan instantly felt on guard, looking around the studio, probably for the first time, and noticed other people from their company was there. Jaehwan felt instantly defensive, on edge, his rage steadily building with every quiver of Hongbin’s hand in his own. Jaehwan clenched his jaw, looking slowly over each person as if he could tell if they had hurt Hongbin or not.
They had managed to get through most of the photo shoot just fine, Hongbin just stayed next to Jaehwan the whole time while Jaehwan was extremely irritable. However Hongbin seemed to be acting stranger and stranger as time went on but it wasn’t until their short break that Jaehwan figured it out. Hyoshin walked closer to their group, shaking Hakyeon’s hand and speaking some words of encouragement and Jaehwan swore Hongbin was going to break his hand. When Hyoshin turned towards them Hongbin let go of Jaehwan’s hand because he left the room all together, then it all clicked.
All Jaehwan could see was red.
He walked the quick few steps over to Hyoshin and punched him as hard as he could, right in the jaw. He was immediately tackled by Wonshik and Hakyeon was yelling, but Jaehwan couldn’t hear them, not over the blood pounding in his ears.
“I’m going to kill you!”
Wonshik pushed at Jaehwan who shoved back, his eyes fiery and his jaw set, fully intending to act out his threat.
“How could you do that to him?”
Taekwoon had to help Wonshik grab Jaehwan to hold him back while Hakyeon was so flustered because he had no idea what to do. When Jaehwan realized he wouldn’t be able to get at Hyoshin, for now, he shoved Wonshik then Taekwoon to run after Hongbin, his body practically vibrating from the rage he felt but he had to get out of there before he did something he would have regretted.
That wouldn’t have been from killing Hyoshin.
Jaehwan found Hongbin in the bathroom, sobbing violently on the ground, holding his head in his hands and rocking himself. Jaehwan fell to the ground and pulled Hongbin close, into his lap trying to comfort him even though he still couldn’t contain his rage.
It had been a few days since Jaehwan spoke to the other members, he would, instead, lock himself up in his room with his ipod playing loud music and kept to himself. He finally broke the silence the third night, walking into Wonshik’s shared room, looking more like a shell of his former self.
“Can you talk to Hongbin-ah?”
Wonshik bolted up, approaching Jaehwan cautiously, like he was approaching an animal that might run at any time, “Did something happen? Wait, hyung where are you going?”
Jaehwan shook his head, not answering but instead walked to the door and slipping on his shoes, car keys clutched too tightly in his hand. Wonshik ran out of his room but Jaehwan still ignored him and shut the door on Wonshik. Wonshik cussed out loud, running a hand through his hair then went to see if Hongbin was alright. He slowly walked in and frowned when he noticed Hongbin was sitting in the middle of the floor, staring at the wall. He looked so lifeless, even from behind and it made Wonshik’s chest ache. He walked over to Hongbin and crouched down, gently touching his arm and Hongbin only flinched away when he realized who it was.
“Hyung, why are you here?”
Wonshik frowned, Hongbin used to never be opposed to physical contact between them, “Hongbin-ah, what is wrong?”
Hongbin shook his head but moved away again when Wonshik placed a hand on his leg which had Wonshik moving closer and grabbing both of Hongbin’s arms, “Don’t touch me.” Hongbin’s voice was small.
Wonshik’s brows furrowed, “Why?”
Hongbin looked up at Wonshik with wet eyes, “I’m so ugly now…”
Wonshik’s eyes narrowed, “What?”
Hongbin tugged at his arms and Wonshik realized he was being serious. Wonshik quickly tugged Hongbin to hug him against his chest.
“What are you even talking about? You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen.”
Hongbin shook his head, his sobs being more forced out of him, “No, no I’m not.”
Wonshik took Hongbin’s face in both of his hands to gently wipe his tears away, “I have no idea how you could even think that way,” He smiled softly and moved a little piece of hair away from his face, “but I will show you that you are so, so beautiful.”
Hongbin stilled when Wonshik slowly leaned forward and gently kissed him until he relaxed then tensed again, pulling away and gripping Wonshik’s shirt tightly in his hands. Wonshik shushed him, pulling him close against his chest and rubbing soothing circles into his back.
“Shh, I am here, it is ok.”
Hongbin slowly started to relax through Wonshik’s soft voice, which he noticed, so he continued to softly whisper as many things he loved about Hongbin that he could think of, and there were quite a few. He spoke them softly into the skin of his neck, collar bone, then back up to his jaw. Hongbin blushed, his arms around Wonshik to tightly hold onto his shirt.
Hongbin touched Wonshik’s jaw, just looking up into his eyes, “Please make me forget.”
Wonshik didn’t fully understand Hongbin’s words but he understood his kiss loud and clear, so Wonshik leaned fully into the kiss, taking his time to completely run his tongue over Hongbin’s own while rubbing his hips in, what he hoped was, a soothing manner. When Hongbin broke away to breath Wonshik moved to pepper his neck with small kisses, taking his time to kiss down the curve of his neck then across each collar bone, smiling at that tiny smile he got from Hongbin. Wonshik wasn’t sure if he could take off Hongbin’s shirt so he just slid his hands up to just run across his bare waist while he kissed him again, deep and full of need. After a few long moments Wonshik gently placed one of his hands against Hongbin’s pants and looked at him, not moving until Hongbin told him it was ok. Hongbin swallowed hard but smiled anyways, nodding slowly so Wonshik slowly slid his pants down his legs. When he saw Hongbin tense he moved quickly back up to whisper breathy words of love that were full of compliments as his hands eased Hongbin’s legs to spread so he could settle between them. Wonshik started to slowly stroke Hongbin until he was fully erect after he had visibly calmed down considerably. Hongbin pulled at the back of Wonshik’s shirt and moaned softly, his cheeks pink and whispering Wonshik’s name, calling out to him.
Wonshik kissed right by his ear, speeding up his hand and taking time to rub right under the head with his thumb, “I’m here, I’m right here.”
Hongbin swallowed hard, biting his bottom lip until Wonshik tugged at it with his own teeth so he could kiss him again. Hongbin arched his back, pushing his hips up in an attempt to get closer to Wonshik’s hand.
Hongbin broke away from the kiss, panting and he almost lost himself to Wonshik’s hand, “Wonshik, please. I want it.”
Wonshik didn’t get what Hongbin wanted at first, but when he did his eyes widened, rubbing his thighs slowly, worry on his face, “Are you sure?”
Hongbin swallowed hard, “Yes. With you, yes.”
Wonshik kissed him again, trying hard to convey his thoughts through the deep kiss. He pulled away slowly, smiling before moving away to grab things they would need before returning to kiss Hongbin again. He felt like he could just lay there for hours and kiss Hongbin and he would never get over how good it felt. Wonshik moved just as slowly when he slid slick fingers into Hongbin, pausing to cover his face with kisses and fill his ears with sweet words every time he would tense or that scared look would cross his face. It was that look of trust, of relief that made Wonshik’s chest swell and pushed him forward. He only added a second finger when Hongbin seemed to not notice the first one as much and same with the third, only this took longer than he the first. Wonshik kissed Hongbin’s jaw until he moved his fingers just slightly, causing Hongbin to gasp loudly, clawing at Wonshik’s shirt. Wonshik smiled and pressed his fingers in a little more, shuddering from the moan that came from Hongbin. Only after he pressed his fingers in a few more times did Wonshik pull them out to slowly slide on the condom then line up with Hongbin. He pressed their foreheads together, trying to calm down his beating heart, looking Hongbin in the eyes.
“Still ok?”
Hongbin’s frown slowly turned into a smile, wrapping his arms around Wonshik’s neck and nodded. Wonshik kissed him again when he slowly pushed in, stopping halfway to whisper and kiss by Hongbin’s ear while he pulled out to push in a bit deeper. Once he was fully seated he set up a pace that was slow but deep, wanting them to be able to feel each other like they had all the time in the world. Wonshik moved his hand to intertwine his and Hongbin’s fingers, their lips sliding together more than actually kissing because they both were too distracted. Wonshik didn’t stop whispering into Hongbin’s ear, even after he came hard, his body tensing and making Wonshik moan a bit louder. He wasn’t far behind Hongbin however, squeezing Hongbin’s hand as he came while making a kind of embarrassing noise but if it was Hongbin that heard him, then it was ok. Wonshik slowly pulled out smiling and kissing Hongbin over and over until he started laughing and pushed at Wonshik. His laugh was like music to Wonshik’s ears; he couldn’t be happier.
Sanghyuk frowned, hearing the familiar tone of the voice mail and biting his bottom lip until that ‘beep’ sounded, “Hey hyung… It is me again, I was just wondering where you are. Hyung we are really getting worried. Hakyeon hyung keeps crying. Hyung, just please come back.”
Pairing: Rabin, one sided kenbin, one sided haken
Rating: NC 17
Warning: rape, abuse (not in this part)
Summary: Hongbin realizes that your idols are not always what they are cracked up to be.
Part 1
Jaehwan rubbed his bottom lip with shaky hands, lost in thought until he lifted the glass back to his lips to drink the burning liquid. He had to calm down, the same liquor he was drinking almost spilled all over the trembling hand that was holding it. He stared at Hongbin, as he laid in front of him, sleeping with probably too many blankets over him but Jaehwan said nothing. Jaehwan tilted his head back and closed his eyes tightly, clenching his jaw as if the pain he generated would dull the ache he felt in his chest. How could he let Hongbin get hurt, he was there, he should have protected him, made sure it never happened at all. He jumped when the stillness of their dorm was shattered by Hongbin’s scream. Jaehwan dropped the glass, its contents spilling all over the floor and some onto Jaehwan’s clothing but that was the last thing on his mind. Jaehwan went to Hongbin quickly and pulled him into a hug, not feeling the sting in his cheek from where Hongbin struck him because the pain he felt from seeing the terror in Hongbin’s eyes was much greater. Jaehwan paid little attention to how Hongbin hit him to try and get away, his screams echoing off the walls until he realized he wasn’t in his dream any longer. Jaehwan swallowed hard but it couldn’t stop the tears as Hongbin clung to him, sobbing into his chest, begging for Jaehwan to help him. Jaehwan has never felt so weak, so worthless; he couldn’t even help Hongbin sleep well. It wasn’t until Hongbin fell back asleep in Jaehwan’s arms did he realize his hands were still trembling. Jaehwan leaned his head back, resting against the wall behind him with Hongbin in his lap, held tightly against his chest until Hongbin woke again not even an hour later to leave a few more bruises on Jaehwan and cause his ears to ring.
Jaehwan jumped, turning to see Hakyeon’s worried face so he straightened up, setting his glass in the sink, “What’s up hyung?”
Hakyeon leaned against the counter and stared at Jaehwan, “You’re not sleeping are you?”
“I am here and there, as much as any-“
“That isn’t true.” Hakyeon looked hurt, Jaehwan had to look away, “Jaehwan-ah you look like you are almost dead,” Hakyeon moved closer, gently resting his hands on his chest, “you’re scaring me.”
Jaehwan took Hakyeon’s hands and gently let them go to fall by Hakyeon’s sides, “Please don’t worry about me ok? I’m fine.”
Hakyeon swallowed hard, looking down, trying to choose his next words very carefully, “Jaehwan-ah, I know Hongbin-ah has been having a lot of nightmares lately but you should get sleep, it has been a week?”
Jaehwan tensed, like he always did when anyone brought up Hongbin and Hakyeon felt instant regret because Jaehwan’s gaze would no longer meet his eyes. He reached out but Jaehwan backed up, so Hakyeon slowly closed his hand and let if fall again.
“I’m fine, and if I can make Hongbin feel a bit better than that’s all that matters. Hyung please don’t worry about me ok?”
Hakyeon didn’t stop Jaehwan from walking out of the kitchen, nor did he turn to watch him leave. Instead Hakyeon closed his eyes, not being able to push away the lump that formed in his throat this time. He brought a hand up to cover his eyes, his fingers getting a bit wet.
“Yea…that is all that matters.”
Sanghyuk laughed at Wonshik, lightly pushing him but then profusely apologizing to the crew back stage of the show they were about to appear on. Wonshik, in turn, laughed at Sanghyuk who only glared. Sanghyuk wandered away and smiled when he found Hongbin, he threw his arm around him but how violently his body flinched had Sanghyuk slowly taking it away, looking confused. Hongbin turned to Sanghyuk and only smiled weakly, backing up a bit to put some distance between them.
“Hyung are you not eating either?”
“Either?”
Sanghyuk frowned, “Well you’re not sleeping either. Hyung, I’m worried about you.”
Hongbin swallowed hard and shook his head, “Well don’t be. There isn’t anything wrong with me.”
Sanghyuk sighed softly, obviously not believing Hongbin but not really knowing how to push the issue. He opened his mouth but Taekwoon’s soft touch to his wrist pulled his attention away. Sanghyuk looked at Taekwoon who just shook his head and lead Sanghyuk away from Hongbin, looking back only once. Hongbin let out a deep breath but his stomach dropped when Wonshik came over with a large smile.
“Hey good luck!” He patted Hongbin’s back.
Hongbin tried to slowly move away, to not alarm Wonshik and smiled weakly, feeling like Wonshik shouldn’t even touch him. He was too dirty for Wonshik.
“Thanks…you too.”
Hongbin felt relief when they were told the show was about to begin so he could duck and walk quickly away from Wonshik, his head down and throat constricting.
Hongbin was able to sit in silence for most of the recording but the middle aged man, whose name Hongbin had missed, asked to see his abs. Panic shot through Hongbin at the thought of lifting his shirt here, in front of all these people. He didn’t notice the worry that must have appeared in his face because Jaehwan mirrored the look when they locked eyes.
“I don’t know if he would want to, he hasn’t been able to work out lately.” Jaehwan tried to divert there attention, his smile as weak and fake as the nervous laugh that followed his words.
The man ignored Jaehwan’s words, not believing him and Hongbin sent a panicked look to Jaehwan who didn’t know what to say. Wonshik looked over at Hongbin, wondering what was wrong but then realized his hands were trembling a bit too much.
He quickly stood up, “Well I guess I can show mine.”
He laughed and shook his head at the compliments but he was more interested in trying to see if Hongbin was fine but he stared at his lap for the rest of the show.
Jaehwan jumped when the bedroom door was ripped open, his very short nap being broken and judging by how loudly Hongbin was yelling he wasn’t going to get one at all. Jaehwan blinked at Hongbin, standing up to grab his arms while trying to understand what he was saying to his sleep deprived mind.
“Hongbin-ah, Hongbin-ah, slow down what happened?” He spoke calmly, a bit slurred, but Hongbin continued to speak loudly and he could only guess everyone else was out.
“You told him! Hyung how could you?”
Jaehwan rose an eyebrow, “Told who, I didn’t say anything.” He let go of Hongbin and moved to grab his glasses, “Although I should have…”
“Wonshik hyung, you told him!”
Jaehwan looked back at Hongbin and instantly regretted putting on his glasses because now he could see his face, wet with tears of betrayal. Jaehwan quickly went over to Hongbin who pushed him but Hongbin was so weak it was easy for Jaehwan to grab him anyways.
“I did not tell anyone.” When Hongbin yelled again Jaehwan’s grip tightened on him, looking right into his eyes with his own exhausted ones, “Hongbin-ah, I did not say anything.”
Hongbin blinked a few times then he started to cry for a different reason, falling into his chest and hugging him tightly. Jaehwan gently rubbed Hongbin’s back but he didn’t feel like he was there, it felt almost as if he stood away and watched this happening. All he could wonder in his exhausted haze was if Hongbin wished he was Wonshik instead.
Jaehwan rubbed his temples while he sat on the couch of some set where they were doing something with someone, he really hadn’t been paying attention. His contacts were only starting to hurt his head even more but he couldn’t wear his glasses. He opened his eyes only to see Taekwoon crouched and looking up at Jaehwan then he reached out to gently touch his forehead then cheeks.
“You have a fever Jaehwan-ah.”
Jaehwan relaxed, seeing it was Taekwoon, “Do I?”
Taekwoon frowned at Jaehwan, not moving, “This has to do with what happened to Hongbin-ah doesn’t it?”
Jaehwan’s eyes widened, “You know?”
“I guessed, he talks in his sleep you know.”
Jaehwan felt a bit more relieved but he still felt worried. Taekwoon sighed softly, resting his hands on Jaehwan’s thighs, waiting patiently until Jaehwan caught his gaze.
“This isn’t your fault you know.”
Jaehwan let out a shaky breath and tore away from Taekwoon’s inviting gaze, “I don’t know hyung.”
Taekwoon sighed again and stood up, resting his hand on Jaehwan’s head, “If you break too, there will be no one to hold us together. Please take care of yourself Jaehwan-ah, we all need you.”
Jaehwan looked up, shock obvious on his face but Taekwoon turned to walk away, not saying another word nor looking back at Jaehwan at all. Jaehwan swallowed hard resting his head in his hands until he felt the couch next to him dip slightly. He waited for whoever it was to speak but no words came, so he looked instead and gently took Hongbin’s hand in his own. Hongbin only squeezed Jaehwan’s hand too hard and moved closer to him, his head down. Jaehwan instantly felt on guard, looking around the studio, probably for the first time, and noticed other people from their company was there. Jaehwan felt instantly defensive, on edge, his rage steadily building with every quiver of Hongbin’s hand in his own. Jaehwan clenched his jaw, looking slowly over each person as if he could tell if they had hurt Hongbin or not.
They had managed to get through most of the photo shoot just fine, Hongbin just stayed next to Jaehwan the whole time while Jaehwan was extremely irritable. However Hongbin seemed to be acting stranger and stranger as time went on but it wasn’t until their short break that Jaehwan figured it out. Hyoshin walked closer to their group, shaking Hakyeon’s hand and speaking some words of encouragement and Jaehwan swore Hongbin was going to break his hand. When Hyoshin turned towards them Hongbin let go of Jaehwan’s hand because he left the room all together, then it all clicked.
All Jaehwan could see was red.
He walked the quick few steps over to Hyoshin and punched him as hard as he could, right in the jaw. He was immediately tackled by Wonshik and Hakyeon was yelling, but Jaehwan couldn’t hear them, not over the blood pounding in his ears.
“I’m going to kill you!”
Wonshik pushed at Jaehwan who shoved back, his eyes fiery and his jaw set, fully intending to act out his threat.
“How could you do that to him?”
Taekwoon had to help Wonshik grab Jaehwan to hold him back while Hakyeon was so flustered because he had no idea what to do. When Jaehwan realized he wouldn’t be able to get at Hyoshin, for now, he shoved Wonshik then Taekwoon to run after Hongbin, his body practically vibrating from the rage he felt but he had to get out of there before he did something he would have regretted.
That wouldn’t have been from killing Hyoshin.
Jaehwan found Hongbin in the bathroom, sobbing violently on the ground, holding his head in his hands and rocking himself. Jaehwan fell to the ground and pulled Hongbin close, into his lap trying to comfort him even though he still couldn’t contain his rage.
It had been a few days since Jaehwan spoke to the other members, he would, instead, lock himself up in his room with his ipod playing loud music and kept to himself. He finally broke the silence the third night, walking into Wonshik’s shared room, looking more like a shell of his former self.
“Can you talk to Hongbin-ah?”
Wonshik bolted up, approaching Jaehwan cautiously, like he was approaching an animal that might run at any time, “Did something happen? Wait, hyung where are you going?”
Jaehwan shook his head, not answering but instead walked to the door and slipping on his shoes, car keys clutched too tightly in his hand. Wonshik ran out of his room but Jaehwan still ignored him and shut the door on Wonshik. Wonshik cussed out loud, running a hand through his hair then went to see if Hongbin was alright. He slowly walked in and frowned when he noticed Hongbin was sitting in the middle of the floor, staring at the wall. He looked so lifeless, even from behind and it made Wonshik’s chest ache. He walked over to Hongbin and crouched down, gently touching his arm and Hongbin only flinched away when he realized who it was.
“Hyung, why are you here?”
Wonshik frowned, Hongbin used to never be opposed to physical contact between them, “Hongbin-ah, what is wrong?”
Hongbin shook his head but moved away again when Wonshik placed a hand on his leg which had Wonshik moving closer and grabbing both of Hongbin’s arms, “Don’t touch me.” Hongbin’s voice was small.
Wonshik’s brows furrowed, “Why?”
Hongbin looked up at Wonshik with wet eyes, “I’m so ugly now…”
Wonshik’s eyes narrowed, “What?”
Hongbin tugged at his arms and Wonshik realized he was being serious. Wonshik quickly tugged Hongbin to hug him against his chest.
“What are you even talking about? You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen.”
Hongbin shook his head, his sobs being more forced out of him, “No, no I’m not.”
Wonshik took Hongbin’s face in both of his hands to gently wipe his tears away, “I have no idea how you could even think that way,” He smiled softly and moved a little piece of hair away from his face, “but I will show you that you are so, so beautiful.”
Hongbin stilled when Wonshik slowly leaned forward and gently kissed him until he relaxed then tensed again, pulling away and gripping Wonshik’s shirt tightly in his hands. Wonshik shushed him, pulling him close against his chest and rubbing soothing circles into his back.
“Shh, I am here, it is ok.”
Hongbin slowly started to relax through Wonshik’s soft voice, which he noticed, so he continued to softly whisper as many things he loved about Hongbin that he could think of, and there were quite a few. He spoke them softly into the skin of his neck, collar bone, then back up to his jaw. Hongbin blushed, his arms around Wonshik to tightly hold onto his shirt.
Hongbin touched Wonshik’s jaw, just looking up into his eyes, “Please make me forget.”
Wonshik didn’t fully understand Hongbin’s words but he understood his kiss loud and clear, so Wonshik leaned fully into the kiss, taking his time to completely run his tongue over Hongbin’s own while rubbing his hips in, what he hoped was, a soothing manner. When Hongbin broke away to breath Wonshik moved to pepper his neck with small kisses, taking his time to kiss down the curve of his neck then across each collar bone, smiling at that tiny smile he got from Hongbin. Wonshik wasn’t sure if he could take off Hongbin’s shirt so he just slid his hands up to just run across his bare waist while he kissed him again, deep and full of need. After a few long moments Wonshik gently placed one of his hands against Hongbin’s pants and looked at him, not moving until Hongbin told him it was ok. Hongbin swallowed hard but smiled anyways, nodding slowly so Wonshik slowly slid his pants down his legs. When he saw Hongbin tense he moved quickly back up to whisper breathy words of love that were full of compliments as his hands eased Hongbin’s legs to spread so he could settle between them. Wonshik started to slowly stroke Hongbin until he was fully erect after he had visibly calmed down considerably. Hongbin pulled at the back of Wonshik’s shirt and moaned softly, his cheeks pink and whispering Wonshik’s name, calling out to him.
Wonshik kissed right by his ear, speeding up his hand and taking time to rub right under the head with his thumb, “I’m here, I’m right here.”
Hongbin swallowed hard, biting his bottom lip until Wonshik tugged at it with his own teeth so he could kiss him again. Hongbin arched his back, pushing his hips up in an attempt to get closer to Wonshik’s hand.
Hongbin broke away from the kiss, panting and he almost lost himself to Wonshik’s hand, “Wonshik, please. I want it.”
Wonshik didn’t get what Hongbin wanted at first, but when he did his eyes widened, rubbing his thighs slowly, worry on his face, “Are you sure?”
Hongbin swallowed hard, “Yes. With you, yes.”
Wonshik kissed him again, trying hard to convey his thoughts through the deep kiss. He pulled away slowly, smiling before moving away to grab things they would need before returning to kiss Hongbin again. He felt like he could just lay there for hours and kiss Hongbin and he would never get over how good it felt. Wonshik moved just as slowly when he slid slick fingers into Hongbin, pausing to cover his face with kisses and fill his ears with sweet words every time he would tense or that scared look would cross his face. It was that look of trust, of relief that made Wonshik’s chest swell and pushed him forward. He only added a second finger when Hongbin seemed to not notice the first one as much and same with the third, only this took longer than he the first. Wonshik kissed Hongbin’s jaw until he moved his fingers just slightly, causing Hongbin to gasp loudly, clawing at Wonshik’s shirt. Wonshik smiled and pressed his fingers in a little more, shuddering from the moan that came from Hongbin. Only after he pressed his fingers in a few more times did Wonshik pull them out to slowly slide on the condom then line up with Hongbin. He pressed their foreheads together, trying to calm down his beating heart, looking Hongbin in the eyes.
“Still ok?”
Hongbin’s frown slowly turned into a smile, wrapping his arms around Wonshik’s neck and nodded. Wonshik kissed him again when he slowly pushed in, stopping halfway to whisper and kiss by Hongbin’s ear while he pulled out to push in a bit deeper. Once he was fully seated he set up a pace that was slow but deep, wanting them to be able to feel each other like they had all the time in the world. Wonshik moved his hand to intertwine his and Hongbin’s fingers, their lips sliding together more than actually kissing because they both were too distracted. Wonshik didn’t stop whispering into Hongbin’s ear, even after he came hard, his body tensing and making Wonshik moan a bit louder. He wasn’t far behind Hongbin however, squeezing Hongbin’s hand as he came while making a kind of embarrassing noise but if it was Hongbin that heard him, then it was ok. Wonshik slowly pulled out smiling and kissing Hongbin over and over until he started laughing and pushed at Wonshik. His laugh was like music to Wonshik’s ears; he couldn’t be happier.
Sanghyuk frowned, hearing the familiar tone of the voice mail and biting his bottom lip until that ‘beep’ sounded, “Hey hyung… It is me again, I was just wondering where you are. Hyung we are really getting worried. Hakyeon hyung keeps crying. Hyung, just please come back.”