Death's Head
Is it morbid to think about death? Your own death mostly, but I suppose I occasionally wonder about my reaction to the death of others. How much thinking about death is too much? When are you obsessing over death?
I don’t think I’m obsessed, but often crazy folks don’t believe they are crazy. They are. I’ve talked about before what my guesses are for what happens after you die. I think now I’m more interested in the act of dying itself.
Of course you can die about 50 bazillion different ways; defenestration, decapitation, drawn and quartered, drained of blood, disemboweled, dehydration, and that’s not even a handful of the D’s. Each one must feel very different. Some more painful than others and some have that long drawn out agonizing pain that merely makes you wish for the seemingly long, agonizing, drawn out pain that I imagine most deaths to have.
In a lot of TV and such someone always says time slows down. I imagine that to be the case when it comes to pain as when you touch a hot piece of metal just for a second it leaves a searing pain that lasts for quite a while. I think LL Cool J said it best in Deep Blue Sea “Einstein's theory of relativity. Grab hold of a hot pan, second can seem like an hour. Put your hands on a hot woman, an hour can seem like a second. It's all relative.” Oh LL, you so smart hahahaha. Too bad I don’t have any experience with the second part of his example but that hot pan one he is right on about hahahaha!
So anyway, I bet dying feels like it takes forever. I bet when I begin to die I’ll die of boredom first! Or maybe I’ll die of the excruciating pain I’m in as a Bengal Tiger eats my head. Well, I hope it starts at my head anyway. I think that if I had to pick a way to die, I’d want it to be as painless as possible. Some people take some pretty dangerous risks when they kill themselves (of course they are trying to kill themselves so you know, it is of course going to be dangerous) but I would be worried about the consequences of failing to kill yourself in a risky way.
Like you could drive your car into a wall at a 100mph with no seat belt on, but what if you didn’t hit it right? They say that accidents are dangerous no matter the speed, you could die going 5 you could die going 50. So I would guess that there is a chance that the reverse is true. The girl who played the Yellow Power Ranger (oh those were the days) in the original series died in a car accident but her friend who was with her survived. She’s a quadriplegic now. They weren’t trying to kill themselves or anything it was just an accident, but I would hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate to be a quadriplegic. I’d rather be dead. In fairness I’d rather be dead than alive, but that’s beside the point!
Even a gun to the face could leave you looking like Jonah Hex (if you’re lucky) instead of killing you. You could try overdosing on something but the half hour of vomiting seems like it would get old fast. There are some less painful ways from what I hear, but usually when I hear about someone dying it is often a sudden unexpected thing or it just sounds painful to me. And I don’t like pain. It hurts me.
I bet more people are afraid of the dying part than the actually being dead part. Especially if you are dying in a less than noble way or pose. Who wants to be found by their mother on top of a passed out hooker? Who wants to be found face down in a bucket of their own vomit with a vibrator shoved up their rear? On the other hand who wants to be found inside a shark locked in a grapple with a saber tooth tiger? Yeah now that sounds awesome. Or maybe found inside the remains of a T-Rex with a struggling alien in your vice like death grip? That’s a good one too! How about being found shambling along the street with a shuffling step because now you are a zombie? Not for me, but I know some of my friends might prefer that. I think I’d like for someone to open my coffin, stake at the ready, and then I drop down from above them transforming out of my bat form as I feast upon their blood. That’s my personal preference. Oh wait that’s undeath, maybe that doesn’t count.
I think I’m getting sick of the waiting for death part. You know? Its coming so I’d just like to get it the Hell over with already you know? I hate waiting. And I don’t like unexpected surprises. That’s my last unexpected surprise sure, but I still don’t have to like it. I guess if it is unexpected enough I won’t even have to worry about whether or not I like it. But until then, I guess I’ll just have to think about it. And wait for it. I guess I’ll get back to killing time for it.
987,963,782,693,568 bottles of beer on the wall
987,963,782,693,568 bottles of beer
If one of those bottles should happen to fall
987,963,782,693,567 bottles of beer on the wall