Walking on Broken Glass - Part Five
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
So...I need to get back into writing, and picking up where I left off is a little difficult. Well, hopefully this turned out ok...
When Nick woke up the next morning, he stretched slowly so he wouldn’t wake Joe. He managed to detangle their limbs successfully before sliding back a little so he could look at his brother. So many secrets were between them, and no one could ever have guessed just from watching Joe sleep. A small smile formed on his lips as he thought back to before; before he knew about Joe’s rather…unique desires. Before was a time when Nick thought Joe and Demi would get married someday.
He thought about that day a lot, the day where everything got turned inside-out. The room had been empty save for a laptop on the bed and Joe was in the bathroom, so Nick put the bagel and tea down for when his brother came back out. It took longer than Nick had expected, and curiosity had gotten the better of him. Telling himself he was just going on the computer to go on YouTube or something had been his honest intention, but what was already on the screen was incredibly distracting. He’d known about the fanfiction before that day, he just hadn’t expected that anyone he knew read them.
What Joe had been reading was sick and went against G-d. How could Nick ever look at Joe again? How dare Joe even look at Nick? The clingy behavior, the goofy smiles, and the way Joe seemed to pay Nick more attention than anything or anyone else in the world - how had he missed this? This was huge, monumental, and Nick had failed as a brother. When Joe had come back out all Nick could think about was how wrong it was. When he realized that all those times that Joe had been jerking off he’d been thinking about Nick, he’d literally felt like he was going to throw up. That meant that all those times he’d jerked off thinking about Joe and Demi…it had been wrong, and as he pictured Joe and himself kissing instead, he realized he needed to re-evaluate everything. He’d known it was wrong to jerk off thinking about Joe with Demi, but now that he knew the truth it seemed even worse. He’d allowed the thought that maybe, in the fantasies of Joe and Demi, it had been Joe that had turned him on - and he’d felt sickened by himself when he couldn’t quite bring himself to deny it.
It didn’t matter, he and Joe couldn’t ever be together and when Joe stopped being so clingy, Nick convinced himself it was for the best. But more time passed and the fuse to Nick’s temper got shorter and shorter with everyone (unless it was Joe). He’d allowed himself to think about it and realized he missed Joe as if part of himself was gone - a large part.
He prayed to G-d, he prayed to Mary and Jesus, he prayed to any Saint he could think of whose domains were that of family, friendship or love. Joe was all of that to him, and Nick realized Joe deserved better. Nick was surfing the web one night and stumbled upon some fanfiction about he and Joe. It was PG, nothing really all that bad, and it reminded him of how he and Joe used to be. Easy with each other, carefree, and now that he was alone he allowed himself to read some of the fiction rated M. He’d shut the computer halfway through, unable to read any more due to the boner making it hard to think, let alone read.
Okay, so maybe he was a little attracted to Joe, too. (He knew he was lying about the words ‘a little.’) Joe deserved better, he deserved to know the truth, and Nick finally felt ready to tell him. Maybe. Baby steps, he’d told himself. And there they were, lying in Joe’s bed, the result of Nick’s insecurity and Joe’s hope. Because Nick had been insecure. He’d realized that if he didn’t try for Joe, he might lose his best friend - his brother. He never wanted to lose Joe, he needed Joe in his life because when Joe wasn’t around it was harder to focus and not lose control. He’d never realized how often Joe made him smile or laugh in order to calm him down until Joe stopped doing it.
It didn’t mean trying wasn’t hard. Most of the time he felt like he needed to go bathe in purifying oil or holy water or something, and others he was so crazed with lust and love that it overwhelmed him. Things with Joe were moving a little faster than he’d planned and while he wasn’t as uncomfortable as he’d expected to be, he was still nervous.
“For some reason even though you’re looking at me, I’ve got the feeling you aren’t really seeing me…” Joe said, sleep making his voice scratchy. Nick smiled and Joe asked, “Where were you?”
“Just thinking,” Nick said, not wanting to get into it as he moved back toward Joe and cuddled. His brother didn’t press the issue and Nick let himself relax into the familiar arms, let himself soak in the feeling of Joe like a sponge. When they were like this is was easy to forget the rest of the world, easy to forget what they did in secret and how wrong it was. It shouldn’t be easy to be with Joe, he realized with a soft sigh. Didn’t the devil often wear the most comforting of faces? It was a lie, and Nick would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t care. Religion and family were important to him, and this was literally tearing both of those to shreds right in front of his eyes. How could something so wrong, so unnatural, feel so good? He’d always learned in religion to honor his family, but he knew that by being with Joe and honoring his brother, he was dishonoring his father. Religion and family had always been mixed for the Jonas,’ and it was scary how much Nick seemed willing to risk just for Joe. He wasn’t even sure he wanted this…but he had to try, and then there were times when he wondered how he ever could think he didn’t want this.
“Come on,” Joe said, giving Nick a nudge. “We have to get ready for breakfast, and then that radio interview before we go to the venue.” He nodded, realizing that Joe was right and also noticing that now that they were sort-of together, they were picking up on each other’s habits and mannerisms even more. Nick sat up quickly and Joe asked, “You ok?”
“Yeah, uhm, just needed to walk around a little bit…wake up. Got a song idea,” he lied, feeling bad about it. Joe just shrugged and headed for the bathroom, stopping to give a questioning look in Nick’s direction. He knew what Joe wanted, knew his brother was asking him silently if he wanted to join him… By the way his dick reacted, Nick wanted to, but instead he said, “No…I’ll take the next shower. Wouldn’t want Kevin walking in again…”
Joe looked a little hurt, but didn’t say anything and Nick felt bad as he picked up one of his guitars and a pick.
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
So...I need to get back into writing, and picking up where I left off is a little difficult. Well, hopefully this turned out ok...
When Nick woke up the next morning, he stretched slowly so he wouldn’t wake Joe. He managed to detangle their limbs successfully before sliding back a little so he could look at his brother. So many secrets were between them, and no one could ever have guessed just from watching Joe sleep. A small smile formed on his lips as he thought back to before; before he knew about Joe’s rather…unique desires. Before was a time when Nick thought Joe and Demi would get married someday.
He thought about that day a lot, the day where everything got turned inside-out. The room had been empty save for a laptop on the bed and Joe was in the bathroom, so Nick put the bagel and tea down for when his brother came back out. It took longer than Nick had expected, and curiosity had gotten the better of him. Telling himself he was just going on the computer to go on YouTube or something had been his honest intention, but what was already on the screen was incredibly distracting. He’d known about the fanfiction before that day, he just hadn’t expected that anyone he knew read them.
What Joe had been reading was sick and went against G-d. How could Nick ever look at Joe again? How dare Joe even look at Nick? The clingy behavior, the goofy smiles, and the way Joe seemed to pay Nick more attention than anything or anyone else in the world - how had he missed this? This was huge, monumental, and Nick had failed as a brother. When Joe had come back out all Nick could think about was how wrong it was. When he realized that all those times that Joe had been jerking off he’d been thinking about Nick, he’d literally felt like he was going to throw up. That meant that all those times he’d jerked off thinking about Joe and Demi…it had been wrong, and as he pictured Joe and himself kissing instead, he realized he needed to re-evaluate everything. He’d known it was wrong to jerk off thinking about Joe with Demi, but now that he knew the truth it seemed even worse. He’d allowed the thought that maybe, in the fantasies of Joe and Demi, it had been Joe that had turned him on - and he’d felt sickened by himself when he couldn’t quite bring himself to deny it.
It didn’t matter, he and Joe couldn’t ever be together and when Joe stopped being so clingy, Nick convinced himself it was for the best. But more time passed and the fuse to Nick’s temper got shorter and shorter with everyone (unless it was Joe). He’d allowed himself to think about it and realized he missed Joe as if part of himself was gone - a large part.
He prayed to G-d, he prayed to Mary and Jesus, he prayed to any Saint he could think of whose domains were that of family, friendship or love. Joe was all of that to him, and Nick realized Joe deserved better. Nick was surfing the web one night and stumbled upon some fanfiction about he and Joe. It was PG, nothing really all that bad, and it reminded him of how he and Joe used to be. Easy with each other, carefree, and now that he was alone he allowed himself to read some of the fiction rated M. He’d shut the computer halfway through, unable to read any more due to the boner making it hard to think, let alone read.
Okay, so maybe he was a little attracted to Joe, too. (He knew he was lying about the words ‘a little.’) Joe deserved better, he deserved to know the truth, and Nick finally felt ready to tell him. Maybe. Baby steps, he’d told himself. And there they were, lying in Joe’s bed, the result of Nick’s insecurity and Joe’s hope. Because Nick had been insecure. He’d realized that if he didn’t try for Joe, he might lose his best friend - his brother. He never wanted to lose Joe, he needed Joe in his life because when Joe wasn’t around it was harder to focus and not lose control. He’d never realized how often Joe made him smile or laugh in order to calm him down until Joe stopped doing it.
It didn’t mean trying wasn’t hard. Most of the time he felt like he needed to go bathe in purifying oil or holy water or something, and others he was so crazed with lust and love that it overwhelmed him. Things with Joe were moving a little faster than he’d planned and while he wasn’t as uncomfortable as he’d expected to be, he was still nervous.
“For some reason even though you’re looking at me, I’ve got the feeling you aren’t really seeing me…” Joe said, sleep making his voice scratchy. Nick smiled and Joe asked, “Where were you?”
“Just thinking,” Nick said, not wanting to get into it as he moved back toward Joe and cuddled. His brother didn’t press the issue and Nick let himself relax into the familiar arms, let himself soak in the feeling of Joe like a sponge. When they were like this is was easy to forget the rest of the world, easy to forget what they did in secret and how wrong it was. It shouldn’t be easy to be with Joe, he realized with a soft sigh. Didn’t the devil often wear the most comforting of faces? It was a lie, and Nick would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t care. Religion and family were important to him, and this was literally tearing both of those to shreds right in front of his eyes. How could something so wrong, so unnatural, feel so good? He’d always learned in religion to honor his family, but he knew that by being with Joe and honoring his brother, he was dishonoring his father. Religion and family had always been mixed for the Jonas,’ and it was scary how much Nick seemed willing to risk just for Joe. He wasn’t even sure he wanted this…but he had to try, and then there were times when he wondered how he ever could think he didn’t want this.
“Come on,” Joe said, giving Nick a nudge. “We have to get ready for breakfast, and then that radio interview before we go to the venue.” He nodded, realizing that Joe was right and also noticing that now that they were sort-of together, they were picking up on each other’s habits and mannerisms even more. Nick sat up quickly and Joe asked, “You ok?”
“Yeah, uhm, just needed to walk around a little bit…wake up. Got a song idea,” he lied, feeling bad about it. Joe just shrugged and headed for the bathroom, stopping to give a questioning look in Nick’s direction. He knew what Joe wanted, knew his brother was asking him silently if he wanted to join him… By the way his dick reacted, Nick wanted to, but instead he said, “No…I’ll take the next shower. Wouldn’t want Kevin walking in again…”
Joe looked a little hurt, but didn’t say anything and Nick felt bad as he picked up one of his guitars and a pick.