falling; kris x lu han, pg13
falling; kris/lu han
pg13. tw: slight glamorization of teenage suicide, character death
1608
falling;
(x)
To Lu Han, the lights in the city have always been beautiful. Multi-colored signs advertising different types of food catch his eye as he and Kris speed down the streets of the downtown area. For a moment, he’s sad, but he quickly shakes the feeling away.
The city lights aren’t that beautiful to Kris. Rather, they are not as beautiful as Lu Han, the light of his life. His fingers tap against the steering wheel as he drives. They’re not getting enough green lights. He has to slam down on the brakes with every red.
A green digital clock fixed into the dashboard of Kris’ car tells Lu Han that’s going on two in the morning. He’s a bit surprised that the streets are empty, as they live in a college town. But he reminds himself that it’s a Tuesday on Final’s Week and this is the way it’s supposed to be - dead and deserted.
By now, Kris isn’t even sure how many miles per hour he’s going. The speedometer is the last thing on his mind. He just steps on the gas mindlessly and hits the brakes when necessary. His logic isn’t good, but he’s always been a red-light abiding citizen.
Red light. Slam on the brakes. Lu Han jolts forward in his seat and his seatbelt stops him from going too early. He lets out a soft yelp when his head hits the seat, causing Kris to look his way.
“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
Lu Han just shakes his head, saying nothing but a less than assuring, “I’m okay.”
Kris knows better, but he nods and begins to drive again. Lu Han watches him and takes in all the sharp features of his side profile.
He gulps and his eyes drink in every aspect of Kris’ face. From top to bottom - everything is there. There are the short hairs shading Kris’ face, the same strands that Lu Han often runs his fingers through. The eyes he fell in love with - those are there, too. He wishes he could see them a bit better.
Below lies the slope of his nose - the same area Lu Han presses kisses down. His lips fall beneath a sharp cupid’s bow and Lu Han recounts all of the times those lips had said words that had held promise.
Kris never catches his gaze. Instead, he keeps driving, paying the road attention Lu Han thinks it does not need. Lu Han thinks he himself deserves the attention and he feels so selfish. He is upset that Kris, his love, his one and only, is not telling him that there is someone who loves him. There is no one reminding him that he is beautiful.
But he understands he cannot always get what he wants and that he’s had enough attention from Kris to last him a lifetime and a quarter, so he blankly turns his head and watches the lights of the city blend together into one continuous spectrum of light.
Red, blue, yellow, neon green. All these colors appear before him and he feels this gut-wrenching nostalgia coming up his throat. Bile he shouldn’t spit out. He keeps his mouth closed and silently remembers memories that were meant to be hidden away for a safer time.
There is the place they went for their first date. The pizzeria with a bright red sign, advertising new $4.99 pizzas and additional toppings. A small smile makes its way onto Lu Han’s face and he recalls how nervous Kris had been for their first date - his hands were all clammy when Lu Han had reached over to take it in his.
They pass by the movie theater as well, where they’d shared their first kiss. Kris was pretty nervous about that too, and the thought alone makes Lu Han want to laugh. But he keeps quiet, afraid of the verbal vomit that threatens to gush out of his mouth.
And then they stop at a red light. From his window, Lu Han can see that they’ve stopped right by a place that is familiar to the both of them. They’ve left the downtown area and are by the high school they both attend. Directly behind the high school is the community pool, and the sheer sight of it makes memories flash into Lu Han’s mind.
This is the place that they’ve spent countless nights together at. He remembers the first time they’d met up. The invitation was quiet and rushed, and was nothing more than Kris muttering over the phone, “Sneak into the swimming pool at eleven tonight, okay? I need to see you, please don’t ask any questions, just.. be there, please.”
He remembers having to climb out of his window and sprint towards the school at 10:30 and hoping that none of his family would wake up. He remembers running and running and running and climbing over a barbed-wire fence. He remembers seeing Kris, standing there, anxious, waiting for him with a cut lip and unsteady feet.
And he had asked, “Are you okay?”
And Kris had responded, “I am now.”
That night, Kris had told Lu Han about how his father had found out that he had been seeing Lu Han. He didn’t tell Lu Han where the cut had come from, but Lu Han filled in the gaps in his stories with context clues given to him - unsaid hints telling him he had to be fixed, to be saved, to be loved in a proper way.
Every time they’d meet up at the pool, Kris had a new injury. A black eye, a gash on his cheek, a bruised jaw. And the two of them would just sit in silence until the sun began to rise, fighting against the horizon line.
Glancing over at Kris once more, he sees the battle scars of their relationship peppered across Kris’ face, creating man-made constellations that are too distant to know a thing about.
The car moves quicker than Lu Han’s brain can, and before he knows it, he’s seeing these buildings he’s known since forever ago - there’s the grocery store, where he and Kris had bought bags and bags of chips to store in his tree house. There’s one of the local parks, where they would go to some nights to swing as they watched the pale moonlight.
And then there’s one more stop before they get on the freeway. Lu Han doesn’t know if it was planned, but knowing Kris, he would do something like this. Beside them stands a jewelry store with a small sign on the door that says closed. Thumbing the ring on his left ring finger, Lu Han sighs, his head dropping against the window as he brings back the memory of Kris taking him here to get rings.
“I’m promising you forever,” Kris had said.
“Don’t be silly, forever has already been promised,” Lu Han had responded.
A part of his heart sinks when the car rushes onto the freeway. Lu Han bids an internal goodbye to his city - saying goodbye to bright lights and bright faces.
So far, only a single car has passed by them, and it went by them without a care. The roads remain empty and Lu Han wonders if this was meant to be. No one wants to see this, no one wants to know about it. It’ll be quick and easy, and no one will ever know.
“Seatbelt,” Kris says. His voice has never sounded so shaky, so tired, and so vulnerable.
Lu Han nods and releases his seatbelt, the flimsy piece of fabric retreating back to the area behind his head. He takes a deep breath and clears his mind just to remind himself why he is here. He is here because he promised a forever, he was promised a forever, forever, forever, forever. There’s that verbal vomit again, wanting to slide out of his throat and float in the air. Lingering. Forever.
He presses his thumb against the cool of the ring against his finger and his eyes shut.
Kris asks, “Are you ready?”
And then Lu Han has to remind himself why he’s here again. He is here because the world doesn’t want them to be together. He is here because maybe another world will want them. They are two people that come packaged together - there is no one without the other.
Lu Han nods and Kris turns around in his seat. His left hand remains on the wheel, but his right hand comes to press against the back of Lu Han’s neck, pulling the smaller closer to him. Their eyes lock for less than a second, and then Kris is saying, “God, I love you.”
And then their lips meet. There are no eyes on the road, but Kris keeps stepping on the gas, letting the car cruise. Lu Han leans over and presses his lips to Kris’ because this is one of the last things he’ll ever do. He savors the moment before Kris is pulling away, letting Lu Han say his words.
And his words are, “I love you.”
This has all been planned, carefully constructed. Here are his last moments, already written out, already mapped.
Kris’ foot stays on the gas as he presses his lips to Lu Han’s once more, feverishly taking all that he can. Lu Han allows him to, and he’s not sure if he’s crying as Kris steers the car to the left, swerving off the road, but he’s sure that the last thing that he feels is the cold touch of a ring against his cheek, along with the taste of love against his tongue.
a/n: starcross'd lovers or something
pg13. tw: slight glamorization of teenage suicide, character death
1608
falling;
(x)
To Lu Han, the lights in the city have always been beautiful. Multi-colored signs advertising different types of food catch his eye as he and Kris speed down the streets of the downtown area. For a moment, he’s sad, but he quickly shakes the feeling away.
The city lights aren’t that beautiful to Kris. Rather, they are not as beautiful as Lu Han, the light of his life. His fingers tap against the steering wheel as he drives. They’re not getting enough green lights. He has to slam down on the brakes with every red.
A green digital clock fixed into the dashboard of Kris’ car tells Lu Han that’s going on two in the morning. He’s a bit surprised that the streets are empty, as they live in a college town. But he reminds himself that it’s a Tuesday on Final’s Week and this is the way it’s supposed to be - dead and deserted.
By now, Kris isn’t even sure how many miles per hour he’s going. The speedometer is the last thing on his mind. He just steps on the gas mindlessly and hits the brakes when necessary. His logic isn’t good, but he’s always been a red-light abiding citizen.
Red light. Slam on the brakes. Lu Han jolts forward in his seat and his seatbelt stops him from going too early. He lets out a soft yelp when his head hits the seat, causing Kris to look his way.
“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
Lu Han just shakes his head, saying nothing but a less than assuring, “I’m okay.”
Kris knows better, but he nods and begins to drive again. Lu Han watches him and takes in all the sharp features of his side profile.
He gulps and his eyes drink in every aspect of Kris’ face. From top to bottom - everything is there. There are the short hairs shading Kris’ face, the same strands that Lu Han often runs his fingers through. The eyes he fell in love with - those are there, too. He wishes he could see them a bit better.
Below lies the slope of his nose - the same area Lu Han presses kisses down. His lips fall beneath a sharp cupid’s bow and Lu Han recounts all of the times those lips had said words that had held promise.
Kris never catches his gaze. Instead, he keeps driving, paying the road attention Lu Han thinks it does not need. Lu Han thinks he himself deserves the attention and he feels so selfish. He is upset that Kris, his love, his one and only, is not telling him that there is someone who loves him. There is no one reminding him that he is beautiful.
But he understands he cannot always get what he wants and that he’s had enough attention from Kris to last him a lifetime and a quarter, so he blankly turns his head and watches the lights of the city blend together into one continuous spectrum of light.
Red, blue, yellow, neon green. All these colors appear before him and he feels this gut-wrenching nostalgia coming up his throat. Bile he shouldn’t spit out. He keeps his mouth closed and silently remembers memories that were meant to be hidden away for a safer time.
There is the place they went for their first date. The pizzeria with a bright red sign, advertising new $4.99 pizzas and additional toppings. A small smile makes its way onto Lu Han’s face and he recalls how nervous Kris had been for their first date - his hands were all clammy when Lu Han had reached over to take it in his.
They pass by the movie theater as well, where they’d shared their first kiss. Kris was pretty nervous about that too, and the thought alone makes Lu Han want to laugh. But he keeps quiet, afraid of the verbal vomit that threatens to gush out of his mouth.
And then they stop at a red light. From his window, Lu Han can see that they’ve stopped right by a place that is familiar to the both of them. They’ve left the downtown area and are by the high school they both attend. Directly behind the high school is the community pool, and the sheer sight of it makes memories flash into Lu Han’s mind.
This is the place that they’ve spent countless nights together at. He remembers the first time they’d met up. The invitation was quiet and rushed, and was nothing more than Kris muttering over the phone, “Sneak into the swimming pool at eleven tonight, okay? I need to see you, please don’t ask any questions, just.. be there, please.”
He remembers having to climb out of his window and sprint towards the school at 10:30 and hoping that none of his family would wake up. He remembers running and running and running and climbing over a barbed-wire fence. He remembers seeing Kris, standing there, anxious, waiting for him with a cut lip and unsteady feet.
And he had asked, “Are you okay?”
And Kris had responded, “I am now.”
That night, Kris had told Lu Han about how his father had found out that he had been seeing Lu Han. He didn’t tell Lu Han where the cut had come from, but Lu Han filled in the gaps in his stories with context clues given to him - unsaid hints telling him he had to be fixed, to be saved, to be loved in a proper way.
Every time they’d meet up at the pool, Kris had a new injury. A black eye, a gash on his cheek, a bruised jaw. And the two of them would just sit in silence until the sun began to rise, fighting against the horizon line.
Glancing over at Kris once more, he sees the battle scars of their relationship peppered across Kris’ face, creating man-made constellations that are too distant to know a thing about.
The car moves quicker than Lu Han’s brain can, and before he knows it, he’s seeing these buildings he’s known since forever ago - there’s the grocery store, where he and Kris had bought bags and bags of chips to store in his tree house. There’s one of the local parks, where they would go to some nights to swing as they watched the pale moonlight.
And then there’s one more stop before they get on the freeway. Lu Han doesn’t know if it was planned, but knowing Kris, he would do something like this. Beside them stands a jewelry store with a small sign on the door that says closed. Thumbing the ring on his left ring finger, Lu Han sighs, his head dropping against the window as he brings back the memory of Kris taking him here to get rings.
“I’m promising you forever,” Kris had said.
“Don’t be silly, forever has already been promised,” Lu Han had responded.
A part of his heart sinks when the car rushes onto the freeway. Lu Han bids an internal goodbye to his city - saying goodbye to bright lights and bright faces.
So far, only a single car has passed by them, and it went by them without a care. The roads remain empty and Lu Han wonders if this was meant to be. No one wants to see this, no one wants to know about it. It’ll be quick and easy, and no one will ever know.
“Seatbelt,” Kris says. His voice has never sounded so shaky, so tired, and so vulnerable.
Lu Han nods and releases his seatbelt, the flimsy piece of fabric retreating back to the area behind his head. He takes a deep breath and clears his mind just to remind himself why he is here. He is here because he promised a forever, he was promised a forever, forever, forever, forever. There’s that verbal vomit again, wanting to slide out of his throat and float in the air. Lingering. Forever.
He presses his thumb against the cool of the ring against his finger and his eyes shut.
Kris asks, “Are you ready?”
And then Lu Han has to remind himself why he’s here again. He is here because the world doesn’t want them to be together. He is here because maybe another world will want them. They are two people that come packaged together - there is no one without the other.
Lu Han nods and Kris turns around in his seat. His left hand remains on the wheel, but his right hand comes to press against the back of Lu Han’s neck, pulling the smaller closer to him. Their eyes lock for less than a second, and then Kris is saying, “God, I love you.”
And then their lips meet. There are no eyes on the road, but Kris keeps stepping on the gas, letting the car cruise. Lu Han leans over and presses his lips to Kris’ because this is one of the last things he’ll ever do. He savors the moment before Kris is pulling away, letting Lu Han say his words.
And his words are, “I love you.”
This has all been planned, carefully constructed. Here are his last moments, already written out, already mapped.
Kris’ foot stays on the gas as he presses his lips to Lu Han’s once more, feverishly taking all that he can. Lu Han allows him to, and he’s not sure if he’s crying as Kris steers the car to the left, swerving off the road, but he’s sure that the last thing that he feels is the cold touch of a ring against his cheek, along with the taste of love against his tongue.
a/n: starcross'd lovers or something